So…. What Do I Do For Sports after Super Bowl 47?

I’m not talkin’ about participating but rather watching. In twelve days the Super Bowl, and the NFL season, will be over for now…

I know, pitchers and catchers report in a few weeks, but I’m not a baseball fan unless the Indians are in the playoffs. Yeah… I’m a fair weather fan and proud of it! I used to be a die hard fan, but they got into suckiness after the late ’90s and I only have enough energy for one sucky Cleveland team, hence my blind love for the Browns!

I guess the golfers start golfin’ pretty soon but, again, not a huge fan, though I tried to be. I think it was more the whole “hanging out at Panini’s, drinkin’ some beers and watching golf” thing that was fun! Plus, that buddy’s got a girlfriend now so he doesn’t hang out like he used to.

I understand there’s basketball going on? Go Cavs! LeBron still on that team? Oh, he’s gone but he might be back?

I’m ready for some racin’! Car racin’ that is!

See, after spending 13 years in the automotive industry I can’t quite shake my affinity for hot rods! My most recent seven years selling accounting software hasn’t killed that love affair and I don’t think it ever will!

What to watch for?

The NHRA kicks off the 2013 season in only 22 days. Only minor changes here… The series sponsor used to be Full Throttle energy drinks, which seemed fitting! Well, Full Throttle is gone and this year’s series sponsor is Mello Yello. Wait. What?

I didn’t know Mello Yello even existed any more. Hell, last time I saw their name was on Tom Cruise’s Cole Trickle’s car that he drove to his Daytona 500 victory over Russ Wheeler in ‘Days of Thunder’!

Oops! That’s NASCAR… but Mello Yello is the new series sponsor, so let’s finish up the NHRA portion first..

Courtney Force, heavily featured here at For Shiggles, returns for her sophomore season after a 5th place finish in last year’s point standings. Courtney is testing well, as she posted her fastest and quickest run ever. Check it out…


Even more exciting, is that Courtney’s older sister, Brittany, will be debuting her top fuel dragster this year!

Brittany Force

That’s remarkable, to me at least, because John Force Racing has never fielded a dragster as all of his race cars have been funny cars thus far. NOW… I’ll be forced to watch Brittany compete with the dragsters. I’m certain she’ll struggle this year but confident she’ll be able to compete!

Also look for Erica Enders to make a run for the Pro Stock championship! After a strong finish last year, she ended up 4th in points! I don’t normally watch pro stock, either, but she’s gettin’ so good I just gotta check her out!

I’m definitely pulling for the girls in the NHRA… not so much in NASCAR, however.

The 2013 NASCAR season kicks off officially at Daytona in 32 days, though action at the track starts in 24 days with qualifying races and other events!

Danica Patrick, also heavily featured on this site, is moving up to the premier series in NASCAR, the Sprint Cup Series, after a less than thrilling season in their “feeder” series sponsored by Nationwide Insurance last year.

I realize I got sick of NASCAR last year and stopped watching. That might change this season because of drama! See, Danica is in the process of getting a divorce from her husband, Paul Hospenthal, because he’s 17 years older than her and she’s been having sex with Ricky Stenhouse Jr. their marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

"Those cowboy boots you bought me for my birthday.... That's all I'll be wearing if you meet me in my motorhome after the race..."

“Those cowboy boots you bought me for my birthday…. That’s all I’ll be wearing if you meet me in my motor home after the race…”

Ohhhhh, you GO Slick Ricky!

Danica and Ricky will be competing with each other for “Rookie of the Year” honors this year. Should be interesting!

Aside from the new lovebirds in the garage (when the news breaks of the Danica/Ricky romance you’ll get a big I TOLD YA SO from me) the biggest change in NASCAR this year is the radical changes they’ve made to the cars.

It’s pretty common knowledge that there is nothing “stock” about a stock car in the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. At least not since 1966, the last year that NASCAR used strictly stock (read: showroom floor) cars. Since then, the frames and bodies of the cars have been heavily modified for better racing and, ultimately, more safety.

This photo explains the evolution of the cars. Click to embiggen… but you still need perfect vision to read the text…

NASCAR Evolution

This year’s car, dubbed Gen6 by the drivers, is really a marketing campaign by NASCAR… and I understand why. The 5th generation of the car, raced from 2007 until last year is what is called the Car of Tomorrow. Regardless of make (ie. Ford, Chevrolet, Toyota or Dodge) the chassis and bodies were identical. In case you were wondering, I crossed out Dodge because they pulled out of NASCAR.

Why do I consider it a marketing campaign?

Simple. NASCAR fans are very “brand loyal” so the car they see on the track, they’d love to buy at their local dealership. Like this:

Dale Jr Monte Carlo

See, Cletus ran up to Billy Bob’s Chevrolet and picked up a Dale Jr. Monte Carlo for hisself!

The car that NASCAR has blessed us with for the last six years, albeit safer for drivers, ain’t even close to what’s available on the showroom floor.

So the “marketing campaign” devised by NASCAR was to hang new bodies on the current, safer chassis that resemble their showroom counterparts. This year, we’ll have the Ford Fusion…

Keselowski Blue Deuce

… the Toyota Camry…

Kyle Busch Camry

… and the Chevrolet SS…

Harvick Chevrolet SS

… Hey, folks, the only douchebag car here is the Chevrolet SS, which isn’t surprising considering Chevrolet is pretty much owned by Obama! The Fusion and Camry are mass produced in North America, while the SS is basically an Australian car (look up Holden Commodore), and will be imported only from Australia! Apparently, someone from Australia has pictures of Obama banging some UAW boss.

Chevy’s gonna “unveil” the new SS during the Daytona 500 and all the Chevy fans are probably gonna jerk each other off in excitement!

I wouldn’t be surprised if Barack and/or his overly muscular boyfriend wife were somehow involved and highly visible during this year’s Daytona 500, since they have a vested interest…

It won’t take long for NASCAR fans to figure it all out… Especially if they read For Shiggles! Anyway… GO FORD!

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