Guess Who Won the Chili Cookoff at Work?

DUH! That’s a silly question! I won bitches! Second year in a row. I’m currently contemplating retirement, though I’m also considering switching to a “non-traditional” recipe for next year so I can win THAT category too… Time will tell, folks!

So here’s my record thus far…

Chili Cook Off

Two wins and two runner ups out of five contests. I’m the man!

Now I’ve got to tell you about some of the horror I’ve endured over the last 48 hours. Roughly two hours after receiving my trophy it was kidnapped by this bitch my coworker, Ruby…

Ruby

… Don’t let the smile fool you… pure evil right there.

Ruby took my trophy and then taunted me with pictures of it in various locations throughout our office. Like this:

"We went for a little adventure today."

“We went for a little adventure today.”

Oh you can’t even imagine how pissed I was!

These kidnapping pictures continued until around 1:00 today, when I returned from lunch to find my dear trophy in the trophy case in the foyer!

Woo hoo! I win, Ruby…

Got my baby back

… now take your evil elsewhere!

I placed the trophy safely in one of my desk drawers and got back to work! Well, when I went outside for a smoke break, freakin’ Ruby apparently rifled through my desk drawers and found my trophy… and STOLE IT AGAIN!

Trophy Stolen Again

Do you misplace things easily?

NO, Ruby, I DON’T misplace things! I specifically placed this item in a safe place and you stole it! 

Shit was about to get REAL until a couple hours later, when I returned to my desk from a meeting to find this:

Girls from work

They were all waiting for my autograph for being the “Chili King!”

Autographs

Autographs2

So I signed autographs!

Autographs3

Notice all the extra trophies there? Yeah, this is what they did to my desk…

Trophy Desk

Lotsa trophies there with engravings referencing flatulence!

I was actually quite flattered by this… we all usually have a good bit of fun at work, but this was over the top and a huge blast.

The ringleader who set up today’s autograph session was my hilarious coworker, Dixie Wrecked…

Dixie Wrecked

Dixie Wrecked stuffing the ballot box!

… she wouldn’t let me use her real name but wanted me to let you all know that you should say her name out loud and fast… Dixie Wrecked. DIXIE WRECKED!

I work with some of the coolest people ever! It melts my heart to know that so many people would spend a few extra minutes of their busy day on me!

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