Men’s Rules for Women

I saw an image going around facebook today that had a similar list to this; thought it was pretty funny and couldn’t find an original source as there are numerous versions. So, after cleaning up the spelling, grammar and punctuation I’ve claimed this as my own…

~~~ Men’s Rules for Women ~~~

Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentine’s Day and anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday is for sports. Let it go.

Top rated Victoria Azarenka

Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re locked in.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just ask!

We don’t remember dates…. Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any help at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your outfit?

I let Kate pick everything out…

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you click on this photo that Marisa Miller sent me, you can make it really freakin’ huge! I recommend you don’t as the airbrushing becomes apparent. I told her not to go through all that trouble to impress me.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

Let us look. We are going to do it anyway; it’s genetic.

I didn’t even know that phone booths existed anymore… hell, I barely noticed the phone booth!

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends about it.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, the shotgun formation, or Kate Upton.

Kate looks so much better when I pick out her outfit… right?

4 responses to “Men’s Rules for Women

  1. Long hair or die!

  2. Lord. I’ve kept plenty of men around with short hair! 🙂

    That said, I get it.

    • That one’s from personal experience. At one point my ex-wife was sporting a very short haircut that resembled that of Tony Danza’s. Short only works when done right…

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