Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Texans @ Browns!

Before we get going here, I have a quick confession! It’s not very often I buy shit like clothes and shoes for myself. Last week, though, I broke down and bought my first new pair of shoes in five years. Wore ’em to the gym the last few days and hoo boy are they delightful! Good gym shoes are ones that you don’t even realize you’re wearing.

Yesterday, only 5 days after that splurge, I fell victim to yet another impulse purchase. See, I’ve had the same ol’ Cleveland Browns knit cap for a looong time…

Old hat

… that one’s older than 5 years, maybe 7? A couple of guys at work were sportin’ some nifty Browns hats around the office and I told myself, “Screw this, I’m overdue for a hat upgrade!”

So this is on it’s way:

Browns hat

… can’t believe I’m so excited about a damn hat!

Maybe even more excited than I am about tomorrow’s game when the Houston Texans come to town…

Alright, I take that back! I’m extremely excited about tomorrow’s game!

We’re 6-3 and sit alone atop the AFC North! We’re the 4th seed in the entire AFC!

We can win this shit tomorrow!

While looking over some of the Texans’ stats, nothing really jumped out at me. Their defense is ranked 26th in the league for total yards, giving up almost 400 yards a game; 70% of that is through the air, however, which means the Browns gotta work on that passing attack. That might be tough because it’s supposed to be low to mid 30s at game time.

Look for a big game from Browns RB Terrance West…

Terrance West

… dude had a big game last week against the Bengals with 94 yards on 26 hard fought carries and a TD! His Towson highlight reel is peppered with successful runs in cold/snowy conditions!

I’d STILL like to see more touches by RB Isaiah Crowell, as he only had 12 for 41 yards last week.

On to the QBs…

Interesting comparison here… For the duration of the off season, when the less intelligent Browns fans were screaming for Johnny Snort Cocaine Off Strippers Asses Fucking Football to start, Brian Hoyer was constantly labelled a career backup. Technically he WAS, as he spent three years behind Patriots QB Tom Brady. I don’t think people realize the significance of that. Tom Brady is a damn good QB. He studies his ass of. Hoyer learned that from Brady and he’s an extremely smart QB because of it.

The Texans have benched their QB1, Alan from the Hangover Ryan Fitzpatrick…

Ryan Fitzpatrick

… to see what they have in QB Ryan Mallett, who has been a career backup thus far after spending three years studying under, you guessed it, Tom Brady!

Mallett has only thrown four passes in real NFL games. All were when he came in for Brady when the Patriots were dominating some games in 2012. His career stats are 1 for 4 for 17 yards and an interception. He has a super strong arm, though. Clearly it’s a well rested arm!

To me, it seems like the only thing Hoyer and Mallett have in common is that they’ve prolly seen Tom Brady’s wife…

Gisele Bundchen Ass

… Gisele Bundchen, a bit more up close and personal than the rest of us have.

The Browns defense can confuse opposing QBs. Just ask Andy Dalton, Ben Roethlisberger, Drew Brees and Mike Glennon.

If they put some pressure on Mallett I believe they can force him into some mistakes. It also looks like Texans RB Arian Foster might be out tomorrow with a groin injury so there goes Mallett’s security blanket!

I kinda suck at looking at playoff scenarios and calculating standings (I bet if I build a spreadsheet I’ll be awesome!). Anyway, I did some figurin’ and it looks like if when the Browns win tomorrow, the Bengals lose to the Saints, the Steelers lose to the Titans Monday night and some other shit bounces the Browns way, the Browns will solidify their first place in the AFC North and jump up to the third seed in the AFC. I think.

On the flip side, when if the Browns lose, Bengals and Steelers win and some other scenarios unfold that don’t favor the Browns, we fall to last in the AFC North and very possibly out of current playoff contention. I think.

It all begins with winning, though, folks!

Cleveland strings together a few more wins and what happens in other games affects the Browns less and less.

Oh yeah, we also get Pro Bowl WR Josh Gordon…

Cheech

… back next week! Woo hoo!

GO BROWNS!

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