I’ll Eat What I Want To Eat Dammit!


IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I am a salesman. Not a doctor, researcher or nutritionist. I’m not obligated to post links to support my whining arguments. This is my blog. Go start your own and hyperlink the shit out of it! Also, I really like food.

It seems like three or four times a day I see articles or crap on social media telling me that the foods I eat are gonna slowly kill me, or in the case I’m about to share here, “…CAN DESTROY YOUR HEALTH!”

A bunch of people have been sharing this article blog post from May of last year on Facebook the last few days, titled 6 Ways “Heart-Healthy” Whole Wheat Can Destroy Your Health, and I finally got fed up and had to say something.

People don’t read well, or at least don’t comprehend what they’re reading sometimes. The individuals who shared the blog post really seemed to think that whole wheat and other gluten rich products are unhealthy..

They’re not…

This post is speaking to gluten sensitive individuals, or .75% (1 in 133) of people in developed countries.

But the guy from Iceland who wrote the post used some pretty scary headings if ya just breeze through the post without actually reading. Stuff like this:

Wheat Contains Substances That “Steal” Nutrients From The Body

This ones even better…

Wheat Consumption is Associated With Several Brain Diseases

I shit you not… But wait, there’s more!

Wheat May Be Addictive

Huh? What the fuck, man?

[snorts a slice of Schwebel’s]

Here’s the entire section under that batshit crazy heading:

There are some who believe that wheat may be addictive.

It is definitely not proven yet, although there are a few interesting observations that allow for some speculation.

When gluten proteins are broken down in a test tube, the peptides they form are able to stimulate opioid receptors. These peptides are called gluten exorphins.

Opioid receptors are the receptors in the brain that are stimulated by drugs like heroin and morphine, as well as endorphines that are released naturally when we do something like running.

The theory goes like this… the gluten we eat gets broken down into these opioid peptides, which then travel into the blood and eventually into the brain, where they cause addiction to wheat.

Gluten exorphins have been found in the blood of celiac patients. There’s also some evidence in animals that the gluten exorphins make it into the body.

At this point, this is only theoretical. No hard evidence proves wheat to be addictive.

Personally I find the idea to be plausible. Back in the day when I used to eat wheat I would often crave it. Almost every food that I would get powerful cravings for foods that included both sugar and wheat.

This guy has got to be telling a joke that’s going over my head… Seriously! All I really got out of that part was maybe you shouldn’t do test tube shots of broken down gluten proteins.

I craved wheat back in the day, too, because there was peanut butter and jelly between it.

I still crave wheat. Not because of a potential addiction, but because it’s FOOD and FOOD IS AWESOME!

There is another attack mounting against my beloved wheat and baking industry in general.

The bad guy in this publication is azodicarbonamide, or ADA. It’s a chemical compound that is used as a food additive for bleaching flour and also helps improve overall baking functionality.

It’s also used in the creation of foam plastic and other polymers.

Apparently if ADA is inhaled (And I’m not talking about “inhaling” a glorious Subway Spicy Italian Sub) it can cause respiratory issues. It’s banned as a food additive in Australia and Europe because of this.

I did a little research and do you know what other chemical compound is used as both a food additive AND a polymer manufacturing agent?


That’s right folks… WATER! Apparently, inhaling water ALSO causes respiratory issues…

So I’m gonna continue to eat my ADA infested, gluten rich wheat! And ya know the best way I like to eat it? With red sauce, mozzarella, pepperoni, sausage, mushrooms, red onions and green peppers. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to add bacon and jalapeños! That’s called the Primo Supreme and it’s only $15.07 at my local Panini’s.

Best served with Bud Light, shots of Jäger and a side of good company!

And to all the other people who tell me how unhealthy good food is… I don’t care if there’s too much sodium in the mozzarella, or if the meats are processed or the vegetables are grown with commercial fertilizer instead of salmonella infested “organic” chicken shit fertilizer!

I’m gonna enjoy my food! I ain’t gonna knock you for eating tofu or “burgers” made out of beans!

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