When My Youngest Kid Twists My Arm…

As seen on tv

Ask any one of my kids if I fall for those cute little puppy dog eyes when they want something. They will tell you, “Never!” While that’s not altogether true, as I have caved a few times in the past, it is a rarity!

Well, last Wednesday, my little one had a cold so I kept her home from school. It’s rare for Delana and I to have an entire day together, sans siblings, so we had a fun day!

She was pretty quiet most of the morning, just laying on the couch watching cartoons. During EVERY DAMN commercial break, this was on…

… That commercial caused the little gears in her head to start turning:

HER: Dad, could you buy that brush so it won’t hurt when you brush my hair?

ME: It doesn’t hurt when I brush your hair. I’m careful.

HER: Yes it does!

ME: No it doesn’t! [Changing the subject] You want some chocolate milk?

HER: Yes!

Whew… I dodged that bullet! She resumed watching cartoons and I got back to doing laundry. Then 7 minutes later that stupid commercial came on again…

HER: DAAAAAAD?

ME: Yes, sweetie?

HER: It really hurts when you brush my hair. That brush will make it not hurt.

ME: I’m NOT buying the brush. Daddy doesn’t buy stuff advertised on TV like that. Don’t ask me again!

Seriously… I don’t buy crap like that from commercials. Something like a brush I can check out at the store to gauge its quality. That brush is prolly a piece of junk! Unfortunately, I need to know everything so I start thinking… how much is it? No harm in checking out the website to see how much is costs, right? So, I find the website for this magical, pain-free detangling brush and the worst possible scenario unfolded.

When ya go to the website, that stupid commercial auto plays on the home page. Not two seconds after that, the commercial comes back on the TV! JESUS!

Delana jumps off the couch, runs over to me at the computer, grabs my arm and…

Delana

HER: DAD, JUST BUY THE BRUSH!

ME: [Tough to fight the puppy dog eyes, but I’m mostly immune] NO! I’m just checking it out. Go lay back down. [Subject change!] You want some fruit snacks?

There was a bit more banter than that, but you get the point. I figured that I’d still see how much the damn brush was. Turns out it was $14.95 for a brush, but they were buy one get one free. That ain’t so bad! But it’s the shipping that gets ya on these things. 

I’ve never bought something like this before, and I got screwed. Well, sort of…

Unfortunately, they don’t show the shipping and handling costs up front, so you have to go through the order process before you see the shipping. I’m used to buying from Amazon, so that’s the process I’m used to.

Anyway, since they’re buy one get one I select one for normal hair and one for thick hair since my girls have both, enter my credit card info and other pertinent information and click “NEXT.” I have to go through like nine different screens attempting to add various hair products to my order. That part of it aggravated me… but I finally get to the order summary screen and I see this…

Green BOGO $14.95

Blue BOGO $14.95

S & H ……… $31.75

Order Total..$61.65

Oh hell no! One of my brushes should be free…  and $32 for shipping? NOPE, not gonna do it!

So I click the “Back to Homescreen” button and figure that’s the end of that. Two minutes later, I receive a “Thank You For Your Order” email.

Oh hell no! I didn’t click “Submit”! So I call the customer service number and get stuck on hold for like 10 minutes before angrily hanging up.

The next day at work I get like 5 calls on my cell from a number I did not recognize, so I never answered it… but they never left a message. That evening, the call comes through again, so I pick it up and it’s the brush people confirming my address. YES! So I tell the caller that I never clicked the “submit” button and, furthermore, my second brush wasn’t free! She continued to try to sell me other shit after stating that she wasn’t customer service… or billing for that matter. I rarely get pissed, but now I was! I lit her up and she calmly transferred me to the billing department. The perpetual hold began once again! I hung up and just figured that I learned a lesson.

The brushes came via UPS today and, to my surprise, there were two of each! I went back to the website and noticed some verbiage that I missed when I placed my order. It asked “How many Buy One Get One Free Sets of 2 would you like?”

Ha ha! I ordered two sets, thinking I ordered two brushes… That ones on me!

Delana was ECSTATIC when I told her I got her brush today. She got home, ripped off her hat (her hair was all jacked up and tangled from being at the babysitters after school) and coat and said, “Brush my hair!”

And ya know what? The shit works! Brushed the tangles right out!

So I basically paid $15 per brush and will be sending two of them to their Mom’s because why not?

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