Category Archives: Cars

Navigating the road with other “Drivers”….

I consider myself an above average driver. In almost 24 years of driving I’ve lost control of my vehicle only twice; both times before the age of 18 and both times in this wonderful Ohio snow.

The first time, I think I was 16, I was driving my girlfriend home in a pretty good snowstorm and up ahead I saw what I thought was a raccoon or something… I swerved around it, it was actually a plastic bag, and the car turned sideways into a ditch…

The second time, and I believe it was only a few months later so maybe I was 17, my buddy Vince and I were coming back after tearing down the audio at the end of a wedding reception (Vince and I would help his girlfriend’s Dad, a DJ, set up his equipment before wedding receptions and then tear it down after) in a blizzard and I lost it in the snow, turning the front end of the car into the guardrail, effectively killing it!

Since then, all of my cars have been safe and uncrashed…. that includes an ’87 Mustang, a ’93 Mustang ragtop…

Mustang

…a ’97 F-150, an ’01 Focus, an ’03 Taurus (man I miss my Fords!) and my current ’08 Jetta!

Nowadays, cruisin’ around town is basically an exercise in protecting my Jetta, and its contents, from idiotic drivers on the road! Here are some types of drivers that aggravate me the most… in no particular order…

  1. What’s a Turn Signal? ~ These drivers are extremely dangerous! They’ll be driving ahead of me and, out of the blue, stab the brakes at a side street and turn! Every time, I’m like, “JESUS” and wanna chase ’em and wreck ’em! A variant of this type is the “late turn signal” driver. They’ll jam on the brakes, then hit the turn signal. I wanna hurt those ones too! What’s a Turn Signal?s also create mayhem where 4-way stop signs are involved.
  2. Slow Poke ~ These are usually old people. They go 17 in a 35 zone and hit the brakes every 12 seconds for some reason. Slow Pokes are usually a polar opposite to What’s a Turn Signal?s as they’ll hit the turn signal about 3 miles before they actually turn!
  3. The Accelerator ~ Grrrr… these ones really piss me off! They’re usually young punks in pimped out Asian cars. When turning onto a street, I see the oncoming car is about 300 feet away, so I turn in front of them… AND THEY ACCELERATE to ride up on my ass even though I turned with more than enough room! To combat those douchebags, oftentimes I’ll slow down and just let’em ride on my ass or, for even more fun, I’ll turn on my turn signal for a bit so they’ll fall back, then turn it off… Repeat… Repeat… A word of caution: NEVER brake check anyone, especially The Accelerator, because they’ll rear end you and ruin your shit!
  4. The Brake Checker ~ This is usually The Accelerator drivin’ slow in their cheap ass slammed Civic, thinkin’ people are checkin’ it out, though it can even be a Slow Poke… either way, if ya get too close they stand on the brakes with both feet hoping you rear end ’em. I’ve never met a The Brake Checker I didn’t want to decapitate!
  5. The Teenager ~ Need I say more? The only thing in their car they know how to operate is their cell phone.

That summarizes all the idiocy I encounter just driving around town… Once on the turnpike, the dynamic changes. See, I make pretty regular trips out to Hanover, PA, so I spend a lot of time on the Pennsylvania and Ohio turnpikes… Here are those offenders…

  1. Holiday Drivers ~ These drivers have no clue. Left lane, center lane, right lane… it doesn’t matter! They’re all over the freakin’ highway, normally changing Spongebob Squarepants DVDs for their kids while not paying attention to the road. The only times I’ve seen accidents on the turnpikes is around a holiday. Go figure…
  2. High Speed Lane Hoggers ~ These are the idiots who get in the left lane and set their cruise at the posted speed limit, which nobody adheres to! Holiday Drivers always do this because they don’t understand that whole “slower traffic stay to the right” thing. When it’s not a holiday, Michigan and Indiana drivers are the biggest offenders…
  3. Low Speed Lane Hoggers ~ These fuckers hang in the right lane at about 140 miles an hour. They’re usually from The Accelerator crowd…
  4. Drowsy Truck Drivers ~ Need I say more? These dudes are either extremely tired or gettin’ a blow job from the girl they picked up at the last rest stop. Either way, they drift off the side of the road and hit the rumble strips for a quarter mile; then wave at me when I accelerate past them!
  5. Multiple Lane Changers ~ Drift across lanes with no apparent agenda! I’m actually one of these while avoiding all of the above…!
  6. Those Not Ready to Pay their Toll ~ Holy shit, idiot… when you got on the turnpike, you received a ticket that said how much it would cost you to exit that turnpike. You knew 236 miles ago that you had to pay $21.15 to get off, yet you get to the toll booth and dig through your purse for 7 minutes to scrounge up the cash. Fuck you! You are wasting my very valuable time…

I’m sure I’ve forgotten something, but this is what I’ve got for now….

~ Until we meet again…

Danica Said She Wasn’t That Tight Sunday ~ The Immature Giggled Uncontrollably!

Danica Tight

Oh yes! I count myself as one of those immature NASCAR fans!

See, Danica, you sort of need to work on your post race/crash interviews and use the proper verbiage so those of us whose mentality can devolve to that of a 13 year old boy throughout the course of a race have nothing to pick on you for!

I actually felt bad for Danica Sunday at Phoenix. She never really ran well after struggling in practice and qualifying, but on lap 184, her right front tire blew causing the car to hit the wall hard, bouncing off of it and taking out David Ragan in the process…

Danica Phoenix Crash

… And then she said in the post crash interview, “I wasn’t that tight either….” I knew exactly what she was talking about but I giggled nonetheless!

Danica, you have to say THE CAR wasn’t that tight, dear! Thank God you didn’t merely describe yourself as loose!

~ NASCAR Lingo Time ~

“Tight” is a condition in which, as much as a driver tries to turn, the car doesn’t want to. The opposite of “tight” is, in fact, “loose” and means the car turns fine, too much actually, and feels like the ass end is gonna come around into a spin…

What happened to Danica Sunday happens to a lot of rookie drivers (and veterans, too, who have ill handling cars)… She wasn’t comfortable with the way her car was handling, so she pushed it on the straightaways and punished the brakes in the corners. This type of driving causes the brakes to get extremely hot and, ultimately, melt the tire right off the rim. That’s what happened to Danica, and coincidentally, her teammate Ryan Newman. Who knows, maybe Danica’s car had the same setup under it as Newman.

Anyway… the crash relegated Danica to a 39th (of 43) place finish. Not too good after her “historical” 8th place finish at Daytona just a week before.

Oh and guess what? I switched drivers this year, dumping Carl Edwards to follow Brad Keselowski in the Miller Lite Ford. So of course, Edwards won the race in dominating fashion after leading 122 laps…

Edwards Phoenix Win

… and that’s his post race back flip! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike Edwards… I’ve just moved on to a more exciting race car driver in Brad!

NASCAR Today!

This afternoon, the Sprint Cup Series is racing in Phoenix, Arizona…

Phoenix International Raceway

… and Phoenix is soooo much different than last weeks race at Daytona..

daytona-international-speedway

Last week featured high speed, high banked racing on a 2 1/2 mile track, while this week is a bit slower, almost flat track racing on a 1 mile track.

The single file racing from Daytona is gone this week and the early results show that. Danica Patrick Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s girlfriend has struggled in practice and qualifying thus far at Phoenix. Her practice sessions haven’t produced speeds better than 30th position and she qualified 40th.

The only reason that I’m picking on Danica is because she’s apparently the new face of NASCAR… Hell, I turned practice on yesterday and all they were talkin’ about was Danica and showin’ her car for like 10 minutes. C’mon guys… there are 42 other drivers out there!

So why is Phoenix tough for Danica to handle? ‘Cause it’s real racin’, that’s why! NASCAR designed this current race car to be more competitive on the shorter tracks that they frequent… The HUGE tracks at Daytona and Talladega account for only 4 of the 36 races this year… The rest of ’em are 1.5 mile cookie cutter tracks and smaller… Yeah… Indianapolis is big and the couple road courses, in NY and CA are big tracks, but you get my drift!

Let’s see how Danica does right now in Phoenix, shall we?

My Thoughts on the 55th Daytona 500…

Before I get into Sunday’s Daytona 500, I have some thoughts about Saturday’s Nationwide series race in which there occurred a horrific wreck at the conclusion. I may piss some people off here, but oh well…

Kyle Larson Daytona Crash

Depending on what news outlet you prefer, it’s been reported that anywhere from 17 to 33 spectators were injured when debris from (32) Kyle Larson’s car made its way through the catch fence. It sucks that even a single spectator was hurt, but it’s always possible. I truly hope that anyone injured because of the debris will be okay..

But dammit, when 3,600 pound cars are flying around the track at 200 mph, there’s a chance that someone outside of the competitors can be hurt if all hell breaks loose…. and all hell broke loose Saturday…

I believe it was a combination of unique circumstances that lead to the disaster…

  1. From what I can tell, Larson’s car ricocheted off a 1/2 dozen cars. When the last car hit him, he was facing the wrong way, with his nose against the rear quarter of another car. That combination basically catapulted his car spinning towards the catch fence. 
  2. In the picture above, you can see a crossbar in the catch fence above where the 32 is making impact. I believe this is either an access door in the fence or a camera position. Either way, I bet that area is weaker than other parts of the catch fence.
  3. I’ve seen a couple stories that the chassis of the 32 car may have been modified. Did that cause it to come apart the way it did, flinging tires and the engine through the fence?
  4. Okay. Watch the next video, taken by a fan in the stands. The exact area that the 32 car hits is, in fact, some sort of fence within the fence, where a camera is positioned. My point #2 is correct, and that is why the car penetrated the fence…

 So fans got hurt…. It sucks that they did, but didn’t they at least expect some sort of risk when going to watch auto racing? This ain’t stick and ball sports where you might suffer an injury from a stray football, baseball, basketball or puck… this is some big shit going really, really fucking fast that has the potential to crash. And you could get hurt…

Hell, it even says on the back of your ticket about the risk you assume by being a spectator…

I’ve been to NASCAR and NHRA races and on every lap or every pass I sort of cringe.. hoping I don’t get decapitated by a wheel or wing or worse, a flying Tony Stewart….

But fans injured in Saturday’s wreck are fixin’ to sue NASCAR and Daytona…. Ya know what? Fuck you all with a big ass piston! You knew of a potential risk going in…

As far as the Daytona 500 on Sunday went…. At first blush I thought it was pretty boring. Nobody wanted to race and nobody got hurt! In retrospect I believe that’s all good. All the drivers just chased each other around the track…. The ending was somewhat exciting… though I hated that Jimmie Johnson won it….

But NASCAR will lose me as a fan if that’s how it’s gonna go this year…

 More to come…. I’m just hungry right now and tired of writing….

Ladies and Gentlemen… The New Face of NASCAR Is….

As I mentioned earlier, since Dale Earnhardt passed away in 2001, NASCAR has been feverishly searching for the new face of the sport. Naturally, one would expect that to be a successful driver, most likely someone who’s won at least one championship, right? They have failed thus far…

Why have they failed? I have no idea, maybe I’ll figure it out as I go here. First, I want to look at some of the big names who could’ve been that driver; the face of NASCAR, and my reasons for their fizzling out!

~ Jeff Gordon ~

Prior to getting into NASCAR’s top series, Gordon ran two full seasons in the lower Nationwide series from ’91 to ’92, winning 3 times. He came into the NASCAR Cup series for his first full season in 1993. In 1995 he won the championship. From 1996-’98 he won 33 of the 96 races, and two more championships! He also won the 2001 championship. He has 87 Cup wins; that makes him third in all time wins in NASCAR history.

So why not Jeff? He’s a fuckin’ dork and a whiny little bitch… always has been always will be! I believe more fans disliked him in his heyday because he won so much! That’s why I didn’t like him. And to be honest, I believe the rivalry between Earnhardt (the old) and Gordon (the new generation) is what really drove Gordon… so he’s sort of fallen from grace since 2001…

That… and he had a creepy ass mustache and a mullet!

Creepy Jeff Gordon

~ Tony Stewart ~

Tony Stewart is one of those guys who can drive pretty much anything… You name it, he’s done it and won at it! In 1997 & 1998 Stewart won 3 of 21 go kart IndyCar races and the championship in 1997! He came to the Cup series full time in 1999 and won the championship in 2002. He’s also won championships in 2005 and 2011. Dude has won 47 total cup races.

Why isn’t Tony Stewart the face of NASCAR? Because he’s a whiny bitch like Jeff Gordon, only his rage is fueled by milkshakes and french fries. He’s fat and he lashes out at fans and punches reporters.

Tony Stewart Tubby

He also tries to drive his car upside down… which never ends well…

Stewart: Inverted

~ Matt Kenseth ~

After two successful years in NASCAR’s Nationwide series in ’98 and ’99, winning seven races and finishing in championship points 2nd and 3rd respectively, Matt moved up to the Cup series in ’00. He posted one win and 11 top tens that year. I actually met Matt after his rookie season and it was one of the coolest things ever. My daughter, Alexis, and I went to the Cleveland auto show, a week after Earnhardt died, and waited in line for nearly three hours to get an autograph from him. When we got to Matt, he and I started talking and Alexis blurted out to Matt, “I don’t want you to die too..” Well I saw the tears in his eyes (oh I was losin’ it too) as he asked me to put her up on the table so he could talk to her. He assured her that he would be safe and then gave her a big hug, signed her shirt and hat and then security moved us along… I’ll never forget those few moments…

Since then? Matt has won 23 more races for a total of 24, and he won the championship in 2003!

Why hasn’t he become the face of NASCAR? Because he has the personality of a paperclip. I swear to god I’m not kidding… dude is a nightmare when it comes to the press and PR… Talking to Matt is like talking to a tree in the winter… Check it out…

If you watched that entire video, then god bless ya! Oh…. who else we got?

~ Kurt Busch ~

Kurt actually came up from the lowest ranks in NASCAR; their truck series… but in ’00 after running the entire season, Kurt won four races and finished 2nd in championship points! He got into the Cup series full time in ’01, and secured a championship in ’04, after winning 11 races in 3 years! He’s won 24 NASCAR cup races, by the way…

Kurt Busch could never be the face of NASCAR, because he’s so pissed off all the time, punching everyone around. The same applies to his brother, Kyle, who is a great driver (prolly one of the greatest in modern times), but a fuckin’ trainwreck when it comes to the press….

Kurt Busch Pissed

… that’s Kurt, by the way!

~ Jimmie Johnson ~

I dunno where Jimmie Johnson came from. I could look it up, but I’m lazy right now… He had two decent seasons in the Nationwide Series in ’00 and ’01, winning only 1 race and then moved on to the Cup Series in ’02 and dominated, winning 18 races through ’06, including the ’06 Daytona 500 I went to! In ’06, and through ’10, Jackass Johnson went on to win 35 races and 5 STRAIGHT CHAMPIONSHIPS. That is extremely impressive… But, again, fans get sick of drivers who dominate… we like to see thing all mixed up with a close points battle!

So why hasn’t Jimmie Johnson emerged as being NASCAR’s #1 marketer?

Jimmie Johnson

He’s a boring, stiff! No excitement, no temper… just boring.

~ Brad Keselowski ~

Hell, Brad’s the defending champion! He’s also got a cool back story… His early years in NASCAR, ’04 to ’06, were in the truck series racing for his family owned team. Being a small team, he struggled and eventually the sponsorship money dried up, forcing the team to suspend operations. He started driving in the Nationwide Series in ’07 until THAT team ran out of money and shut down… Brad was out of a job.

In June of ’07, truck series driver Ted Musgrave was suspended for a race for an altercation with another driver… Germain Racing, under recommendations from NASCAR veteran Mark Martin, who’s always looking for young talent, called Brad to drive that race for them. In a good piece of equipment, Brad took the pole for that race, led 62 laps, and was on his way to a win until he got spun out by another driver with 10 laps to go. This caught Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s attention, who called Brad to have him drive his Nationwide Series car. The rest, they say, is history. From ’08 to ’10 he won 12 Nationwide Series races and the championship in ’10! Since then he’s won 8 more Nationwide Series races for a total of 20!

As for Sprint Cup? Brad’s raced sprint cup full time since ’10 and won 8 races, five of which were last year en route to the 2012 Championship!

Brad should be the face of NASCAR! He’s a very aggressive driver… but he’s good! I think his problem is he’s pretty dorky looking…

Keselowski

… and his championship winning interview might’ve turned of the media a bit, ’cause he was drunk…

…..That shouldn’t matter! Dude doesn’t get in that car after he’s been drinkin’! I’m announcing right now that Brad’s MY new driver to follow this year, especially since he’s drivin’ a Ford now! He’s finally the interesting champion that NASCAR’s been lookin’ for.

But who have they seemingly tabbed as the face of NASCAR?

Danica Ass

Oops… Sorry!

Danica Sunglasses

Yeah… that GoDaddy Girl who did Sports Illustrated Swimsuit shoots ~ Danica Patrick!

I was one of the first who pointed out, back in November, that she was riding fellow driver, Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s pole! And now that she has won the pole for this Sunday’s Daytona 500, that’s all NASCAR cares about ~ the tale of two poles!

Every time a sports network is talking about Daytona, pretty much all they talk about is Danica… it’s gettin’ real old real fast.

To be fair, however, I’m gonna look at Danica’s racing resume the same as I did with all the drivers I mentioned above..

She raced go karts in IndyCar full time from ’05 to ’11 for a total of 115 races, winning an eye popping .87% of those races. Oh no… that’s not a typo, because I don’t commit typographical errors…. she won 1 (one) race out of 115! She didn’t even win it racing… it was what we call a fuel strategy win. That means the other drivers had to pit for fuel and she didn’t have to, handing her the lead and, ultimately, the win!

She started racing in NASCAR’s Nationwide Series in 2010 on a part time basis for 13 races, ran 12 races in ’11 and the full season last year. In 58 races, she won a total of 0 (zero) times. She was lapped at least once and oftentimes multiple times in 37 of those races.

Last year, she ran 10 Cup races… only finishing one of ’em on the lead lap…

NASCAR, like every other sport, relies on numbers to determine the quality of their athletes. What follows is the win percentage (professional career) of all the drivers I’ve mentioned…

Jeff Gordon ~ 12%
Tony Stewart ~ 10%
Matt Kenseth ~ 7%
Kurt Busch ~ 7%
Jimmie Johnson ~ 12%
Brad Keselowski ~ 9%
Danica Patrick ~ 0.5%
 

But, Greg, that’s not a fair comparison… You’re comparing Danica to a slew of stock car veterans…

MAYBE SO! But re-read the post to see my point… the face of NASCAR should be one of their better competitors…

Y’all want me to make it fair? Fuck you! I’ll do my best…

The 30 year old Danica Patrick, who’s won 1 (one) of 183 professional races is now dating 25 year old Ricky Stenhouse Jr. who’s won 8 (eight) of 113 professional races and has two CONSECUTIVE Nationwide Series championships.

Two time Champ!

Two time Champ!

Her win percentage is still 0.5%. Ricky’s won 7% of his races…

I feel bad for Ricky… this past week, the media has tabbed him as “Danica’s boyfriend”… multiple times…  though he’s a way more accomplished driver than she is. If NASCAR wasn’t so concerned about the tits and ass viewership, they’d call her Ricky’s girlfriend…

Or, to be more politically correct, call them both rookies competing for the Rookie of the Year Award…

And don’t even think of calling me sexist… I’m all about the best drivers in their sport…

This past Sunday, Courtney Force became the first woman ever to win at Pomona, CA in the NHRA…

Courtney and John Force

… but the media ain’t talking about that….

In Memoriam ~ Dale Earnhardt 4/29/51 ~ 2/18/01

Dale Earnhardt Shades

Twelve years ago today, in the last turn of the Daytona 500, Dale Earnhardt was involved in a multicar accident that took his life.

NASCAR hasn’t been the same since.

He won 76 races, 7 CHAMPIONSHIPS, and pissed off a lot of other drivers in the process like this…

It’s that racing style that earned him the nickname “The Intimidator.”

He was the face of the sport. He was loved as much as he was hated; depending who you were a fan of.

Since then, NASCAR has failed time and again to find the next face of the sport. I believe they think they’ve found just that driver. They’re wrong.

More on that later…

For now… Rest In Peace, Intimidator…

Damn! Glad He’s Okay!

Today was a rough day for the NHRA’s reigning top fuel champion, Antron Brown.

In the first round of eliminations from the O’Reily Auto Parts Winternationals in Pomona, CA, his engine exploded at the end of a winning run. Things like this happen and the engines get rebuilt between rounds anyway.

In the very next round, however, his engine experienced a more catastrophic explosion that destroyed both rear tires…

Antron Brown Pomona Crash

…. resulting in an horrific crash…

Antron Brown Crash

 

And here’s the video…

Ironically, he won THAT round also but wasn’t allowed to use a backup car to continue per NHRA rules.

Antron was a little beat up because of the crash, but wasn’t badly hurt. Some top fuel teams are using a canopy that covers the cockpit for the first time this year. Antron was spared further injury due to fire or debris entering the cockpit due to this canopy.

I believe the NHRA should mandate canopies on top fuel cars effective immediately.

It’s Not about Race You Idiot! It’s about Racin’!

Antron Brown

I know, I KNOW… I posted about drag racin’ just this morning, but THIS article came up in my newsfeed and it features a video about current NHRA top fuel champion, Antron Brown. I have no intention of making this blog only about drag racing, ’cause I’d rather look up and post stuff like this…

… that’s Brooklyn Decker by the way… she’s sort of a model…

But go to the link above to watch the video I’m all pissed about…

In short, the video is sold as Antron being the first African American to ever win a motorsports championship in America. He is… but Antron’s never been about race… just racing! He’s no different than any other race car driver… he grew up in a racing family and ultimately reached the pinnacle…. this past year!

It’s sorta funny…. when you watch the video, race never comes up in the conversation between Antron and the interviewer, though the voiceover from the interviewer makes it about race. Also notice how the interviewer seems to slight the women and Hispanic drivers in the series early on in the video…

So who’s racist? Definitely the media… because they didn’t give two shits about Antron Brown until he kicked ass this past season…

Again… Antron is and always has been a race car driver first! Hell… I’ve followed him for years from when he drove those crazy ass pro stock motorcycles and he never talked about race!

I met Antron shortly after I took the picture at the top of this post… he asked if I had family at the race and thanked us for coming out… and was an awesome dude…

… Just like all the drivers… because that’s what he is.. A top tier driver in the NHRA.

Forget Lent! The NHRA Season Starts Tomorrow!

Ya know what I’m giving up for Lent? I’m giving up leaving the TV off all day because there are no sports on! 

I know… Super Bowl XLVII, that’s 47 for those of you who don’t know, was just last week, but that was only one game in 14 days! By the way, I bet the NFL drops the Roman numerals soon, because in 3 years I really don’t expect them to call it “Super Bowl L”… as in LOSER!

Have no fear, folks, ’cause racin’ is back! That’s right… The NHRA (National Hot Rod Association) 2013 Mello Yello Series rolls into Pomona, CA on Valentine’s Day tomorrow. This will serve as a primer of sorts for the upcoming season.

For starters… What is drag racing?

Simply put, it’s an acceleration contest. Two drivers stage, in separate lanes, before what is called the Christmas Tree, I guess because it has a lot of lights on it…

NHRA Christmas Tree

… Not counting the individual LEDs, there are 42 lighting elements on that thing! The only ones that count are the green ones, however, because that means GO! But there’s a system in place… The Christmas Tree works from top to bottom. As the drivers approach the start line the front tires of their cars will break two beams that are fired across the track. The first beam broken is “pre-stage,” about 7 inches before the start line and will light the top half of the blue circle on top. The second beam broken is “stage” and will light the bottom half of the blue circle. Once the entire circle is lit, the driver is at the start line; and when both drivers are staged the lights bisecting the blue circle will light and the tree is active. Since I’m talking about the NHRA here I’ll describe what happens next in that sense. The three amber lights will come on simultaneously, followed by the green light 0.4 seconds later. That means GO! The only time you’ll see a red light lit is if a driver goes before the green light comes on. When they do that they are disqualified!

Damn… I just wrote almost 200 words describing the start of a drag race! In short it goes like this: BLUE. AMBER. HOLY SHIT GREEN MASH THE GAS GO GO GO!

Once the gas is mashed, other beams fired across the track record the following:

Reaction Time: Time from green light to vehicle movement. This is huge and is the difference in a lot of races! More on this in a bit..

60 feet time…

330 feet time…

660 feet or 1/8th mile time…

1/8th mile speed…

1000 feet time… more on this later…

1/4 mile time…

Final MPH…

The first vehicle across the finish line wins!

Prior to the race the drivers perform what is called a burnout…

The burnout serves three purposes.

  1. Clean the tires.
  2. Heat up the tires.
  3. Add a fresh layer of rubber to the racing surface.

Speaking of the racing surface… Holy shit is it sticky! I’ve walked the track at Norwalk Raceway Summit Motorsports Park and both times my sandals Jesus slippers stuck to the track and were removed from my feet! The NHRA applies a compound, known as VHT TrackBite Concentrate, to the racing surface that increases the traction of the race cars’ tires.

What’s the true distance of the race?

Drag racing has been based on the quarter mile (1,320 feet) for pretty much ever. Back on June 21st of 2008, however, Scott Kalitta died in a horrific crash during qualifying (you will begin to cry at the :20 mark)…

… That made the NHRA change the distance the top two classes race to 1,000 feet instead of the aforementioned 1,320 feet… for safety purposes…. The following video will make you cry again… because it’s the next day’s race between John Force Racing’s Robert Hight and his would be opponent…the late Scott Kalitta… Hight merely idles his race car down the track in a tribute to Scott…

… Holy SHIT was that sad… Loogit team Kalitta huddled around his start line mourning the loss of Scott…

What are these different classes you mentioned?

There are four classes of vehicles that are driven in the top series of the NHRA.

1.) Top Fuel Dragsters…

Tony Schumacher Top Fuel Dragster

Long… (up to 25 feet) and skinny with huge tires on the rear and tiny ones on the front to maximize their straight-line acceleration and speed.

Powerful… without getting all technical, good ol’ fashioned pushrod V8 up to 500 cubic inches that sits behind the driver. Huge blower to suck in the enormous volume of air required to mix and burn with the fuel… which is 90% nitromethane and 10% methanol. All this produces anywhere from 8,000 to 10,000 horsepower… about double the power of a modern locomotive!

LOUD! Holy shit, it’s the loudest sound I’ve ever heard! They say 150 decibels! And you more than just hear it ~ ya feel it. It’s hard to describe, ya almost have to experience it live, it feels like your brain is being tickled. I’m sure it’s not healthy!

Top fuel dragsters are the fastest sanctioned category of race cars, with the fastest competitors reaching speeds of 330 MPH and finishing the 1,000 foot runs in less than 3.8 seconds.

2.) Funny Cars…

Courtney Force

Funny cars have forward-mounted engines and carbon fiber bodies over the chassis, giving them an appearance vaguely approximating manufacturers’ showroom models. The Dodge Charger and Chevrolet Impala sedans, along with the Ford Mustang and Toyota Solara coupe, are now commonly used in the NHRA. That’s the lovely Courtney Force’s Mustang above!

Power, volume and speed are all pretty similar to the top fuel dragsters, though funny cars are a bit “slower” because of the full body. They still nail over 300 mph and around 4 second 1,000 foot times.

3.) Pro Stock…

Erica Enders' Cobalt

This class can be known as “all motor,” as the cars cannot use artificial induction such as turbocharging, supercharging, or nitrous oxide, and there are very strict rules governing the modifications allowed to the engines, and the types of bodies used. And their fuel is limited to 118 octane racing fuel!

These cars and their 500 cubic inch engines still produce upwards of 1,500 horsepower and run over 200 MPH in around 6.6 seconds for a 1/4 mile run. Still impressive, but it’s hard for me to get into this class… Pictured above is Erica Enders’ Chevy Cobalt.

4.) Pro Stock Motorcycles…

Holy shit! I dunno how these men, and women, are able to comfortably sit on their bikes because of their enormous balls! They’re pushing 200 MPH on 2 freakin’ wheels in 1,320 feet with no protection at all!

That’s the four classes of vehicles in the top level of the NHRA. Now, within each class, competition is very tight, and barring a major malfunction, most races are within .01 or even .001 of a second. Oftentimes you’ll hear the terms fast and quick mentioned; these two words are not interchangeable in drag racing.

Quick refers to the time it takes the vehicle to go from start to finish, aka elapsed time or ET.

Fast means speed…as in miles per hour!

One would naturally assume that the fastest or quickest car wins the race, but that isn’t always true…

Earlier, I mentioned the importance of reaction time and that is huge! If both cars are just as fast and just as quick, the driver who launches, even .001 seconds ahead, wins!

Then there’s the sometimes confusing “holeshot” victory… no this is not a term borrowed from the porn industry… a car runs a quicker ET from start to finish, but the driver’s reaction time was absolute dog shit, and loses the race!

See… reaction time is key in drag racing!

Soooo… what to watch for this season?

Brittany Force

Brittany Force will be making her debut in top fuel. This is the first time ever that John Force Racing has fielded a dragster. Look for her to struggle at times, but I think she’ll be alright.

Mother, Laurie, and Dad, John with Courtney!

Mother, Laurie, and Dad, John with Courtney!

In funny car, Courtney Force is entering her sophomore season. Last year she was inconsistent with her reaction times early on, but tightened things up later in the season. She’s got a legitimate shot at the title this year…

<br />

In pro stock, I expect Erica Enders to win a slew of events this year. Championship? Very possible!

And in pro stock motorcycle, Andrew Hines and Eddie Krawiec might struggle on their Harleys this year after dominating the previous few years… Why? Because the NHRA doesn’t seem to like the American bikes dominating, so they placed more restrictions on ’em this year… It’s bullshit!

Sexy Saturday ~ I TOLD YA SO!

Back in November, Danica Patrick posted this on Facebook:

I am sad to inform my fans that after 7 years, Paul and I have decided to amicably end our marriage. This isn’t easy for either of us, but mutually it has come to this. He has been an important person and friend in my life and that’s how we will remain moving forward.

It only took a few minutes for me to figure out the real reason for the split, and I predicted it HERE. Yes, Slick Ricky Stenhouse Jr. has been parking his car in her garage!

I don’t think he’s attracted to her because of her ability to drive a race car…

Danica Patrick Crash

… but rather her dexterity with his “stick shift!”

Anyway, let’s take a trip down Danica Lane, shall we? As always, click to embiggen!

And for the ladies and men who like men, here’s Danica’s new boyfriend, Ricky!

Ya cant say “new” boyfriend, because they’ve been doin’ it seeing each other for months now! And she’s still married… Dirty whore! I’m happy for them!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, folks!