Already Freakin’ Out About Today

Browns

Oh snap! Ya know when you’re still drunk from the night before? Yeah, that’s me… as I begin writing this, it’s 9:25 am and I’m still messed up from last night’s bachelor/bachelorette party for Mike & Erica. Congratulations to you two fools again! I love ya both! Y’all don’t realize how close I was to having a dancer come with me to provide some additional entertainment! She just didn’t have time for a 7:00 party!

And ya know that weird feeling ya have when you wake up and don’t know where ya are for a few seconds? Yep. Woke up at Matt’s this morning, thinking I was in my bed, ’til I rolled over to reach for my phone and my night stand wasn’t there. I’m like, “Why is my phone on the floor? What did I do with my night stand? Who else is in this bed? (rolls the other way) Damn Oh good, no one! Shit, I’m still at Matt’s, gotta get home to my dawg, Bernie!”

Anyway… thanks to Matt for the hospitality last night. Nice house ya got there! And thanks to Sam for picking me up & taking me there and Frank for bringing me home this morning! I owe ya both!

Anyway… about 3 hours ’til football time and more drinking & eating. Ugh… maybe just drinkin’ pop today!

The Browns are in Baltimore today and I expect nothing less than a slaughter by the Ravens. They have a collective chip on their shoulder after being routed by Peyton Manning and the Broncos 10 days ago in the season opener.

And the Browns just fucking blow! After they shut down Trent Richardson and the running game after the first drive last week, I was seriously looking for ex coach Pat Fucking Shurmer on the sidelines. WRs were still dropping balls, Brandon Weeden looked like a deer in the headlights. Dude looked clumsy in the pocket and when he scrambled he looked like me playing QB…

Our special teams were fine.

The defense was okay. They weren’t as aggressive as I woulda hoped but, damn, the dudes get gassed when the offense can’t stay on the field!

What I’m looking for today…

Quit bein’ a douche Weeden and stand in the pocket like real QBs do.

Oniel Cousins… get your head outta your ass and block! This will allow the above to take place.

Defense… blitz! Be aggressive. Joe Flacco ain’t all that! Pressure him good and he’ll throw picks!

WRs… CATCH THE FUCKIN’ BALL. Quit bitchin’ about Weeden throwing too hard, put your big boy pants on and just catch it! Then run like hell!

Chud/Turner… RUN THE FUCKIN’ BALL… Trent Richardson is the best only offensive weapon you have! He needs to run at least 25 times today… Pssst! You can also throw it to him… just a thought!

[Clears throat] Here we go Brownies… HERE WE GO!

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