What to Watch Today Instead of NASCAR!

The Danica Patrick watch continues here at For Shiggles! Last week at Bristol, the lovely driver of the #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet managed an 18th place finish. Only 1 lap down! She didn’t even cra… oh wait, yes, she did crash. But it’s Bristol, everybody crashes at Bristol! Oh, but she didn’t crash while racing; she crashed in the damn pits… see for yourself!

 

I loved Darrell Waltrip’s comment: “I’m not… I can’t explain that one.”

The first thing I thought of was this classic quote from Days of Thunder:

 

After the race, dear Danica claimed that her transmission was toast and she only had 4th gear. I call bullshit! ANY TIME a driver has an issue with their car, especially something as major as a blown transmission, the guys calling the race are gonna know… and there was no mention of it!

Here’s a quick recap of Danica’s performance after four races. She’s completed 1,219 of 1,282 laps, crashed out at Daytona, and hasn’t finished on the lead lap yet! Her average start is 29.5; average finish is 28.8.

She’s currently 28th in the standings; 3 positions and 20 points behind AJ Allmendinger, who returned this year from a drug suspension.

YOU GO GIRL!

Today, the Sprint Cup Series is at Auto Club Speedway in southern California.

Auto Club Speedway

Auto Club is a wide, relatively flat D-shaped oval. This configuration promotes long green flag runs which make the shitty drivers fall laps behind in a hurry, so that’s what Danica has to look forward to!

She starts 27th today, by the way!

If you’d prefer not to watch today’s race you might check out MARCH MADNESS! A lot of people have been talking about this lately. I understand it’s college basketball. I am not a fan of basketball.

See, I can only watch sports that I’m good at I used to be good at. My Dad made me play basketball when I was little and I was horrible at it. I couldn’t dunk, or dribble, or pass or shoot! Actually, I wasn’t that bad, just couldn’t get into it!

I am a fair weather fan, however! If the Cavs ever get in the playoffs I’ll watch. Needless to say, I haven’t watched much basketball the past few years!

And college basketball? Y’all can keep crying over your brackets!

Ooooh! There’s also golf on! Today is the final round of the Arnold Palmer Invitational Presented by MasterCard! Nope! No golf for me!

Last time I paid attention to golf was when Tiger Woods got busted by his hot wife, Elin Nordegren…

elin nordegren red bikini

… bangin’ a bunch of skanks!

Joslyn James

 

That’s “porn star” Joslyn James… EWW… I think his name used to be James Joslyn, ’cause that’s definitely a dude with implants!

Shit… I can’t find anything to watch today. I may just have to watch the race!

Either that or watch Disney’s Frozen for the 4th time this weekend!

Enjoy your Sunday, folks!

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