I don’t like to talk about myself; makes me feel selfish. Right now, though, I feel like crap for helping people out so, fuck it, I might as well talk about myself ’cause shit ain’t gonna get no worse.
See, I always put everyone ahead of myself. My folks raised me to be that way. Yeah when I was little I certainly didn’t get it, but once I started having kids a bit over 17 years ago I picked up on it real quick. I put myself at the back of the line.
Only five years into my now failed marriage, I decided to work two jobs to make ends meet and pay for two kids in daycare so my now ex-wife didn’t have to change her expensive habits. I’d get up early, get the kids fed and off to daycare then go to my first job for eight hours. I’d get home from the first job, make dinner for everyone, then head to my second job from 6:00 pm ’til midnight! The ex-wife worked full time, too, so I’m not knocking her here.
I worked 74 hours a week for 5 years and NEVER got a thank you. I was merely told, “You’re doing what you have to do!” It was never “We” but you, you you. That’s part of the reason there’s no more “We.”
Fast forward to a month or so ago when I helped my oldest kid get her first car. I was under pressure from the kid and the ex-wife to make this car thing happen… so I did. I found a car for her, had the guy knock a few hundred bucks off, and contributed several hundred of my own because the kid didn’t have enough money of her own to buy it and mom certainly wasn’t helping.
Well this car is 20 years old so there have been a few slight problems with it. That’s not good enough, however, because if there’s a problem with the car it’s MY fault!
A couple days ago, the kid prolly left the lights on, or something else, when she got to school and it drained the battery. What did she have to say on Twitter?
As I was jumping the battery, she told me how she didn’t want to be there because it was cold and rainy. I’m like, “I don’t wanna be here either!”
Her mom has already recommended they sell the car to get another one, because I fucked up and found this one. Nobody will care about the several hundred bucks I contributed, either, that stretched me financially for a bit.
Other shit has happened this week in which I got beat up for helping out a friend. I really don’t get it. I’m just trying to help people out like I always try to do. Now my best friend isn’t talking with me…
Again, lesson learned…
Anyway, I said FUCK IT this morning and went on a ME shopping spree! Okay, it wasn’t really a shopping spree. I went to Dick’s and bought myself some shoes.
The last time I bought shoes for myself was some five years ago when I first started going to the gym. I’ve been wearing those same damn shoes to the gym the past six weeks and they’re all blown out and shit! Oh yeah, I also paid $18 for three pairs of Nike Dri-FIT socks, because everyone should have happy feet!
I’ve been wondering a lot lately why I help people when it always seems to bite me in the ass. I give ’til it hurts and people get pissed at me for it…
Oh well…I’ll just let Tesla take it from here. Couldn’t find a live version of this song so there’s no video. Beautiful song, though.I’m always here with open arms and an open door Sometimes I find that it’s myself crumblin’ to the floor Life’s full of challenges that I just can’t seem to ignore Can’t see around the corner, tell me what’s in store Honestly, don’t ask me why I care Cause it’s a jungle out there Honestly, I’m just a simple man Doing the best that I can Honestly I always try to help everyone but me I never seem to find the time I need to breathe I try to climb the mountain no matter how high it seems I’m like an open book; I just let my heart bleed Honestly, don’t ask me why I care Cause it’s a jungle out there Honestly, I’m just a simple man Doing the best that I can Honestly, I just feel the pain Something I can’t explain Honestly, I’m just a simple man Doing the best that I can Honestly You gotta let go cause nobody knows The answers are so hard to find With nothing to lose, it’s easy to choose To keep holding on, keep holding on Honestly, don’t ask me why I care Cause it’s a jungle out there Honestly, I’m just a simple man Doing the best that I can Honestly, I just feel the pain Something I can’t explain Honestly, I’m just a simple man Doing the best that I can Honestly