Category Archives: Humor

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow – Bengals @ Browns!

Manziel Down

It’s official… Johnny Manziel has been named the starter for tomorrow’s game.

Yeah, I called him by his name because I won’t insult QB1 as others have done to Brian Hoyer, so no more Johnny Fuckface, Johnny Jerkoff or Johnny Snorting Coke off a Strippers Ass.

I won’t call him Johnny Football, though, until he shows me he can play NFL football.

When the news broke on Tuesday I was furious. After a few days of digesting this information, however, I’ve calmed down a bit.

I have the utmost respect for Brian Hoyer and the fact that he got this team to 7-6! He’s a great kid and an amazing student of the game. In my opinion, it’s not his fault the offense has struggled for a month. Football is the ultimate team sport and his offense has let him down lately; plain and simple.

Thanks for what you’ve done for this franchise, Brian!!

I believe the change at QB has less to do with Hoyer’s performance than it did to give the Browns front office (Read: Jimmy Haslam & Ray Farmer) a chance to evaluate their second 1st round pick from May’s draft.

It’s a huge long shot for us to make the playoffs this year so now’s the time to see if Manziel is truly the QB of the future of if they need to draft another QB in May. God I hope they don’t have to…

Unfortunately, 99% of Browns fans are incredibly stupid so they think this switch is to help us win the last three games and have a shot at the playoffs.

It’s not.

Cleveland’s in experiment mode now. They’re done with this season. Ya know how I know?

Everyone’s looking at the QB position but K Billy Cundiff has been horrible in 6 of 13 games this year, two of which coulda been wins instead of losses had he done his damn job and put the ball through the uprights.

Cundiff’s job is secure, however, so the goal is not to win games.

A team doesn’t just bench a QB who is above .500, while on a potential playoff run, for a rookie unless it’s merely for evaluation purposes.

Regardless… enter Johnny Manziel. Dude had an awesome college career. You can look it up, I’m not gonna go through the numbers here. He won the Heisman as a freshman; the first ever to do so. Keep in mind, though, the media makes the Heisman winner.

Wanna know about Johnny’s college career? The 99% of Browns fans who know nothing about football will tell you all about it while masturbating! School sports don’t matter at this level.

The 1%, like myself? We’ll tell you he hasn’t committed himself to this team. You all can look that stuff up too. He likes to party. He thinks super stardom comes before, not after, one plays and is successful at a high level. He’s wrong.

None of the above matters any more because this kid is now QB1 for our Cleveland Browns. I’m a Browns fan and I want to see them win; I don’t care who they are! I’ve never had player jerseys because players are no longer loyal… I’m a fan of the team!

So what needs to happen tomorrow?

Defense

The D needs to beat up Bengals QB Dalton like they did in Week 10. There needs to be constant pressure! Dalton will make mistakes. We sacked him twice picked him off 3 times in week 10! Our defensive backfield needs to shut down the Cincy WRs, especially AJ Green who had a huge game against Pittsburgh last week.

Some run defense would be nice, too! Fortunately, this defense remembers the shit talking Bengals RB Jeremy Hill did after the last game. We also have to contend with RB Giovani Bernard, who was injured for the first meeting.

Special Teams

We still don’t have a legitimate kick returner. I believe tiny Travis Benjamin will take one to the house!

Our coverage team is pretty consistent; hopefully they’ll remain so tomorrow.

K Billy Cundiff is an ass. He sucks. I’ve no faith in him. Neither does the team. He needs to go but must have pictures of Coach Pettine banging one of  Johnny Manziel’s strippers so he can keep his job.

Offense

No. Fucking. Clue.

Our rookie QB is one of those scrambling QBs like Russell Wilson, Michael Vick or Colin Kaepernick, except 100% whiter than Wilson  and Vick and like 34% whiter than Kaepernick.

This game will be 100% on offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan. An offensive line that has been struggling since the loss of  Pro Bowl C Alex Mack two months ago will now have to try to block for a dude that will be running around in the backfield. I understand that’s pretty difficult.

Rookie QBs throw interceptions. One way to minimize the possibility of picks is to run the ball. In our week 10 victory over Cincinnati we went run crazy! West, Crowell and Tate ran a combined 48 times for 169 yards. Expect run heavy play calling tomorrow.

I’ve gotta imagine Shanahan will be running a simplified offense for Manziel since he struggles calling plays in the huddle.

Maybe eliminate the huddle here and there? Huh Shanahan? That shit works and it’s what this QB is good at!

There will be some read option and Johnny will run. He needs to run smart otherwise he’ll get crushed. His cocky attitude has gotten him a big ass bulls eye on his chest and defenders will be gunning for him.

And Johnny… your god damn money sign just screams douchebag…

Manziel Money

… I imagine you’re gonna keep doing it but how about limit it to when we’re ahead in the game? Please?

Like I said, it’s a loooooooong shot for us to make the playoffs. For starters, we need to win our last three games. We need a shit ton of help, though, as we’re currently the 12th seed in the AFC.

Four other teams are 7-6: Houston (@ IND), Miami (@ NE), Kansas City (OAK) and Buffalo (GB). They ALL need to LOSE so we can leap frog them up to the 8th seed!

THEN… we need Pittsburgh (@ ATL), San Diego (DEN) and Baltimore (JAX) to lose also!

UGH! It all starts with a Browns win, however!

GO BROWNS!

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Colts @ Browns!

Cleveland Browns v Buffalo Bills

I hate being wrong!

After the Browns offense (NOTE: I said OFFENSE; not blaming any one player here) stunk it up against the Bills last week and owner Jimmy Haslam coach Pettine benched QB1 Brian Hoyer for Ryan Leaf Johnny Manziel, I incorrectly ASSumed that Hoyer was done for the season.

Boy am I glad I was wrong this time!

On Wednesday, the Browns announced that Hoyer is starting tomorrow against the Indianapolis Colts.

This is a good decision. The team HAD to stick with the guy that got them to 7-5!

I know I’m beating a dead horse here but whatever… this offense has more issues than just at QB.

  1. We lost Pro Bowl C Alex Mack in week 6. That has directly affected both pass and run blocking.
  2. We lost Pro Bowl TE Jordan Cameron in week 7. That throws the passing game off. TEs Barnidge and Dray have filled in respectably, but Barnidge is now out with a rib injury.
  3. Pro Bowl WR Josh Gordon returned from a 10 game pot smoking suspension a couple weeks ago and still isn’t on the same page with the rest of the offense.

99% of Browns fans are pretty stupid and don’t realize how much those three issues can handcuff an offense.

All those fools jerked off in unison when Manziel took the field. They wanted to see what he could do against a Bills defense that hadn’t gameplanned for him and  whose team was up 20-3 with 12 minutes left in the game.

Manziel’s stats? 5 of 8 passing for 63 yards, 2 rushes for 13 yards and a TD. I will say this (Shhhh… don’t tell anyone): Manziel’s first drive looked pretty okay. In 3:14 he carried the Browns 80 yards in 8 plays for a TD. Dude rolls out incredibly fast and gets rid of the ball somewhat quickly.

He’s a dumbass, though.

He threw a pass into coverage to TE Jim Dray that was damn near deflected/intercepted, but caught, and all the Manziel sheep thought it was awesome. It wasn’t. Here’s a still shot of right before hew threw (click to embiggen)…

Douche

… RB Terrance West has his left hand up because he’s open… big time! If ya watch the play in real time, Manziel is totally locked on to Dray the entire time and doesn’t even see West come free off his block. There wasn’t a Bills defender within 10 yards of West; woulda been a nice TD.

Fortunately, 2 plays later Johnny Fuckface scrambled for a 10 yard TD.

UNfortunately, the idiot dove head first, white Michael Vick style, into the endzone; got hit by one of the Bills on the way in. Then he did that God awful money sign shit to celebrate…. you don’t celebrate like that when your team is losing asshole!

Manziel will never finish a complete game running like that.

On his second drive he went 4 plays for 9 yards and turned the ball over on downs. He actually got hit and fumbled on third down but the NFL wants to see Manziel succeed no matter what officials reversed the fumble call and said it was an incomplete pass. It was a fumble.

Don’t get me wrong folks, I wanna see the Browns win and get into the playoffs. I couldn’t care less who’s playing QB when that happens. Manziel ain’t the one, though.

Contrary to any excitement expressed by Browns players about Manziel providing a “spark” in last week’s loss, tiny WR Travis Benjamin had this to say about the nitwit:

We just figure, as receivers, we have to work more. If Johnny comes in the huddle and he pronounces the play wrong, we’ve got to make sure we correct it. We’ve got to make sure we correct him. Offensive linemen, tight ends, all the receivers, all the running backs, we’ve just got to make sure we’ve got to be in form when he’s in the game

Case. Closed. Manziel can’t call a freakin’ play! Hoyer’s the one!

So what about tomorrow? Shit… This might be our toughest game this year.

Colts QB Andrew Luck might be a dork but, damn, he sure can play football! He plays like Pittsburgh’s Ben Roethlisberger, except he’s faster, has a fully functioning brain and he’s never raped any women.

The Browns defense needs to pressure Luck all damn game! That dude gets too comfy and he’s  gonna throw for 400+ yards on us!

Colts RB Trent Richardson, who the Browns traded away a couple years ago, implied that he’s gonna run all over us ’cause we didn’t believe in him. He averages like 36 yards a game. Shut his ass down and don’t let him break some NFL record tomorrow.

Also look forward to other ex-Browns to try to beat us up tomorrow. Joshua Cribbs, D’Qwell Jackson and Mike Adams hope to make some sorta statement.

Just don’t let ’em Browns!

Hey Coach Pettine, if you’re reading this, how about we see some no huddle/hurry up offense tomorrow? That shit works; it’s not used nearly as often enough!

Tomorrow’s game is a must win if we’re gonna keep our playoff hopes alive.

GO BROWNS!

Already Freakin’ Out about Sunday ~ Browns @ Bills!

Manziel Trick Play

I didn’t have a chance to complain about our embarrassing 26-24 win over  the Falcons last week in Atlanta. Wait… WHAT?

People called that an embarrassing win. Almost lost. WE WON! Whatever you psychos!

We’re 7-4! That’s something to be proud of!

We’ve only been decisively beat twice… that was by the Jaguars and Texans J.J. Watt! The other two losses? We were in BOTH those games right ’til a last second field goal! Still losses, though.

Yeah, a few of our wins were by last second field goals, but THEY’RE STILL DAMN WINS!

We’re 7-4, Browns fans! C’mon, some of you need to calm down!

There are some nit wits out there that want to see QB2 Jon Paul Manziel, aka Johnny Fuckface, in a game this year just to see what he can do.

We are still in the playoff picture and there are actually “Browns fans” who think we should bench QB1 Hoyer for a douchebag who can’t even read a playbook! You all are idiots!

Just because the national sports media sold Manziel to EVERYONE (except me and the more intelligent crowd), doesn’t mean he shoulda been drafted by the Browns in the first round.

I understand there was a huge question mark in the offseason with Hoyer as he was still rehabbing from ACL surgery so we prolly needed to draft a QB. But not Manziel.

Rumor has it Browns owner Jimmy “Rootin’ Tootin” Haslam demanded the Manziel pick. Hell, Haslam was certainly knee deep in Jack Daniels  during the draft and picked that idiot.

In my opinion, we don’t need that kid.

As for Sunday’s game at the Bills, I’m scared shitless. Buffalo has a bad ass top five ranked defense! Like I said, the Texans J.J. Watt kicked our asses a couple weeks ago and Buffalo’s ENTIRE defensive line might mess us all up!

Cleveland is gonna have to change things up and start passing on first down, but also keep on the running game. It’s pretty well known that WR Josh Gordon is a freakin’ STUD so Hoyer needs to target him early and often to make the Bills defense honest to open up the running game for Isaiah Crowell!

It can go either way. We can win this game Sunday or we can get crushed!

Lets win this shit Brownies! I don’t want people saying, “Oh THERE’s the old Browns!”

GO BROWNS!!!

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Texans @ Browns!

Before we get going here, I have a quick confession! It’s not very often I buy shit like clothes and shoes for myself. Last week, though, I broke down and bought my first new pair of shoes in five years. Wore ’em to the gym the last few days and hoo boy are they delightful! Good gym shoes are ones that you don’t even realize you’re wearing.

Yesterday, only 5 days after that splurge, I fell victim to yet another impulse purchase. See, I’ve had the same ol’ Cleveland Browns knit cap for a looong time…

Old hat

… that one’s older than 5 years, maybe 7? A couple of guys at work were sportin’ some nifty Browns hats around the office and I told myself, “Screw this, I’m overdue for a hat upgrade!”

So this is on it’s way:

Browns hat

… can’t believe I’m so excited about a damn hat!

Maybe even more excited than I am about tomorrow’s game when the Houston Texans come to town…

Alright, I take that back! I’m extremely excited about tomorrow’s game!

We’re 6-3 and sit alone atop the AFC North! We’re the 4th seed in the entire AFC!

We can win this shit tomorrow!

While looking over some of the Texans’ stats, nothing really jumped out at me. Their defense is ranked 26th in the league for total yards, giving up almost 400 yards a game; 70% of that is through the air, however, which means the Browns gotta work on that passing attack. That might be tough because it’s supposed to be low to mid 30s at game time.

Look for a big game from Browns RB Terrance West…

Terrance West

… dude had a big game last week against the Bengals with 94 yards on 26 hard fought carries and a TD! His Towson highlight reel is peppered with successful runs in cold/snowy conditions!

I’d STILL like to see more touches by RB Isaiah Crowell, as he only had 12 for 41 yards last week.

On to the QBs…

Interesting comparison here… For the duration of the off season, when the less intelligent Browns fans were screaming for Johnny Snort Cocaine Off Strippers Asses Fucking Football to start, Brian Hoyer was constantly labelled a career backup. Technically he WAS, as he spent three years behind Patriots QB Tom Brady. I don’t think people realize the significance of that. Tom Brady is a damn good QB. He studies his ass of. Hoyer learned that from Brady and he’s an extremely smart QB because of it.

The Texans have benched their QB1, Alan from the Hangover Ryan Fitzpatrick…

Ryan Fitzpatrick

… to see what they have in QB Ryan Mallett, who has been a career backup thus far after spending three years studying under, you guessed it, Tom Brady!

Mallett has only thrown four passes in real NFL games. All were when he came in for Brady when the Patriots were dominating some games in 2012. His career stats are 1 for 4 for 17 yards and an interception. He has a super strong arm, though. Clearly it’s a well rested arm!

To me, it seems like the only thing Hoyer and Mallett have in common is that they’ve prolly seen Tom Brady’s wife…

Gisele Bundchen Ass

… Gisele Bundchen, a bit more up close and personal than the rest of us have.

The Browns defense can confuse opposing QBs. Just ask Andy Dalton, Ben Roethlisberger, Drew Brees and Mike Glennon.

If they put some pressure on Mallett I believe they can force him into some mistakes. It also looks like Texans RB Arian Foster might be out tomorrow with a groin injury so there goes Mallett’s security blanket!

I kinda suck at looking at playoff scenarios and calculating standings (I bet if I build a spreadsheet I’ll be awesome!). Anyway, I did some figurin’ and it looks like if when the Browns win tomorrow, the Bengals lose to the Saints, the Steelers lose to the Titans Monday night and some other shit bounces the Browns way, the Browns will solidify their first place in the AFC North and jump up to the third seed in the AFC. I think.

On the flip side, when if the Browns lose, Bengals and Steelers win and some other scenarios unfold that don’t favor the Browns, we fall to last in the AFC North and very possibly out of current playoff contention. I think.

It all begins with winning, though, folks!

Cleveland strings together a few more wins and what happens in other games affects the Browns less and less.

Oh yeah, we also get Pro Bowl WR Josh Gordon…

Cheech

… back next week! Woo hoo!

GO BROWNS!

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Browns @ Bengals!

Hoyer Country

I dunno what to think here! I usually spend a shit ton of time looking at this week’s opponent, analyzing previous games, looking at individual players’ stats and then formulating some sort of opinion.

I got nothin’!

Cincinnati doesn’t look like any kind of powerhouse on paper but, then, I’ve watched every Browns game so far this season and they don’t look good, period.

Yeah, they have flashes here and there but haven’t been consistent anywhere.

I can’t even go with my gut because, when I try to do that, I get nauseous!

I guess I’ll just throw out some general thoughts/wishes and see what happens tomorrow…

QB1 Brian Hoyer

You need to play your ass off from here on out, starting tomorrow night!

Some shit your General Manager, Ray Fucking Farmer, said the other day made me think he’s all about Johnny Fucking Football Snortin’ Cocaine off Strippers Asses Manziel being the future of this team. YOUR team, Brian. Don’t screw up and let that dork take over.

Coach Pettine

Run the ball. Run the ball! Dust off RB Isaiah Crowell and run the motherfuckin’ ball! Run it off tackle, because that area around the center/guards is just a clusterfuck right now!

Defense

Have you guys seen Cincinnati’s QB Andy Dalton? He’s a damn ginger..

Dalton Vag

… and I don’t know about you, but I’ve never met a ginger that wasn’t a large, gaping vagina. Don’t let that dude beat you up because that’s no different than getting torched by a woman or, worse, an effeminate “man.”

Kick his ass!

Speaking of kicking ass, apparently ex Browns WR Greg Little is on the Bengals now after being cut by Cleveland this past May, signed and released by the Raiders within 3 months, and signed by Cincy a couple weeks ago because why not?

Dude’s been talking shit the last few days so kick his ass also!

Special Teams

Y’all been doin’ alright except for punt returns. Figure that shit out! If you ask me, keep letting tiny Travis Benjamin keep doing it. Dude’s gonna break out for a big one eventually.

Anyway… I still have no clue on how this game is gonna go. Just don’t embarrass Cleveland tomorrow night on national TV, okay Brownies?

Fuck you Ray Farmer and your little boy toy Johnny Manziel!

GO BROWNS!

Victory Monday ~ Buccaneers 17 @ Browns 22!

Browns fans were booing during the game yesterday. I have never booed at a sporting event. Actually, I don’t boo; I feel it’s disrespectful.

Do I get aggravated? Do I want to jump through the TV and punch Browns players and coaches at times? Yes and yes!

We won again yesterday so I’m gonna be nothing but positive tonight!

Alright folks, we’re 5-3! We’re the seventh seed in the AFC! There are only eight teams in the NFL that have better records than us!!

🙂

The offense had thirteen drives and scored on 5 of them!

QB Brian Hoyer was 21/34 passing (62%) for 300 yards and 2 TDs!

The defense defended twelve drives and only allowed three scores!

LBs Paul Kruger and Barkevious Mingo both sacked Tampa Bay’s QB Mike Glennon…

Napoleon Dynamite

… Future Hall of Fame shutdown CB Joe Haden executed a perfect tip drill on a Glennon pass causing a SS Donte WHitner interception! I can’t say enough about Whitner. That dudes all over the field making plays every damn week! I might be developing a crush on him! FS Tashaun Gipson also picked off Glennon for his league leading sixth sixth interception!

That’s right folks, we’ve got Browns players leading the league in good shit!

🙂

Our special teams had a great game too! DE Billy Winn missed the last few games with a quad injury. He returned yesterday to jump over the Bucs line and block a field goal.

Billy Winn

Guess those legs are feeling pretty okay!

Late in the game, Browns LB Craig Robertson got free on a Bucs punt and deflected that shit for what was officially recorded as a one yard punt. That play set up the Browns game winning TD!

Also setting up that game winning TD was a fantastic block by Browns RB Terrance West on Bucs LB Lavonte David who seemed well on his way to crushing Hoyer.

Check out the video HERE. Holy shit that’s one of the best RB blocks I’ve seen in a long time; maybe even ever!

In the end, it was a fun game to watch and we’re 5-3! WOO HOO!!!

Now this part is not me being negative. I merely want to point out, again,  what a douchebag our backup QB is.

Bucs WR Mike Evans went to Texas A&M with Browns backup QB Johnny Manziel. Evans undoubtedly helped Manziel win the Heisman in 2012 and most certainly helped inflate Manziel’s numbers last year to create the media hype that caused the Browns (and crazy owner Jimmy Rootin’ Tootin’ Haslam) to draft him!

Evans and Manziel are clearly friends. I get that! They played football together in school and I’m sure they banged some of the same girls back then. Again, I get it, they were like “brothers.”

This is the NFL however. Manziel’s “brothers” are now the Cleveland Browns!

Yesterday, Mike Evans gashed the Browns for 124 yards on 7 catches, including both their TDs.

What did our backup QB tweet and post on Instagram earlier today? Click to embiggen!

Manziel Douche

“GO OFF?” He went off on YOUR team jackass! Fuck you Johnny Manziel. Fuck you with an inflatable swan you idiot.

I wish Cleveland woulda traded your partying, stupid, non playbook reading dumb ass to the Cowboys before the trade deadline last week!

Thankfully for you, LT Joe Thomas didn’t call for a code red on your ass. Yet…

Anyway… we’ve got the Bengals game, in Cincinnati, in only 72 hours! This is yet another huge game for this team!

GO BROWNS!

Kinda Freakin’ Out about Today ~ Buccaneers @ Browns!

Buccaneers Cheerleader

Today is the third game of what was supposed to be an easy stretch for the Browns.

Couple weeks ago the then winless Jaguars embarrassed us in Jacksonville to the tune of 24-6.

Last week our offense sputtered most of the day at home against Oakland. Thankfully, our defense produced three turnovers that led to 17 points. It was a 23-13 victory for us but was sloppy.

I’m just wondering whether the offense or defense will show up for the Browns today and at what point in the game?

I long for the day when BOTH squads perform well for an entire 60 minutes; we’d prolly never lose a game!

Today the worst in the league offense of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is in town. I hate saying shit like that; seems like when I do, a “worst in the league” turns into a “record day!”

If our defense is on their game we should dominate that part!

Our offense needs to be there too, though! The Bucs are 2nd last at defending the pass so this could be a big game for Brian Hoyer and his tiny little receivers!

Andrew Hawkins

Some people are freakin’ out because TE Jordan Cameron is out today under concussion protocol. Cameron only has 13 catches for 250 yards and a TD. I believe TEs Jim Dray and Gary Barnidge will step up just fine like they have at times before this season.

Every week I beg for the Browns to use RB Isaiah Crowell more. Like more than the one catch and one carry he had last week for sure!

I KNOW he’s fumbled, but I also believe he’s more explosive than Ben Tate. He’s on my fantasy team too so I need him!

I realize the offensive line is still reeling from the loss of C Alex Mack but, c’mon guys, they’ve had another week of practice to figure things out with C Nick McDonald. Let’s get this blocking right and run the ball!

I’m kind of optimistic about this game and that scares the shit outta me! I say it’s gonna be Browns 27 ~ Bucs 10!

GO BROWNS!

Victory Monday ~ Raiders 13 @ Browns 23!

Gip

Okay folks, we’re 4-3 now. I should be more excited because the last time the Browns started a season 4-3 was back in 2007.

I’m still not confident. As soon as I get confident, Cleveland is gonna crush my heart again and go on a losing streak.

My horrible attitude toward the Browns is shared by many Cleveland fans, though for different reasons.

There are people saying we should scrap QB1 Brian Hoyer and see what Johnny Douchebag can do… REALLY? We’re 4-3. Hoyer has played, start to finish, 9 games for the Browns. He’s 6-3 in those games.

He’s not the best passer. 43% of his passes are NOT caught. He throws it away sometimes. Passes are dropped at times. Sometimes he just totally misses. It happens. Problem for Hoyer is, three of his WRs, Travis Benjamin, Taylor Gabriel and Andrew Hawkins average 5’8″ tall short and 174 pounds! HALF of Hoyer’s pass production goes to these three little guys!

Hawk

I’ll make a quick comparison to Saints QB Drew Brees, who’s way more accurate than Hoyer. Only 31% of Brees’ passes are NOT caught. He also connects with his TE Jimmy Graham on 1 out of every 5 passes he throws. JIMMY GRAHAM IS 6’7″ AND 265 POUNDS! That’s a hell of a safety valve for ANY QB to pretty much just toss the ball up to!

Hoyer doesn’t have that luxury, so he makes due with what he has!

In another month, if WR Josh Gordon doesn’t get caught smoking weed again, he’ll be back for our 11/23 game at Atlanta. This will do nothing but help the Browns, in my opinion.

Manziel shouldn’t even be an option…

We need to fix our running game. 39 yards rushing yesterday was pathetic. I wanted to see RB Isaiah Crowell more. He touched the ball twice. Coach Pettine made a point in his presser today. RB Ben Tate secures the ball better so they kept him in. Crowell does have 2 fumbles this season, so they need to work on that. I think, ultimately, Crowell is the best RB we have on the team. That’s just me, though.

We need a damn punt returner, also. Ex Browns player Josh Cribbs has been mentioned a lot today. No… he’s to damn old. I love the guy but no. Hopefully that’s something the team can figure out this week as well.

I will say LB Paul Kruger is a badass; 3 sacks yesterday!!!

Kruger

Hopefully nobody will argue with me on that one!

Overall, the defense played pretty okay yesterday. Technically, the final score was 23-6 until we allowed a garbage TD with 7 seconds to go.

I guess we shall see if some slight adjustments can be made so offense, defense and special teams can begin to be consistent.. in the same damn game.

Then I’ll get more confident.

GO BROWNS!

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Raiders @ Browns!

oakland-raiders-fans-2013

The final winless team in the league, the 0-6 Raiders, is coming to Cleveland tomorrow. After last week’s embarrassing loss to the 0-6 Jaguars,  there are a lot of people saying, “Okay, maybe Jacksonville wasn’t that bad, but the Raiders really suck, so we’ll bounce back Sunday for a win!”

I’m not one of those people. We will lose again tomorrow and break yet another NFL record:

No team, in the history of the NFL, has lost back to back games against winless teams this late in the season.

I wonder if we’ll have a game ball go to the Hall of Fame to represent THAT record?

The Browns are unraveling before our eyes and some people still don’t see it.

Yes, the team is suffering from some significant injuries. So is every team, though! That’s how football goes.

Our defense, healthy or not, is giving up 155 rushing yards a game. That’s worst in the league!

Oakland’s RB Darren McFadden is averaging 46.5 yards a game. Look for him to at least double that number tomorrow.

Our coaches haven’t done a very good job of making adjustments thus far. I have a bad feeling they’re gonna over commit to run defense and we’re gonna get burned on some play action passing from Raiders QB Derek Carr.

Cleveland’s offense is 22nd overall (for total yards) in the league; 18th passing and 6th rushing. That rushing standing looks good, but I believe we should scrap the three running back rotation with Tate, West and Crowell. More specifically, we should scrap Terrance West and just let Ben Tate and Isaiah Crowell split carries.

Tate and Crowell appear to be more confident, explosive runners, while West does a lot of dancing around.

Hell, I’d even put Crowell before Tate. He’s getting the least amount of carries a game but yet has the most yards per carry at 5, which is tied for 5th in the league. Oh yeah, have you guys seen the Crowell highlight reel?

“Take a ride in tha slam sedan, bitch!” Hilarious!

As for our passing game? FUBAR! Our discombobulated line can’t block for shit so QB Hoyer looks like crap getting his passes batted down! He’s a pocket passer for Christ’s sake, so no pocket no passer!

It also doesn’t help with our tiny WRs dropping passes, either, or anyone else on the team for that matter!

I learned at a very early age, like 5 years old, that if you can touch the ball you can catch the ball. Velocity doesn’t matter. Well, being a professional football player should matter but, apparently, it doesn’t to Browns receivers…

I don’t wanna hear any more of the chatter that Johnny Manziel should step in at QB. That dude can’t read an NFL playbook and his best qualities involve snorting cocaine off of strippers asses!

This current Browns team blows! From top to bottom, front to back, players to coaches… it blows!

Like I said before, we’ll finish this season 5-11.

Tomorrow? Raiders 27 ~ Browns 16

GO BROWNS!

Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 6 @ Jaguars 24…

Sad Browns Players

I don’t wanna hear anyone say, “We’re still 3-3, it’s not over yet.”

Stick a fork in the 2014 Cleveland Browns ’cause they’re done.

I’m not gonna beat up on our defense too much because what the fuck else can they do? They hit Jacksonville’s QB Bortles 5 times, sacked him twice and picked him off THREE times! All with a dinged up line! I realize they gave up three TDs and a FG but, again, give any NFL team enough chances and they’re gonna score. Okay, they DID give up 127 yards to Jaguars RB Denard Robinson and that sucks…

My poor kid is finally realizing how painful it is to be a Browns fan tweet of the day:

This Browns offense is fucked. It wasn’t just one player, either, so I won’t call anyone out. Our offense featured some poorly thrown passes, lots of dropped passes and questionable play calling. The O line is way screwed up with John Greco playing center since Alex Mack broke his leg last week. Also, they had to put Rocky from Mask

Paul Mcquistan

… er Paul McQuistan in at Greco’s normal guard position and damn that guy sucks…

*** Side Note ***

I just watched Bronco’s QB, Peyton Manning, throw his 509th TD to break the NFL all time record for TD passes thrown. That’s 2.07 TDs per game over a 17 year career! I hate that he broke the record as a Bronco, because fuck Denver, but YOU GO PEYTON!

Meanwhile, in Cleveland, Browns QB, Brian Hoyer the Fuckin’ Destroyer has thrown 14 TDs in 23 career games. That’s a .6 TD per game average… EWW!

*** Anyway, back to yesterday ***

Badass RB Isaiah Crowell didn’t get enough touches if you ask me. He didn’t see the ball ’til a couple minutes into the 2nd quarter for only a couple plays. He didn’t show up again until 5 minutes into the 3rd quarter and was only called upon to run the ball 7 times overall. I guess the Browns don’t like him as much as I do.

The Browns also don’t seem to like trying to score points when the opportunity presents itself. I’ve praised the Browns coaches for going for it on 4th down before when it was necessary. Yesterday, however, after the 2:00 warning in the 1st half we were 3rd and 1 an Jacksonville’s 24 yardline. Run Crowell? Oh hell no, they fed the ball to Terrance West for no gain. Okay, kick a 41 yard FG to make it 9-0 going into halftime! No? Really?

We went for it on 4th and 1 and failed. Turnover on downs! Fuck you Browns HC Mike Pettine! Take the points you idiot!

We’re up 6-0 and Jacksonville quickly goes down the field 3 plays for 76 yards and a TD. 7-6 Jacksonville…

That was the end of the game for the Browns…

Don’t get me wrong, I DO like coach Pettine, he just made some horrible decisions yesterday. Dude better make some serious adjustments and this team needs to get pissed and get ready to play some football.

The 0-6 Raiders come to town Sunday. They could become the second winless team in 2 weeks to find their first win at the hands of the Browns.

More on that later in the week.

Go Browns!