I’m 107% Sure We’re All Gonna Die Soon…

Climate Change

Back in 2007, some douchebag named Al Gore quoted a nutty ass climate scientist in saying that by NOW, 2013, the North Polar icecap would be gone.

Unsurprisingly, it’s not.

It’s actually at it’s highest level since 2006! Also, NASA satellite images show that the Arctic polar icecap has grown 60% from last year to this year!

Oh.. and it’s no better if ya go down south and check out the Antarctic ice. The amount of south pole ice is at a 35 year high!

So we’ve got increased ice coming from the north AND the south! What is going on here, folks?

I think I’ve got it figured out! See, these “climate scientists” have an interesting way of collecting and then presenting data. They’ll manipulate select the data they want to use, throw it into a spreadsheet and then form a model based on that data. It’s their projections that are insane!

They’ll say shit like, “Back in the year 1,300 the temperatures were…” WHAT? You all got a DeLorean with a Flux Capacitor strapped to it that we don’t know about? Temperatures have only been recorded for like the last 200 years… Most of these scientific (scientists receiving money from Obama various governments, by the way) projections are pure bullshit!

I figured I’d do my own research because I don’t trust these scientists… I put on my climate scientist hat and went to work! What I found based on my research was absolutely shocking.

We’re all gonna be dead… soon!

Date Temp (F) Snow
5-Dec 42 0
6-Dec 28 3
7-Dec 14 7
8-Dec 0 11
9-Dec -14 15
10-Dec -28 19
11-Dec -42 23
12-Dec -56 27
13-Dec -70 31
14-Dec -84 35
15-Dec -98 39
16-Dec -112 43
17-Dec -126 47
18-Dec -140 51
19-Dec -154 55
20-Dec -168 59
21-Dec -182 63
22-Dec -196 67
23-Dec -210 71
24-Dec -224 75
25-Dec -238 79

As you can see in my chart above, yesterday it was 42 degrees around here and there was no snow. Temperatures dropped overnight, though, and it was 28 degrees on the way home according to my Jetta! The snow started flying a few hours ago….

Based on my research, these trends WILL continue and, come Christmas, the temperature will be around minus 238 degrees and we’ll have received nearly six and a half feet of snow!

So cuddle up folks! Shit’s about to get really cold…and snowy! Unless I’m wrong!

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