Hey Cletus, “Dem rednecks runnin’ NASCAR sure doo have strik drug rulz!”

They have a true zero tolerance drug policy.

NASCAR provides all drivers with a list of drugs they’re prohibited from using. This includes, of course, illegal drugs… and a slew of prescription drugs. The key to the prescription drugs is, well, first of all they have to have a prescription; then they must notify NASCAR of the prescription.

And if they fail a random drug test…?

They can’t race. Period. If their ‘B’ sample passes they are reinstated, but if that fails, they have to go through NASCAR’s drug treatment program that takes about a month. During that time they will lose their job, as their car has to continue to race because that’s what the sponsors pay for; so another driver gets their ride.

It seems like an overbearing policy. But it’s not! These dudes aren’t stick and ball athletes who might mess up their game by smoking weed or poppin’ a pill. They pilot 3,600 cars upwards of 200 MPH at close quarters with 42 other drivers. One screwup and someone can die.

I met now former NASCAR driver, Jeremy Mayfield, back in 2001. He struck me as a douchebag back then. Fast forward to 2009… after making $30 million… he tested positive for Methamphetamine. He came out right away and said he took some allergy medication with beef jerky or something and it was a false positive. He tried to sue NASCAR. Sometime last year he was caught with a bunch of stolen racing equipment… and more Meth. He recently dropped his lawsuit. Done…and he’s now broke… Prolly working at Chick-fil-A now.

Enter A.J. Allmendinger. This past June 29th he failed a random drug test. NASCAR doesn’t say what the failed test was for… just that he failed, he’s suspended and suggested he might want to request that his “B” sample be tested.

“B” sample failed… A.J. lost his job. Still, nobody knew what he tested positive for. A.J. didn’t make shit up like Jeremy Mayfield did. He was scared. He didn’t want to say anything. I think he knew when and where he screwed up… but remained silent. Then, my sources say, he called Jeff Gordon to ask for advice. Jeff told him to tell the truth. So yesterday A.J. told the truth.

According to A.J., a couple days before he was randomly tested by NASCAR, he was out with some friends partying…. but was tired and couldn’t hang. Someone in their group gave him a pill, saying it was a good pick-me-up supplement commonly taken for workouts. So A.J. took it… turns out what he took was Adderall. Adderall is only approved by NASCAR if the driver has a prescription… A.J. didn’t have a prescription so now, after making $21 million since 2007, he has no income.

It’s tough for me to feel bad for the guy. Yes, he’ll complete NASCAR’s drug program… but who’s gonna hire him when he’s reinstated? He was in the top level of stock car racing, making millions, and popped a pill because someone told him it would wake him up. I guarantee you that A.J. Allmendinger is awake now… but I fear it’s too late for him… NASCAR has passed him by… and so will his wife, Lynne Kushnirenko!

And his wife is gonna leave him now… for me!

Drugs are stupid, y’all… Call me a douchebag for saying that… but nothin’ seems to turn out well when you mess with ’em. Not too long ago, someone very close to me endorsed recreational drug use and I was shocked. I’m still shocked.. But I’m not a drug Nazi, so to each their own!

Hug your children and love them every day

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