Already Freakin’ Out About Tomorrow ~ Lions @ Browns!

Browns Lions

Lets take a look at how the Browns have done against opposing quarterbacks this year. I’m gonna throw a bunch of stats at you, but stick with me ’cause I’m gonna prove a point here!

Week 1 ~ Lost against Miami’s Ryan Tannehill, who has thrown 6 TDs and 5 picks; 85.5 rating.

Week 2 ~ Lost against Baltimore’s Joe Flacco, who has thrown 5 TDs and  8 picks (ha ha dumbass!); 70.1 rating.

Week 3 ~ Won against Minnesota’s Christian Ponder, who has thrown 2 TDs and 5 picks; 65.9 rating.

Week 4 ~ Won against Cincinnati’s Andy Dalton, who has thrown 5 TDs and 5 picks; 82.9 rating.

Week 5 ~ Won against Buffalo’s Jeff Tuel (after E.J. Manuel went down; 5 TD 3 picks, 79.4 rating), who has thrown 0 TDs and 1 pick; 31.3 rating.

To sum it up… Cleveland has lost to QBs who have thrown a total of 11 TDs and 13 picks with an average 77.8 rating. We have won against QBs who have thrown a total of 7 TDs and 11 picks with an average 60 rating.

Of ALL the QBs Cleveland has faced this year they average this: 7 TDs and 5 picks with an average 69.18 rating.

What does all this mean?

We haven’t competed against a good QB this season; until tomorrow, when Matthew Stafford leads the Detroit Lions into Cleveland. Stafford’s thrown 8 TDs and only 3 picks this year; has a 94.9 rating.

See, I kinda have a thing for the Lions. This guy I work with, Frank The Mayor of Funtown, is a Lions fan, so I hear all the Lions news and I feel for his team, like I do for the Browns, because they tend to suck every year, like the Browns.

I also work with a LOT of Buffalo Bills fans… so most Monday morning conversations are centered around “our three shitty teams.” It’s like a support group every Monday!

HOWEVAH….The Browns and Lions are 3-2 going into tomorrow’s matchup, so this is a huge game for both teams!

The last time the Browns played the Lions in the regular season was back in ’09 and it was one of the best football games I’ve seen! Somehow, Browns QB Brady Quinn (HA HA!) managed to throw THREE TDs in the first quarter! Couple that with an early Phil Dawson FG and the browns were up 24-10 in the first quarter! We lost the game though…

The stat lines for BOTH QBs were pretty impressive: Quinn was 21 of 33 for 304 yards and 4 TDs. No picks. Stafford went 26 of 43 for 422 yards and 5 TDs, but 2 picks. Stafford’s final TD, the game winner, was one of the most impressive I’ve ever seen. Stafford put together a kick ass 88 yard drive in the final 1:46 of the game to win it. The last two plays were the coolest. You HAVE to watch this video in which Stafford is mic’d up…

Those final couple plays made Stafford my favorite QB who doesn’t play for the Browns. Dude’s tough!

But things are different, now. The defense that Stafford shredded back then was a horrid Eric Mangini defense. This current, Ray Horton coordinated, Browns defense is top 10 in a lot of categories. Ninth in passing yards allowed. We can shut down Stafford if we can get a lot of pressure on him. Tenth in rushing yards allowed; 4th in yards per attempt. We can shut down RB Reggie Bush as we have most RBs all season. Future Hall of Fame  CB Joe Haden…

Joe Haden

…can minimize stud WR Calvin Johnson… if he even plays (dude has a knee issue).

My biggest concern tomorrow is QB Brandon Funking Weeden. He was the QB for our week 1 & 2 losses. Then he bruised his vagina thumb and Brian Hoyer came in to engineer a couple nice wins in weeks 3 & 4. Early on against the Bills last Thursday, Hoyer ran for a first down and did some sort of Forrest Gump slide that shredded his own knee. Brandon Fucking Weeden came in and, after a horrible first series, actually helped us to win the game.

I’ve got no faith in Weeden. It’s been mentioned that he holds on to the ball longer than any QB in the league. He’s indecisive, that’s why he gets sacked so much. Is he dumb? I dunno. The coaches have said this week they’ve been working with him on a quicker release. If he didn’t figure it out through 16 games last year, training camp and 2 games this year, is he really gonna get it after practice this week? Again… I don’t know. But dammit… he has weapons with WRs Josh Gordon, Greg Little, Davone Bess & Travis Benjamin; also STUD TE Jordan Cameron!

I’ve got to support the team that’s on the field tomorrow, including Brandon Fucking Weeden, so I will do it. But I’m scared.

Anyway… GO BROWNS!

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