Practicing Grocery Store Etiquette…. Does Anybody Other than Myself Even Try??

Just take out the idiots, fellas!

I despise shopping of any kind… and grocery shopping is the absolute worst kind.

I do everything I can to make my trip to Giant Eagle as quick & painless as possible. If the girls are with me we have a quick meeting to make sure their needs (read: wants) are satisfied. If they’re not with me, I’ll make a quick call to make sure, once again, nothing is missed. I WILL NOT MAKE EXTRA TRIPS!

All the necessary items are then entered into an Excel spreadsheet. This shopping list follows the exact layout of the store so that every foot I travel in that store is optimized! That has been impossible for the last 18 months because the Brunswick Giant Eagle has been undergoing renovations for that long. I think they move stuff every thirty minutes just to piss me off. OF COURSE the razors are by the Doritos… what was I thinking??

Anyway….Get in…Get out! That’s the plan at least….

I’m getting overly anxious just driving to the store.. I know people are gonna mess with me in an effort to make my stay longer than it should be.

It starts in the parking lot. Hey! There’s a woman with twelve children, all walking shoulder to shoulder… effectively blocking the aisle I chose to park in. It takes a good seven minutes for them to get out of my way (and all the other cars that have bottle necked) so I can park…

Entering the store is a debacle as well. There’s almost always a table set up with a group selling stuff or pushing their agenda (the Girl Scouts cookie selling pyramid scheme is always fun), or the Salvation Army collecting money so .00004% of my donation goes to a good cause. I always give, or buy, so a normal trip to Giant Eagle costs me about $12.33… before I even get in the store.

After all the fun in the foyer… I finally get in the store and now need to deal with fellow customers and Giant Eagle employees. This is where I get real angry…

Why does everyone have to park their cart in the middle of the aisle and then walk thirty feet to grab a box of Pop Tarts? Or stand there, blocking the aisle, to talk about next weeks softball registration deadline?

Then there’s the one who parks their cart right in front of the Hamburger Helper I need to grab…. and spend six minutes reading the label on the Mac n’ Cheese box… Seriously… It’s macaroni and a powder that they call cheese… been that way since 1934!

Move to one side while you’re inching down the aisle, on the phone with your husband, adding to your list… slowing my progress…Plan this trip and make your list before you get there!

I love the Speedy Gonzales types! I think they’re like me, and wanna get in & get out…. but have a difficult time operating a shopping cart. They crash into me and others… There are the ones who put their kids in the “racecar” cart. That cart is nearly impossible to steer and only has the capacity for 4 items. Just tell little Timmy he has to sit in a normal cart.

And then there are the Giant Eagle employees… I think the company decides they need to stock shelves during the busiest time of the day…. And Jason & Carlos have to park their stockroom carts side by side, once again blocking the aisle, to talk about the hot new girl working on register 7. I hope you two choke on your Ho Hos and Twinkies that need to be restocked at 12:30 on a Sunday (and Carlos, I really don’t care if your girlfriend might be sleeping with the new guy in the meat department… but she is, because you’re whiny).

After finally making it through the store, I have to select the quickest register… This, too, is impossible. Skip the new kid… skip the old dude that I like to talk to, except for the fact that he has to analyze the stuff in my cart to tell me what I’m cooking (he knows my top secret chili ingredients, by the way). Ultimately, I end up choosing a register with a kid that’s too young to ring up alcohol. Instead of turning on their flashing light right away to have an adult ring up the beer, they wait til the beer is next on the conveyor…. and stop to wait! You can still ring up the rest of my stuff while you wait, Brittany!

Anyway…. that’s a typical trip to Giant Eagle… Maybe someday I’ll detail a trip to WalMart… That’s even worse!!!

Dream Aisle!

One response to “Practicing Grocery Store Etiquette…. Does Anybody Other than Myself Even Try??

  1. Another slew of reasons that I can’t handle grocery shopping.

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