100% of Political Polls are Stupid!

Oh HELL yeah! I’m so fired up! I’m gonna drink some beers and watch me some good ole fashioned debatin’ tonight! I can’t wait to see this guy:

Take on this guy:

Unfortunately fortunately, the first guy won’t be able to use his teleprompter. That’s President Obama in case you couldn’t tell! That doofus will manufacture some tasty sound bites sans teleprompter.

Here’s what I expect to hear from The President: “Derp… Uhhh, LOOK! Bush, derp, UH! Dumped tax dollars into revived General Motors Chrysler. Uh, LOOK!”

I’ve got a feeling that Mitt Romney’s gonna mop the floor with The President tonight. Just my gut feeling…

That’s why I have to actually watch the debate… and you should too! There is no relying on the media for accurate reporting any more. Don’t believe me? Check THIS out…

If all you do is check in on NBC/MSN or CNN, all you’re gonna find out tomorrow morning is that Obama CRUSHED Romney; because Romney is shipping 45,000,000 jobs a day overseas via Bain Capital (including your grandma, who is now assembling iPhone 5s in China).

And if you fancy FOX? They’ll be reporting that Obama wants to tax the shit out of the job creators (millionaires), continue to let almost 50% of workers pay little to no taxes, and increase costs of healthcare exponentially. Wait…

You just can’t trust the media, and if you do, without doing your own research, you’ve become a sheep. I recommend you don’t vote.

Ya know what else you can’t trust? Polls. I used to think polls were cool, when I’d just look at the results, and not the research.

This morning I saw a headline: SHOCK POLL… ROMNEY 47% ~ OBAMA 47%

Instead of gettin’ all fired up and saying, “Hoo Boy, we got ourselves a tie,” I looked at the research. They polled 1,005 likely voters. SERIOUSLY?

From what I can tell, there are around 200,000,000 registered “likely voters” in this country. It’s difficult to get an accurate number on that considering the high number of illegal undocumented aliens Obama voters workers and dead people democrats who vote in Florida. TWICE! Ha ha! ZINNGGGGG!

Anyway… some SHOCK POLL gets .0005%, or 1 in 200,000 American voters on the phone and that’s a number we can rely on?

That’s right, man! BULLSHIT!

I did some polling myself at work and home today. Here are MY results:

100% of those polled were unlikely to vote.

  • 25% were women hoping to get married soon.
  • 50% were recently divorced men.
  • 25% were male dogs.

If forced to vote at gunpoint?

  • 100% of women would vote for Roseanne. Wait… What?

Dear GOD… not sure I can ever un-see that! Okay, back to the polling…

  • 50% of men would vote for “I like to party!”
  • 50% of men would vote for Gary Johnson, or Ron Paul if he wasn’t 600 years old, and blacked out by all the liberal media.
  • 100% of male dogs would vote for Obama. Dogs are unusually vocal voters, by the way! They’re real big on the whole free food and free housing thing. All the dogs I talked to enjoy not having to work; and they love the free healthcare. Also, dogs won’t vote for Mitt because of his history of dog transportation.

I tried to poll a female dog and she started screaming at me that, “Republicans need to stay out of my vagina. I want Barack!” Okay then… there ya go Barack! Or maybe let Biden do it!

So there ya go! That’s my SHOCK POLL!

By the way, my polling results were derived from speaking to unlikely voters age 27-37; and 21 in dog years. A total of three unlikely human voters and one unlikely dog voter (Bernie) were polled.

Multiply my results by 200,000,000 likely voters… and Chuck Norris WINS!

Enjoy the debate tonight, folks!

Hug your children and love them every day

One response to “100% of Political Polls are Stupid!

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