Last year when my friend, Erica, wrote about how she will raise her children someday, I wanted to write a guest post about how I was actually raising my children… with some results… but at that time I couldn’t figure out how to write what I wanted to write, because I’d already had almost 14 years experience in raising kids.
I could easily have written…. “this was my plan,” and “this was the result.” I could have cheated to make it look like I knew what I was doing.
BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING. We weren’t planning on having a kid and I certainly didn’t have a plan to raise one (let alone three eventually). Kudos to Erica for having a bit of a roadmap to use when her time comes.
Here I’ll take you all on a little trip down memory lane. Not just about raising ’em; but lots of other stuff too because I enjoy talking about ’em.
Even though I’m divorced, I’d be a real scumbag for not giving credit to my girls’ Mom, Dina, for her hand in this process. She, obviously, went through the whole pregnancy thing (but know this… if I were able to bear children, Dina woulda made me do it!)… and we’re both raising the girls… just on different schedules.
SO HERE WE GO!
BOOM! April 13th, 1997… we have Alexis! I know…I skipped the previous 40 weeks of gestation for now… maybe I’ll come back to that some other time!
But shit, shit, shit…. I had to learn how to hold this baby and support her head so I didn’t somehow break her neck while I was vacuuming! I had to learn how to wrap her up the right way so she was comfy and warm (eventually, I learned how to wrap her up so tight that I could prolly have thrown her as a football for a good 50 yards!).
And, speaking of shit…. I don’t know how something that tiny projectile shits like it does! And pisses. And vomits. Sometimes at the SAME FREAKIN’ TIME! Timing is everything with babies!
But I learned… And not through all the goofy books they push nowadays, but through trial and error.
Eventually I learned how to expertly, with one hand, change a diaper… while warming frozen breast milk, and then feed Alexis while making breakfast.
There is no “raising kids” at this point and probably until the age of two. Until then, your job as a parent is to basically keep the kid alive, clean and unhurt.
Then Alexis hit the toddler stage and became so much fun! She walked, talked and did her best to emulate Dina and myself.
It seems like most women, including Dina, enjoy the baby stage… passing the kid around and all the “Oohs” and “Aaahs” that go with it. But that’s no fun, in my opinion at least!
To have a kid, shakily wandering around, mumbling “Da” & “Ma”…. that shit’s priceless…