Tag Archives: Baltimore Ravens

Monday Moanin’ ~ Ravens 23 @ Browns 21…

Manziel Trick Play

Aw shucks, we’re 1-2 now. I’m trying to be positive, but it’s difficult. We’re a couple plays away from being 3-0! We’re also prolly one play away from being 0-3, so there’s that.


I have to admit that these first three games, save for the horrible first half against Pittsburgh, have been more fun to watch than previous young Browns teams with new coaching staffs running a new offense! It’s no less aggravating, though.

I feel horrible for passing my love for the Browns on to my children. I noticed earlier today that my fourteen year old daughter was live Tweeting the game yesterday…

Brooke Twitter

… (click on the pic to embiggen) a young girl shouldn’t have to be stressed out like that about a football game!

As for yesterday’s game? Browns QB Hoyer looked pretty damn good!


…dude went 19 of 25 for 290 yards and a TD! He’s thrown no picks this year… had a lot of zip on his passes and much more accuracy. I believe he has what it takes to make this Browns team a force in this league.

Our running game was a bit subdued yesterday, however. 29 of 55 plays were running plays, which is good. Badass RB Isaiah Crowell only got 11 touches for 55 yards. He needs to get the bulk of the carries, in my opinion!

Crowell sees a hole and goes right for it with little or no hesitation. Dude can taste the endzone every time he has a chance. He needs more shots!

Special teams really fucked us this week… Bad decisions on punt returns (I’m talking to you Travis Benjamin) and shitty field goal kicking/blocking ultimately did us in.

The defense gave up some plays. I’m concerned about future hall of fame shutdown corner Joe Fucking Haden. He’s getting burned every week and I don’t like that at all!

At least we’re off this week, so no pain & suffering for me!

Go Browns!

Kinda Freakin’ Out about Today’s Game ~ Ravens @ Browns!


Nice left arm asshole… perfect weapon for knocking out women.

Man… I hate the Ravens almost as much as the Steelers. Almost. My Dad raised me to despise the Steelers, so it’s in my blood.

I started hating the Ravens in 1996 when their existence began! Yeah, Cleveland Browns owner, Art Modell, shut my beloved Browns team down in 1995 and moved them to Baltimore where they became the Ravens… Makes me ill just thinking about it.

It’s getting even easier to hate this Ravens team nowadays after RB Ray Rice beat the shit out of his fiancee as a big HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY this past February!

“But, Greg, it’s not the team’s fault Rice knocked out Janay.” Of course the team had nothing to do with her getting knocked out and dragged out of an elevator. Go HERE to read the entire timeline of events and how the Ravens organization AND the National Fucking Football League, at most, covered up a lot of this and, at the very least, turned a blind eye to it.

I haven’t chimed in yet with my thoughts about the NFL’s handling of this Ray Rice situation. Or Greg Hardy.Or Ray McDonald. Or Jonathan Dwyer. Or Adrian Peterson beating the shit outta his four year old son.

I guess now is as good a time as any to throw some thoughts out there.

For starters… WHAT THE FUCK GUYS? You don’t hit women. Period. I don’t care if you’re provoked or not. You just DON’T do that shit.

This stuff goes both ways! Women shouldn’t hit men either… provoked or not! I couldn’t care less if he’s bigger and stronger than you, you just don’t!

And Adrian Peterson, ya don’t beat your damn kids until they bleed. Period. I don’t give a shit HOW you were raised and what culture you grew up in. You’re a fuckin’ idiot. Ray Rice knocked out a 100 pound woman and that’s horrible. You beat up children you pussy and that makes you even worse.

Please don’t clump all NFL players into this group of assholes folks. Every week, 1,696 players suit up. Only a handful are idiots…

Domestic violence is not an NFL problem, it’s a problem overall throughout society.

Outside of the NFL there are laws and procedures meant to protect victims of abuse, should it get reported to the authorities.

The NFL has the difficult task of somehow balancing local laws and punishment with league punishment for domestic violence. They’ve failed miserably thus far and it’s been quite an embarrassment to say the least.

I think it’s pretty simple. Under the leagues new drug policy, a DUI arrest doesn’t trigger a league punishment, but a CONVICTION does; costs a player 2 games. I believe if a player is accused or arrested for domestic violence the league should let the authorities and the courts do their jobs. Once there’s a CONVICTION the league can then drop the hammer however they see fit.

What I hope will be an embarrassment to the Ravens today will be a pitiful loss to the Browns!

This Browns team looks like it has what it takes to win 8, maybe even 10, games this year!

The defense is fast and strong. Ravens QB, Joe Flacco, doesn’t have the mobility like Saints QB Drew Brees from last week who we rattled the shit out of! I can see us sacking him 4 times tomorrow.

Dude has a powerful arm, however, so he can burn us bad with a couple top notch receivers in Torrey Smith and Steve Smith! At least those guys aren’t 12 feet tall like Saints TE Jimmy Graham who just kicked our asses last week!

I remain a little concerned about the offense. The running game still looks great, but Baltimore has a pretty decent run D, allowing an average 89 yards in the first 2 games.

It’s Cleveland’s passing game that still has me scared. It was pretty effective last week but I’m just waiting for shit to fall apart with these tiny WRs. Yeah, big TE Jordan Cameron may play today, though I haven’t confirmed that yet, but I don’t think his shoulder is 100% so he could be a non factor.

A lot of people continue to point out that Browns QB Hoyer was a “career backup” before coming to the Browns. He was. But for three years he played behind Patriots QB Tom Brady. I think he learned a lot there and I believe that’s why he seems so calm under pressure.

He’s been playing pretty well ~ let’s hope that continues in a little bit!


What to Watch Today instead of NASCAR!

Oh man… my head’s all over the place this morning; prolly because I had a Mountain Dew while waiting for my coffee to brew! First song I fired up today was Berzerk by Eminem because it seemed fitting..

…speaking of Eminem, this past Tuesday he released his 8th studio album: The Marshall Mathers LP 2. It’s absolutely awesome! Produced by Rick Rubin on this one, Eminem does some awesome shit with material by Joe Walsh, The Zombies, Billy Squier and Wayne Fontana & The Mindbenders. You should go to Amazon and buy it. Right now!

Anyway, I stopped watching NASCAR a couple months ago because it turned into the WWE of motorsports. No offense to professional wrestling; everyone already knows you’re fake… NASCAR just does a swell job of hiding their fakeness… One part where NASCAR is real, however, is their annual support of veterans around Veterans Day with some cool paint jobs…


… but that’s about it!

Apparently there’s a potentially fixed race around 3:00ish EST today in Phoenix. Instead of watching that you should check out some NFL football!

My Browns have a bye today, but there’s a big matchup between two other AFC North teams; Bengals at Ravens and ya know what’s stupid? I don’t get to see that game, I’m stuck with Bills at Steelers… Who gives a shit about the Bills and the Steelers? They should just air that game in Buffalo and Pittsburgh! Of course I wanna see Buffalo win because I hate Pittsburgh.

Today, however, I’m a Ravens fan. Here in Cleveland, we need Baltimore to beat Cincinnati. This will allow the Browns to get closer to first place in the AFC North. Hell, nearly 80% of the country gets to see Bengals at Ravens. But not me…

Oh yeah… there’s a really cool website you should check out that shows maps of which NFL games are aired in what parts of the country. It’s called 506sports.com. See it HERE.

Another game this afternoon worth checking out is the stupid Broncos at San Diego at 4:25. GO CHARGERS!!!

Here are a couple other alternatives to fake racing:

Figure Skating from Tokyo.

U.S. Womens Soccer team vs. Brazil, featuring forward Alex Morgan…

Alex Morgan Bikini

… and, well, Brazil…

Brazil Double Ass

Oops… I don’t think think those are soccer players…

Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 24, Ravens 18

Jason Campbell

Man… First play from scrimmage and the Browns offensive line (Lauvao & Schwartz I’m talkin’ to you!) goes porous, allowing a Baltimore sack for a five yard loss on Jason Campbell…

Here we go again… This game is gonna suck…

That first drive ended, unsurprisingly, in a three and out. Baltimore goes three and out on their first drive, however, with Buster Skrine inadvertently busting up a deep pass from Flacco on 3rd and 5.

Ravens punt…

Browns QB Campbell then puts together a nice 8 play 80 yard drive, resulting in a short TD to last week’s goat, Davone Bess. Remarkable on that drive were a nice catch in traffic by Greg Fucking Little who ran well after the catch for 32 yards, and a beautiful throw from Campbell to Josh Gordon for 27 more. Oh yeah… we also have a bad ass coach in Rob Chudzinski who isn’t afraid to play football on 4th down. That short TD to Bess was on 4th and 1 from Baltimore’s 1. Why kick field goals when ya can score TDs? Nice job of holding onto the ball, by the way, Davone!

Browns up 7-0! At this point, Jason Campbell has gone 5 of 7 for 68 yards and a TD!

Baltimore returns fire with a long drive of their own, resulting in a 51 yard field goal. 7-3 Browns!

Then it got scary…

On the third play of the Browns third drive, Campbell was sacked again, but Raven’s 6’4″ 340 pound Haloti Ngata landed on him at the end of the play, essentially smashing him! Campbell was replaced by Brandon Fucking Weeden at QB…

I do not boo players; it’s disrespectful. Brandon Weeden was booed as he took the field and I disagree with that. Browns fans need to support the team on the field. Anyway, Weeden derped around for a few plays and we had to punt…

Thankfully, Campbell returned to the game after Baltimore went three and out again…

Alright, no more play by play.

After Campbell’s return, he went 18 of 28 for another 194 yards and two more touchdowns; with bruised ribs, no less. I respect that toughness!

Cleveland’s defense was, once again, BAD ASS as we sacked Flacco 5 times… three times forcing punts! We also shut down Ravens RB Ray Rice which is great, though it helped me to lose at fantasy football this week!

I was hoping to see big games from WR Gordon and TE Cameron; assuming great production from them would result in a Browns win… funny how football works, those dudes get covered up and Greg Little & Davone Bess have great games… That just means Cleveland is doing some stuff right!

Just sucks that Cleveland is off this week! Oh well… I’m a Ravens fan for the next 6 days… more on that later…!



Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Ravens at Browns!

I failed to do my Monday moanin’ after the Browns lost to the Chiefs 23-17 last week. Here’s a quick recap:

in the first 26:24 of that game, Cleveland’s offense had the ball for 3 “drives,” 9 plays, 5:21, 13 yards and 0 points.

Meanwhile our defense, which I believe is the strength of this team, gave up 43 plays, 21:03, 212 yards and 13 points in four Chiefs drives.

Browns QB Jason Campbell came in a bit rusty, which was expected.

The second half was much better. The defense was STOUT and sacked Chiefs QB Alex Smith 5 times. Jason Campbell got in a rhythm and was pretty efficient.

None of that mattered because Browns WR Davone Bess played. And played poorly.

Cleveland Browns v Kansas City Chiefs

Dude lost the game for us because of a couple key dropped passes and the above muffed punt; that crushed all of our momentum. Fuck that guy!

Cleveland played Baltimore in week 2 and lost 14-6. It was a different Browns team then. Brandon Fucking Weeden was at QB and, though he wasn’t horrible, couldn’t make the plays to get a win. The defense did their job pretty well, keeping Baltimore scoreless in the first half. Unfortunately, after punts and 3 and outs in the second half, the defense got tired and allowed a couple TDs which put us away.

Tomorrow, QB Jason Campbell will be running the offense AND he’ll have WR Josh Gordon, who was suspended in week two. Speaking of Josh Gordon, loogit what he did to his Porsche Panamera…

Josh Gordon Porsche

… dear God that thing looks horrible! I guess he went with the camouflage look so the cops wont see him since he has trouble driving properly!

Anyway, having Gordon in the game tomorrow will open things up for Jason Campbell. Hopefully. Campbell also needs to use TE Jordon Cameron a lot. If Cameron and Gordon have big games I believe we have a legitimate shot at this one. Try and balance things out and run the ball some, too!

I wanna see the defense be aggressive, like coordinator Ray Horton promised! If they play the way they did in the second half against the Chiefs and pressure Joe Flacco, I think they can turn him into a pick machine! Future Hall of Fame CB Joe Haden needs his first pick six!

Here’s the part that really sucks! I have Ravens RB Ray Rice on my fantasy team. Dude says he feels the best he has this season after being dinged up a lot. He needs to have a huge game tomorrow for me to win this week… but the Browns need to stop him so they can win! UGH!

This is a big game for Cleveland. A win over Baltimore will put us in second place in the AFC North!


Enjoy the rest of your weekend, folks!


Monday… er… Wednesday Moanin’ ~ Ravens 14, Browns 6.

Weeden Ravens

I forgot last year I wrote posts to relive the horror of the previous day’s Browns game (actually 5 times I got to write about wins!) so I guess I better get into it again. Cleveland stumbled into Baltimore Sunday only to suffer a painful, boring loss…

This past Sunday’s football activities were hosted by my buddy, Chad, from work. He had a Week 2 party, so we had the Bills game (Chad and a few of our friends are Buffalo fans) and Browns game on TVs that I installed in Chad’s recreation room! There was lots of food… and beer! Okay…. on to the football!


Let me start with the positives. Defense and special teams looked alright, but that’s about it. What a horrible game to watch. Here’s how the first half went:

Baltimore went 12 plays on their first drive, 51 yards only to miss a 50 yard field goal..

Cleveland has a nice pass play on their first from scrimmage, 53 yards from Weeden to TE Cameron to Baltimore’s 7. Then they try to jam Trent Richardson over right guard for 3 yards, then left guard for 1 more. Call a timeout, then whiff on a pass from Weeden to Bess from the 3 yardline.

Y’all ever hear of a play action pass???

Anyway, Billy Cundiff kicked a field goal to put us up 3-0. Here’s where the defensive battle kicked in…

Baltimore goes 5 plays and punts…

Cleveland goes 6 plays and punts…

I’ve had a few people recommend that I try iced coffee… Seems like a weird concept, but I’m up for just about anything, lately, so I attempted to make my own this morning. HUGE FAIL! I brewed my usual recipe, filled my big Browns cup with ice and dispensed my coffee into it. I immediately strained the coffee into my travel mug, which contained half a dozen more ice cubes. The result? Ice cold coffee flavored water! It was putrid! But I don’t give up that easy. I just brewed a pot and filled an ice cube tray with that, so all the cubes used for the cooling agent will be ice coffee cubes. I’m brilliant! NEXT UP? Hot beer!

Baltimore goes 4 plays and punts…

Cleveland goes 6 plays and punts…

Baltimore goes 3 and out… punts…

Cleveland goes on a nice 10 play drive, then punts…

Baltimore goes 3 and out… punts…

Thank God Chad’s dip was so awesome… and the pizza… and the shrimp cocktail! And the beer! At least I was eating & drinking well! Otherwise I woulda called it a day!

Cleveland goes 3 and out… punts…

Baltimore goes on a 5 play drive only so their kicker can miss another field goal, this time from 44 yards…

Baltimore’s kicker is the one who replaced Cleveland’s current kicker, Billy Cundiff on the Raven’s roster.

Well, after that 2nd missed field goal, the Browns marched down the field so Cundiff could kick a 51 yard field goal to put us up 6-0.

That concluded the first half.

Horrible, horrible football. At this point, however, our defense has done their job.

If only we had a fuckin’ offense to put some points on the board!

Trent Richardson’s production was mediocre at best, though they ran him between the tackles a lot. Dude’s more effective on the outside, or in passing situations, but who’s gonna listen to me?

Weeden didn’t look too bad… he does look lost at times, definitely not confident, and looks clumsy when he “scrambles”… but ya can’t blame the guy for more dropped balls by the WRs…


…. Yeah, that’s Greg Fucking Little, letting another one get away. AND the dude doesn’t understand motor vehicle laws and keeps getting pulled over… I say cut his sorry ass…

Anyway… that douchebag, Joe Flacco, found the endzone a couple times in the second half for Baltimore and that’s all she wrote!

Well, this week the Browns went to their THIRD QB, Brian Hoyer, after Brandon Weeden developed wussitis in his right thumb late in Sunday’s game. Hoyer is prolly better than me, so that’s a plus! I guess a lot of fans are excited because he’s a local kid; went to St. Ignatius in Cleveland, an all boys school. That previous sentence doesn’t imply that there’s anything gay about all boy schools, because dudes from Ignatius regularly bang girls from St. Joseph Academy up the street… so I’ve heard!

I’ve got no idea what to expect from Hoyer this Sunday when the Browns travel to Minnesota to play the Vikings. What really sucks is that I’ve got Minnesota’s RB Adrian Peterson on one of my fantasy teams so I need him to kick ass… against the Browns!

UGH! Football is stressful!

Already Freakin’ Out About Today


Oh snap! Ya know when you’re still drunk from the night before? Yeah, that’s me… as I begin writing this, it’s 9:25 am and I’m still messed up from last night’s bachelor/bachelorette party for Mike & Erica. Congratulations to you two fools again! I love ya both! Y’all don’t realize how close I was to having a dancer come with me to provide some additional entertainment! She just didn’t have time for a 7:00 party!

And ya know that weird feeling ya have when you wake up and don’t know where ya are for a few seconds? Yep. Woke up at Matt’s this morning, thinking I was in my bed, ’til I rolled over to reach for my phone and my night stand wasn’t there. I’m like, “Why is my phone on the floor? What did I do with my night stand? Who else is in this bed? (rolls the other way) Damn Oh good, no one! Shit, I’m still at Matt’s, gotta get home to my dawg, Bernie!”

Anyway… thanks to Matt for the hospitality last night. Nice house ya got there! And thanks to Sam for picking me up & taking me there and Frank for bringing me home this morning! I owe ya both!

Anyway… about 3 hours ’til football time and more drinking & eating. Ugh… maybe just drinkin’ pop today!

The Browns are in Baltimore today and I expect nothing less than a slaughter by the Ravens. They have a collective chip on their shoulder after being routed by Peyton Manning and the Broncos 10 days ago in the season opener.

And the Browns just fucking blow! After they shut down Trent Richardson and the running game after the first drive last week, I was seriously looking for ex coach Pat Fucking Shurmer on the sidelines. WRs were still dropping balls, Brandon Weeden looked like a deer in the headlights. Dude looked clumsy in the pocket and when he scrambled he looked like me playing QB…

Our special teams were fine.

The defense was okay. They weren’t as aggressive as I woulda hoped but, damn, the dudes get gassed when the offense can’t stay on the field!

What I’m looking for today…

Quit bein’ a douche Weeden and stand in the pocket like real QBs do.

Oniel Cousins… get your head outta your ass and block! This will allow the above to take place.

Defense… blitz! Be aggressive. Joe Flacco ain’t all that! Pressure him good and he’ll throw picks!

WRs… CATCH THE FUCKIN’ BALL. Quit bitchin’ about Weeden throwing too hard, put your big boy pants on and just catch it! Then run like hell!

Chud/Turner… RUN THE FUCKIN’ BALL… Trent Richardson is the best only offensive weapon you have! He needs to run at least 25 times today… Pssst! You can also throw it to him… just a thought!

[Clears throat] Here we go Brownies… HERE WE GO!

Monday Moanin’! Ray Lewis Edition!

Yesterday, I fully expected the 49ers to beat the Falcons (I was right) and the Patriots to crush the Ravens (I was wrong).

The postgame show following the 49ers win was unremarkable. They won the NFC Championship and will now focus on Super Bowl 47 against the Baltimore Ravens. Yes.. In case you were wondering, I refuse to use Roman numerals, like Super Bowl XLVII… It’s 47 to me!

But, oh when the Ravens win the AFC Championship… It’s all about GOD, OH MY GOD, MY SHEPARD SHALL LEAD ME TO GREENER PASTURES… blah blah blah!

Following the Ravens’ win over the New England Patriots, notorious standout LB Ray Lewis stuck his face in the turf and did this…

Ray Ass

… C’mon dude… you just won a football game which allowed you to advance to the biggest of football games. I understand being emotional, but being a huge pussy? Inexcusable! And then you do this…

Lewis Bisciotti Love

… foreplay with team owner, Steve Bisciotti, isn’t gonna win you fans! To some, you remain a murderer, to others a loudmouth bible thumper and to me you’re just another football player… and an attention whore!

Now let all the Harbaugh brothers stories commence as it’s Jim…

(click it to see him lose it!)

Jim Harbaugh Meltdown

… vs. John…

John Harbaugh

…in Super Bowl 47!

Go Niners!

It’s NFL Conference Championship Sunday! I Hope the Ravens are as Big a Loser as I Am!

NFL Logo

I can’t believe there are only three meaningful football games left! Damn does the NFL season fly by! Some thoughts about today’s games..

~ NFC Championship ~ 49ers at Falcons ~

Last week, I incorrectly picked the Packers over the 49ers.

I honestly hadn’t paid much attention to San Fran throughout the season. HOLY SHIT is QB Colin Kaepernick a great football player! He threw for 263 yards and 2 TDs and RAN for 181 yards and 2 more TDs! And that was against Green Bay’s 11th ranked defense.

I also screwed up when I picked Seattle over Atlanta, whose win wasn’t all that flashy. I’d have to call Atlanta methodical. They had some good plays. They missed A LOT of tackles, though.

Keep in mind that Seattle put up almost 500 yards on Atlanta’s 24th (right behind Cleveland) ranked defense! Seattle also suffered from a few questionable calls by coach Pete Carroll that undoubtedly left some points on the field.

I say: San Francisco 34 ~ Atlanta 24

You guys notice how good the ladies of ESPN look today? I’ve always been a fan of Rachel Nichols…

Rachel Nichols

… she’s so cute! I’ve been oddly attracted to Suzy Kolber for some time as well…

Suzy Kolber

… I just think I’m too horny!

~ AFC Championship ~ Ravens at Patriots ~

I’ve only been on this nutrition/exercise plan for a week and I already screwed it up! Went out last night with the Mayor of Funtown and his girlfriend (nickname yet to be determined) and sucked down like 800 calories in the form of Bud Light. I did pass on food at the bar and instead of hitting Taco Bell on the way home I had a turkey sandwich… at midnight. Now, it’s not like I intend to compete after I lose this weight and get back to the gym. I just feel like I took a big step backwards. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but I still feel like a loser.

Speaking of losers, on to the Baltimore Ravens. I picked the Broncos to win last week over Baltimore (yeah, I’m 0-3 so far with last week’s picks) and they should have. Here are the two most glaring screwups by Denver that ultimately led to their loss.

  1. At the end of the first half, tied 21-21, Denver has the ball with :35 to go on their own 20 yardline. Peyton Fucking Manning can easily get the ball into field goal range in that scenario. But stupid coach Jon Fox calls a stupid running play to kill the clock.
  2. At the end of regulation, tied 35-35, Denver has the ball with :31 to go on their own 20 yardline. Again, instead of being aggressive and playing for a field goal to win the game, stupid coach John Fox calls for Manning to take a knee to go into overtime.

Overtime consisted of some stalled drives for both teams resulting in punts. Then Peyton Fucking Manning threw a bonehead interception. Two plays later, Baltimore kicks the game winning field goal.

I refuse to believe that Baltimore’s QB Joe Flacco is an elite QB, but that dude pulls some magic out of his ass at just the right time. I, personally, hope he’s out of tricks!

The only pick I got right last week was New England over Houston. The Patriots just have too many offensive weapons. Hell, with TE Rob Gronkowski out, coach Bellichick will prolly pull a fan out of the stands and turn him into an All Pro TE. Or Aaron Hernandez will get hot! And Tom Brady is just a stud QB. He rarely makes mistakes and is aggressive and accurate. You wouldn’t know he’s the best QB in the NFL if you saw him in public…

Tom Brady Slide


Tom Brady Scooter

… but he is!

Don’t get me wrong… I don’t like New England and I like Baltimore even less. I wish, somehow, both these teams could lose tonight but, obviously, that’s not possible.

So I say: New England 48 ~ Baltimore 27

Oh yeah, keep your eyes peeled for the DirecTV Genie commercials…

DirecTV Genie

… and the lovely Hannah Davis…

Hannah Davis Beach Bikini

WHEW! Enjoy the games, folks!

A Look Back on Wild Card Weekend…

I started writing a post Saturday, before the NFL playoff games started, but ran short on time and relegated it to the trash… I reincarnated it to pull out some good background material even for this post, namely how the playoffs work.. Here’s what I wrote Saturday…

It’s Wild Card Weekend ~ All NFL Games Should be Good from Here on Out!

NFL Logo

Right? God I hope so! I’ve watched sixteen weeks of somewhat shitty football watching Browns games. I’m hoping all the games from today until Super Bowl XLVII (Let’s just drop the Roman numerals already and call it 47, alright?) are fun to watch!

There are twelve teams in play now. Here’s a quick look at how the NFL playoffs work…

There are two conferences in the NFL; the American Football Conference (AFC) and the National Football Conference (NFC). Each conference is comprised of four divisions; North, South, East and West. Each division has four teams. That makes 32 teams. 20, including my beloved Browns every year, don’t make the postseason.

This weekend is known as Wild Card Weekend. The top two teams in each conference earn a bye, meaning they don’t have to play this weekend because they’re the best of the best! This includes the Broncos and Patriots for the AFC and the Falcons and 49ers of the NFC.

The remaining 8 teams are the aforementioned wildcards who play this weekend. That includes the Texans, Ravens, Colts and Bengals of the AFC and the Packers, Redskins, Seahawks and Vikings of the NFC.

I’m just gonna focus on today’s games because it’s like 10 minutes until kickoff…

…. and that’s where I ran out of time and scrapped the post. So now I’ll just look back on this weekend’s games.

Saturday’s early game was the Cincinnati Bengals at the Houston Texans. Prior to the game I had Cincy winning it 24-17. Boy was I wrong…

Houston’s defense was more than the Bengals could handle. I’m really starting to like this J.J. Watt dude, defensive end for the Texans. After swatting down an Andy Dalton pass, he did this…

JJ Watt No no

…. and cracked me up! He’s a fantastic ball player and a funny guy!

The Bengals only TD came on an interception returned by Leon Hall. Their other two scores were FGs.

Oh… don’t think the Texans were some kind of offensive powerhouse. The only powerhouse was their RB Arian Foster who ran for 140 yards and a TD. The rest of their scoring was 4 FGs by ex-Bengal Shayne Graham.

The 19-13 win advanced the Texans. Next Sunday they play the Patriots, who I’m sure will crush them.

As I’m writing this, I had The Biggest Loser on in the background and I kept hearing (and watching) Jillian Michaels…

Jillian Michaels Bikini

…. and she threw off my concentration, so I switched over to the GoDaddy.com Bowl featuring Kent State at Arkansas State. GO FLASHES!

Anyway, Saturday’s late game was the Minnesota Vikings at the Green Bay Packers. I was pulling for the Vikes because I love me some Adrian Peterson! Didn’t work out to well for them, though…

The Packers were hitting on all cylinders and Minnesota didn’t have much of a chance. From a defensive standpoint, they had the right gameplan. Here’s what CB Charles Woodson had to say:

No disrespect to Ponder, but … it’s about one guy and that’s Adrian Peterson. Our main focus, whether it was Ponder or Webb, was to keep 28 (Peterson) from getting off. And if we were going to keep him from getting off, put the ball in the quarterback’s hands, whatever quarterback it was, we felt good about what was going to happen.

He was referring to Christian Ponder, the Vikes starting QB, who didn’t start. In his place was Colt McCoy Joe Webb, who was horrendous.

Joe Webb

And Green Bay’s QB Aaron Rodgers has so many freakin’ weapons at his disposal it makes me sick! DuJuan Harris, James Jones, Tom Crabtree, Greg Jennings John Kuhn and Jordy Nelson.

Anyway, Green Bay went on to win 24-10… and it wasn’t even that close because Webb threw a TD for the Vikings in garbage time… The Packers play the 49ers Saturday night. I expect it to be a good game…

So yesterday…. as much as I dislike the Colts and as much as I hate the Ravens, I gave the Ravens my blessing over the Colts in the early game, as I figured they’d win it.

I was right. Colts QB Andrew Luck looked like a rookie in his first playoff game. Nothing against Luck… hell, he was playing against the Ravens D. Even the great QBs, like Cleveland’s Brandon Weeden, struggle against Baltimore’s defense!

Baltimore’s Joe Flacco only completed 12 passes… but for 282 yards! God that dude bugs me! He wants to be mentioned in the same breath as Manning and Brady, but most of the time he’s a pedestrian QB at best. Anquan Boldin made Flacco the man yesterday. But, as they say, Flacco wins games…

The pregame/postgame stuff featuring Ray Lewis, because of his impending retirement, was actually quite touching…

Ray Lewis

… Much respect! The dude is still a beast at 37 years old and a genius running that defense. I am so happy his God spewing ass is gone hate to see him go.

Baltimore handily defeated the Colts 24-9. Next week won’t be so easy, when they go to Denver. Peyton Manning will make that defense his bitch.

In the late game yesterday, the Seahawks played the Redskins on what appeared to be some field somewhere in Iraq, though it turned out to be FedEx Field. I don’t understand how an NFL owner could have such a shitty field in his stadium, especially in the playoffs!

The Redskins started off strong while the ‘Hawks sputtered to get going. After a pretty quick 14-0 lead, RGIII’s leg fell off the wheels fell off the wagon for Washington. Actually, RGIII became slower and slower. Dude was clearly hurt, but his stupid coach left him in the game…

At the same time, Seattle’s QB Russell Wilson got hot and gashed the Redskins D; running and passing. The tandem of Russell Wilson and RB Marshawn Lynch are incredibly dangerous.

What seems to be the defining moment of the game, though it was halfway through the 4th quarter and Seattle had scored 21 unanswered points to put them ahead 21-14, was when RGIII’s knee actually did fall apart…


… Shame on Mike Shanahan for keeping RGIII in the game after he was clearly hurting early in the game. He didn’t get up after his knee bent like that.

Right now, they’re saying he has partial tears in both his ACL and LCL. I assume he’s gonna need surgery, when he might not have had he been pulled earlier in the game.

Seattle won the game 24-14 and now plays the Falcons next Sunday. I think Seattle has a shot, but we shall see!

For now, FUCK YOU Mike Shanahan for hurting your franchise QB as much as you did….

Now it’s time to watch Alabama beat down Notre Dame!