Definition of Cat… Continued ~ Vicious Beast!

Fucker

cat
/kat/

noun

  1. a small domesticated carnivorous mammal that wanders around and knocks random objects off of shelves, desks tables, etc… and then proceeds to play with these items until they are lost under the couch. synonyms: fucker, asshole, you little piece of shit
  2. a soft furry object that flies about 30 feet and makes really strange noises when kicked

Every morning around 3:00 is when Mingo wakes up and decides it’s playtime. Part of his fun is jumping up on the night stand and knocking everything that may be there to the floor. Because of that, I try not to leave anything on the nightstand. My lava lamp is there… and the remote and my phone. For a while there two thumps would wake me up; the remote, then the phone getting knocked on the floor. After that, he circles my lava lamp… as if to say, “Wait’ll I knock THIS thing down..” The third thump, the one my neighbors prolly hear, is the cat hitting the wall after I backhand the little fucker me rolling out of bed to fumble around to find my phone and make sure the alarm is still correctly set on it.

Oh yeah, if you ever get a call or incoherent text from me shortly after 3:00 am it’s most likely NOT beer or Jäger induced activity, but an inadvertent touch of the screen while making sure my phone’s okay.

Anyway, for a few nights the same thing would happen and I’d remove Mingo from the night stand. I think he got it because he stopped doing it. Maybe the thing does have a brain!

Oh but he found something new to play with!

I normally sleep with one foot out of the covers. At precisely 3:04 this morning, that little piece of shit pounced on my exposed foot and bit my big toe. I’m sound asleep; I dunno what’s going on, so my first reaction is AHHHHH GET IT OFF!!! I kick my leg and the cat goes flying… a good 2.3 seconds of hangtime!

That little asshole drew blood, too, with his sharp as knives little teeth!

I’m thinkin’ maybe I should start feeding him again…

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