As the Election Season Heats Up… Remember How Evil “Big Oil” Is…

Hey libs… as this election cycle really gets rolling, I’m seeing more (of the usual) bashing of the oil industry. If you’re so anti oil, y’all might consider not buying the following products that are manufactured (in part or wholly) with petroleum. It’s way more stuff than you dolts realize… Hell, even your electric and hybrid cars wouldn’t exist without petroleum. And when you plug your “car” into the wall, it’s more than likely sucking down coal…. more evil there…

Anesthetics – Deal with the pain, libs!
Antifreeze – Car goes boom without it!
Antihistamines – Just sneeze!
Antiseptics – Your immune system should do all the work!
Artificial limbs – No need as Obama brought all the troops home!
Artificial turf – I could do without this!
Aspirin – Quit being a bitch about your headache!
Balloons – Overrated!
Ballpoint pens – Who uses those?
Bandages – Bleed out kid!
Basketballs – I wouldn’t miss basketball!
Bearing grease – We don’t need products that reduce friction!
Bicycle tires – They roll fine on the rims!
Candles – There goes all the silly candle parties!
Car paint – Stainless steel is cheaper, right?
Clothes – I’m fine without ’em – for a small portion of the population
Combs – Couldn’t care less – I shave my head!
Crayons – Delana will be pissed!
Curtains – Do we need these with the whole no clothes thing?
Denture adhesive – See below.
Dentures – See above – no dentures, no adhesive necessary!
Deodorant – If we all stink… does it matter?
Detergents – No clothes, no need!
Dice – That evil Las Vegas is going down!
Diesel – Trucks don’t do anything for our economy!
Dishes – Only the hillbilly ones!
Drinking cups – Sorry, Toby Kieth, no more red Solo cup parties!
Dyes – Would everything be white? Or Black? That’s raycess!
Eyeglasses – With all the extra nudity… we don’t need these!
Fertilizers – Use your poop!
Fishing lures – Use worms!
Fishing rods – Bare hand ’em!
Food preservatives – That opens up 17 aisles at the grocery store!
Football cleats – No cleats? Less speed, less concussions!
Football helmets – No helmets? I believe less concusstions!
Footballs – No footballs, no football! NO CONCUSSIONS!
Gasoline – The evil fuel!
Golf balls – They could swing at rocks!
Guitar strings – Depeche Mode will be fine!
Hair coloring – That opens up 17 aisles at the grocery store!
Hair curlers – Didn’t even know these were still available!
Hand lotion – DRY fapping?
Ice cube trays – I dunno about this one…
Ink – No need for this with no ball point pens!
Insect repellent – Without deodorant, non issue!
Insecticides – Save the bugs!
Life jackets – Learn to swim!
Linoleum – Wood floors are fine… but what about the poor trees?
Lipstick – Another 2 aisles freed up at the grocery store!
Mops – Hell, the cleaning products are gone so why bother with the mop?
Motor oil – OIL is BAD!
Motorcycle helmet – Only pussies use these!
Movie film – Liberal Hollywood would die!
Nail polish – 2 more open aisles at the grocery store!
Nylon rope – Mountain climbers should just suck it up!
Oil filters – No oil… no oil filters!
Paint – Three aisles…
Paint brushes – … at…
Paint rollers – … The Home Depot, an evil corporation!
Panty hose – There’s another aisle at the store!
Parachutes – Same as helmets, only pussies use these!
Perfumes – The grocery store is getting barren!
Petroleum jelly – DRY FAPPING?
Pillows – Not the goose feather ones!
Purses = trash bags!
Putty – ??
Refrigerant – We don’t need this stuff to keep shit cool!
Roller skates – Those roller derby girls are scary anyway!
Roofing materials – Unnecessary!
Rubber cement – Didn’t even know this was used anymore!
Rubbing alcohol – Instead of KY Jelly?
Shag rugs – HA HA!
Shampoo – With three girls, I’d save like $20 a month!
Shaving cream – Dry shave!
Shoes – I’ll do barefoot when I move to Jamaica!
Shower curtains – Unnecessary!
Skis – Only for the rich!
Soap – Dropping petroleum products is gonna turn us into France!
Soft contact lenses – See: glasses!
Surf boards – there goes CA’s economy!
Synthetic rubber – What’s Sandra Fluke gonna do?
Tennis rackets – No loss, ‘cept for crotch shots!
Tires – Again – no need for tires when ya got rims!
Toilet seats – Unnecessary!
Toothbrushes – Hygiene? Not for libs!
Toothpaste – See above!
Trash bags – Use your kitchen trash and your poop for fertilizer!
Umbrellas – Rihanna will be out of a job!
Upholstery – Wooden seats for your Chevy Volt!
Vitamin capsules – Just snort ’em!
Yarn – Buh buy Bill Cosby!

The above list isn’t anything close to being comprehensive. To avoid all the above evil oil products, you liberal nutjobs will have to join some tribe in Peru. Unfortunately, y’all won’t fit in because those minimalist people bust their asses for everything they have.. nothing is given to them.

Hug your children and love them every day

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