Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Texans @ Browns!

Before we get going here, I have a quick confession! It’s not very often I buy shit like clothes and shoes for myself. Last week, though, I broke down and bought my first new pair of shoes in five years. Wore ’em to the gym the last few days and hoo boy are they delightful! Good gym shoes are ones that you don’t even realize you’re wearing.

Yesterday, only 5 days after that splurge, I fell victim to yet another impulse purchase. See, I’ve had the same ol’ Cleveland Browns knit cap for a looong time…

Old hat

… that one’s older than 5 years, maybe 7? A couple of guys at work were sportin’ some nifty Browns hats around the office and I told myself, “Screw this, I’m overdue for a hat upgrade!”

So this is on it’s way:

Browns hat

… can’t believe I’m so excited about a damn hat!

Maybe even more excited than I am about tomorrow’s game when the Houston Texans come to town…

Alright, I take that back! I’m extremely excited about tomorrow’s game!

We’re 6-3 and sit alone atop the AFC North! We’re the 4th seed in the entire AFC!

We can win this shit tomorrow!

While looking over some of the Texans’ stats, nothing really jumped out at me. Their defense is ranked 26th in the league for total yards, giving up almost 400 yards a game; 70% of that is through the air, however, which means the Browns gotta work on that passing attack. That might be tough because it’s supposed to be low to mid 30s at game time.

Look for a big game from Browns RB Terrance West…

Terrance West

… dude had a big game last week against the Bengals with 94 yards on 26 hard fought carries and a TD! His Towson highlight reel is peppered with successful runs in cold/snowy conditions!

I’d STILL like to see more touches by RB Isaiah Crowell, as he only had 12 for 41 yards last week.

On to the QBs…

Interesting comparison here… For the duration of the off season, when the less intelligent Browns fans were screaming for Johnny Snort Cocaine Off Strippers Asses Fucking Football to start, Brian Hoyer was constantly labelled a career backup. Technically he WAS, as he spent three years behind Patriots QB Tom Brady. I don’t think people realize the significance of that. Tom Brady is a damn good QB. He studies his ass of. Hoyer learned that from Brady and he’s an extremely smart QB because of it.

The Texans have benched their QB1, Alan from the Hangover Ryan Fitzpatrick…

Ryan Fitzpatrick

… to see what they have in QB Ryan Mallett, who has been a career backup thus far after spending three years studying under, you guessed it, Tom Brady!

Mallett has only thrown four passes in real NFL games. All were when he came in for Brady when the Patriots were dominating some games in 2012. His career stats are 1 for 4 for 17 yards and an interception. He has a super strong arm, though. Clearly it’s a well rested arm!

To me, it seems like the only thing Hoyer and Mallett have in common is that they’ve prolly seen Tom Brady’s wife…

Gisele Bundchen Ass

… Gisele Bundchen, a bit more up close and personal than the rest of us have.

The Browns defense can confuse opposing QBs. Just ask Andy Dalton, Ben Roethlisberger, Drew Brees and Mike Glennon.

If they put some pressure on Mallett I believe they can force him into some mistakes. It also looks like Texans RB Arian Foster might be out tomorrow with a groin injury so there goes Mallett’s security blanket!

I kinda suck at looking at playoff scenarios and calculating standings (I bet if I build a spreadsheet I’ll be awesome!). Anyway, I did some figurin’ and it looks like if when the Browns win tomorrow, the Bengals lose to the Saints, the Steelers lose to the Titans Monday night and some other shit bounces the Browns way, the Browns will solidify their first place in the AFC North and jump up to the third seed in the AFC. I think.

On the flip side, when if the Browns lose, Bengals and Steelers win and some other scenarios unfold that don’t favor the Browns, we fall to last in the AFC North and very possibly out of current playoff contention. I think.

It all begins with winning, though, folks!

Cleveland strings together a few more wins and what happens in other games affects the Browns less and less.

Oh yeah, we also get Pro Bowl WR Josh Gordon…


… back next week! Woo hoo!


Victory Sunday! Browns 24 @ Bengals 3!

Joe Haden

Yeah, I’m a little late bragging about the Browns total destruction of the Bengals Thursday night, but I don’t care! I’m still riding the wave, though!

I wanted QB Hoyer to play his ass off. While he didn’t exactly tear shit up, he was pretty good. It was pretty damn windy and he completed 15/23 for 198 yards to 5 different receivers. He didn’t throw any TDs BUT he protected the ball and didn’t turn it over.

Hoyer didn’t need to throw TD’s because HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT RUNNING GAME?

The previous two games, our RBs only ran the ball a combined 48 times for a combined 89 yards. It was quite horrible.

Now I think Browns coach Mike Pettine reads For Shiggles, cause prior to this Cincy game I said:

Run the ball. Run the ball! Dust off RB Isaiah Crowell and run the motherfuckin’ ball! Run it off tackle, because that area around the center/guards is just a clusterfuck right now!

Wouldn’t you know it we got our Crowell sighting Thursday night? Actually 12 of ’em for 41 yards. Ben Tate ran 10 times for 34 yards. Most impressive, however, was Terrance West’ 26 carries for 94 yards! Non of ’em had really flashy yards per carry, all in the 3.4 range, but they were hard fought yards.


It was also a BALANCED rushing attack. Pettine didn’t listen to me about not rushing up the middle or off guard ’cause they did that 17 times. They ran off left tackle and end 14 times; right tackle and end 17 times!

WHEW! Awesome!

Oh the defense played lights out! Desmond Bryant sacked Dalton two times… in a row! Ha ha!!

Desmond Bryant

LB Craig Robertson picked off a Dalton pass on Cincy’s first drive, Buster Skrine picked him off two other times and ball hawk Tashaun Gipson dropped what would have been his seventh interception this season.

Dalton finished 10/33 for only 86 yards 0 TDs and 3 picks! Ha ha!!

Our Special Teams was pretty good. We still need a punt returner but our coverage team was pretty solid!

So now we’re 6-3 and tied with Pittsburgh for first place in the AFC North! Pittsburgh hasn’t played yet, however, and they’re at the Jets today. Ugh! We need a Jets win to take sole possession of first! Seems improbable, but anything can happen, so here goes:


Oh man that made me feel really gay right there!

A win by Tennessee at Baltimore today will also help Cleveland in the AFC North. Another improbability!

Anyway, I’m proud of this Browns team and, like they are, getting more confident every week!


In Which I Let Tesla Do the Talkin’


I don’t like to talk about myself; makes me feel selfish. Right now, though, I feel like crap for helping people out so, fuck it, I might as well talk about myself ’cause shit ain’t gonna get no worse.

See, I always put everyone ahead of myself. My folks raised me to be that way. Yeah when I was little I certainly didn’t get it, but once I started having kids a bit over 17 years ago I picked up on it real quick. I put myself at the back of the line.

Only five years into my now failed marriage, I decided to work two jobs to make ends meet and pay for two kids in daycare so my now ex-wife didn’t have to change her expensive habits. I’d get up early, get the kids fed and off to daycare then go to my first job for eight hours. I’d get home from the first job, make dinner for everyone, then head to my second job from 6:00 pm ’til midnight! The ex-wife worked full time, too, so I’m not knocking her here.

I worked 74 hours a week for 5 years and NEVER got a thank you. I was merely told, “You’re doing what you have to do!” It was never “We” but you, you you. That’s part of the reason there’s no more “We.”

Fast forward to a month or so ago when I helped my oldest kid get her first car. I was under pressure from the kid and the ex-wife to make this car thing happen… so I did. I found a car for her, had the guy knock a few hundred bucks off, and contributed several hundred of my own because the kid didn’t have enough money of her own to buy it and mom certainly wasn’t helping.

Well this car is 20 years old so there have been a few slight problems with it. That’s not good enough, however, because if there’s a problem with the car it’s MY fault!

A couple days ago, the kid prolly left the lights on, or something else, when she got to school and it drained the battery. What did she have to say on Twitter?

As I was jumping the battery, she told me how she didn’t want to be there because it was cold and rainy. I’m like, “I don’t wanna be here either!”

Her mom has already recommended they sell the car to get another one, because I fucked up and found this one. Nobody will care about the several hundred bucks I contributed, either, that stretched me financially for a bit.

Lesson learned…

Other shit has happened this week in which I got beat up for helping out a friend. I really don’t get it. I’m just trying to help people out like I always try to do. Now my best friend isn’t talking with me…

Again, lesson learned…

Anyway, I said FUCK IT this morning and went on a ME shopping spree! Okay, it wasn’t really a shopping spree. I went to Dick’s and bought myself some shoes.


The last time I bought shoes for myself was some five years ago when I first started going to the gym. I’ve been wearing those same damn shoes to the gym the past six weeks and they’re all blown out and shit! Oh yeah, I also paid $18 for three pairs of Nike Dri-FIT socks, because everyone should have happy feet!

I’ve been wondering a lot lately why I help people when it always seems to bite me in the ass. I give ’til it hurts and people get pissed at me for it…

Oh well…I’ll just let Tesla take it from here. Couldn’t find a live version of this song so there’s no video. Beautiful song, though.

I’m always here with open arms and an open door
Sometimes I find that it’s myself crumblin’ to the floor
Life’s full of challenges that I just can’t seem to ignore
Can’t see around the corner, tell me what’s in store
Honestly, don’t ask me why I care
Cause it’s a jungle out there
Honestly, I’m just a simple man
Doing the best that I can
I always try to help everyone but me
I never seem to find the time I need to breathe
I try to climb the mountain no matter how high it seems
I’m like an open book; I just let my heart bleed
Honestly, don’t ask me why I care
Cause it’s a jungle out there
Honestly, I’m just a simple man
Doing the best that I can
Honestly, I just feel the pain
Something I can’t explain
Honestly, I’m just a simple man
Doing the best that I can
You gotta let go cause nobody knows
The answers are so hard to find
With nothing to lose, it’s easy to choose
To keep holding on, keep holding on
Honestly, don’t ask me why I care
Cause it’s a jungle out there
Honestly, I’m just a simple man
Doing the best that I can
Honestly, I just feel the pain
Something I can’t explain
Honestly, I’m just a simple man
Doing the best that I can

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Browns @ Bengals!

Hoyer Country

I dunno what to think here! I usually spend a shit ton of time looking at this week’s opponent, analyzing previous games, looking at individual players’ stats and then formulating some sort of opinion.

I got nothin’!

Cincinnati doesn’t look like any kind of powerhouse on paper but, then, I’ve watched every Browns game so far this season and they don’t look good, period.

Yeah, they have flashes here and there but haven’t been consistent anywhere.

I can’t even go with my gut because, when I try to do that, I get nauseous!

I guess I’ll just throw out some general thoughts/wishes and see what happens tomorrow…

QB1 Brian Hoyer

You need to play your ass off from here on out, starting tomorrow night!

Some shit your General Manager, Ray Fucking Farmer, said the other day made me think he’s all about Johnny Fucking Football Snortin’ Cocaine off Strippers Asses Manziel being the future of this team. YOUR team, Brian. Don’t screw up and let that dork take over.

Coach Pettine

Run the ball. Run the ball! Dust off RB Isaiah Crowell and run the motherfuckin’ ball! Run it off tackle, because that area around the center/guards is just a clusterfuck right now!


Have you guys seen Cincinnati’s QB Andy Dalton? He’s a damn ginger..

Dalton Vag

… and I don’t know about you, but I’ve never met a ginger that wasn’t a large, gaping vagina. Don’t let that dude beat you up because that’s no different than getting torched by a woman or, worse, an effeminate “man.”

Kick his ass!

Speaking of kicking ass, apparently ex Browns WR Greg Little is on the Bengals now after being cut by Cleveland this past May, signed and released by the Raiders within 3 months, and signed by Cincy a couple weeks ago because why not?

Dude’s been talking shit the last few days so kick his ass also!

Special Teams

Y’all been doin’ alright except for punt returns. Figure that shit out! If you ask me, keep letting tiny Travis Benjamin keep doing it. Dude’s gonna break out for a big one eventually.

Anyway… I still have no clue on how this game is gonna go. Just don’t embarrass Cleveland tomorrow night on national TV, okay Brownies?

Fuck you Ray Farmer and your little boy toy Johnny Manziel!


Victory Monday ~ Buccaneers 17 @ Browns 22!

Browns fans were booing during the game yesterday. I have never booed at a sporting event. Actually, I don’t boo; I feel it’s disrespectful.

Do I get aggravated? Do I want to jump through the TV and punch Browns players and coaches at times? Yes and yes!

We won again yesterday so I’m gonna be nothing but positive tonight!

Alright folks, we’re 5-3! We’re the seventh seed in the AFC! There are only eight teams in the NFL that have better records than us!!


The offense had thirteen drives and scored on 5 of them!

QB Brian Hoyer was 21/34 passing (62%) for 300 yards and 2 TDs!

The defense defended twelve drives and only allowed three scores!

LBs Paul Kruger and Barkevious Mingo both sacked Tampa Bay’s QB Mike Glennon…

Napoleon Dynamite

… Future Hall of Fame shutdown CB Joe Haden executed a perfect tip drill on a Glennon pass causing a SS Donte WHitner interception! I can’t say enough about Whitner. That dudes all over the field making plays every damn week! I might be developing a crush on him! FS Tashaun Gipson also picked off Glennon for his league leading sixth sixth interception!

That’s right folks, we’ve got Browns players leading the league in good shit!


Our special teams had a great game too! DE Billy Winn missed the last few games with a quad injury. He returned yesterday to jump over the Bucs line and block a field goal.

Billy Winn

Guess those legs are feeling pretty okay!

Late in the game, Browns LB Craig Robertson got free on a Bucs punt and deflected that shit for what was officially recorded as a one yard punt. That play set up the Browns game winning TD!

Also setting up that game winning TD was a fantastic block by Browns RB Terrance West on Bucs LB Lavonte David who seemed well on his way to crushing Hoyer.

Check out the video HERE. Holy shit that’s one of the best RB blocks I’ve seen in a long time; maybe even ever!

In the end, it was a fun game to watch and we’re 5-3! WOO HOO!!!

Now this part is not me being negative. I merely want to point out, again,  what a douchebag our backup QB is.

Bucs WR Mike Evans went to Texas A&M with Browns backup QB Johnny Manziel. Evans undoubtedly helped Manziel win the Heisman in 2012 and most certainly helped inflate Manziel’s numbers last year to create the media hype that caused the Browns (and crazy owner Jimmy Rootin’ Tootin’ Haslam) to draft him!

Evans and Manziel are clearly friends. I get that! They played football together in school and I’m sure they banged some of the same girls back then. Again, I get it, they were like “brothers.”

This is the NFL however. Manziel’s “brothers” are now the Cleveland Browns!

Yesterday, Mike Evans gashed the Browns for 124 yards on 7 catches, including both their TDs.

What did our backup QB tweet and post on Instagram earlier today? Click to embiggen!

Manziel Douche

“GO OFF?” He went off on YOUR team jackass! Fuck you Johnny Manziel. Fuck you with an inflatable swan you idiot.

I wish Cleveland woulda traded your partying, stupid, non playbook reading dumb ass to the Cowboys before the trade deadline last week!

Thankfully for you, LT Joe Thomas didn’t call for a code red on your ass. Yet…

Anyway… we’ve got the Bengals game, in Cincinnati, in only 72 hours! This is yet another huge game for this team!


Kinda Freakin’ Out about Today ~ Buccaneers @ Browns!

Buccaneers Cheerleader

Today is the third game of what was supposed to be an easy stretch for the Browns.

Couple weeks ago the then winless Jaguars embarrassed us in Jacksonville to the tune of 24-6.

Last week our offense sputtered most of the day at home against Oakland. Thankfully, our defense produced three turnovers that led to 17 points. It was a 23-13 victory for us but was sloppy.

I’m just wondering whether the offense or defense will show up for the Browns today and at what point in the game?

I long for the day when BOTH squads perform well for an entire 60 minutes; we’d prolly never lose a game!

Today the worst in the league offense of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is in town. I hate saying shit like that; seems like when I do, a “worst in the league” turns into a “record day!”

If our defense is on their game we should dominate that part!

Our offense needs to be there too, though! The Bucs are 2nd last at defending the pass so this could be a big game for Brian Hoyer and his tiny little receivers!

Andrew Hawkins

Some people are freakin’ out because TE Jordan Cameron is out today under concussion protocol. Cameron only has 13 catches for 250 yards and a TD. I believe TEs Jim Dray and Gary Barnidge will step up just fine like they have at times before this season.

Every week I beg for the Browns to use RB Isaiah Crowell more. Like more than the one catch and one carry he had last week for sure!

I KNOW he’s fumbled, but I also believe he’s more explosive than Ben Tate. He’s on my fantasy team too so I need him!

I realize the offensive line is still reeling from the loss of C Alex Mack but, c’mon guys, they’ve had another week of practice to figure things out with C Nick McDonald. Let’s get this blocking right and run the ball!

I’m kind of optimistic about this game and that scares the shit outta me! I say it’s gonna be Browns 27 ~ Bucs 10!


The Pussification of America ~ OMG, GMOs are in my food! Death is Imminent! LOLZ!


IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I’m not obligated to post links on here from any research I’ve done. Feel free to search the interwebs on your own to look into BOTH sides of this “issue.”

The thing I dislike the most about Facebook, or any social media for that matter, is people forcing their intentions or agenda on me.

Food posts really piss me off! I don’t mean pictures of bacon wrapped in bacon with a side of bacon because that’s delightful! I’m talking about people who share memes or posts claiming that everything you consume will kill you!!!

Yeah… I’ve read how bacon can kill you too!

But… If you really think there are cleaning agents in Lucky Charms or door mat ingredients in Subway’s bread, then don’t buy those products!

(Hint: you’re not smart if you believe that to be true in those words.)

Just don’t tell me and my family we shouldn’t indulge because you thought a social media post fit your agenda, without any REAL research on your part.

The anti-GMO crowd has been the worst lately!

GMO means genetically modified organism and GM Foods are, obviously, foods containing base ingredients that have been genetically modified.

Food biotechnology is nothing new. The practice was in use thousands of years ago when nobody even knew what it was. I’m not sure caveman is the proper term, but who cares; early humans would gather fruit and end up with a surplus that would just sit there in a pile. As that fruit sat and began to decompose, yeast spores in the air made their way into that pile and fermentation occurred… BOOM! ALCOHOL!

At some point, Uga Booga ate a fermented apple and got fucked up on the alcohol! That evolved into this…

… over the years, food science continued to evolve.

A silly thing called a microscope started to show up in laboratories in the late 1500s and a hundred years after it emerged, some dude named Antone van Leeuwenhoek used his to discover microorganisms that would eventually be used in food production.

Couple centuries later, in the late 1800s, some jackass named Louis Pasteur discovered that applying heat to drinks, including milk, would kill off bacteria to improve food hygiene.

I don’t understand why these idiot scientists, who obviously think their shit don’t stink, gotta mess with food and stuff!

Oh wait… they’re trying to streamline the process?

In 1946, some hack scientists figured out that deoxyribonucleic acid (or DNA for you simpletons), can transfer between organisms.

This new technology allowed scientists to begin messing around with certain plants’ DNA and their resulting fruits. One of the first genetically engineered foodstuffs was the Flavr Savr tomato some 20 years ago. Scientists identified a gene that could slow down how fast tomatoes ripen and, ultimately, bruise. Through genetic engineering, they were able to insert that gene into the tomato plant’s DNA to come up with a more durable product. This produced a tomato that could go from the vine to the table with less damage to the fruit.

There’s nothing wrong, or scary, with that!

Okay… there’s WAY too much information on this topic to stick into just one post, so I gotta go!

Stay tuned for more details including some about that “evil” company Monsanto (or JFK’s personal Vietnam chemical producer) for making plant seeds!

I Feel Bad for John Force… :(

Greased Lightning

The National Hot Rod Association is the governing body for drag racing. It was founded in 1951 by Wally Parks to “create order from chaos” and legitimize popular illegal racing…

…by taking it to a controlled, safer, environment with rules.

It’s a fascinating sport to watch! Oh yeah, it IS a sport! Without a doubt the best motorsport, in my opinion!

I’ve had people rip on me for watching it because it’s “just a couple cars going in a straight line.” Those same people can’t even properly operate a 200 HP street car. I’d love to see ’em try to wheel a 10,000 HP Dragster or Funny Car, especially when shit like THIS can happen:

Nope, not for me! I’ll leave it to the pros.

NHRA drag racing is a small, niche market sport. People love it or, as I mentioned above, people think it’s stupid! I’ve made no less than 20 people drag racing fans for life, however, over my 25 years being a fan! When I get them to a live event and they see their first Funny Car or Dragster race, they’re hooked!

I didn’t realize just how small the NHRA is, from a revenue standpoint, until I researched it today. The NHRA generates about $150 million in revenue a year. That sounds respectable until you compare it to the $10 BILLION a year NFL. Back in 2006, the NHRA was sold for $121 million. The shitty NFL Buffalo Bills just sold for $1.4 BILLION!

Alright, it’s not fair to compare drag racing to the NFL, so lets try a motorsports comparison. NASCAR brings in $3.1 BILLION a year!

Why is the NHRA such small beans? It’s not a lack of excitement, because drag racing is WAY better than NASCAR! It all boils down to TV money!

All stick and ball sports (NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL), and even NASCAR, are able to sign very lucrative TV and cable provider deals.

Why can’t the NHRA do the same?

It simply comes down to the live experience and the nature of drag racing. A full weekend of racing involves 4 rounds of qualifying over two days to set the field for 4 rounds of elimination on Sunday. Each day of drag racing takes anywhere from 6 to 8 hours. That shit just can’t be televised live. Cars break on the track and there’s a shit ton of down time when that happens.

“NASCAR cautions, after a crash, only take a few minutes to clean up the track so why does drag racing cleanup take so long?”

That’s a great question! Most NASCAR tracks are a mile or longer. The racing surface, while somewhat important for tire wear, isn’t as important as individual car setup. Oil dry can be used to clean up any chemicals spilled on the track, so it’s a quick cleanup!

The NHRA track is a beast of it’s own! It’s coated with a compound called PJ1 TrackBite. Shit’s sticky as hell! It’s the only way drag racing teams can maintain traction with the amount of HP they’re working with, especially the nitro teams. 10,000 HP will go up in smoke without PJ1.

If there’s any kind of liquid on the track after a car crashes or blows up, the NHRA has to essentially re-prepare the track, otherwise there could be severely dangerous conditions. That cleanup can take about 15 minutes!

Basically, NHRA events are too damn long to televise. Nobody’s gonna watch racing when there are 15 minutes of track cleanup after a car pukes oil all the way down the track. I’ve been to several Sunday elimination days and those days take about 6 hours to complete. The NHRA takes all the footage, cuts out the downtime and puts together a presentable 2-3 hour show which doesn’t air until 9:00 or later on Sunday.

Because of those issues, the NHRA can’t get those lucrative TV contracts that most other sports can.

Having said all that, NHRA teams have to rely heavily on corporate sponsorship to keep their very expensive teams afloat because they don’t have TV money to share. Last year I was all pissed off because two of John Force Racing’s sponsors, Ford and Castrol Oil, are pulling their money out of top level drag racing.

I can’t understand why sponsors are leaving John Force Racing. Of the last 23 years, John Force has won 16 Championships of his own and 2 others as a team owner! Anybody know of any team in any sport that has dominated 78% of a quarter century?

John is working hard to secure sponsors for upcoming seasons. I fear one of those sponsors will be freakin’ Toyota

This past week, however, shit took a turn for the worse for Team Force. Long time teammate and current tuner & crew chief of Force’s Castrol Mustang, Jimmy Prock, got fired.


Actually, that fucking whore Prock was making calls to other teams looking for a job after 16 years of gainful employment with John Force Racing. Force got a call from another owner as a heads up, confronted Prock about it and Prock said he was quitting after this season. Force let him go immediately.

John Force is 36 points away from his 17th championship with only two races to go. He had the following to say about moving forward without Jimmy Prock and I totally agree:

I am going after this championship and I am going after it with the people that will stay with me for the long haul. That is what I owe my sponsors and fans.  As much as I want No. 17, not even for a championship will I race with somebody that I know is leaving me.

This final quote by Force is what made me sad. He is, hands down, the best driver to ever wheel a car in the NHRA. He has helped to BUILD the NHRA over three decades. I go to races and the majority of the fans are clustered around the Force cars in the area known as Nitro Alley, where the teams tune their cars between rounds.

I am a big boy and I’m going to put this team back together. I am going to fight, win or lose. If we get No. 17, great, but if we don’t I know I will have gone down with people that believe in me, that trust in me and that will stand by me, not just in good times but in bad times. I am not just racing for this championship; I am racing for the next 10 years.

John Force shouldn’t be putting anything back together, because he’s the best ever.

Victory Monday ~ Raiders 13 @ Browns 23!


Okay folks, we’re 4-3 now. I should be more excited because the last time the Browns started a season 4-3 was back in 2007.

I’m still not confident. As soon as I get confident, Cleveland is gonna crush my heart again and go on a losing streak.

My horrible attitude toward the Browns is shared by many Cleveland fans, though for different reasons.

There are people saying we should scrap QB1 Brian Hoyer and see what Johnny Douchebag can do… REALLY? We’re 4-3. Hoyer has played, start to finish, 9 games for the Browns. He’s 6-3 in those games.

He’s not the best passer. 43% of his passes are NOT caught. He throws it away sometimes. Passes are dropped at times. Sometimes he just totally misses. It happens. Problem for Hoyer is, three of his WRs, Travis Benjamin, Taylor Gabriel and Andrew Hawkins average 5’8″ tall short and 174 pounds! HALF of Hoyer’s pass production goes to these three little guys!


I’ll make a quick comparison to Saints QB Drew Brees, who’s way more accurate than Hoyer. Only 31% of Brees’ passes are NOT caught. He also connects with his TE Jimmy Graham on 1 out of every 5 passes he throws. JIMMY GRAHAM IS 6’7″ AND 265 POUNDS! That’s a hell of a safety valve for ANY QB to pretty much just toss the ball up to!

Hoyer doesn’t have that luxury, so he makes due with what he has!

In another month, if WR Josh Gordon doesn’t get caught smoking weed again, he’ll be back for our 11/23 game at Atlanta. This will do nothing but help the Browns, in my opinion.

Manziel shouldn’t even be an option…

We need to fix our running game. 39 yards rushing yesterday was pathetic. I wanted to see RB Isaiah Crowell more. He touched the ball twice. Coach Pettine made a point in his presser today. RB Ben Tate secures the ball better so they kept him in. Crowell does have 2 fumbles this season, so they need to work on that. I think, ultimately, Crowell is the best RB we have on the team. That’s just me, though.

We need a damn punt returner, also. Ex Browns player Josh Cribbs has been mentioned a lot today. No… he’s to damn old. I love the guy but no. Hopefully that’s something the team can figure out this week as well.

I will say LB Paul Kruger is a badass; 3 sacks yesterday!!!


Hopefully nobody will argue with me on that one!

Overall, the defense played pretty okay yesterday. Technically, the final score was 23-6 until we allowed a garbage TD with 7 seconds to go.

I guess we shall see if some slight adjustments can be made so offense, defense and special teams can begin to be consistent.. in the same damn game.

Then I’ll get more confident.


Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Raiders @ Browns!


The final winless team in the league, the 0-6 Raiders, is coming to Cleveland tomorrow. After last week’s embarrassing loss to the 0-6 Jaguars,  there are a lot of people saying, “Okay, maybe Jacksonville wasn’t that bad, but the Raiders really suck, so we’ll bounce back Sunday for a win!”

I’m not one of those people. We will lose again tomorrow and break yet another NFL record:

No team, in the history of the NFL, has lost back to back games against winless teams this late in the season.

I wonder if we’ll have a game ball go to the Hall of Fame to represent THAT record?

The Browns are unraveling before our eyes and some people still don’t see it.

Yes, the team is suffering from some significant injuries. So is every team, though! That’s how football goes.

Our defense, healthy or not, is giving up 155 rushing yards a game. That’s worst in the league!

Oakland’s RB Darren McFadden is averaging 46.5 yards a game. Look for him to at least double that number tomorrow.

Our coaches haven’t done a very good job of making adjustments thus far. I have a bad feeling they’re gonna over commit to run defense and we’re gonna get burned on some play action passing from Raiders QB Derek Carr.

Cleveland’s offense is 22nd overall (for total yards) in the league; 18th passing and 6th rushing. That rushing standing looks good, but I believe we should scrap the three running back rotation with Tate, West and Crowell. More specifically, we should scrap Terrance West and just let Ben Tate and Isaiah Crowell split carries.

Tate and Crowell appear to be more confident, explosive runners, while West does a lot of dancing around.

Hell, I’d even put Crowell before Tate. He’s getting the least amount of carries a game but yet has the most yards per carry at 5, which is tied for 5th in the league. Oh yeah, have you guys seen the Crowell highlight reel?

“Take a ride in tha slam sedan, bitch!” Hilarious!

As for our passing game? FUBAR! Our discombobulated line can’t block for shit so QB Hoyer looks like crap getting his passes batted down! He’s a pocket passer for Christ’s sake, so no pocket no passer!

It also doesn’t help with our tiny WRs dropping passes, either, or anyone else on the team for that matter!

I learned at a very early age, like 5 years old, that if you can touch the ball you can catch the ball. Velocity doesn’t matter. Well, being a professional football player should matter but, apparently, it doesn’t to Browns receivers…

I don’t wanna hear any more of the chatter that Johnny Manziel should step in at QB. That dude can’t read an NFL playbook and his best qualities involve snorting cocaine off of strippers asses!

This current Browns team blows! From top to bottom, front to back, players to coaches… it blows!

Like I said before, we’ll finish this season 5-11.

Tomorrow? Raiders 27 ~ Browns 16