Monthly Archives: December 2014

Monday Moanin’ ~ Bengals 30 @ Browns 0…

Manziel Face Palm

Well there ya have it fools! Ya wanted to see what Johnny Manziel could do and now ya know. Nothing.

That was horrible. Yeah, Manziel IS a rookie, but holy crap…

I’m not gonna do a play by play on the game, but there are a few things I want to touch on that Manziel fans don’t wanna talk about.

Preparation

I’ve heard stuff coming out of the Browns locker room that Manziel did everything he needed to do during the fourteen weeks he sat on the bench. He did nothing wrong. Apparently the week leading up to this game was the first week Manziel went above and beyond; studied a lot, came in early and stayed late. Why just this week and not every week?

Poise

Dude’s got none. You can see in his face he was rattled early on. The best QBs in the league are generally pretty stone faced whether they’re playing good or bad. At the end of this GIF Manziel appears to be someone shitting who ate really hot wings the night before.

Manziel

Ouch!

Execution

People were freaking out last week that our previous starting QB was throwing off the back of his feet, ya know, ripping his fundamentals! There were a few times yesterday Manziel totally scrapped the fundamentals and leaped before throwing.

Size

He’s short at 5’11” and just looks tiny overall. That concerns me a lot. If he’s gonna be the future QB of this team he’s gotta be incredibly smart or he’ll get injured.

Alright, so Manziel totally blew it yesterday, but I told you all a few excuses I wouldn’t accept because they were shit the previous starting QB was dealing with all season.

A lot of people are saying the defense stunk it up. Yeah, they DID give up a seven minute TD drive to the Bengals to start the game. LB Bark Mingo extended that drive with a stupid roughing the passer penalty.

Manziel’s offense couldn’t stay on the field for much more than 2 minutes after that drive so the defense got tired. Stupid Browns fans think these defenders are super human and fatigue is not an issue.

When an offense has nine possessions and goes three and out on six of ’em for 18 plays and 17 yards that’s an offensive problem so ya can’t blame the defense for getting gassed.

More WRs dropped a few more passes yesterday, but that shit’s been happening all year.

Special Teams didn’t do us any favors getting us in good field position to start drives and that sucks, but Manziel couldn’t get us near the redzone or even close enough for new K Garrett Hartley to attempt a FG.

Having said all that, I’m a Browns fan so I have to support Manziel as QB1.

I still feel like Coach Pettine was pressured by owner Jimmy Haslam and GM Ray Farmer to start Manziel.

As a whole, Cleveland’s offense isn’t designed for a scrambling QB like Manziel, so Johnny pretty much got thrown into the fire yesterday.

Unfortunately, he showed no signs of being a competent NFL QB. Both Manziel and his team need to work a lot of shit out to succeed.

I really miss Brian Hoyer right now. ❤

GO BROWNS!

99% of Browns Fans Don’t Get it. Those People are Going Off this Morning…

Manziel Jersey

I got up this morning pretty excited for today’s Bengals @ Browns game and, within 5 minutes, the national, local and social media pissed me off.

All they’re talking about is Johnny Manziel. I understand the kid was great at Texas A&M and the national media jumped all over him; eventually awarding him the Heisman Trophy.

This is the NFL, however, so the stakes are WAY higher. Cleveland remains in the playoff hunt, though barely.

Rookie QBs make mistakes, so Manziel is deserving of a few mulligans today for his first start.

It would be nice if all these forms of media would talk about the ENTIRE Browns offense, ’cause Manziel can’t do it all on his own.

God I hope Manziel does well, but there are excuses I won’t accept if he doesn’t. They include:

  • The offensive line breaking down.
  • WRs dropping passes.
  • A dysfunctional Special Teams missing field goals.

Those three things plagued this team all the way through its 7-6 record thus far. Someone had to be the fall guy. It’s much easier to bench Brian Hoyer than fix the O line or WR corps or special teams.

Having said that, I will give credit where credit is due! If Manziel does well today I’ll point that out.

I’d like to mention some other guys who play on the Browns offense who, outside of WR Cheech Marin Josh Gordon, prolly didn’t get mentioned today.

Offensive Line

  • Joel Bitonio
  • John Greco
  • Ryan Seymour
  • Joe Thomas
  • Mitchell Schwartz

Running Backs

  • Isaiah Crowell
  • Terrance West

Wide Receivers/Tight Ends

  • Jordan Cameron
  • Jim Dray
  • Travis Benjamin
  • Taylor Gabriel
  • Andrew Hawkins

This is the ultimate team sport folks. The above mentioned players let QB Brian Hoyer down at times so now he’ll be watching the game from the sideline.

I just hope they all pull together with Manziel to continue this playoff run!

GO BROWNS!

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow – Bengals @ Browns!

Manziel Down

It’s official… Johnny Manziel has been named the starter for tomorrow’s game.

Yeah, I called him by his name because I won’t insult QB1 as others have done to Brian Hoyer, so no more Johnny Fuckface, Johnny Jerkoff or Johnny Snorting Coke off a Strippers Ass.

I won’t call him Johnny Football, though, until he shows me he can play NFL football.

When the news broke on Tuesday I was furious. After a few days of digesting this information, however, I’ve calmed down a bit.

I have the utmost respect for Brian Hoyer and the fact that he got this team to 7-6! He’s a great kid and an amazing student of the game. In my opinion, it’s not his fault the offense has struggled for a month. Football is the ultimate team sport and his offense has let him down lately; plain and simple.

Thanks for what you’ve done for this franchise, Brian!!

I believe the change at QB has less to do with Hoyer’s performance than it did to give the Browns front office (Read: Jimmy Haslam & Ray Farmer) a chance to evaluate their second 1st round pick from May’s draft.

It’s a huge long shot for us to make the playoffs this year so now’s the time to see if Manziel is truly the QB of the future of if they need to draft another QB in May. God I hope they don’t have to…

Unfortunately, 99% of Browns fans are incredibly stupid so they think this switch is to help us win the last three games and have a shot at the playoffs.

It’s not.

Cleveland’s in experiment mode now. They’re done with this season. Ya know how I know?

Everyone’s looking at the QB position but K Billy Cundiff has been horrible in 6 of 13 games this year, two of which coulda been wins instead of losses had he done his damn job and put the ball through the uprights.

Cundiff’s job is secure, however, so the goal is not to win games.

A team doesn’t just bench a QB who is above .500, while on a potential playoff run, for a rookie unless it’s merely for evaluation purposes.

Regardless… enter Johnny Manziel. Dude had an awesome college career. You can look it up, I’m not gonna go through the numbers here. He won the Heisman as a freshman; the first ever to do so. Keep in mind, though, the media makes the Heisman winner.

Wanna know about Johnny’s college career? The 99% of Browns fans who know nothing about football will tell you all about it while masturbating! School sports don’t matter at this level.

The 1%, like myself? We’ll tell you he hasn’t committed himself to this team. You all can look that stuff up too. He likes to party. He thinks super stardom comes before, not after, one plays and is successful at a high level. He’s wrong.

None of the above matters any more because this kid is now QB1 for our Cleveland Browns. I’m a Browns fan and I want to see them win; I don’t care who they are! I’ve never had player jerseys because players are no longer loyal… I’m a fan of the team!

So what needs to happen tomorrow?

Defense

The D needs to beat up Bengals QB Dalton like they did in Week 10. There needs to be constant pressure! Dalton will make mistakes. We sacked him twice picked him off 3 times in week 10! Our defensive backfield needs to shut down the Cincy WRs, especially AJ Green who had a huge game against Pittsburgh last week.

Some run defense would be nice, too! Fortunately, this defense remembers the shit talking Bengals RB Jeremy Hill did after the last game. We also have to contend with RB Giovani Bernard, who was injured for the first meeting.

Special Teams

We still don’t have a legitimate kick returner. I believe tiny Travis Benjamin will take one to the house!

Our coverage team is pretty consistent; hopefully they’ll remain so tomorrow.

K Billy Cundiff is an ass. He sucks. I’ve no faith in him. Neither does the team. He needs to go but must have pictures of Coach Pettine banging one of  Johnny Manziel’s strippers so he can keep his job.

Offense

No. Fucking. Clue.

Our rookie QB is one of those scrambling QBs like Russell Wilson, Michael Vick or Colin Kaepernick, except 100% whiter than Wilson  and Vick and like 34% whiter than Kaepernick.

This game will be 100% on offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan. An offensive line that has been struggling since the loss of  Pro Bowl C Alex Mack two months ago will now have to try to block for a dude that will be running around in the backfield. I understand that’s pretty difficult.

Rookie QBs throw interceptions. One way to minimize the possibility of picks is to run the ball. In our week 10 victory over Cincinnati we went run crazy! West, Crowell and Tate ran a combined 48 times for 169 yards. Expect run heavy play calling tomorrow.

I’ve gotta imagine Shanahan will be running a simplified offense for Manziel since he struggles calling plays in the huddle.

Maybe eliminate the huddle here and there? Huh Shanahan? That shit works and it’s what this QB is good at!

There will be some read option and Johnny will run. He needs to run smart otherwise he’ll get crushed. His cocky attitude has gotten him a big ass bulls eye on his chest and defenders will be gunning for him.

And Johnny… your god damn money sign just screams douchebag…

Manziel Money

… I imagine you’re gonna keep doing it but how about limit it to when we’re ahead in the game? Please?

Like I said, it’s a loooooooong shot for us to make the playoffs. For starters, we need to win our last three games. We need a shit ton of help, though, as we’re currently the 12th seed in the AFC.

Four other teams are 7-6: Houston (@ IND), Miami (@ NE), Kansas City (OAK) and Buffalo (GB). They ALL need to LOSE so we can leap frog them up to the 8th seed!

THEN… we need Pittsburgh (@ ATL), San Diego (DEN) and Baltimore (JAX) to lose also!

UGH! It all starts with a Browns win, however!

GO BROWNS!

Monday Moanin’ ~ Colts 25 @ Browns 24… Week Two of the Potential Hoyer Benching.

Hoyer Colts

The Browns offense blew yet another game and it’s yet another week in which QB1 Brian Hoyer might lose his job.

Why?

Because apparently the QB must make ALL the plays and drag the team to a win according to the media and the stupid Browns fans…

Our defense was freakin’ awesome yesterday; held Colts QB Andrew Luck to his worst game of the season. We picked him off twice, forced him to fumble and sacked him 3 times for 25 yards. That defense scored 14 of our 24 points. Yeah, they gave up the final Colts drive that won the game but I ain’t hanging anything on the defense

Special teams was alright. The return game was average and the coverage game did a pretty good job.

K Billy Cundiff needs to be replaced this week. He sucks. No wonder the Ravens cut him. Dude missed another field goalad it was like is fifth in five games.

Like I said, the offense blew this one. Everyone wants to bench Hoyer and put in Johnny Jackass.

Why?

Hoyer’s stat line was horrible. He was 14/31 for 140 yards, no TDs and 2 picks. If ya take the time to really look at Hoyer’s performance, you’ll see that he did what he could with what he has.

I re-watched the game tonight and put all 34 of Hoyer’s dropbacks under a microscope. A quick summary:

Three times the offensive line broke down and Hoyer was forced to scramble.

Of the 17 times Hoyer missed while passing:

WRs recorded 5 drops, three of which were on critical 3rd downs.

2 times routes were half assed or ran incorrectly, once leading to an interception and the other preventing a 1st down.

There WERE three times where Hoyer truly fucked up.

Check it out for yourself. I color coded it for easy reading. If the text is blue, it means the offense or coaches messed up. If it’s red it means Hoyer blew it!

First half…

First Possession

  1. 1st and 10 – Completed screen pass to WR Josh Gordon for 9 yards.
  2. 2nd and 10 – Sacked. TE Jordan Cameron gets beat on block. Nobody open.
  3. 3rd and 7 – Incomplete pass to WR Josh Gordon who gave up on his route across the middle.

PUNT!

Second Possession

  1. 2nd and 15 after Joe Thomas false start penalty – 6 yard pass over the middle to WR Josh Gordon with Indy LB about to blast him.
  2. 3rd and 4 – Incomplete pass too high over middle to WR Andrew Hawkins. I thought he was throwing it away because everyone was covered.

PUNT!

Third Possession

  1. 2nd and 10 – Complete pass deep left to TE Jordan Cameron for 20 yards.
  2. 2nd and 6 – Intercepted in end zone. TE Jordan Cameron said he ran the wrong route.

Fourth Possession

  1. 3rd and 6 – Incomplete short left to WR Taylor Gabriel. Offensive line collapsed, Hoyer scrambled out of a sack and threw it away.

PUNT!

Fifth Possession

  1. 1st and 10 – Incomplete short left to TE Jim Dray, who dropped the ball.
  2. 3rd and 4 – Incomplete short left to WR Travis Benjamin. Hoyer didn’t have his feet set and the throw was off.

PUNT!

Sixth Possession

  1. 3rd and 5 – Complete pass short right to TE Jordan Cameron for 10 yards
  2. 2nd and 9 – Incomplete short right to WR Andrew Hawkins. Offensive line broke down and Hoyer was hit as he threw.
  3. 3rd and 9 – Incomplete short left to WR Travis Benjamin. Well placed ball bounced right off Benjamin’s chest.

K Billy Cundiff misses a 40 yard Field Goal… Woulda been up 10-0 had he made it.

Seventh Possession

  1.  1st and 10 – Complete pass short right to TE Jordan Cameron for 3 yards.
  2. 2nd and 7 – Incomplete deep middle to WR Taylor Gabriel. This one is on Hoyer. Clean pocket, no pressure and overthrew by almost 10 yards. Woulda been a TD had it been on the money and was caught. Browns “fans” begin booing.
  3. 3rd and 7 – Complete pass deep middle to WR Travis Benjamin for 27 yards. Nice pass under pressure and redemption!
  4. 3rd and 8 – Complete pass short right to WR Andrew Hawkins for 12 yards.
  5. 1st and 10 – Complete screen pass short left to Taylor Gabriel for 12 yards

Isaiah Crowell 9 yard TD run!! We’re up 14-7!

Second half…

Eighth Possession

  1.  1st and 15 after false start penalty on RT Mitchell Schwartz – Incomplete short left to WR Josh Gordon. Well placed ball bounced right off his hands.
  2. 3rd and 12 – Offensive line breaks down and everyone is covered downfield. Hoyer scrambles for 4 yards.

PUNT!

Ninth Possession

  1. 3rd and 7 – Incomplete short right to WR Travis Benjamin. Right on the money but the defender knocked it out.

PUNT!

Tenth Possession

  1. 1st and 10 – Incomplete deep right to WR Josh Gordon. This is a tough one. Hoyer just barely overthrew Gordon but Gordon didn’t put a ton of effort into going for the ball. We’ll blame Hoyer, though, ’cause he coulda put some touch on that pass.
  2. 2nd and 10 – Complete screen pass  right to WR Taylor Gabriel for 4 yards.
  3. 3rd and 6 – Complete pass short left to WR Andrew Hawkins for 3 yards. Poor play calling on this and the previous play.

PUNT!

Eleventh Possession

  1. 2nd and 7 – Complete pass to TE Jordan Cameron for 8 yards.
  2. 2nd and 7 – Complete pass to TE Jim Dray for 3 yards.
  3. 3rd and 4 – Incomplete pass short right to TE Jordan Cameron. Hoyer was a bit off target, but Cameron was interfered with and there was no flag.

PUNT!

Twelfth Possession

  1. 2nd and 11 – Complete pass short left to WR Andrew Hawkins for 3 yards.
  2. 3rd and 8 – Incomplete pass short right to WR Andrew Hawkins who was totally mugged on the play and there shoulda been a pass interference call. The ball still bounced off Hawkins’ arm.

Cundiff with a 39 yard field goal. We’re up 24-19 at this point.

Thirteenth Possession

  1. 2nd and 8 – Complete deep pass to WR Andrew Hawkins for 20 yards.
  2. 3rd and 7 – Hoyer throws a strike to WR Josh Gordon that initially appears to be a 14 yard 1st down. Nope. Gordon didn’t pull the ball in and it hit the ground. The play was challenged and overturned as an incomplete pass.

PUNT!

Indy goes on and puts together an 11 play, 90 yard TD drive to make the score 25-24 after a failed 2 point conversion. Cleveland has 32 seconds to do something.

Final possession

  1. 1st and 10 – Incomplete deep left to WR Josh Gordon. Had Gordon caught it we woulda had the ball at the Colts 28 yardline, but it went right through his hands.
  2. 2nd and 10 – Incomplete across the middle to WR Andrew Hawkins… was damn near picked off. Hoyer got hit after the play so we got 15 yards and a first down off a roughing the passer penalty.
  3. 1st and 10 – Hoyer throws a pick. WR Travis Benjamin was knocked down by a defender on the play, but there was no flag.

Ball game…

I really don’t care if Hoyer or Manziel is starting, I just want to win! Problem is, I believe the Browns are gonna give up on this season (yeah, a playoff berth would require the planets to align) and stick Manziel in to “see what he can do.”

I don’t like that mentality, because it means they’ve given up on this year while there’s still a slim chance to make the playoffs.

I don’t know what Manziel can do, because we haven’t seen any of him in the NFL other than a lucky garbage time TD drive against the Bills last week.

I know what he can’t do… He can’t read a playbook because he didn’t have one in school. They merely flashed him pictures that designated plays. He can’t call plays in the huddle either.

If the Browns decide to start Manziel for the next three games they will have totally given up on this season and will need to strip down their offense to fit in that degenerate.

Be smart Browns! Keep Hoyer in!

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Colts @ Browns!

Cleveland Browns v Buffalo Bills

I hate being wrong!

After the Browns offense (NOTE: I said OFFENSE; not blaming any one player here) stunk it up against the Bills last week and owner Jimmy Haslam coach Pettine benched QB1 Brian Hoyer for Ryan Leaf Johnny Manziel, I incorrectly ASSumed that Hoyer was done for the season.

Boy am I glad I was wrong this time!

On Wednesday, the Browns announced that Hoyer is starting tomorrow against the Indianapolis Colts.

This is a good decision. The team HAD to stick with the guy that got them to 7-5!

I know I’m beating a dead horse here but whatever… this offense has more issues than just at QB.

  1. We lost Pro Bowl C Alex Mack in week 6. That has directly affected both pass and run blocking.
  2. We lost Pro Bowl TE Jordan Cameron in week 7. That throws the passing game off. TEs Barnidge and Dray have filled in respectably, but Barnidge is now out with a rib injury.
  3. Pro Bowl WR Josh Gordon returned from a 10 game pot smoking suspension a couple weeks ago and still isn’t on the same page with the rest of the offense.

99% of Browns fans are pretty stupid and don’t realize how much those three issues can handcuff an offense.

All those fools jerked off in unison when Manziel took the field. They wanted to see what he could do against a Bills defense that hadn’t gameplanned for him and  whose team was up 20-3 with 12 minutes left in the game.

Manziel’s stats? 5 of 8 passing for 63 yards, 2 rushes for 13 yards and a TD. I will say this (Shhhh… don’t tell anyone): Manziel’s first drive looked pretty okay. In 3:14 he carried the Browns 80 yards in 8 plays for a TD. Dude rolls out incredibly fast and gets rid of the ball somewhat quickly.

He’s a dumbass, though.

He threw a pass into coverage to TE Jim Dray that was damn near deflected/intercepted, but caught, and all the Manziel sheep thought it was awesome. It wasn’t. Here’s a still shot of right before hew threw (click to embiggen)…

Douche

… RB Terrance West has his left hand up because he’s open… big time! If ya watch the play in real time, Manziel is totally locked on to Dray the entire time and doesn’t even see West come free off his block. There wasn’t a Bills defender within 10 yards of West; woulda been a nice TD.

Fortunately, 2 plays later Johnny Fuckface scrambled for a 10 yard TD.

UNfortunately, the idiot dove head first, white Michael Vick style, into the endzone; got hit by one of the Bills on the way in. Then he did that God awful money sign shit to celebrate…. you don’t celebrate like that when your team is losing asshole!

Manziel will never finish a complete game running like that.

On his second drive he went 4 plays for 9 yards and turned the ball over on downs. He actually got hit and fumbled on third down but the NFL wants to see Manziel succeed no matter what officials reversed the fumble call and said it was an incomplete pass. It was a fumble.

Don’t get me wrong folks, I wanna see the Browns win and get into the playoffs. I couldn’t care less who’s playing QB when that happens. Manziel ain’t the one, though.

Contrary to any excitement expressed by Browns players about Manziel providing a “spark” in last week’s loss, tiny WR Travis Benjamin had this to say about the nitwit:

We just figure, as receivers, we have to work more. If Johnny comes in the huddle and he pronounces the play wrong, we’ve got to make sure we correct it. We’ve got to make sure we correct him. Offensive linemen, tight ends, all the receivers, all the running backs, we’ve just got to make sure we’ve got to be in form when he’s in the game

Case. Closed. Manziel can’t call a freakin’ play! Hoyer’s the one!

So what about tomorrow? Shit… This might be our toughest game this year.

Colts QB Andrew Luck might be a dork but, damn, he sure can play football! He plays like Pittsburgh’s Ben Roethlisberger, except he’s faster, has a fully functioning brain and he’s never raped any women.

The Browns defense needs to pressure Luck all damn game! That dude gets too comfy and he’s  gonna throw for 400+ yards on us!

Colts RB Trent Richardson, who the Browns traded away a couple years ago, implied that he’s gonna run all over us ’cause we didn’t believe in him. He averages like 36 yards a game. Shut his ass down and don’t let him break some NFL record tomorrow.

Also look forward to other ex-Browns to try to beat us up tomorrow. Joshua Cribbs, D’Qwell Jackson and Mike Adams hope to make some sorta statement.

Just don’t let ’em Browns!

Hey Coach Pettine, if you’re reading this, how about we see some no huddle/hurry up offense tomorrow? That shit works; it’s not used nearly as often enough!

Tomorrow’s game is a must win if we’re gonna keep our playoff hopes alive.

GO BROWNS!

Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 10 @ Bills 26 ~ R.I.P. Brian Hoyer…

Manziel

There ya have it folks! Stick a fork in him because it sounds like the Browns are gonna keep Brian Hoyer on the bench for the foreseeable future.

He got yanked early in the 4th quarter yesterday when we were down 20-3. QB2, Johnny Douchebag, went in, made a few plays and we still lost the game 26-10.

As a starter, Hoyer is 7-5 this year and as a backup, Manziel is 0-1.

Yeah, Hoyer had a shitty game yesterday. So did QBs Tony Romo, Colin Kaepernick, Cam Newton, Alex Smith, Jay Cutler and Derek Carr. Carr got benched for Matt Schaub, who was technically as good as Manziel, as the Raiders still lost.

Will any of those other QBs get benched?

Nope!

I saw quotes on Twitter from Browns coach Mike Pettine’s press conference today and it appears he’s done with Hoyer.

We’re 7-5 and still in the hunt for a playoff spot, but it sounded like coach Pettine has no faith in Hoyer any more. Dude said he’s gonna look at the film on both QBs and decide who will start Sunday when Indy comes to town.

Pettine has 15 games (what, some 900 minutes?) of film on Hoyer and 8 minutes on Manziel. Saying he has to look at film is merely a cop out…

I believe Browns owner Jimmy Haslam or GM Ray Fucking Farmer, both of whom have apparently sucked on Johnny Manziel’s dick because they drafted that asshole, have forced Pettine’s hand.

If Manziel finishes the season for Cleveland, we’ll end up with a 7-9 record.

If, somehow, the coaches and front office allow Hoyer to finish the season, we’ll prolly end up 10-6 and maybe have a shot at the playoffs.

It’s a long shot to make the playoffs, but handing the keys to the Browns to Johnny Manziel is a horrible decision.

Yesterday’s game was tough to watch, but that’s only because coach Pettine didn’t read my  last blog post in which I said to PASS on first down instead of run…

Cleveland had 31 chances from 1st down and ran on 19 (61%) of them for about 2.6 yards a carry. We became one dimensional on 1st down and the Bills put 8-9 defenders in the box to force Hoyer to throw the ball.

That’s bad coaching.

It sucks that Hoyer has to get beat up when we have issues WAY outside of QB!

GO BROWNS!