The Sale of the Cleveland Browns is GREAT NEWS!

There have been rumors going around the past six weeks that my beloved Browns were for sale. The Browns front office quashed those rumors, even though they turned out to be true!

Last Saturday it became known that Browns owner Randolph D. (D for douchebag) Lerner was in negotiations to sell the team. I was freaked out for a minute but quickly, through some research, found out that anyone who buys the Browns can’t move ’em out of town like Art Modell did back in 1995.

DAMN! I just realized why I got married in 1995…. I was on the rebound after my Browns left and was desperate for something to fill the void left by the Browns moving to Baltimore. It all just became so clear! I’m glad y’all were here to witness my moment of clarity!

Seriously, though, I’m blessed with three beautiful  daughters from that tumultuous marriage… And cursed with nearly $90,000 in child support by the time it’s all said and done…. given to someone who’s income is very close to mine and enjoys spending my her money on tattoos and beer! The system is skewed towards women and that needs to change…. Oops! Got sidetracked there…

Why does who owns the Browns make a difference? It’s simple.

After the browns left in 1995, Al Lerner “bought” the new Browns from the NFL in 1998 for a then record $530 million bucks! Al Lerner was a mildly involved owner who, unfortunately, invested in an expansion team. That sort of investment normally doesn’t go well, especially when you factor in weak front offices and poor coaching staffs.

When Al Lerner died in 2002, the ownership of the team was given to his son, Randy. Randy inherited the Browns! He probably would’ve never bought an NFL team because he’s all into futbol; not football! Enjoy your Aston Villa soccer bullshit, Randy!

Enter Jimmy Haslam III!

Yeah he dumped some money into the rapey Pittsburgh Steelers a few years ago, but he’s always wanted to own a real NFL team… So he’ll sell his investment in Pittspuke and spend a bit over $1,000,000,000 to take over the Cleveland Browns. To you Pittsburgh fans, that’s a lot of dollars; way more than, like, $7.

Haslam WANTED TO BUY THE BROWNS! Huge difference! I think he’ll be an involved owner. I believe he’ll light a fire under the coaching staff’s ass to make us competitive and, ultimately, get rid of Mike Holmgren!

Time will tell… But I’m so excited for this season to get rolling…

Hug your children and love them every day

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