I have a very difficult time dealing with serious illness. I have no idea why… I just do. This is definitely my biggest flaw.
Obviously when someone I care about is going through a serious health situation, I should be there for them. Sometimes that’s not the case. This in no way means I don’t care… Maybe I’m just wired wrong.
When my Dad was stricken with brain cancer it messed me up real bad. I basically watched one of the most brilliant men I’ve known devolve into the mentality of a three year old. It tore me apart.
Perhaps thankfully, his “wife” at the time did everything she could to block me out of his life because she was a selfish bitch and seemingly wanted to make me look bad… or make herself look better.. Who knows… I visited him when I could… and the other times she would mix up plans so when I showed up to take him to the hospital for treatments, he wasn’t at home. So I missed a lot… Sometimes I was relieved that I didn’t have to see him suffering. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t care. I thought about him every day….
I wasn’t there the night my Dad died. Stupid bitch even called me to tell me Dad wanted to see me and thought this might be the end… I didn’t believe her, because of the previous months of deception. He’s gone… Nothing I can do now…
Recently, a close friend of mine has gotten news of some potentially serious health issues. A few weeks ago, while she was in the hospital, I was out of town. I wasn’t out of town because she was sick, but because I had plans already. Didn’t matter… I wasn’t there for her and got put on blast by her friends. They were right to blast me because I pretty much cut off communications that weekend.
Everything seemed to have righted itself since then… until she went into the hospital this morning for more tests… or a procedure… I don’t know for sure… What I do know is that I’ve been blocked from going to the hospital to see her and blocked from calling the hospital… the only access I have is to her friends who got pissed at me a few weeks ago.. and they’re not telling me anything.
This time, though, I’m here and I’m trying to be there for her… but have basically been blocked again like my Dad’s bitch “wife” did to me back then.
So if keeping me out of the loop now is some sort of retaliation for me not being around a few weeks ago… Maybe I’m not the only asshole.