The Late, Mailed-in, Week Thirteen NASCAR Update…. Danica Patrick Frustrates Me….. She Will Soon be Replaced by Brooklyn Decker!

I had a fantastic Memorial Day Weekend with my girls… and my second family out in Pennsylvania. I’ll gather my thoughts, put them in some semblance of order and write about it soon.

Meanwhile, in Concord, NC, the Nationwide and Cup Series raced on Saturday & Sunday, respectively. I paid no attention, as there was too much fun going on over the weekend to be concerned with NASCAR. So here is the first update I’ve done in which no actual racing was watched. I literally watched maybe three minutes out of 390 minutes of racing. C’mon… cut me some slack! NASCAR takes a back seat when I’m in the presence of people I love!

Charlotte Motor Speedway was the venue:

For the Nationwide Series race, Austin Dillon qualified second and finished eleventh. Not bad at all!

The ever so sexy Danica Patrick qualified third and finished thirteenth! Hoo boy, she’s right in the tracks of my boy, Austin. Actually she isn’t, but I figured I’d be nice anyway…

Austin is third in championship points, 28 points back from the leader. Danica is ninth in championship points… 166 points back.

Brad Keselowski won the race! Woo hoo! Good work horseface!

Once again, and I believe for seven more Sprint Cup races this season, Danica ran with the big boys…. and sucked again! She qualified 40th, out of 43…. and finished five laps down in 30th (that’s 7 1/2 miles back, by the way!). She’s terrible as a race car driver and boring to watch; not aggressive at all and falls back in the pack quickly in an effort to avoid competition.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. finished sixth after qualifying twelfth. Kasey Kahne won the race after leading some 94 of the 400 laps.

Awwwweee yeeeaaahhh! Sports Illustrated model and actress, Brooklyn Decker was at the track to promote some stupid movie about aliens, called Battleship. She even spent a few minutes with Danica talking about race cars and modeling.

Maaaaake oooout!

I joked, before the season, that NASCAR wanted Danica solely for marketing purposes. This is no longer a joke. Danica was brought on board to increase viewership and it appears as she has done just that. However, if she can’t (or won’t) compete, she won’t be around very long.

Here’s another marketing ploy; this time by NASCAR driver, Tony Stewart. Stewart owns a half mile dirt track in Rossburg, Ohio, called Eldora Speedway.

For the past seven years, Eldora Speedway has been the host to Stewart’s own charity All Star Race, Prelude to the Dream. This is a pay-per-view event in which net proceeds from the telecast will support Feed The Children, a U.S.-based charity that domestically has helped more than 365,000 families.

Tony Stewart has asked Danica Patrick to be in this race. She has never raced on dirt in her life. She will not finish this race. BUT…. the fact that she’s in it will get more people to watch and more money to charity. So that’s good!

Numbers after week thirteen:

Austin…

Starts Wins Top 5 Top 10 Avg. Start Avg. Finish
11 0 6 8 4.8 7.6

Dale…

Starts Wins Top 5 Top 10 Avg. Start Avg. Finish
12 0 4 9 14.2 8.2

Danica…

Starts Wins Top 5 Top 10 Avg. Start Avg. Finish
11 0 0 1 15.3 20.2
Here’s a boner bonus .gif of Brooklyn Decker…. since she was at Charlotte over the weekend. Good luck trying not to stare at it for 30 minutes like I did.

The NHRA returns to action this weekend in Englishtown, NJ. The race cars get there quite early, it seems. When the girls and I were returning from Pennsylvania, we saw three NHRA car haulers headed east on the PA turnpike: they were the cars of Courtney Force, Alexis DeJoria and Tony Schumacher.

NASCAR will be at Dover International Speedway in Dover, DE this weekend.

I may actually watch some racing this weekend!

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2 responses to “The Late, Mailed-in, Week Thirteen NASCAR Update…. Danica Patrick Frustrates Me….. She Will Soon be Replaced by Brooklyn Decker!

  1. Nicely done.

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