Tag Archives: Brian Hoyer

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow – Bengals @ Browns!

Manziel Down

It’s official… Johnny Manziel has been named the starter for tomorrow’s game.

Yeah, I called him by his name because I won’t insult QB1 as others have done to Brian Hoyer, so no more Johnny Fuckface, Johnny Jerkoff or Johnny Snorting Coke off a Strippers Ass.

I won’t call him Johnny Football, though, until he shows me he can play NFL football.

When the news broke on Tuesday I was furious. After a few days of digesting this information, however, I’ve calmed down a bit.

I have the utmost respect for Brian Hoyer and the fact that he got this team to 7-6! He’s a great kid and an amazing student of the game. In my opinion, it’s not his fault the offense has struggled for a month. Football is the ultimate team sport and his offense has let him down lately; plain and simple.

Thanks for what you’ve done for this franchise, Brian!!

I believe the change at QB has less to do with Hoyer’s performance than it did to give the Browns front office (Read: Jimmy Haslam & Ray Farmer) a chance to evaluate their second 1st round pick from May’s draft.

It’s a huge long shot for us to make the playoffs this year so now’s the time to see if Manziel is truly the QB of the future of if they need to draft another QB in May. God I hope they don’t have to…

Unfortunately, 99% of Browns fans are incredibly stupid so they think this switch is to help us win the last three games and have a shot at the playoffs.

It’s not.

Cleveland’s in experiment mode now. They’re done with this season. Ya know how I know?

Everyone’s looking at the QB position but K Billy Cundiff has been horrible in 6 of 13 games this year, two of which coulda been wins instead of losses had he done his damn job and put the ball through the uprights.

Cundiff’s job is secure, however, so the goal is not to win games.

A team doesn’t just bench a QB who is above .500, while on a potential playoff run, for a rookie unless it’s merely for evaluation purposes.

Regardless… enter Johnny Manziel. Dude had an awesome college career. You can look it up, I’m not gonna go through the numbers here. He won the Heisman as a freshman; the first ever to do so. Keep in mind, though, the media makes the Heisman winner.

Wanna know about Johnny’s college career? The 99% of Browns fans who know nothing about football will tell you all about it while masturbating! School sports don’t matter at this level.

The 1%, like myself? We’ll tell you he hasn’t committed himself to this team. You all can look that stuff up too. He likes to party. He thinks super stardom comes before, not after, one plays and is successful at a high level. He’s wrong.

None of the above matters any more because this kid is now QB1 for our Cleveland Browns. I’m a Browns fan and I want to see them win; I don’t care who they are! I’ve never had player jerseys because players are no longer loyal… I’m a fan of the team!

So what needs to happen tomorrow?


The D needs to beat up Bengals QB Dalton like they did in Week 10. There needs to be constant pressure! Dalton will make mistakes. We sacked him twice picked him off 3 times in week 10! Our defensive backfield needs to shut down the Cincy WRs, especially AJ Green who had a huge game against Pittsburgh last week.

Some run defense would be nice, too! Fortunately, this defense remembers the shit talking Bengals RB Jeremy Hill did after the last game. We also have to contend with RB Giovani Bernard, who was injured for the first meeting.

Special Teams

We still don’t have a legitimate kick returner. I believe tiny Travis Benjamin will take one to the house!

Our coverage team is pretty consistent; hopefully they’ll remain so tomorrow.

K Billy Cundiff is an ass. He sucks. I’ve no faith in him. Neither does the team. He needs to go but must have pictures of Coach Pettine banging one of  Johnny Manziel’s strippers so he can keep his job.


No. Fucking. Clue.

Our rookie QB is one of those scrambling QBs like Russell Wilson, Michael Vick or Colin Kaepernick, except 100% whiter than Wilson  and Vick and like 34% whiter than Kaepernick.

This game will be 100% on offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan. An offensive line that has been struggling since the loss of  Pro Bowl C Alex Mack two months ago will now have to try to block for a dude that will be running around in the backfield. I understand that’s pretty difficult.

Rookie QBs throw interceptions. One way to minimize the possibility of picks is to run the ball. In our week 10 victory over Cincinnati we went run crazy! West, Crowell and Tate ran a combined 48 times for 169 yards. Expect run heavy play calling tomorrow.

I’ve gotta imagine Shanahan will be running a simplified offense for Manziel since he struggles calling plays in the huddle.

Maybe eliminate the huddle here and there? Huh Shanahan? That shit works and it’s what this QB is good at!

There will be some read option and Johnny will run. He needs to run smart otherwise he’ll get crushed. His cocky attitude has gotten him a big ass bulls eye on his chest and defenders will be gunning for him.

And Johnny… your god damn money sign just screams douchebag…

Manziel Money

… I imagine you’re gonna keep doing it but how about limit it to when we’re ahead in the game? Please?

Like I said, it’s a loooooooong shot for us to make the playoffs. For starters, we need to win our last three games. We need a shit ton of help, though, as we’re currently the 12th seed in the AFC.

Four other teams are 7-6: Houston (@ IND), Miami (@ NE), Kansas City (OAK) and Buffalo (GB). They ALL need to LOSE so we can leap frog them up to the 8th seed!

THEN… we need Pittsburgh (@ ATL), San Diego (DEN) and Baltimore (JAX) to lose also!

UGH! It all starts with a Browns win, however!


Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 10 @ Bills 26 ~ R.I.P. Brian Hoyer…


There ya have it folks! Stick a fork in him because it sounds like the Browns are gonna keep Brian Hoyer on the bench for the foreseeable future.

He got yanked early in the 4th quarter yesterday when we were down 20-3. QB2, Johnny Douchebag, went in, made a few plays and we still lost the game 26-10.

As a starter, Hoyer is 7-5 this year and as a backup, Manziel is 0-1.

Yeah, Hoyer had a shitty game yesterday. So did QBs Tony Romo, Colin Kaepernick, Cam Newton, Alex Smith, Jay Cutler and Derek Carr. Carr got benched for Matt Schaub, who was technically as good as Manziel, as the Raiders still lost.

Will any of those other QBs get benched?


I saw quotes on Twitter from Browns coach Mike Pettine’s press conference today and it appears he’s done with Hoyer.

We’re 7-5 and still in the hunt for a playoff spot, but it sounded like coach Pettine has no faith in Hoyer any more. Dude said he’s gonna look at the film on both QBs and decide who will start Sunday when Indy comes to town.

Pettine has 15 games (what, some 900 minutes?) of film on Hoyer and 8 minutes on Manziel. Saying he has to look at film is merely a cop out…

I believe Browns owner Jimmy Haslam or GM Ray Fucking Farmer, both of whom have apparently sucked on Johnny Manziel’s dick because they drafted that asshole, have forced Pettine’s hand.

If Manziel finishes the season for Cleveland, we’ll end up with a 7-9 record.

If, somehow, the coaches and front office allow Hoyer to finish the season, we’ll prolly end up 10-6 and maybe have a shot at the playoffs.

It’s a long shot to make the playoffs, but handing the keys to the Browns to Johnny Manziel is a horrible decision.

Yesterday’s game was tough to watch, but that’s only because coach Pettine didn’t read my  last blog post in which I said to PASS on first down instead of run…

Cleveland had 31 chances from 1st down and ran on 19 (61%) of them for about 2.6 yards a carry. We became one dimensional on 1st down and the Bills put 8-9 defenders in the box to force Hoyer to throw the ball.

That’s bad coaching.

It sucks that Hoyer has to get beat up when we have issues WAY outside of QB!



Manziel Redskins

Well, so much for the Johnny Manziel experiment… at least for now.

After Monday night’s poor performance by both Manziel and Brian Hoyer in their QB competition against the Redskins, Browns head coach, Mike Pettine, named Hoyer as the regular season starter.

“BUT WHY?” ~ All the naive Cleveland Browns fans who purchased Manziel jerseys!

How does a freakishly athletic midget with oversized hands, whose two most talked about performances last year at Texas A&M resulted in losses, get beat out by a dude 7 years his senior, coming off of, and prolly not fully recovered from, ACL surgery?

It’s quite simple, actually. Manziel can’t comprehend the game played in the NFL.

In college, Manziel didn’t have a playbook; didn’t have to huddle to call plays. I believe the coaching staff just held up pictures on the sideline to call plays. A picture of a rainbow meant WRs GO LONG while a picture of a roadrunner prolly just told Johnny to run like hell!

I don’t care if it’s highly lucrative NCAA football, it’s still backyard football that Manziel played. The national media anointed him “Johnny Football.” The Browns, and their batshit crazy owner, Jimmy Haslam, were stupid enough to pick him 22nd in the draft.

After months of partying in Vegas and snorting coke off strippers asses post draft, Manziel showed up at training camp and was overwhelmed by the intricate playbook of Browns offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan. While the Browns might run a no huddle offense here and there, the majority of their plays thus far have come out of the huddle. Word around town is that Manziel struggled calling the sometimes 18 word plays in the huddle, oftentimes assisted by teammates to get the play called.

That incompetence won’t fly in the NFL and definitely not against Pittsburgh for our season opener only 15 days from now.

I believe there are three reasons Brian Hoyer was named the Browns starting QB:

  1. Dude spent the offseason rehabbing from ACL surgery while working hard on learning the playbook.
  2. Cleveland only won 4 games last year, two of which were engineered by Hoyer, against Minnesota and Cincinnati.
  3. Hoyer has enough NFL experience that he understands a pro style offense.

In my opinion, the only reason Hoyer has looked horrible so far this preseason, and in training camp, is because of the QB competition. Splitting reps merely dilutes the quality of play. There is no continuity. I know… that applies to Manziel too, but he still can’t read the playbook!

Hopefully all of that is changed now that we have named a starter. Hoyer can make all the reps with the starters and develop consistency and chemistry with the rest of the offense.

Tonight will be a huge test for that with the St. Louis Rams coming to town. Here’s what I’ll be looking for:

  1. Confidence by Hoyer. Maybe some first downs here and there!
  2. WRs looking for the ball!
  3. WRs CATCHING the fucking ball!

I believe Cleveland’s defense is a top three unit! All we need is for the offense to carry their part of the load and string together some long drives!

I know… this is a preseason game. Don’t care, though, because it’s the “dress rehearsal” for the regular season.



If you watch ESPN at all you’ve prolly seen them either talking about or airing commercials featuring Browns backup QB Johnny Manziel vs. Redskins starting QB Robert Griffin III tonight.

They even ran this graphic last week…


Are you serious ESPN? While everything in that graphic is true, what they fail to mention is that Manziel is 3 inches shorter, 15 pounds lighter and 100% whiter than RGIII! This comparison shouldn’t be made!

Aside from that… tonight’s game is a PRACTICE game. It’s week two of the preseason for Christ’s sake!

Cleveland has named “incumbent” Brian Hoyer as the starting QB for tonight vs. the Redskins. Why is he the incumbent? Because he has a 2-1 record as a starter in the NFL. In FIVE seasons! WOO HOO!

Let’s not forget, three of those seasons were spent as Tom Brady’s backup over in New England. In 2012 he backed up Kevin Kolb in Arizona.

No real data to work with there!

Last year he played, start to finish, in two games for the Browns. He beat Minnesota and Cincinnati, an eventual 5-10 team and a one and done wildcard playoff team respectively. In those games he went a combined 55 of 92 (59.8%) for 5 TDs and 3 picks. That’s a QB rating of 86.2.

Not much data to work with there, either. But… it’s data none the less.

There’s absolutely no NFL data on Manziel, obviously, because he’s a rookie. If you notice in that ESPN graphic, Manziel and RGIII were both picked in the 1st round and the second QB selected. RGIII was the second PLAYER selected; Manziel was the TWENTY-second player selected. Big difference.

Manziel was falling, possibly out of the first round of the draft, and rumor has it he all but begged the Browns to take him via text message.

So they did.

Since then, he’s hung out in Vegas a lot, snorting coke off strippers asses, and sold a shit ton of merchandise and season tickets for the Browns!

Now there’s some data that Browns owner Jimmy Haslam likes!

Jimmy Haslam yee haw

To be perfectly honest, I’m looking forward to seeing what Manziel does tonight.

I don’t believe he’ll start at Pittsburgh in week one though, regardless of if he lights shit up tonight in the twenty or so snaps he’ll take. Dude needs to learn the playbook and figure out how to stand in the pocket and make plays with his arm and brain before that’ll happen.

Or when Hoyer gets hurt again!

I’m interested to see how our defense looks tonight, with Redskins WRs Pierre Garcon and DeSean Jackson making their preseason debuts. Both of them can be dangerous. A badass pass rush by Cleveland’s front seven will be key to shutting them down!

I’d also like to see if Cleveland has any WRs of their own, since no one has been catching many passes at camp. Let me clarify that… they DROP passes. Why do we always have this problem here?

Lastly, I’m looking forward to seeing the Redskins cheerleaders…

Redskin Cheerleader asses

… ’cause we don’t have cheerleaders here in Cleveland. We have a drumline!


GO BROWNS! Enjoy what will probably be the most viewed NFL Monday Night preseason football game ever because of Johnny Fucking Football!

Woo Hoo ~ Bills @ Browns… PRIME TIME!

Night Shot

I have to admit I’m a bit nervous about this game. I said yesterday I was concerned about the Indians, as Cleveland teams don’t do well in the spotlight, and they lost to Tampa Bay 4-0; their season is over…

Speaking of baseball, and I’m sorry baseball fans but, in my opinion, that shit is boring. It is exciting when a team scores, like by hitting a home run or batting in runners, neither of which the Indians could do yesterday. I guess being there live would be more exciting, but I saw all the Indians fans at the game, after Tampa Bay went up 3-0… not a lot of happiness there.

Well, the Browns season is just starting to roll; we’re now 2-2, and tied for 1st in the AFC North, after two horrible losses by a Brandon Weeden/Trent Richardson led team, followed by two nice wins by a Brian Hoyer/Josh Gordon/Jordan Cameron led team.

Not sure what to think of this matchup with Buffalo, so naturally I look at some stats to see if something stands out. Here’s what I found:


Buffalo has the 15th ranked offense in the league based on total yards. Their strength is running the ball with Fred Jackson and C.J. Spiller. Jackson tweaked his knee Sunday, but says he’s good to go tonight. Spiller’s ankle is hurting him and he won’t decide if he’s playing until he gets to the stadium and tries some running. QB EJ Manuel is a rookie QB who doesn’t look horrible. Completes 57% of his passes and has 5 TDs and 3 INT in 4 games.

Cleveland has the 24th ranked offense in the league based on total yards. Believe it or not, passing is our strength…

And I don’t want to hear about us trading away RB Trent Richardson to Indy any more. He’s the 22nd ranked RB in the league for rushing yards. He’s 39th in the league for yards per carry at 3.1… He’s NOT a star and wasn’t ever our best player. Everyone’s gonna be soooo happy come May when we have Indy’s 1st round pick!

Browns QB Brian Hoyer looked great Sunday, after a sorta crappy second half against Minnesota the previous week. He’s completed about 60% of his passes and thrown 5 TDs and 3 INTs… in those two games.


Buffalo has the 28th ranked defense in terms of total yards put up against them…. most of those yards came via the air, so they’re decent against the run.

Cleveland is the 4th ranked defense! You read that right! Our defense is stout, especially against the run. Last week though, we defended the pass pretty well too!


If Cleveland can shut down Buffalo’s bruised up running backs, and I’m sure they can, I believe they’ll force their young QB to make some mistakes throwing! Maybe future Hall of Fame, shut down CB, Joe Haden will finally get his first pick six!

But then our offense needs to score some more TDs! While Buffalo’s secondary is dinged up, their front 7 ain’t no joke! I expect a lot of pressure on Hoyer tonight… dudes gonna have to get rid of the ball fast and make some good decisions. He showed he’s capable of that Sunday against Cincinnati.

And if Buffalo’s defensive strength is against the run, THE JOKE WILL BE ON THEM,  because we have no running game! But maybe we will tonight…

I’m looking for RB Chris Ogbonnaya to have a big game tonight, on the ground AND through the air…

Chris Ogbonnaya


Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 17 Bengals 6!!!!!

What could I possibly have to complain about after Cleveland’s dominating win over Cincinnati?

Our kicker… Billy Fucking Cundiff! Dude missed a 37 yard field goal that woulda put us up 10-3 early in the second quarter. Then he missed a 49 yarder to close out the first half. I dunno… apparently that one was tipped by the Bengals, but I’m blaming his chokey ass regardless. We shoulda been up 13-3 going into the locker room. Rumor has it he has a nagging hamstring issue. Well fuck that… take some HGH, Billy, put your big boy football pants on and kick some field goals…

See, this is where I’m somewhat flawed as a Browns fan. I shouldn’t have to rely on our kicker to produce points, but I had gotten so used to it because the offense couldn’t score touchdowns. Well all of that has changed these past couple weeks and QB Brian Hoyer is a big reason for that!

Hoyer under pressure

Look how confident he looks, knowing he’s about to be blasted! I hate to get too excited about this offense, because I’m not used to being excited. I’m used to being nauseous.

To be honest, Hoyer looks like a smart QB. Yeah, he was hot and cold last week against Minnesota, but yesterday he looked really good.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER….. I’m in no way comparing Brian Hoyer to Peyton Manning, because that dudes on a freakin’ historical roll right now, but I saw how everyone was so impressed about Manning not having to worry about 3rd down conversions, because he converted on 2nd down.

Hoyer converted two second downs on his first touchdown scoring drive, which went for 95 yards. He converted a first and second down in his late touchdown scoring drive…

All I’m really saying here is that we could be on to something with this kid… he went 25 of 38 for 269 yards spread over 7 receivers, producing those two TDs.

Other thoughts on offense…

TE Jordan Cameron continues to be a badass, with 10 catches for 91 yards and a TD yesterday…

WR Josh Gordon kept on producing with 4 catches for 71 yards..

I still don’t miss RB Trent Richardson being traded to Indy. New RB Willis McGahee did what he needed to do yesterday to help us secure the win.


Damn am I excited about this defense! They are as aggressive as defensive coordinator Ray Horton promised that they would be! After four games, Cleveland is 6th in the league for total yards against the run. They are 1st in the league in allowing only 2.9 yards per carry! As far as pass defense goes, we’re 11th in passing yards allowed, but 2nd in yards per attempt at 5.9…

Numbers aside… our defense is STOUT!

OLB Barkevious Mingo is looking better every week…

Bark Mingo Sack

… and will only get better!

The defensive backfield looks pretty awesome as well! Future Hall of Fame CB Joe Haden pretty much man handled Bengals WR A.J. Green all day. even on a couple gains, Joe kicked A.J.’s ass!

Hell, Cleveland DB Tashaun Gipson, who isn’t mentioned very much, had a pretty good game…

Tashaun Gipson big hit

… dislodging a big hit from a Bengals TE…

Our defense is gonna make a huge difference this year!!

Now I gotta go watch Monday Night Football..

Talk to y’all soon!




Monday Moanin’ ~ WOW… Did You Guys See That?

Brian Hoyer Minn.

Holy shit… HOLY SHIT… did the Browns look great yesterday or what?

I’ll admit that I was all bent outta shape on Wednesday when we traded RB Trent Richardson to the Colts. I’ll admit that I thought we were throwing in the towel this season, only to be concerned about next May’s raft.

But boy, oh boy, was I wrong!

Okay…. now it’s time to calm down, Greg. They looked bad at times too… There was hot and cold on both sides of the ball.

Let me start with the offense. The return of WR Josh Gordon was HUGE. Dudes a stud for sure… 10 catches for 146 yards and a TD… just needs to keep passing drug tests!

There was a bit of a snowball effect with the offense. As Gordon was producing, the Vikings DBs started to cheat towards him, this gave WR Davone Bess some opportunities underneath. He had a couple drops, but he also converted a couple key 3rd downs.

Also a stud? TE Jordan Cameron…

Jordan Cameron TD

… It’s been said more than once how much I like my Caucasian TEs! Remember Steve Heiden? Yeah… loved him too! Three games into the season, and Cameron is tied for 10th in the league for receiving yards; also tied for 1st for receiving TDs at 4! Prior to the start of the season, I predicted Jordan Cameron would have 50 catches for around 600 yards this season and 7 TDs. Check this out… He’s on pace to catch 106 passes for 1,434 yards and 21 touchdowns!! Will that happen? Not a chance, because defenses will now pay more attention to him… I’m just being positive!

In that picture above…. QB1, Brandon Fucking Weeden, misses on that pass…

That brings me to QB3, Brian Hoyer, who was on the other end of all this offensive production. He had a decent stat line I suppose.. 30 of 54 for 321 yards and three TDs. He looked great in the pocket… stepped up and made throws when the pocket collapsed, got rid of the ball quickly. He had a nice touch on the ball too. I always blast WRs for dropping the ball when it’s thrown too hard by the QB. I always say, “It’s the QB’s job to throw and the WR’s job to catch…” But screw that… if the QB is good enough to take something off the ball to make it more catchable, that’s how it should be!

Oh yeah, Hoyer also threw three picks. One was caused by a Vikings D lineman whacking his arm as he threw… That shit happens, especially when the offense is backed up  to their 5 yardline. This turnover allowed the Vikings to put up a TD and tie the game at 24.

The other two picks were just stupid throws that Hoyer obviously would’ve loved to have back. Good thing about those picks is the defense came through to bail him out.

On to defense now… After Hoyer’s first stupid pick, the Vikings went seven plays and then my boy, Jabaal Sheard, strip sacked Vikings QB Christian Ponder, recovered by Craig Robertson.

This led to Hoyer’s second stupid interception thrown on the next series…

Vikings run two running plays with Adrian Peterson and D’Qwell Jackson punches the ball out on the second and it’s recovered by Jabaal! We did nothing with it… just wanted to illustrate how the defense came through when it really counted.

Yeah, the defense allowed the Vikings to march down the field for their first possession and RB Adrian Peterson to score a TD… Peterson had 7 carries for 28 yards including that TD. After that, however, this Browns defense held Peterson to 18 carries for 60 yards the rest of the game; or 3.3 yards a carry….

Adrian Peterson Dejected

… a very Trent Richardson-ish performance.

Speaking of T-Rich… I believe he averaged 2.7 yards a carry yesterday for Indy after scoring an easy TD on his first touch. Yep… 13 carries for 35 yards.

Anyway, this Browns defense is good! Before tonight’s Broncos/Raiders game, Cleveland is the 8th ranked team against the run and 13th against the pass…. tied for third with twelve sacks….!!!!

LB Bark Mingo looks like he’s gonna be a fantastic football player… Paul Kruger is a stud. Front three kicked ass!

Special Teams? Holy shit were they hot yesterday! Fake punt for 34 yards… Spencer Lanning throws a TD to Jordan Cameron on a fake FG. Wow! My little dude, Travis Benjamin, muffed a punt, then had a nice runback in which we got to see his ass…


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