Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 29 @ Titans 28!!!! :)

Dear Lord that game was hard to watch… at least the first 27:16. What the hell is wrong with our defense, which was supposed to be the strength of this team?

Poor tackling, poor coverage, poor pass rush. Future Hall of Fame shutdown CB Joe Haden blows lately. The same goes for CB Buster Skrine. Dammit guys, get your heads back in the game starting Sunday when Pittsburgh comes to town!

Freakin’ Titans QB Jake locker channeled his inner Peyton Manning to throw on us pretty well for 79 yards and a TD. He also ran on us at will for 34 yards and a TD lookin’ like a white Michael Vick in his prime.

Browns LB Chris Kirksey would have none of that and decided to take matters into his own hands by trying to kill Jake Locker on his TD run…

Jake Locker, Christian Kirksey

… with a forearm to the face!

Didn’t work though, ’cause when Locker came in on Tennessee’s next drive they marched right down the field. Buster Skrine put an end to Locker’s day, however, when he also blasted him in the face, drawing a roughing the passer penalty. Locker jacked up his thumb when he tried to get rid of the ball and hit it on Skrine’s helmet.

Enter Tennessee’s backup QB, Jesus…

Charlie Whitehurst

… Actually that’s Charlie Whitehurst. Dude comes in and throws a TD on his second pass… over Skrine and Haden no less… Ugh… fuck this shit!

Browns go a quick three and out…

54 seconds after his first TD, Whitehurst throws a pass to a seemingly uncovered WR Justin Hunter for a 75 yard TD. Shit, shit, SHIT! Buster Skrine on the lack of coverage.

There’s now 2:44 left in the first half. The score is Tennessee 28 Cleveland 3. I’m done. I hate this team.

Of course the TV announcers have to bring up the potential for Johnny Clipboard to come into the game and provide a spark for the team. Unfortunately, Johnny Jackass was too busy laughing on the sideline while his team was getting shredded.

Fuck that kid… he’s merely a humorous Snickers candy bar salesman to me.

But I can’t give up on this team because I’m stupid. I’m a glutton for punishment; in too deep with the Cleveland Browns since I was a toddler.

Then something happened.

Brian Hoyer the Fuckin’ Destroyer had enough of this bullshit and led the Browns on a 9 play, 2:32, 90 yard TD drive! Hoyer had lots of help from WRs Travis Benjamin, Miles Austin, FB Ray Agnew, RB Ben Tate and of course TE Jim Dray for catching the TD pass! WOW!!!

End of half! Down 28-10, the Browns get the ball back after halftime! I tell my kids we’re still gonna lose this but maybe it won’t be as embarrassing as I thought. They’re more positive than I am because I’m not positive. I still hate this team.

Here’s how the possessions went in the second half:

Browns ~ 5 plays, 2:05, 56 yard drive for a FIELD GOAL! Tennessee 28 Cleveland 13

Titans ~ 8 plays, 4:34, 39 yard drive for a PUNT

Browns ~ 11 PLAYS, 4:11, 58 yard drive turnover on downs.

Titans ~ 3 plays, 2:45, MINUS 9 yards for a PUNT.

Browns ~ 11 plays, 3:37, 58 yard drive turnover on downs. I really like the Browns going for it on 4th down! It’s how I play Madden!

Titans ~ 3 plays, 1:46 8 yards for a PUNT, but it’s blocked by Browns LB Tank Carder for a SAFETY! Tennessee 28 Cleveland 15…. and we get the ball back!

Browns ~ 10 plays, 4:13, 67 yard drive for a TOUCHDOWN! RB Ben Tate is hot on this drive, though tiny WR Travis Benjamin caught the TD! Tennessee 28 Cleveland 22

Tennessee ~ 3 plays, 1:35 2 yards for a PUNT.

Cleveland ~ 3 plays, :19 0 yards and it’s INTERCEPTED. Hoyer throws his first official pick. God I hate this team!

Tennessee ~ 7 plays, 1:52 20 yards and turned over on downs.

Cleveland ~ 4 plays, 1:54 42 yards for a TOUCHDOWN! Tiny Travis Benjamin strikes again!

Tiny Travis Benjamin TD

Tennessee 28 Cleveland 29! Holy shit!

There’s 1:09 left in the game. That’s more than enough time for the Titans to get down the field and score. UGH!

Fortunately, Tennessee does not score and time runs out!

BROWNS WIN!!!

God I love this team!

It’s amusing to me how the tone around town about Brian Hoyer has changed so much since we drafted that douchebag Manziel. So many Browns “fans” wanted Manziel to start at QB even though he’s unproven. Hell, even Hoyer was barely proven having only won both the games he started and finished for us last year.

He’s been described as a career backup. Well he was, but I’ve been saying for months that he spent 3 years behind that dork Tom Brady of the Patriots. Brady is kinda good and I believe 100% that Hoyer learned some stuff from him.

Hoyer is smart and confident. He releases the ball very fast, throws it hard and is pretty damn accurate. He gets rid of it when necessary! Hoyer has only started and finished 6 games with the Browns, but we’re 4-2 in those games. Cleveland scores an average of 25 points when Hoyer plays a complete game, 18 points when someone else starts. Time to quit calling this kid a fluke, folks!

Our running game remains strong and I love the Browns coaches for sticking with the run, even when playing from behind. 36 of the Browns 74 offensive plays were rushing plays Yesterday. I like that balance. I like that RB Ben Tate is back. Initially, I was pissed at him because he was cocky when talking about coming back this week from injury, seemingly dissing RBs Terrance West and Isaiah Crowell, who have played well in his absence. Tate ran 22 times for 123 yards which is 5.6 per carry. West went 7 carries for 31 yards (4.4 per) and Crowell was 6 for 19 yards (3.2 per).  These three dudes have three totally different running styles that must be accounted for by every team on the Browns schedule.

Hoyer went 21/37 for 292 yards and 3 TDs. He spread his throws out to 8 different receivers. I’m impressed by that.

I hate to get excited about this team but I am. I can’t help it! I realize we’re only 2-2 and there are 20 teams in the league who are at or above .500. There are 12 teams that are below .500, however, and thankfully we’re not one of ’em!

It’s now Steelers Week Part II, people. This is a must win game next Sunday. We’ve got a shot!

The defense needs to fix their shit now and play 60 minutes for us to have that shot.

GO BROWNS!!!!

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