Why Can’t Women Figure Out How to Operate a Motor Vehicle?

A few years ago, I drove up to the local Giant Eagle GetGo to redeem my fuelperks! The car in front of me stops at the stop sign, then turns left to pull up to the first bank of pumps. I stop at the stop sign… and while waiting for foot traffic to clear so I can pull up to the second bank of pumps, the driver of the aforementioned car puts it in reverse… and backs right into my new Jetta. The driver claimed they forgot which side the fuel fill door was on and needed to switch sides….. but didn’t see my 15 foot long car!

Last month I was traveling on the Pennsylvania Turnpike at approximately 74 miles per hour while singing a heartwarming rendition of “Coma” by Guns ‘N Roses. All of a sudden, the driver in the car in front of me just jams on the brakes… HARD! The middle lane was occupied by a FedEx truck, so I couldn’t really take evasive maneuvers but instead had to brake hard myself  in order to avoid driving through this vehicle. Meanwhile there’s an enormous truck bearing down on my backside. In a matter of two seconds, the goofball in front of me has started to accelerate, the middle lane is clear now so I jump into that lane to avoid getting smashed by Bigfoot. I pass the driver that “brake checked” me… totally oblivious. Just looked at me and smiled…

Also last month…. we got some snow overnight at one point. Maybe 3 inches. There was just a little slush on the roads in the morning. The driver behind me was following far too close. I really couldn’t put any distance between myself and them as there was a car in front of me. Yellow light ahead; the driver in front of me goes through. I have to stop. The knucklehead following too close behind got all slippery on the slush, bounced off the curb and, thankfully, came to a stop just short of hitting me in the rear.

A couple days ago, while getting onto I-71 on my way to Lakewood, the car in front of me on the on ramp is going about 17 miles an hour. Not a good merging speed! I watch that moron merge into 65 MPH traffic. Three or four cars had to evade THAT car!

Yesterday, at lunch, I had a car turn in front of me with maybe 50 feet between us… I had to lock ’em up again!

You know what the above drivers have in common? They were all women!

I don’t get it. Driving a car is not a difficult activity. You just have to be aware of your surroundings and the capabilities of the car you’re driving. I am! You really want to attempt to apply makeup or brush your hair while negotiating turns and traffic in a 4000 pound vehicle?? Sheesh!

When I was married, I did 95% of the driving when we all went somewhere.

This was a typical conversation while I was driving:

HER: Did you see how pretty that house was?

ME: No. I’m driving.

HER: Don’t be a smartass!

ME: ???

And this was a typical conversation while she was driving:

HER: ???

ME: Maybe you should pay attention to the road and not that groundhog.

HER: ???

ME: Umm. Stopped traffic ahead.

HER: Where?

I rest my case….

So that boat just pulled out in front of you?

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