Adam Levine is Clearly Too Much of a Wuss for a Supermodel

I’ve been a huge fan of Maroon 5 since I first stumbled across this video some ten years ago…

Then they got even better; writing stuff like this (from “This Love”)…

My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that’s what you want me to do

… and, ultimately, this (from “Sweetest Goodbye”)…

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I’ll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you come back
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I

Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I’ll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever, ever, ever did receive

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

ANYWAY!! Writing stuff like the above lyrics, having a better than average build, and being all metro-sexual apparently made Maroon 5 front man, Adam Levine, quite a catch!

A couple years ago, Mr. Levine started dating supermodel Anna Sergeyevna Vyalitsyna (aka Anne V to Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue masturbators around the world)…

Ooooh!

Ahhh!!!

She’s also in this Maroon 5 video…

Turns out, though, that Ms. V dumped Mr. Levine last week via a press release. Ha! A press release! He didn’t even know about it until he read the press release! Sucks to be you, man!

I can’t feel too bad for Adam, because I’m sure he’ll have another attractive woman on his arm within the next few days.

As for me…. Two remaining items on my bucket list are:

  1. Date a Sports Illustrated model.
  2. International sex with a Russian woman.

So, Anne, call me. I’ve emailed you my number 137 times so far.

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