IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor (though I have performed a few gynecological “exams”) and I did no research for this post. These are merely opinions coming straight from a fan of athletes!
In the wake of the news about Lance Armstrong dropping his fight against the US Anti-Doping Agency and, subsequently, being stripped of numerous victories I became more than moderately enraged!
HOLY SHIT! These cyclists get on a bike, sporting a clearly uncomfortable seat, and ride like 37,000 miles while avoiding goats and silly looking French cars. Let ’em do their fancy little blood transfusions or several lines of coke before a race to gain an advantage!
My sources tell me that Lance Armstrong’s Livestrong Foundation has raised HALF A BILLION DOLLARS for cancer research! Dude’s a hero in my book. I don’t care if he won those races on a Suzuki Hayabusa… he’s done so much good with his fame… with the exception of banging Sheryl Crow. But he also banged Kate Hudson and she’s like 20 times hotter than Sheryl Crow, so Lance remains a hero to me!
What about performance enhancing drugs in other sports?
Let ’em do it! Just regulate it. What about baseball?
Aside from Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez (who has also banged Kate Hudson), most baseball players are fat, slow slobs; not unlike myself.
NO, no…. that’s not me! That’s Oakland’s Bartolo Colon, recently busted for steroids. I say let ’em juice up! Baseball players need all the performance enhancements they can get! My sources tell me that baseball is way better when, with the help of steroids, pitchers throw harder and hitters hit the ball like 6,000 feet! Just make it regulated so their heads don’t swell up too big!
And football? I say no steroids in football. Those dudes spend so much time in the weight room that the’re in great shape. If players used steroids, Peyton Manning wouldn’t have suffered a neck injury, but a decapitation! What football needs to allow is HGH (Human Growth Hormone) so the players can recover faster.
I’ve said this soooo many times. I believe most NFL players were using HGH a couple years ago. Then, when the NFL started talking about testing for HGH, everyone stopped taking it. The result? ACLs, achilles, hamstrings, quads, pecs and biceps have been exploding all over the place.
Maybe there have even been more concussions because of the disappearance of HGH? Again, I’m not a doctor so I really don’t know.
I’m gettin’ ready to watch some NASCAR racin’ at Bristol! Hopefully none of the drivers have ingested anything more than a bologna sandwich, ’cause bein’ hopped up on any performance enhancers while driving an 800 horsepower racecar is just wrong (See Jeremy Mayfield and AJ Allmendinger).