Category Archives: Cars

Change is a Comin’!

… and I don’t know if I’ll like it. Those who know me know I’m loyal, probably to a fault. I like the stability that comes when things DON’T change. Here’s a perfect example: pizza.

I ALWAYS get pizza from Marco’s. I just jump online, place my order and BOOM! Pizza’s here!

Then, the other night, my daughter wanted me to order pizza that is not from Marco’s. She wanted pizza from this place called Tommy’s. I hid the fact from her that I was freaking out inside but I couldn’t hold back my questions.

Do they deliver or do I have to pick it up? Can I order online? Do I have to pick up the phone and CALL? Is the pizza even any good? I have to set up yet another account, don’t I?

Brooke calmly said, “Quit freaking out and just order it!” That kid can see right through me!

I got online and found that the place is Tommy’s Pizza AND Chicken… and MORE, like appetizers, wings, soups, salads, subs, chicken, ribs and pasta! OH MY! They also list seafood, but I don’t think I’d try that delivered, and gluten free, which is just stupid!

Anyway, I believe that was the fastest I ever set up an online ordering account! I figured I’d start with just a pizza for now, then I saw the stromboli! Okay, pizza for the girls and stromboli for me! Thank God there wasn’t a “one of everything” button on the website. I wasn’t extremely happy with the 60 minute delivery window, but the stuff showed up in 35 minutes. It. Was. Delightful!

I’ve already forgotten about the other pizza joint I mentioned a few paragraphs ago!

Another big change is coming today. A couple weeks ago I talked about some of the challenges John Force Racing has faced over the last year and a half. Force is one tough son of a bitch and he’s not going down without a fight! Hell, he’s not going down.

Over the past several weeks he’s secured big sponsorship deals with Peak Antifreeze and Lucas Oil…

John Force Lucas

…to replace exiting sponsor Castrol Motor Oil. Forrest Lucas, founder and CEO of Lucas Oil Products, had this to say of the new partnership:

John Force is a guy I have admired for many, many years. In my opinion he made Castrol oil in this country. The fact that he became available was shocking to me. I see him partnering with us and it will be a huge economic boost for Lucas Oil around the world. It will be good for John Force Racing because it is more stability and I see this as a win-win situation. It will also be good for NHRA drag racing because it keeps John racing and we don’t have any intentions on leaving so it should be good for everybody.  Hopefully all the fans will keep coming back and using Lucas Oil.

There are not as many young people coming into NHRA as we would like to see but John has his beautiful daughters involved and they are doing a good job. He has given them good equipment and has good people working with them. Morgan grew up with the girls and they are all good friends. The fact that we are creating the second generation of drag racing leaders and we are not the only ones doing this but we have some of the top rising stars out there.

Today’s big change will be the announcement of who his vehicle manufacturer will be going forward.

John Force has had a partnership with Ford since 1997. Throughout those 17 years he’s delivered 10 of his 16 NHRA Funny Car titles to Ford Motor Company. Ford doesn’t care and will be gone after today.

There’s a lot of speculation about who he’s gonna partner up with. All the other nitro Funny Cars are sponsored by Toyota and Dodge. I just don’t see Force blending in with either of those manufacturers. I think he’s gonna go with Chevrolet. Maybe a “Camaro?”

I’m a Ford guy so I’m not excited about this change, but it’s not like Force had any choice, Ford forced his hand.

I’m sure I’ll be fine with whoever he partners up with. In the end, the manufacturer is merely wrapped on the car body. John Force Racing actually builds the cars from the ground up.

The 2014 NHRA season ends today with the Auto Club Finals from Auto Club Raceway in Pomona, California and the Funny Car Championship will be decided as 32 year old Matt Hagan leads 65 year old John Force by 22 points.

There are four rounds of racing in NHRA eliminations on Sunday. I struggle with the way eliminations are scored. Here’s how points are awarded:

Winner – 100
Runner-up – 80
Third round loser – 60
Second round loser – 40
First round loser – 20

Here’s how I see it. If Force and Hagan BOTH lose the first round, Hagan wins his second NHRA Funny Car Championship by 22 points.

If Force loses the first round and Hagan wins, Force is out of contention by at least 2 points.

If Hagan loses the first round and Force wins the first round, Hagan will be up 42 points as Force advances to the second round.

If Force loses in the second round he gains 40 points, but it won’t be enough as Hagan will have that 2 point advantage and win the Championship.

Basically, Force has to go two rounds deeper than Hagan to win his 17th Funny Car Title!

WHEW that was a lot… I prolly shouldn’t think out loud and type it in here because it’s confusing!

There is a potential controversy brewing here. In the first round John Force faces Bob Tasca. Bob’s not a teammate but a fellow Ford driver. If Force beats Tasca I’m certain people will be saying Tasca laid down so Force could advance.

We shall see!

C’MON JOHN WIN THIS SHIT!!!!

I Feel Bad for John Force… :(

Greased Lightning

The National Hot Rod Association is the governing body for drag racing. It was founded in 1951 by Wally Parks to “create order from chaos” and legitimize popular illegal racing…

…by taking it to a controlled, safer, environment with rules.

It’s a fascinating sport to watch! Oh yeah, it IS a sport! Without a doubt the best motorsport, in my opinion!

I’ve had people rip on me for watching it because it’s “just a couple cars going in a straight line.” Those same people can’t even properly operate a 200 HP street car. I’d love to see ’em try to wheel a 10,000 HP Dragster or Funny Car, especially when shit like THIS can happen:

Nope, not for me! I’ll leave it to the pros.

NHRA drag racing is a small, niche market sport. People love it or, as I mentioned above, people think it’s stupid! I’ve made no less than 20 people drag racing fans for life, however, over my 25 years being a fan! When I get them to a live event and they see their first Funny Car or Dragster race, they’re hooked!

I didn’t realize just how small the NHRA is, from a revenue standpoint, until I researched it today. The NHRA generates about $150 million in revenue a year. That sounds respectable until you compare it to the $10 BILLION a year NFL. Back in 2006, the NHRA was sold for $121 million. The shitty NFL Buffalo Bills just sold for $1.4 BILLION!

Alright, it’s not fair to compare drag racing to the NFL, so lets try a motorsports comparison. NASCAR brings in $3.1 BILLION a year!

Why is the NHRA such small beans? It’s not a lack of excitement, because drag racing is WAY better than NASCAR! It all boils down to TV money!

All stick and ball sports (NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL), and even NASCAR, are able to sign very lucrative TV and cable provider deals.

Why can’t the NHRA do the same?

It simply comes down to the live experience and the nature of drag racing. A full weekend of racing involves 4 rounds of qualifying over two days to set the field for 4 rounds of elimination on Sunday. Each day of drag racing takes anywhere from 6 to 8 hours. That shit just can’t be televised live. Cars break on the track and there’s a shit ton of down time when that happens.

“NASCAR cautions, after a crash, only take a few minutes to clean up the track so why does drag racing cleanup take so long?”

That’s a great question! Most NASCAR tracks are a mile or longer. The racing surface, while somewhat important for tire wear, isn’t as important as individual car setup. Oil dry can be used to clean up any chemicals spilled on the track, so it’s a quick cleanup!

The NHRA track is a beast of it’s own! It’s coated with a compound called PJ1 TrackBite. Shit’s sticky as hell! It’s the only way drag racing teams can maintain traction with the amount of HP they’re working with, especially the nitro teams. 10,000 HP will go up in smoke without PJ1.

If there’s any kind of liquid on the track after a car crashes or blows up, the NHRA has to essentially re-prepare the track, otherwise there could be severely dangerous conditions. That cleanup can take about 15 minutes!

Basically, NHRA events are too damn long to televise. Nobody’s gonna watch racing when there are 15 minutes of track cleanup after a car pukes oil all the way down the track. I’ve been to several Sunday elimination days and those days take about 6 hours to complete. The NHRA takes all the footage, cuts out the downtime and puts together a presentable 2-3 hour show which doesn’t air until 9:00 or later on Sunday.

Because of those issues, the NHRA can’t get those lucrative TV contracts that most other sports can.

Having said all that, NHRA teams have to rely heavily on corporate sponsorship to keep their very expensive teams afloat because they don’t have TV money to share. Last year I was all pissed off because two of John Force Racing’s sponsors, Ford and Castrol Oil, are pulling their money out of top level drag racing.

I can’t understand why sponsors are leaving John Force Racing. Of the last 23 years, John Force has won 16 Championships of his own and 2 others as a team owner! Anybody know of any team in any sport that has dominated 78% of a quarter century?

John is working hard to secure sponsors for upcoming seasons. I fear one of those sponsors will be freakin’ Toyota

This past week, however, shit took a turn for the worse for Team Force. Long time teammate and current tuner & crew chief of Force’s Castrol Mustang, Jimmy Prock, got fired.

Fuckface

Actually, that fucking whore Prock was making calls to other teams looking for a job after 16 years of gainful employment with John Force Racing. Force got a call from another owner as a heads up, confronted Prock about it and Prock said he was quitting after this season. Force let him go immediately.

John Force is 36 points away from his 17th championship with only two races to go. He had the following to say about moving forward without Jimmy Prock and I totally agree:

I am going after this championship and I am going after it with the people that will stay with me for the long haul. That is what I owe my sponsors and fans.  As much as I want No. 17, not even for a championship will I race with somebody that I know is leaving me.

This final quote by Force is what made me sad. He is, hands down, the best driver to ever wheel a car in the NHRA. He has helped to BUILD the NHRA over three decades. I go to races and the majority of the fans are clustered around the Force cars in the area known as Nitro Alley, where the teams tune their cars between rounds.

I am a big boy and I’m going to put this team back together. I am going to fight, win or lose. If we get No. 17, great, but if we don’t I know I will have gone down with people that believe in me, that trust in me and that will stand by me, not just in good times but in bad times. I am not just racing for this championship; I am racing for the next 10 years.

John Force shouldn’t be putting anything back together, because he’s the best ever.

And Away We Go!!!

Before I delve into today’s exciting subject matter I want to talk about some crazy shit that’s been going on this weekend. Over the years, I’ve gotten into some pretty heated debates with people about something as elementary as racetrack configuration.

See, when I was a die hard NASCAR fan, people who don’t know racing would make the ol’ comment about, “…. cars going around in circles.” Circles!

Circle

That there’s a circle, folks, and there ain’t a racetrack on the NASCAR circuit configured like that.

The majority of tracks NASCAR competes are what we call a tri-oval.

Tri Oval

Like that! Well, all that went out the window this weekend ’cause the boys, and that girl, are racin’ at Pocono Raceway in Long Pond, Pennsylvania.

Pocono

That, my friends, is a triangle! NASCAR calls it the Tricky Triangle because it has three very unique turns, all with different banking, and three unequal length straightaways. It’s CRAZY!

Also, for you tree huggers, notice that weird pattern  just off the shortest straightaway? That’s a 3 megawatt solar farm! Pocono is the world’s largest solar-powered sports facility! It also helps power 1,000 area homes! To keep it NASCAR, sheep are used to maintain the grass around the solar array!

Don’t look for Danica Patrick to do well here, today!

In other crazy racetrack configuration news, the NHRA is at Pacific Raceways in Kent, Washington.

Now drag racing never deviates from straight line racing because if ya try to turn a car at over 300 MPH shit’s gonna get ugly.

Pacific Raceways is crazy in that the drag strip actually shares the start/finish portion of the road course.

pacificraceways

 

I drew a blue line to help you identify the drag strip!

Look for Courtney Force to have another good day and potential 6th career win! She’s qualified 2nd behind her Dad!

I will be watching BOTH of these events today.

What I’m REALLY looking forward to, however, is the beginning of the NFL season tonight! Oh, I know, it’s the beginning of the PRE-season. But practice football is WAY better than no football!

Tonight’s game, at 8:00 EST, is Giants vs. Bills from Canton, Ohio for the Hall of Fame Game! Ya know, I’ve lived in Ohio for 41 years and have never been to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I need to change that!

The Browns start their preseason next Saturday, August 9th, when they travel to Detroit to play the Lions.

Cleveland had their annual Family Day team scrimmage. There were almost 21,000 in attendance! I don’t want to take too much from that practice, because it was just that.

The QB competition continued with Brian Hoyer going 7 of 11 passing for 56 yards. Johnny Fucking Football was 3 of 7 for 14 yards, but he scrambled for 23 more total yards. Manziel looked like a rookie. Hoyer struggled at times too.

This offense scares me a bit, but it’s only preseason so who cares?

Our defense dominates! They’ve done so pretty much every day of practice thus far! I’m really excited about that entire unit! They scored two touchdowns from interceptions while the offense could only put up two field goals.

Saturday against Detroit will be a bit better indicator, if only for a series or two.

Go Browns! Go Courtney! Go Brad Keselowski!

Driving is a Privilege, Not a Right…

Old Lady Driving

…This is true.

When you’re sixteen you have to pass tests, written and on the road, to receive your license.

These tests are to ensure that you know what the hell you’re doing before cruising around town in 2+ tons of potentially dangerous hardware. It’s not just for the “green” driver’s safety, but for everyone else on the road.

If you’re out drinkin’ and drivin’ or using drugs and doing the same and your driving seems impaired, you’re gettin’ pulled over and your ass gets kicked. Your driving privileges get revoked until you satisfy the requirements of your license suspension. That’s fair.

What if you’re out driving and you’re swerving, driving too slow and not obeying traffic signals… but not under the influence of alcohol or drugs? What if you’re just too damn old to be safely operating a motor vehicle? I believe you should be pulled over and cited for erratic driving… then you should take the driving tests again to retain your license. I know that sounds mean, but…

…While on the way home from work today, I got stuck behind this car that was going maybe 20 in a 35 MPH zone. I kinda hung back because this car went a bit left of center a couple times, causing 4 cars in the opposing lane to slow down or get the hell outta the way to avoid a head on collision. After we got stuck at a red light, the car just sat there several seconds when the light turned green and then proceeded to go straight… out of the turning lane, damn near causing an accident with the car across the way that was attempting a left hand turn.

The driver of that dangerous, potentially life threatening, car? FIVE near misses?

A little old lady, I’m figurin’ somewhere between 60 and 70 years old.

Here are behaviors typically exhibited by some drivers who are becoming “long in the tooth”:

  •  Decline in visual functions (rapid tracking of a moving target) ~ .02
  • Decline in ability to perform two tasks at the same time (divided attention)
  • Reduced coordination ~ .05
  • Difficulty steering
  • Reduced Response to emergency driving situations
  • Lack of concentration ~ .08
  • Short term memory loss
  • Speed control
  • Impaired perception
  • Reduced ability to maintain lane position and brake appropriately ~ .1
  • Substantial impairment in vehicle control, attention to driving task, and in necessary visual and auditory information processing ~.15

Oh SNAP! Those bullets represent the progression of blood alcohol concentration (BAC) and it’s predictable effects on driving straight from the Centers for Disease Control.

The corresponding numbers are BAC% ranging from 1 to 4 drinks in an hour for most men and women.

You’r totally lying if you say you read that list and didn’t recall seeing an old person behind the wheel suffering from one, and more commonly several, of those symptoms.

Just because Granny or Paps has been driving for 50-60 years shouldn’t give them an automatic free pass or an undisputed right to drive!

Impaired driving is dangerous, regardless of whether it’t youth, lack of youth or alcohol and/or drug related.

‘Lil Bit of Women Racin’ Cars News!

NHRA LOGO

Oh hey folks! I’m still alive… been writing a lot just haven’t published anything recently, or at the frequency you were used too!

If you’re a regular reader of For Shiggles, you prolly realized that this became more of a platform to bash NASCAR “driver” Danica Patrick than anything else.

I probably shouldn’t do that any more because I’m starting to feel bad for her. She is horrible! She’s Kyle Petty horrible! Wait… no. Kyle Petty won NASCAR races; 8 out of 829 tries to be exact. Round up a bit and that’s a 1% win rate.

Dear Danica’s won 0 out of 66 tries in NASCAR’s premier series. Problem with math is that ya can’t round up from 0.00000 to make the numbers look pretty.

Danica is like the fat kid on your daughter’s softball team who has no right attempting to play at a high level, but does so because her Dad’s the coach.

I take that back. Danica is, at face value, a slightly above average looking woman with a somewhat decent ass and perky tits who can drive a race car better than a good portion of the world’s population… but not the NASCAR population.

In my opinion her primary sponsor, GoDaddy.com, needs to cut their marketing losses from the last three years and move on to a driver who can produce… even marginally. There’s not much better than a NASCAR driver in Victory Lane, or one who can consistently finish in the top five or even top ten!

I have an extensive background in sales, and can sell the best product with ease. When marketing, however, misallocates their funds, that is truly money wasted, and I imagine GoDaddy will be reeling from this for years to come.

Enough about shitty drivers and marketing money thrown down the drain…

NHRA drag racing phenom, Courtney Force, won her fifth career race yesterday since the beginning of the 2012 season. Check it out (She’s in the left lane):

She’s now won 5 of 63 events or an 8% win rate and, yet, Ford and Castrol Oil (major sponsors of parent company John Force Racing) are leaving after this season.

That’s a bunch of bullshit!

Courtney still has a chance to win the championship this year and, yet, her sponsors are leaving while GoDaddy stands by their shitty “driver.”

Kinda makes me sick….

What to Watch Today instead of Go Karts, NASCAR and Drag Racing!

Hoo boy! Today is a big day for auto racing if you’re into that kinda shit!

The 98th Indianapolis 500 is today. It features really fucking fast go karts. I’m talkin’ 240 MPH fast. Some dude named Ed carpenter won the pole position with a lap speed of 231.067!

Also noteworthy is that NASCAR god/bad guy, Kurt Busch, is participating in today’s 500 then flying to Charlotte for some good ol’ fashioned NASCARin’!

Kurt didn’t do so well in practice the other day…

Kurt Busch

… He wasn’t hurt and was actually relieved that he crashed, as he was still figuring out the car, during practice and not in the race.

There is a lot  of pageantry leading up to this race.

  1. Martina McBride will be performing America the Beautiful.
  2. Carol Brady Florence Henderson will be performing God Bless America.
  3. Taps will be played.
  4. LeAnn Rimes, who needs to eat a damn burger, will perform the national anthem.LeAnn Rimes Bikini
  5. Gomer Pyle Jim Nabors is gonna sing a son called Back Home Again in Indiana.
  6. There will be a BALLOON SPECTACLE released on the starting grid!
  7. A car race.

I never really got into this type of racing because I can’t pronounce most of the drivers’ French sounding names and I can’t understand JuanPabloMontoya!

If Kurt Busch doesn’t crash, he’ll race for 500 miles and then fly 575 miles to Charlotte for NASCAR’s Coca Cola 600! That’s 1,100 miles of racin’ and 2,400 left turns if he completes both races! Dude prolly won’t be able to walk straight for a few days!

Always “noteworthy” when there’s a NASCAR race is that Danica Fucking Patrick will be in it. Two weeks ago, the media collectively ejaculated because she finished 7th at Kansas! Did you guys know that 7th place is the 6th LOSER?

She’s got a fantastic ass, though…

Danica

… which is prolly why the media was jerkin’ it!

Danica fast fact: Did you know that in 9 years, and 233 events, of professional racing, dear Danica has not won on American soil? That’s right, back in 2008 she won an IndyCar race in Japan… on fuel strategy!

If ya wanna check out women who actually WIN races you need to tune in to the NHRA action from Topeka, Kansas tonight at 10:00 EST on ESPN2! In 63 years of drag racing, women have won 99 national events. It’s possible today for them to hit that milestone 100th win!

Sisters Courtney (Funny Car) and Brittany (Top Fuel Dragster) Force qualified #1 in their respective classes and are poised to get that big 100th win!

That’s a first in NHRA history!

A special shout out to reader Elaine for allowing me to use her Xfinity login information so I can watch drag racing live instead of waiting ’til 10:00 pm!

If you’re not interested in any of this, there is a Rocky marathon today on ION. I’m sure that Saving Private Ryan is on today as well. I may check that out so I can start crying like a bitch 12 seconds into the movie!

It’s also really nice outside, so get out there! Walk your dog, ladies do some nude sunbathing!

What to Watch Today Instead of NASCAR!

Today, I’m not gonna waste any time talking about a bikini model posing as a race car driver…

Danica in My Car

Although bikini models are important, even to promote NASCAR, they’re certainly not necessary!

Oh yeah… there’s no NASCAR racin’ today, by the way. That shit was last night at Darlington Raceway for the Bojangles’ Southern 500!

Speaking of Bojangles’ Chicken… Best. Chicken. Ever! Last July, For Shiggles reader Elaine and I took our families to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, just 70 miles from Darlington, for what I can only explain as the best week of my life!

One day, while trying to think of what to do for dinner instead of taking the time to make dinner, we hit up Bojangles’! Awesome! KFC doesn’t even come close!

This tune reminds me of that week…

Stay tuned because, in just under three months, we might just beat that summer with this summer’s vacation and some time spent on the bacteria infested shores of Lake Erie!

Okay, back to racin’! Kevin Harvick won last night’s Southern 500…

Harvick Win Darlington

It’s not very often you’ll see me rootin’ for a Chevrolet driver because of my Ford background, but I like Kevin Harvick. He’s a dickhead, a great driver and by all appearances, a generally nice guy!

He’s the first repeat winner in the Sprint Cup series this year.

I want to take a minute to talk about the Nationwide Series, specifically 18 year old Chase Elliott…

Chase Elliott

… the son of ’88 NASCAR Champion Bill Elliott… a.k.a. Awesome Bill from Dawsonville!

Chase won Friday night at Darlinton and last week at Texas. In 7 races so far, he has 6 top 10s, 3 of which are top 5’s. His only “bad” finish was 15th at Daytona; which ain’t bad at all!

Including Nationwide, Chase has competed in 4 NASCAR sanctioned series for a total of 45 races since he was 15. He’s won 4 times and finished in the top 10 30 times. That’s some impressive consistency!

I’d say he’s gonna be good but he already is. This kid is gonna be a beast!

With no NASCAR to waste time on today I can get out and enjoy this beautiful day and take in my daughters’ sports… Got a rugby match and a soccer game!

WAIT! There IS racing today… That would be the NHRA and the ridiculous 4-Wide Nationals…

Hight-NHRA-Four-Wide-Final

… at zMAX Dragway in Charlotte, NC! That’s 40,000 horsepower right there… more power than the entire NASCAR 43 car field!

Today could be another big day for the ladies of the NHRA. More HERE but since 1974, 14 women have won a combined 98 national events! This could be the day they hit the 100 mark!

The owners of 12 of those trophies are racing today:

  • Erica Enders-Stevens with 7 Pro Stock wins! Leads the points!
  • Courtney Force with 3 Funny Car wins! 6th in points!
  • Alexis Dejoria with 2 Funny Car wins this year! 3rd in points!

Kinda lookin’ forward to watching it, though I’m certain I’ll know the results pretty early on since they start racing at noon but the footage doesn’t air until 8:00 on ESPN2… 😦

YOU GO GIRLS!

What to Watch Today Instead of NASCAR!

A lot of people have noticed that I’m not much of a Danica Patrick fan. Maybe I should cut her some slack.

I mean, there are approximately 3 billion men and women on this planet of prime NASCAR age which I determined to be ages 20-49.

There are 77 active drivers in NASCAR’s premier Sprint Cup Series. That means only .0000026% of the population have the ability to do race car drivin’ in NASCAR!

That percentage goes down quite a bit when ya figure only 43 make the race every week.

Ya know what? NO! Danica sucks!

I was almost gonna call her the Kyle Petty of today’s NASCAR, but that would be way off base. Yeah, they both have long hair, big names and small skills but at least Kyle has been to victory lane 8 times out of 885 races in NASCAR’s top three series, netting him a win percentage of .9 whereas Danica has won 0 out of 113 races for a 0.00000000000000000000000000 win percentage.

Of the 47 drivers who went to Texas Motor Speedway this weekend to try to get in to today’s race, ten of ’em, that includes Danica, have not won a race in any of NASCAR’s top three series. Four of them are rookies, so they don’t count.

Here is the list of the six shittiest drivers in today’s NASCAR based on wins…

6.) Danica Patrick, age 32 and 0 for 113 
5.) Landon Cassill, age 25 and 0 for 191
4.) Josh Wise, age 31 and 0 for 216
3.) Michael McDowell, age 29 and 0 for 243
2.) David Stremme, age 37 and 0 for 341
1.) J.J. Yeley, age 37 and 0 for 380
 

Five of those drivers are on sorta crappy, underfunded teams. Danica drives for Stewart-Haas Racing, which is well funded and receives technical support and engines from one of the top teams in NASCAR, Hendrick Motorsports.

Whatever… let’s talk about some race car drivin’ women who are not just good at what they do, but they excel.

These are drag racin’ girls of the NHRA!

Last weekend during qualifying at The Strip at Las Vegas, my girl Courtney Force broke the track speed and E.T. record going 325.37 MPH in 4.006 seconds. That speed is faster than any funny car driver has ever gone.

Unfortunately, she was eliminated in the second round.

Alexis DeJoria was NOT eliminated and went on to win in funny car!

Alexis DeJoria Las Vegas

I’m not a big fan of Alexis because she drives a Toyota…

Patron funny car

… but it’s the Patrón XO Cafe Toyota so she gets a pass… Ever try that XO Cafe stuff? Delightful… tastes like coffee!

Additionally, Alexis won in Phoenix earlier this year and is third in funny car points!

Also victorious last week was Erica Enders-Stevens in pro stock!

Erica Enders-Stevens Las Vegas Win

Her runner-up finish a few weeks ago and last weeks win in the Elite Motorsports Camaro…

Enders-Stevens Camaro

… have put her at the top of the pro stock points!

Great job ladies!

Force Dejoria Stevens

… Unfortunately, the NHRA is idle this weekend, so I don’t have THAT to look forward to…

I do have rugby to watch. Alexis’ first game is today and boy are they disorganized! The game was originally at 11:30. Then it was changed to 1:00. Then 12:15-ish is what she just told me. Ugh!

The 3-2 Indians play today; they have the 2-3 Minnesota Twins in town… if you’re in to baseball. I am not!

The Wolf of Wall Street is On Demand. I’ve heard that’s pretty good, so I might check it out!

And Hulk is on TBS!

Or go to the bar!

Decisions, decisions!

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, folks!

What to Watch Today Instead of NASCAR!

I will always give credit where credit is due and dear Danica deserves some right now! Somehow, she ran well last week in California and managed a 14th place finish on the lead lap!

To celebrate one of her epic top twenty finishes (8 in 51 Sprint Cup races!) here is a shot of her highness in the GoDaddy firesuit…

Danica Patrick Makeup

… and with the GoDaddy Chevrolet SS at Daytona…

Danica-Patrick-Daytona-500

Maybe I should quit picking on Danica. I mean, she hasn’t crashed in two weeks and is trying really hard

Nope… I won’t stop picking on her until she gets good… if that ever happens!

Oh no! The national media is poking fun at her too. I just found an article with the headline: Danica Patrick has rare start near front at Martinsville

Martinsville Speedway

That’s right folks! The Sprint Cup Series is at Martinsville Speedway today and if you check her stats, Danica is a little less shitty at Martinsville versus other tracks. Last year, she started 32nd in the spring race here and finished 12th! In the fall she started 41st and finished 17th!

Today she’s qualified 10th! Woo hoo! Ya know what that means? She’s gonna win today! Absolutely nothing!

In my opinion, since I have so much experience driving a race car, she’s in a tough position starting near the front with so many good drivers like Kyle Busch, Hamlin, Logano, Johnson, Gordon, Kenseth, Stewart, Edwards and Mcmurray… I don’t count Stewart,

Mad Fat Stewart

because he’s her boss and might cut her some slack, or he could wreck her if he has one of his hissy fits!

Anyway, I believe starting from the rear at Martinsville, and picking off slow cars driven by shitty drivers, is the safest strategy for Danica… I guess we shall see!

If ya don’t wanna enjoy the NASCAR fun today, I believe there is more college basketball on today. Actually, I KNOW there is more stupid basketball on.

See, the NHRA returns this weekend to Las Vegas!

Strip-Sign

I really want to watch this! See, yesterday, in the final round of qualifying my girl Courtney Force, who is actually a fantastic race car driver who WINS RACES, set the track record for both elapsed time and speed; going 325.37 MPH in 4.006 seconds! That 325.37 MPH is also the fastest a funny car has ever gone, male or female!

Eliminations start in a couple hours, but it won’t air ’til later. That is common for NHRA events, because there is so much down time it is normally aired tape delay, so all the down time is cut out. Usually it airs at 8:00 on ESPN2, but because of women’s college basketball today, it won’t air ’til 11:00 pm tonight! UGH! I’m gonna have to get a nap today so I can stay up and watch it!

Oh and ESPN, fuck you! ESPN has this website, ESPN3.com, that allows ya to view events, like NHRA races, streaming live. Yeah, ya have to view all the down time and the commentators come and go, but it’s live! Well that solution is gone. Apparently, ESPN got in bed with Time Warner Cable and you can only watch ESPN3 if you have a Time Warner Cable account. I have DirecTV so I’m screwed!

Also on TV, right now, is A Few Good Men… one of my favorite Tom Cruise movies before he went bat shit crazy! Here’s my favorite scene from it, and prolly one of the best scenes in any movie ever!

 

“YOU’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I DID!”

Enjoy your Sunday, folks!

Sexy Saturday ~ For Once, an Ass I Don’t Like!

Outside of a great personality, a sense of humor, loyalty, honesty, generosity, etc…

Pink Ass

…I sure do like a fantastic ass on a woman. Definitely my favorite physical feature!

As everyone knows, you just can’t be critical of any woman’s ass, at least not out loud!

So let’s shift gears a bit today and be critical of an ass that really doesn’t look too good.

That would be the 2015 Mustang. I’ve been seeing spy photos of this thing for the last year or so and haven’t been very impressed, because I really like the current body style..

2014 Front

… nice from the front…

2014 Rear

… and equally nice from the rear! It certainly isn’t as sexy as Eleanor, though it bears some resemblance…

Eleanor

Okay. I take that back! Not even close!

Ford has decided to mangle rework the body of the 2015, or 6th generation, Mustang.

I scraped some pictures of the thing from Ford’s website! So here goes…

wheel-detail

 

… the rims are definitely pretty!

The speedometer shows your ground speed which is nice!

speedometer

One thing I’ve struggled with is the new front end treatment.

front-end-tarmac

It looks a lot like a Fusion.

Fusion Front

C’mon, Ford, why make your sports car, the ultimate pony car, look like a grocery go getter? I understand a lot of automakers like to make their entire lineup look similar, but the real hot cars, like the Mustang, should stand out from the rest of the cars on the lot!

I have warmed up to this car a bit because, shot from the right angle, anything can look decent.

overhead

 

I just don’t like the ass end of this car for some reason.

desert-rear

It looks squashed and slanted all weird!

I like what ya did with the body lines and rear quarter flares but ya totally screwed up the rear treatment for this car Ford…

1965 Mustang

Now that’s a nice lookin’ ass! Remember that, Ford, when you re-engineer this car in several months because sales are down!

Other notable Mustangs for Sexy Saturday?

John Force’s, who is leading the NHRA Championship…

John Force Night

… or Trevor Bayne’s Mustang which is tied for the NASCAR Nationwide Series lead…

Bayne

… Even Carl Edwards’ Fusion is leading NASCAR’s premier Sprint Cup Series!

Edwards Fusion

… so Ford is kicking ass in all forms of four wheel motorsports!

Anyway… that is all the sexy Ford I can handle right now…

For the women, and men who like men, here’s the Australian engineered and Canadian built Holden car that Chevy likes to call a Camaro…

2010 Chevrolet Camaro

Not a Chevrolet… Not a Camaro until at least 2015 when it might be built here in the states!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, folks!