It’s NFL Conference Championship Sunday! I Hope the Ravens are as Big a Loser as I Am!

NFL Logo

I can’t believe there are only three meaningful football games left! Damn does the NFL season fly by! Some thoughts about today’s games..

~ NFC Championship ~ 49ers at Falcons ~

Last week, I incorrectly picked the Packers over the 49ers.

I honestly hadn’t paid much attention to San Fran throughout the season. HOLY SHIT is QB Colin Kaepernick a great football player! He threw for 263 yards and 2 TDs and RAN for 181 yards and 2 more TDs! And that was against Green Bay’s 11th ranked defense.

I also screwed up when I picked Seattle over Atlanta, whose win wasn’t all that flashy. I’d have to call Atlanta methodical. They had some good plays. They missed A LOT of tackles, though.

Keep in mind that Seattle put up almost 500 yards on Atlanta’s 24th (right behind Cleveland) ranked defense! Seattle also suffered from a few questionable calls by coach Pete Carroll that undoubtedly left some points on the field.

I say: San Francisco 34 ~ Atlanta 24

You guys notice how good the ladies of ESPN look today? I’ve always been a fan of Rachel Nichols…

Rachel Nichols

… she’s so cute! I’ve been oddly attracted to Suzy Kolber for some time as well…

Suzy Kolber

… I just think I’m too horny!

~ AFC Championship ~ Ravens at Patriots ~

I’ve only been on this nutrition/exercise plan for a week and I already screwed it up! Went out last night with the Mayor of Funtown and his girlfriend (nickname yet to be determined) and sucked down like 800 calories in the form of Bud Light. I did pass on food at the bar and instead of hitting Taco Bell on the way home I had a turkey sandwich… at midnight. Now, it’s not like I intend to compete after I lose this weight and get back to the gym. I just feel like I took a big step backwards. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but I still feel like a loser.

Speaking of losers, on to the Baltimore Ravens. I picked the Broncos to win last week over Baltimore (yeah, I’m 0-3 so far with last week’s picks) and they should have. Here are the two most glaring screwups by Denver that ultimately led to their loss.

  1. At the end of the first half, tied 21-21, Denver has the ball with :35 to go on their own 20 yardline. Peyton Fucking Manning can easily get the ball into field goal range in that scenario. But stupid coach Jon Fox calls a stupid running play to kill the clock.
  2. At the end of regulation, tied 35-35, Denver has the ball with :31 to go on their own 20 yardline. Again, instead of being aggressive and playing for a field goal to win the game, stupid coach John Fox calls for Manning to take a knee to go into overtime.

Overtime consisted of some stalled drives for both teams resulting in punts. Then Peyton Fucking Manning threw a bonehead interception. Two plays later, Baltimore kicks the game winning field goal.

I refuse to believe that Baltimore’s QB Joe Flacco is an elite QB, but that dude pulls some magic out of his ass at just the right time. I, personally, hope he’s out of tricks!

The only pick I got right last week was New England over Houston. The Patriots just have too many offensive weapons. Hell, with TE Rob Gronkowski out, coach Bellichick will prolly pull a fan out of the stands and turn him into an All Pro TE. Or Aaron Hernandez will get hot! And Tom Brady is just a stud QB. He rarely makes mistakes and is aggressive and accurate. You wouldn’t know he’s the best QB in the NFL if you saw him in public…

Tom Brady Slide

 

Tom Brady Scooter

… but he is!

Don’t get me wrong… I don’t like New England and I like Baltimore even less. I wish, somehow, both these teams could lose tonight but, obviously, that’s not possible.

So I say: New England 48 ~ Baltimore 27

Oh yeah, keep your eyes peeled for the DirecTV Genie commercials…

DirecTV Genie

… and the lovely Hannah Davis…

Hannah Davis Beach Bikini

WHEW! Enjoy the games, folks!

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