Tag Archives: Drag Racing

Change is a Comin’!

… and I don’t know if I’ll like it. Those who know me know I’m loyal, probably to a fault. I like the stability that comes when things DON’T change. Here’s a perfect example: pizza.

I ALWAYS get pizza from Marco’s. I just jump online, place my order and BOOM! Pizza’s here!

Then, the other night, my daughter wanted me to order pizza that is not from Marco’s. She wanted pizza from this place called Tommy’s. I hid the fact from her that I was freaking out inside but I couldn’t hold back my questions.

Do they deliver or do I have to pick it up? Can I order online? Do I have to pick up the phone and CALL? Is the pizza even any good? I have to set up yet another account, don’t I?

Brooke calmly said, “Quit freaking out and just order it!” That kid can see right through me!

I got online and found that the place is Tommy’s Pizza AND Chicken… and MORE, like appetizers, wings, soups, salads, subs, chicken, ribs and pasta! OH MY! They also list seafood, but I don’t think I’d try that delivered, and gluten free, which is just stupid!

Anyway, I believe that was the fastest I ever set up an online ordering account! I figured I’d start with just a pizza for now, then I saw the stromboli! Okay, pizza for the girls and stromboli for me! Thank God there wasn’t a “one of everything” button on the website. I wasn’t extremely happy with the 60 minute delivery window, but the stuff showed up in 35 minutes. It. Was. Delightful!

I’ve already forgotten about the other pizza joint I mentioned a few paragraphs ago!

Another big change is coming today. A couple weeks ago I talked about some of the challenges John Force Racing has faced over the last year and a half. Force is one tough son of a bitch and he’s not going down without a fight! Hell, he’s not going down.

Over the past several weeks he’s secured big sponsorship deals with Peak Antifreeze and Lucas Oil…

John Force Lucas

…to replace exiting sponsor Castrol Motor Oil. Forrest Lucas, founder and CEO of Lucas Oil Products, had this to say of the new partnership:

John Force is a guy I have admired for many, many years. In my opinion he made Castrol oil in this country. The fact that he became available was shocking to me. I see him partnering with us and it will be a huge economic boost for Lucas Oil around the world. It will be good for John Force Racing because it is more stability and I see this as a win-win situation. It will also be good for NHRA drag racing because it keeps John racing and we don’t have any intentions on leaving so it should be good for everybody.  Hopefully all the fans will keep coming back and using Lucas Oil.

There are not as many young people coming into NHRA as we would like to see but John has his beautiful daughters involved and they are doing a good job. He has given them good equipment and has good people working with them. Morgan grew up with the girls and they are all good friends. The fact that we are creating the second generation of drag racing leaders and we are not the only ones doing this but we have some of the top rising stars out there.

Today’s big change will be the announcement of who his vehicle manufacturer will be going forward.

John Force has had a partnership with Ford since 1997. Throughout those 17 years he’s delivered 10 of his 16 NHRA Funny Car titles to Ford Motor Company. Ford doesn’t care and will be gone after today.

There’s a lot of speculation about who he’s gonna partner up with. All the other nitro Funny Cars are sponsored by Toyota and Dodge. I just don’t see Force blending in with either of those manufacturers. I think he’s gonna go with Chevrolet. Maybe a “Camaro?”

I’m a Ford guy so I’m not excited about this change, but it’s not like Force had any choice, Ford forced his hand.

I’m sure I’ll be fine with whoever he partners up with. In the end, the manufacturer is merely wrapped on the car body. John Force Racing actually builds the cars from the ground up.

The 2014 NHRA season ends today with the Auto Club Finals from Auto Club Raceway in Pomona, California and the Funny Car Championship will be decided as 32 year old Matt Hagan leads 65 year old John Force by 22 points.

There are four rounds of racing in NHRA eliminations on Sunday. I struggle with the way eliminations are scored. Here’s how points are awarded:

Winner – 100
Runner-up – 80
Third round loser – 60
Second round loser – 40
First round loser – 20

Here’s how I see it. If Force and Hagan BOTH lose the first round, Hagan wins his second NHRA Funny Car Championship by 22 points.

If Force loses the first round and Hagan wins, Force is out of contention by at least 2 points.

If Hagan loses the first round and Force wins the first round, Hagan will be up 42 points as Force advances to the second round.

If Force loses in the second round he gains 40 points, but it won’t be enough as Hagan will have that 2 point advantage and win the Championship.

Basically, Force has to go two rounds deeper than Hagan to win his 17th Funny Car Title!

WHEW that was a lot… I prolly shouldn’t think out loud and type it in here because it’s confusing!

There is a potential controversy brewing here. In the first round John Force faces Bob Tasca. Bob’s not a teammate but a fellow Ford driver. If Force beats Tasca I’m certain people will be saying Tasca laid down so Force could advance.

We shall see!

C’MON JOHN WIN THIS SHIT!!!!

I Feel Bad for John Force… :(

Greased Lightning

The National Hot Rod Association is the governing body for drag racing. It was founded in 1951 by Wally Parks to “create order from chaos” and legitimize popular illegal racing…

…by taking it to a controlled, safer, environment with rules.

It’s a fascinating sport to watch! Oh yeah, it IS a sport! Without a doubt the best motorsport, in my opinion!

I’ve had people rip on me for watching it because it’s “just a couple cars going in a straight line.” Those same people can’t even properly operate a 200 HP street car. I’d love to see ’em try to wheel a 10,000 HP Dragster or Funny Car, especially when shit like THIS can happen:

Nope, not for me! I’ll leave it to the pros.

NHRA drag racing is a small, niche market sport. People love it or, as I mentioned above, people think it’s stupid! I’ve made no less than 20 people drag racing fans for life, however, over my 25 years being a fan! When I get them to a live event and they see their first Funny Car or Dragster race, they’re hooked!

I didn’t realize just how small the NHRA is, from a revenue standpoint, until I researched it today. The NHRA generates about $150 million in revenue a year. That sounds respectable until you compare it to the $10 BILLION a year NFL. Back in 2006, the NHRA was sold for $121 million. The shitty NFL Buffalo Bills just sold for $1.4 BILLION!

Alright, it’s not fair to compare drag racing to the NFL, so lets try a motorsports comparison. NASCAR brings in $3.1 BILLION a year!

Why is the NHRA such small beans? It’s not a lack of excitement, because drag racing is WAY better than NASCAR! It all boils down to TV money!

All stick and ball sports (NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL), and even NASCAR, are able to sign very lucrative TV and cable provider deals.

Why can’t the NHRA do the same?

It simply comes down to the live experience and the nature of drag racing. A full weekend of racing involves 4 rounds of qualifying over two days to set the field for 4 rounds of elimination on Sunday. Each day of drag racing takes anywhere from 6 to 8 hours. That shit just can’t be televised live. Cars break on the track and there’s a shit ton of down time when that happens.

“NASCAR cautions, after a crash, only take a few minutes to clean up the track so why does drag racing cleanup take so long?”

That’s a great question! Most NASCAR tracks are a mile or longer. The racing surface, while somewhat important for tire wear, isn’t as important as individual car setup. Oil dry can be used to clean up any chemicals spilled on the track, so it’s a quick cleanup!

The NHRA track is a beast of it’s own! It’s coated with a compound called PJ1 TrackBite. Shit’s sticky as hell! It’s the only way drag racing teams can maintain traction with the amount of HP they’re working with, especially the nitro teams. 10,000 HP will go up in smoke without PJ1.

If there’s any kind of liquid on the track after a car crashes or blows up, the NHRA has to essentially re-prepare the track, otherwise there could be severely dangerous conditions. That cleanup can take about 15 minutes!

Basically, NHRA events are too damn long to televise. Nobody’s gonna watch racing when there are 15 minutes of track cleanup after a car pukes oil all the way down the track. I’ve been to several Sunday elimination days and those days take about 6 hours to complete. The NHRA takes all the footage, cuts out the downtime and puts together a presentable 2-3 hour show which doesn’t air until 9:00 or later on Sunday.

Because of those issues, the NHRA can’t get those lucrative TV contracts that most other sports can.

Having said all that, NHRA teams have to rely heavily on corporate sponsorship to keep their very expensive teams afloat because they don’t have TV money to share. Last year I was all pissed off because two of John Force Racing’s sponsors, Ford and Castrol Oil, are pulling their money out of top level drag racing.

I can’t understand why sponsors are leaving John Force Racing. Of the last 23 years, John Force has won 16 Championships of his own and 2 others as a team owner! Anybody know of any team in any sport that has dominated 78% of a quarter century?

John is working hard to secure sponsors for upcoming seasons. I fear one of those sponsors will be freakin’ Toyota

This past week, however, shit took a turn for the worse for Team Force. Long time teammate and current tuner & crew chief of Force’s Castrol Mustang, Jimmy Prock, got fired.

Fuckface

Actually, that fucking whore Prock was making calls to other teams looking for a job after 16 years of gainful employment with John Force Racing. Force got a call from another owner as a heads up, confronted Prock about it and Prock said he was quitting after this season. Force let him go immediately.

John Force is 36 points away from his 17th championship with only two races to go. He had the following to say about moving forward without Jimmy Prock and I totally agree:

I am going after this championship and I am going after it with the people that will stay with me for the long haul. That is what I owe my sponsors and fans.  As much as I want No. 17, not even for a championship will I race with somebody that I know is leaving me.

This final quote by Force is what made me sad. He is, hands down, the best driver to ever wheel a car in the NHRA. He has helped to BUILD the NHRA over three decades. I go to races and the majority of the fans are clustered around the Force cars in the area known as Nitro Alley, where the teams tune their cars between rounds.

I am a big boy and I’m going to put this team back together. I am going to fight, win or lose. If we get No. 17, great, but if we don’t I know I will have gone down with people that believe in me, that trust in me and that will stand by me, not just in good times but in bad times. I am not just racing for this championship; I am racing for the next 10 years.

John Force shouldn’t be putting anything back together, because he’s the best ever.

And Away We Go!!!

Before I delve into today’s exciting subject matter I want to talk about some crazy shit that’s been going on this weekend. Over the years, I’ve gotten into some pretty heated debates with people about something as elementary as racetrack configuration.

See, when I was a die hard NASCAR fan, people who don’t know racing would make the ol’ comment about, “…. cars going around in circles.” Circles!

Circle

That there’s a circle, folks, and there ain’t a racetrack on the NASCAR circuit configured like that.

The majority of tracks NASCAR competes are what we call a tri-oval.

Tri Oval

Like that! Well, all that went out the window this weekend ’cause the boys, and that girl, are racin’ at Pocono Raceway in Long Pond, Pennsylvania.

Pocono

That, my friends, is a triangle! NASCAR calls it the Tricky Triangle because it has three very unique turns, all with different banking, and three unequal length straightaways. It’s CRAZY!

Also, for you tree huggers, notice that weird pattern  just off the shortest straightaway? That’s a 3 megawatt solar farm! Pocono is the world’s largest solar-powered sports facility! It also helps power 1,000 area homes! To keep it NASCAR, sheep are used to maintain the grass around the solar array!

Don’t look for Danica Patrick to do well here, today!

In other crazy racetrack configuration news, the NHRA is at Pacific Raceways in Kent, Washington.

Now drag racing never deviates from straight line racing because if ya try to turn a car at over 300 MPH shit’s gonna get ugly.

Pacific Raceways is crazy in that the drag strip actually shares the start/finish portion of the road course.

pacificraceways

 

I drew a blue line to help you identify the drag strip!

Look for Courtney Force to have another good day and potential 6th career win! She’s qualified 2nd behind her Dad!

I will be watching BOTH of these events today.

What I’m REALLY looking forward to, however, is the beginning of the NFL season tonight! Oh, I know, it’s the beginning of the PRE-season. But practice football is WAY better than no football!

Tonight’s game, at 8:00 EST, is Giants vs. Bills from Canton, Ohio for the Hall of Fame Game! Ya know, I’ve lived in Ohio for 41 years and have never been to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I need to change that!

The Browns start their preseason next Saturday, August 9th, when they travel to Detroit to play the Lions.

Cleveland had their annual Family Day team scrimmage. There were almost 21,000 in attendance! I don’t want to take too much from that practice, because it was just that.

The QB competition continued with Brian Hoyer going 7 of 11 passing for 56 yards. Johnny Fucking Football was 3 of 7 for 14 yards, but he scrambled for 23 more total yards. Manziel looked like a rookie. Hoyer struggled at times too.

This offense scares me a bit, but it’s only preseason so who cares?

Our defense dominates! They’ve done so pretty much every day of practice thus far! I’m really excited about that entire unit! They scored two touchdowns from interceptions while the offense could only put up two field goals.

Saturday against Detroit will be a bit better indicator, if only for a series or two.

Go Browns! Go Courtney! Go Brad Keselowski!

‘Lil Bit of Women Racin’ Cars News!

NHRA LOGO

Oh hey folks! I’m still alive… been writing a lot just haven’t published anything recently, or at the frequency you were used too!

If you’re a regular reader of For Shiggles, you prolly realized that this became more of a platform to bash NASCAR “driver” Danica Patrick than anything else.

I probably shouldn’t do that any more because I’m starting to feel bad for her. She is horrible! She’s Kyle Petty horrible! Wait… no. Kyle Petty won NASCAR races; 8 out of 829 tries to be exact. Round up a bit and that’s a 1% win rate.

Dear Danica’s won 0 out of 66 tries in NASCAR’s premier series. Problem with math is that ya can’t round up from 0.00000 to make the numbers look pretty.

Danica is like the fat kid on your daughter’s softball team who has no right attempting to play at a high level, but does so because her Dad’s the coach.

I take that back. Danica is, at face value, a slightly above average looking woman with a somewhat decent ass and perky tits who can drive a race car better than a good portion of the world’s population… but not the NASCAR population.

In my opinion her primary sponsor, GoDaddy.com, needs to cut their marketing losses from the last three years and move on to a driver who can produce… even marginally. There’s not much better than a NASCAR driver in Victory Lane, or one who can consistently finish in the top five or even top ten!

I have an extensive background in sales, and can sell the best product with ease. When marketing, however, misallocates their funds, that is truly money wasted, and I imagine GoDaddy will be reeling from this for years to come.

Enough about shitty drivers and marketing money thrown down the drain…

NHRA drag racing phenom, Courtney Force, won her fifth career race yesterday since the beginning of the 2012 season. Check it out (She’s in the left lane):

She’s now won 5 of 63 events or an 8% win rate and, yet, Ford and Castrol Oil (major sponsors of parent company John Force Racing) are leaving after this season.

That’s a bunch of bullshit!

Courtney still has a chance to win the championship this year and, yet, her sponsors are leaving while GoDaddy stands by their shitty “driver.”

Kinda makes me sick….

The 2014 NHRA Mello Yello Drag Racing Series has their First Eliminations Today!

NHRA LOGO

Hellz yeah! I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t paid a lot of attention to the sports world. The last few days I’ve seen NHRA updates on Facebook and Twitter but thought there was just some testing going on.

Nope! They’re RACING this weekend in Pomona, California for the Circle K NHRA Winternationals! I just saw that all three John Force Racing Funny Cars are in. That’s John Force, Robert Hight and the lovely Courtney Force; qualified 1,2 and 7 respectively.

John broke national records for Elapsed Time (3.966 seconds) and Speed (324.12 MPH)! WOW! That is 5 MPH faster than 2nd place Robert. What a great way to begin his title defense!

Oh yeah… and John’s other daughter Brittany qualified 8th in Top Fuel Dragster!

Speaking of John Force Racing… as I mentioned in August, Ford and Castrol, long time sponsors, are both leaving the team after this season. He’s now forced to find about $10 million a year to keep the team going. They announced the other day that Peak Antifreeze and BlueDEF Diesel Exhaust Fluid have joined the team as associate sponsors. The press release didn’t mention the dollar amount, but being an associate sponsor doesn’t pay that much!

John Force Peak

L to R: Robert Hight, Brittany, Courtney, John and some dude from Peak Antifreeze

John Force had this to say:

We are excited to add PEAK and BlueDEF to the John Force Racing team. We pride ourselves on treating all of our sponsors like family for more than three decades. Bringing PEAK and BlueDEF into the family will make us stronger in 2014 and for many years to come. We have had a lot of conversations about the future and I know this will be a great deal for everyone.

With Ford leaving though, the John Force Funny Cars will not return next year as “Mustangs.”

Mustang Funny Car

This saddens me greatly because I’m a Ford guy…. and if he jumps in bed with Toyota I may not follow the team any more. I realize it’s just a different wrap on the car, but still, Toyota? Nope!

Anyway, keep your eyes on Courtney this year as a potential Champ… did I ever mention that we met her a couple years ago?

Courtney Force & Alexis

I so wanted to get a picture with her, but the kids come first!

Courtney won this Pomona race last year…

Courtney Force Winternationals Win

… and went on to win another at New England. She really developed some consistency in the second half of the season, going to the semifinals 4 times and runner up once in the final 11 races!

It kinda sucks, though… they’re racing right now at Pomona (Started at 11:00 PST), but the coverage is on a six hour tape delay, so I gotta avoid Twitter and Facebook because of potential spoilers ’til 8:00 when ESPN2 airs it!

In the meantime, here are some drag racing fun facts:

One Top Fuel Dragster’s 500-inch Hemi makes more horsepower than the first 4 rows of NASCAR race cars at Daytona. That’s 8 cars!

Fun Hemi fact: Ford was running engines with hemispherical combustion chambers long before Chrysler/Dodge/Plymouth ever did. Chrysler just marketed it first!

These cars don’t run on gasoline, but 90% nitromethane…

Nitromethane2

… and 10% methanol. If you’re within 50 feet of one of these cars while they’re running, the fumes burn your nose, mouth and eyes like you wouldn’t believe… It’s freakin’ awesome!

Under full throttle, a dragster engine consumes 1 1/2 gallons of nitromethane per second, the same rate of fuel consumption as a fully loaded 747 but with 4 times the energy volume.

The supercharger takes more power to drive than a stock Hemi makes.

Even with nearly 3000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the fuel mixture is compressed into nearly-solid form before ignition. Cylinders run on the verge of hydraulic lock.

Dual magnetos apply 44 amps to each spark plug. This is the output of an arc welder in each cylinder.

At stoichiometric (exact) 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture (for nitro), the flame front of nitromethane measures 7050 degrees F.

Brittany Force Night

Nitromethane burns yellow. The spectacular white flame seen above the stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases.

Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during a pass. After half track, the engine is dieseling from compression-plus the glow of exhaust valves at 1400 degrees F. The engine can only be shut down by cutting off its fuel flow.

If spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in those cylinders and then explodes with a force that can blow cylinder heads off the block in pieces or blow the block in half.

Antron Brown Explosion

Dragsters twist the crank (torsionally) so far (20 degrees in the big end of the track) that sometimes cam lobes are ground offset from front to rear to re-phase the valve timing somewhere closer to synchronization with the pistons.

A Top Fuel dragster leaves the starting line with a force of 5 Gs, the same force of the space shuttle when it leaves the launch pad at Cape Canaveral.

If all the equipment is paid off, the crew worked for free, and for once NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run costs $1000.00 per second.

A Top Fuel dragster accelerates from 0 to 100 mph in less than .8-second, almost 11 seconds quicker than it takes a production Porsche 911 Turbo to reach the same speed…

A Funny Car is slowed by a reverse force more than 7 Gs when both parachutes deploy simultaneously.

Top Fuel dragsters and Funny Cars use between 10 and 12 gallons of fuel for a complete pass, including the burnout, backup to the starting line, and thousand foot run.

NHRA Top Fuel dragsters can exceed 280 mph in just 660 feet.

From a standing start, Top Fuel dragsters accelerate faster than a jumbo jet, a fighter jet, and a Formula One race car.

A fuel pump for a Top Fuel dragster or Funny Car delivers 65 gallons of fuel per minute, equivalent to eight bathroom showers running at the same time.

The fuel-line pressure for Top Fuel dragsters and Funny Cars is between 400 and 500 pounds, about 20 times greater than the pressure on passenger-car fuel pumps.

Depending on size and angle, the large rear wing on a Top Fuel dragster develops between 4,000 and 8,000 pounds of downforce.

The 17-inch rear tires used on Top Fuel dragsters and Funny Cars wear out after four to six runs, or about two miles. Some brands of passenger-car tires are guaranteed for 80,000 miles.

It takes just 15/100ths of a second for all 7,000 horsepower of a Top Fuel dragster engine to reach the rear wheels.

It’s desirable for a Top Fuel dragster to race with its front wheels inches off the ground for about the first 200 feet of the run. This ensures proper weight transfer to the rear wheels, a crucial part of a good launch and quick run.

The nitromethane used to power the engines of Top Fuel dragsters and Funny Cars costs about $30 per gallon.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday folks!

It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month ~ Let’s Celebrate the Fastest Tits in Town!

Breast Cancer Ribbon

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know a few women who have been affected by this terrible disease and a few who have had scares but, thankfully, negative biopsy results. Annual screenings are incredibly important, ladies!

If you watch football, you’ll notice all the players are wearing pink shoes, gloves and towels starting this week. The NFL runs a campaign throughout October, “A Crucial Catch,” that raises money via merchandise sales and online auctions. These proceeds go to the American Cancer Society.

NASCAR teams also go pink to raise money for the cause…

Danica Pink

GoDaddy said it will donate $50,000 to the National Breast Cancer Foundation and contribute a portion of proceeds from team merchandise sold at the track. Good for them for helping to raise money, but fuck NASCAR!

They sell Danica Patrick as a “super star” when she clearly isn’t. Ya wanna know who the real female super star is in motor sports? If you’re a regular reader here you know where I’m going with this…

That’s right, folks, Courtney Force!  

Courtney Force signing

Like Danica, Courtney is pretty as hell. The difference here is that Courtney is actually competitive in her sport! Going into this weekend’s race in Reading, Pennsylvania, Courtney is seventh in points and a contender for the Funny Car championship! Oh yeah, her Funny Car looks BAD ASS this weekend…

Courtney Force Pink Car

Courtney Force Pink

 

…As does her sister, Brittany’s, dragster…

Brittany Force Pink Dragster

Brittany Force Pink

 

… John Force Racing and the NHRA has teamed up with Lionel Racing for their “Paint the Track Pink” campaign to sell merchandise in an effort to raise money for breast cancer awareness, research and prevention. I think I’m gonna buy a couple die cast replicas to support the cause!

Kudos to Team Force for their efforts to make a difference!

Courtney is also making a difference on the track! Yesterday, in the first round of qualifying, she went faster than any Funny Car driver has ever gone with a 4.02 pass at 329.42 miles per hour! That’s a world record, folks! This girl ain’t no joke!

Furthermore, in that same race, which was against her Dad, John Force, John was the first Funny Car driver to run a pass in under 4 seconds, at 3.98! Here’s the proof (Courtney’s time/speed on the left, John’s on the right):

Force Traps

What an amazing race that was! Courtney actually lost the race against her Dad… She was faster but he was quicker!

Cheers to the fastest tits in motor sports!

Courtney Force Gas Can

 

Tune in to ESPN 2 tomorrow night to see if Courtney can pull off a win and inch closer to a Funny Car championship!

Enjoy your weekend, folks!

Sad Racing News….

No… Nobody died, thank God. But three time NASCAR Champ, Tony Stewart, won’t be participating in the final 13 races this year.

Tony Stewart Tubby

See, Tony broke his leg back on August 5th in a sprint car race. Actually he broke both bones in his lower right leg. This required two surgeries, one resulting in a metal rod being inserted somewhere. He was initially only going to miss a few weeks it seemed, but today it was announced he’s done for the season.

Now I’m not particularly a Stewart fan, but I DO like to watch the dude drive and I love his terrible, whiny attitude.  He’ll be replaced for 12 of the races by the hilarious 54 year old Mark Martin, whose twitter description reads like this:

My best friend is my wife. I love my family, racing, lifting weights, flying jets. Gucci Mane my favorite Rapper. My schedule, swag, and info is on Markmartin.com

That’s just an odd fit… old southern boy from Arkansas and Gucci Mane…

My boy Austin Dillon will drive Stewart’s car at Talladega, because Mark Martin doesn’t like that place! I’m looking forward to Mark driving. I was a big fan when he raced Fords…

Speaking of Ford… In other horrifying racing news, Ford is pulling it’s sponsorship out of the NHRA after the 2014 season. They were spending about $10 Million a year, the majority of it on John Force Racing. I think it’s a bad decision on Ford’s part. John Force shills his sponsors better than anybody in any sport. He’s had Ford backing for 16 years. During that time, John won 9 championships and two of his drivers, Tony Pedregon and Robert Hight won championships as well driving “Mustangs.”

SO FUCK YOU FORD! John Force Racing delivers you 11 championships and you just wanna walk away? No wonder I’m driving a Volkswagen… y’all piss me off!

Now John Force has to find sponsors. I can see Toyota throwing a bunch of money at him…

I’m loyal to a fault, folks, and will not be a John Force fan if he switches to a Toyota Camry.

I’ll always be a fan of his daughter, Courtney, if she continues to do photo shoots like this:

Courtney Force Parachute

 

Courtney Force Naked

 

Courtney Force Gas Can

…. Who doesn’t enjoy naked women?

It’s Not about Race You Idiot! It’s about Racin’!

Antron Brown

I know, I KNOW… I posted about drag racin’ just this morning, but THIS article came up in my newsfeed and it features a video about current NHRA top fuel champion, Antron Brown. I have no intention of making this blog only about drag racing, ’cause I’d rather look up and post stuff like this…

… that’s Brooklyn Decker by the way… she’s sort of a model…

But go to the link above to watch the video I’m all pissed about…

In short, the video is sold as Antron being the first African American to ever win a motorsports championship in America. He is… but Antron’s never been about race… just racing! He’s no different than any other race car driver… he grew up in a racing family and ultimately reached the pinnacle…. this past year!

It’s sorta funny…. when you watch the video, race never comes up in the conversation between Antron and the interviewer, though the voiceover from the interviewer makes it about race. Also notice how the interviewer seems to slight the women and Hispanic drivers in the series early on in the video…

So who’s racist? Definitely the media… because they didn’t give two shits about Antron Brown until he kicked ass this past season…

Again… Antron is and always has been a race car driver first! Hell… I’ve followed him for years from when he drove those crazy ass pro stock motorcycles and he never talked about race!

I met Antron shortly after I took the picture at the top of this post… he asked if I had family at the race and thanked us for coming out… and was an awesome dude…

… Just like all the drivers… because that’s what he is.. A top tier driver in the NHRA.

Forget Lent! The NHRA Season Starts Tomorrow!

Ya know what I’m giving up for Lent? I’m giving up leaving the TV off all day because there are no sports on! 

I know… Super Bowl XLVII, that’s 47 for those of you who don’t know, was just last week, but that was only one game in 14 days! By the way, I bet the NFL drops the Roman numerals soon, because in 3 years I really don’t expect them to call it “Super Bowl L”… as in LOSER!

Have no fear, folks, ’cause racin’ is back! That’s right… The NHRA (National Hot Rod Association) 2013 Mello Yello Series rolls into Pomona, CA on Valentine’s Day tomorrow. This will serve as a primer of sorts for the upcoming season.

For starters… What is drag racing?

Simply put, it’s an acceleration contest. Two drivers stage, in separate lanes, before what is called the Christmas Tree, I guess because it has a lot of lights on it…

NHRA Christmas Tree

… Not counting the individual LEDs, there are 42 lighting elements on that thing! The only ones that count are the green ones, however, because that means GO! But there’s a system in place… The Christmas Tree works from top to bottom. As the drivers approach the start line the front tires of their cars will break two beams that are fired across the track. The first beam broken is “pre-stage,” about 7 inches before the start line and will light the top half of the blue circle on top. The second beam broken is “stage” and will light the bottom half of the blue circle. Once the entire circle is lit, the driver is at the start line; and when both drivers are staged the lights bisecting the blue circle will light and the tree is active. Since I’m talking about the NHRA here I’ll describe what happens next in that sense. The three amber lights will come on simultaneously, followed by the green light 0.4 seconds later. That means GO! The only time you’ll see a red light lit is if a driver goes before the green light comes on. When they do that they are disqualified!

Damn… I just wrote almost 200 words describing the start of a drag race! In short it goes like this: BLUE. AMBER. HOLY SHIT GREEN MASH THE GAS GO GO GO!

Once the gas is mashed, other beams fired across the track record the following:

Reaction Time: Time from green light to vehicle movement. This is huge and is the difference in a lot of races! More on this in a bit..

60 feet time…

330 feet time…

660 feet or 1/8th mile time…

1/8th mile speed…

1000 feet time… more on this later…

1/4 mile time…

Final MPH…

The first vehicle across the finish line wins!

Prior to the race the drivers perform what is called a burnout…

The burnout serves three purposes.

  1. Clean the tires.
  2. Heat up the tires.
  3. Add a fresh layer of rubber to the racing surface.

Speaking of the racing surface… Holy shit is it sticky! I’ve walked the track at Norwalk Raceway Summit Motorsports Park and both times my sandals Jesus slippers stuck to the track and were removed from my feet! The NHRA applies a compound, known as VHT TrackBite Concentrate, to the racing surface that increases the traction of the race cars’ tires.

What’s the true distance of the race?

Drag racing has been based on the quarter mile (1,320 feet) for pretty much ever. Back on June 21st of 2008, however, Scott Kalitta died in a horrific crash during qualifying (you will begin to cry at the :20 mark)…

… That made the NHRA change the distance the top two classes race to 1,000 feet instead of the aforementioned 1,320 feet… for safety purposes…. The following video will make you cry again… because it’s the next day’s race between John Force Racing’s Robert Hight and his would be opponent…the late Scott Kalitta… Hight merely idles his race car down the track in a tribute to Scott…

… Holy SHIT was that sad… Loogit team Kalitta huddled around his start line mourning the loss of Scott…

What are these different classes you mentioned?

There are four classes of vehicles that are driven in the top series of the NHRA.

1.) Top Fuel Dragsters…

Tony Schumacher Top Fuel Dragster

Long… (up to 25 feet) and skinny with huge tires on the rear and tiny ones on the front to maximize their straight-line acceleration and speed.

Powerful… without getting all technical, good ol’ fashioned pushrod V8 up to 500 cubic inches that sits behind the driver. Huge blower to suck in the enormous volume of air required to mix and burn with the fuel… which is 90% nitromethane and 10% methanol. All this produces anywhere from 8,000 to 10,000 horsepower… about double the power of a modern locomotive!

LOUD! Holy shit, it’s the loudest sound I’ve ever heard! They say 150 decibels! And you more than just hear it ~ ya feel it. It’s hard to describe, ya almost have to experience it live, it feels like your brain is being tickled. I’m sure it’s not healthy!

Top fuel dragsters are the fastest sanctioned category of race cars, with the fastest competitors reaching speeds of 330 MPH and finishing the 1,000 foot runs in less than 3.8 seconds.

2.) Funny Cars…

Courtney Force

Funny cars have forward-mounted engines and carbon fiber bodies over the chassis, giving them an appearance vaguely approximating manufacturers’ showroom models. The Dodge Charger and Chevrolet Impala sedans, along with the Ford Mustang and Toyota Solara coupe, are now commonly used in the NHRA. That’s the lovely Courtney Force’s Mustang above!

Power, volume and speed are all pretty similar to the top fuel dragsters, though funny cars are a bit “slower” because of the full body. They still nail over 300 mph and around 4 second 1,000 foot times.

3.) Pro Stock…

Erica Enders' Cobalt

This class can be known as “all motor,” as the cars cannot use artificial induction such as turbocharging, supercharging, or nitrous oxide, and there are very strict rules governing the modifications allowed to the engines, and the types of bodies used. And their fuel is limited to 118 octane racing fuel!

These cars and their 500 cubic inch engines still produce upwards of 1,500 horsepower and run over 200 MPH in around 6.6 seconds for a 1/4 mile run. Still impressive, but it’s hard for me to get into this class… Pictured above is Erica Enders’ Chevy Cobalt.

4.) Pro Stock Motorcycles…

Holy shit! I dunno how these men, and women, are able to comfortably sit on their bikes because of their enormous balls! They’re pushing 200 MPH on 2 freakin’ wheels in 1,320 feet with no protection at all!

That’s the four classes of vehicles in the top level of the NHRA. Now, within each class, competition is very tight, and barring a major malfunction, most races are within .01 or even .001 of a second. Oftentimes you’ll hear the terms fast and quick mentioned; these two words are not interchangeable in drag racing.

Quick refers to the time it takes the vehicle to go from start to finish, aka elapsed time or ET.

Fast means speed…as in miles per hour!

One would naturally assume that the fastest or quickest car wins the race, but that isn’t always true…

Earlier, I mentioned the importance of reaction time and that is huge! If both cars are just as fast and just as quick, the driver who launches, even .001 seconds ahead, wins!

Then there’s the sometimes confusing “holeshot” victory… no this is not a term borrowed from the porn industry… a car runs a quicker ET from start to finish, but the driver’s reaction time was absolute dog shit, and loses the race!

See… reaction time is key in drag racing!

Soooo… what to watch for this season?

Brittany Force

Brittany Force will be making her debut in top fuel. This is the first time ever that John Force Racing has fielded a dragster. Look for her to struggle at times, but I think she’ll be alright.

Mother, Laurie, and Dad, John with Courtney!

Mother, Laurie, and Dad, John with Courtney!

In funny car, Courtney Force is entering her sophomore season. Last year she was inconsistent with her reaction times early on, but tightened things up later in the season. She’s got a legitimate shot at the title this year…

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In pro stock, I expect Erica Enders to win a slew of events this year. Championship? Very possible!

And in pro stock motorcycle, Andrew Hines and Eddie Krawiec might struggle on their Harleys this year after dominating the previous few years… Why? Because the NHRA doesn’t seem to like the American bikes dominating, so they placed more restrictions on ’em this year… It’s bullshit!

Week Ten NASCAR Update ~ Danica Patrick and Tony Stewart are Bitches ~ with a Side of NHRA

I was pretty busy this past weekend and only now am able to provide my NASCAR update. I’ll include my NHRA (61 days ’til I go to the Summit Racing Equipment NHRA Nationals with my sister) update as well since eliminations took place Sunday.

NASCAR competed at Talladega Superspeedway this weekend. Talladega is a huge 2.66 mile track just north of Talladega, AL. It’s like Daytona on steroids. No… Actually it’s entirely different than Daytona. Different surface, different banking and different weather than in Daytona. Talladega is a beautiful track, though:

…but she destroys racecars:

And so do the idiot drivers who can’t control their tempers and wreck competitors… AFTER THE RACE!

Here we have Danica Patrick on Saturday, on the last lap of the Nationwide Series race.

She gets passed by Sam Hornish, Jr. for twelfth position. Sam had a problem with his car (cut right front tire) and drifted up in front of her highness. Danica hit the wall in an effort to avoid the crippled Hornish car.

What does she do after the race…? Plants him into the wall… Idiot, idiot, idiot, Danica. I hope you get fined for cash and points, like the guys do. And if you don’t get fined, that means NASCAR is more concerned about ratings, and your tits and ass, than driver safety.

As for the overall race, Austin Dillon qualified fifth. Tough race for the little guy as he sustained some damage in the pits during an early caution. He made his way up near the front only to get caught up in a multi-car accident on lap 117, which ended his race with a seventeenth place finish.  Danica qualified seventeenth and finished thirteenth. Not bad for Talladega, in my opinion.

Joey Logano won the race, edging out Kyle Busch by only .034 seconds at the stripe.

The Sprint Cup race wound up being a wreck fest; four cautions in the last 50 laps. Apparently the opening for the radiator is so small at this track that if the cars get into their tandem draft, in an effort to go faster, they overheat. So the driver in the rear has to push their “partner” and also stick the nose of the car in fresh air from time to time to avoid overheating. This causes wrecks.
As I said, Talladega destroys cars. But some of the drivers still bitch about it.
After most races, pit reporters can expect something humorous out of Tony Stewart. Win or lose, the guy is pretty funny most of the time. Sunday, during his post race press conference, I think he lost it. He began with this general statement:

We didn’t quite crash half the field, which is what we normally look to do here. I was excited about it. I thought it was a pretty good race. I made it further than I thought I would before I got crashed. I call it a successful day.

When asked about cars running out of gas sooner than expected:

I’m not quite sure what the fuel issue was, the racing was awesome. It’s fun to be able to race and have to watch the gauges at the same time. It makes us as drivers have to do so much more.

Stewart said he ran out of gas twice.

Being able to make yourself run on the apron and everything else to try to get clean air, it makes it fun. I’m sorry we couldn’t crash more cars today. We didn’t fill the quota for today for Talladega and NASCAR.

On the small opening for the radiator:

I think they need to close it down. Honestly, I think if we haven’t crashed at least 50 percent of the field by the end of the race, we need to extend the race until we at least crash 50 percent of the cars, because it’s not fair to these fans for them to not see any more wrecks than that and more torn-up cars.

Evidence that the sarcasm wasn’t caught by all, a reporter said to Stewart, “I can’t figure out if you are happy or you are upset, with your tone.”

 I’m upset that we didn’t crash more cars. I feel like that is what we are here for. I feel bad if I don’t spend at least $150,000 in torn-up race cars going back to the shop. We definitely have to do a better job with that.

His response to a question regarding his thoughts on the pack racing that happens at Talladega:

I think we ought to make it a figure-eight. I mean if we could make it a figure-eight it would be perfect. … That is going to be my vote next week, is that we make it a figure-eight and/or we can stop at the halfway, make a break and turn around and go backwards the rest of the way.

Then with 10 to go we split the field in half, and half go the regular direction and half of them go backwards.

When asked if he had fun:

Absolutely, I had a blast. It would have been a lot more fun if I could have gotten caught up in one more wreck. If I could have done that, it would have been perfect.

Suck it, Stewart! Quit being a bitch and drive. At least the other drivers who believe changes need to be made at Talladega, and there are, voice their opinions in a professional manner.

Dale had another decent race. He led ten laps in the first half of the race, but fell back later and never really contended for what could’ve been his first win in almost four years. Dude’s consistency is impressive thus far.

Anyhow…. Brad Keselowski won. He made a pretty aggressive move to break up the draft he had with Kyle Busch in turn three of the final lap.

That’s his second victory this year and 6th win in 99 starts. Not too shabby!

I almost forgot…. Kurt Busch’s team has had a hard time finding sponsors this year so, in an effort to draw attention to the car (and sponsors), they “painted” the car to look like Ricky Bobby’s car from the movie “Talladega Nights”. It. Was. Awesome!

It’s the one with the cougar on the hood!

Then he spun it out! But still a great looking car.

Talladega Nights Car

Numbers after week ten:

Austin…

Starts Wins Top 5 Top 10 Avg. Start Avg. Finish
8 0 4 6 5.2 8.0

Dale…

Starts Wins Top 5 Top 10 Avg. Start Avg. Finish
10 0 4 8 13.5 7.5

Danica…

Starts Wins Top 5 Top 10 Avg. Start Avg. Finish
8 0 0 1 17.6 20.9
As far as the NHRA goes…  it was yet another rough weekend for Courtney Force. I know, she’s a rookie this year and she has won some rounds. On Sunday, in Atlanta, Courtney won the first round decisively. Though she came off the line slower than Jack Beckman… she drove past him for the win.
In the second round, Courtney had to race her teammate, and winner of four races this year, Robert Hight. She actually got off the line quicker than Robert, but he caught up quickly and drove right by, thus eliminating her. She’s still tenth in points.. I just wanna see her win a race!
Next week, the NHRA is off… but it’s a huge weekend for our dear Danica! She’s not only racing in the Nationwide Series on Friday, but also the Sprint Cup race on Saturday. Her last Sprint Cup weekend was Daytona, when she wrecked everything she drove. So expect some crashes this weekend!
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