Tag Archives: Johnny Fucking Manziel

Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 10 @ Bills 26 ~ R.I.P. Brian Hoyer…

Manziel

There ya have it folks! Stick a fork in him because it sounds like the Browns are gonna keep Brian Hoyer on the bench for the foreseeable future.

He got yanked early in the 4th quarter yesterday when we were down 20-3. QB2, Johnny Douchebag, went in, made a few plays and we still lost the game 26-10.

As a starter, Hoyer is 7-5 this year and as a backup, Manziel is 0-1.

Yeah, Hoyer had a shitty game yesterday. So did QBs Tony Romo, Colin Kaepernick, Cam Newton, Alex Smith, Jay Cutler and Derek Carr. Carr got benched for Matt Schaub, who was technically as good as Manziel, as the Raiders still lost.

Will any of those other QBs get benched?

Nope!

I saw quotes on Twitter from Browns coach Mike Pettine’s press conference today and it appears he’s done with Hoyer.

We’re 7-5 and still in the hunt for a playoff spot, but it sounded like coach Pettine has no faith in Hoyer any more. Dude said he’s gonna look at the film on both QBs and decide who will start Sunday when Indy comes to town.

Pettine has 15 games (what, some 900 minutes?) of film on Hoyer and 8 minutes on Manziel. Saying he has to look at film is merely a cop out…

I believe Browns owner Jimmy Haslam or GM Ray Fucking Farmer, both of whom have apparently sucked on Johnny Manziel’s dick because they drafted that asshole, have forced Pettine’s hand.

If Manziel finishes the season for Cleveland, we’ll end up with a 7-9 record.

If, somehow, the coaches and front office allow Hoyer to finish the season, we’ll prolly end up 10-6 and maybe have a shot at the playoffs.

It’s a long shot to make the playoffs, but handing the keys to the Browns to Johnny Manziel is a horrible decision.

Yesterday’s game was tough to watch, but that’s only because coach Pettine didn’t read my  last blog post in which I said to PASS on first down instead of run…

Cleveland had 31 chances from 1st down and ran on 19 (61%) of them for about 2.6 yards a carry. We became one dimensional on 1st down and the Bills put 8-9 defenders in the box to force Hoyer to throw the ball.

That’s bad coaching.

It sucks that Hoyer has to get beat up when we have issues WAY outside of QB!

GO BROWNS!

Monday Moanin’ ~ Ravens 23 @ Browns 21…

Manziel Trick Play

Aw shucks, we’re 1-2 now. I’m trying to be positive, but it’s difficult. We’re a couple plays away from being 3-0! We’re also prolly one play away from being 0-3, so there’s that.

Dammit!

I have to admit that these first three games, save for the horrible first half against Pittsburgh, have been more fun to watch than previous young Browns teams with new coaching staffs running a new offense! It’s no less aggravating, though.

I feel horrible for passing my love for the Browns on to my children. I noticed earlier today that my fourteen year old daughter was live Tweeting the game yesterday…

Brooke Twitter

… (click on the pic to embiggen) a young girl shouldn’t have to be stressed out like that about a football game!

As for yesterday’s game? Browns QB Hoyer looked pretty damn good!

Hoyer

…dude went 19 of 25 for 290 yards and a TD! He’s thrown no picks this year… had a lot of zip on his passes and much more accuracy. I believe he has what it takes to make this Browns team a force in this league.

Our running game was a bit subdued yesterday, however. 29 of 55 plays were running plays, which is good. Badass RB Isaiah Crowell only got 11 touches for 55 yards. He needs to get the bulk of the carries, in my opinion!

Crowell sees a hole and goes right for it with little or no hesitation. Dude can taste the endzone every time he has a chance. He needs more shots!

Special teams really fucked us this week… Bad decisions on punt returns (I’m talking to you Travis Benjamin) and shitty field goal kicking/blocking ultimately did us in.

The defense gave up some plays. I’m concerned about future hall of fame shutdown corner Joe Fucking Haden. He’s getting burned every week and I don’t like that at all!

At least we’re off this week, so no pain & suffering for me!

Go Browns!

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

Manziel Redskins

Well, so much for the Johnny Manziel experiment… at least for now.

After Monday night’s poor performance by both Manziel and Brian Hoyer in their QB competition against the Redskins, Browns head coach, Mike Pettine, named Hoyer as the regular season starter.

“BUT WHY?” ~ All the naive Cleveland Browns fans who purchased Manziel jerseys!

How does a freakishly athletic midget with oversized hands, whose two most talked about performances last year at Texas A&M resulted in losses, get beat out by a dude 7 years his senior, coming off of, and prolly not fully recovered from, ACL surgery?

It’s quite simple, actually. Manziel can’t comprehend the game played in the NFL.

In college, Manziel didn’t have a playbook; didn’t have to huddle to call plays. I believe the coaching staff just held up pictures on the sideline to call plays. A picture of a rainbow meant WRs GO LONG while a picture of a roadrunner prolly just told Johnny to run like hell!

I don’t care if it’s highly lucrative NCAA football, it’s still backyard football that Manziel played. The national media anointed him “Johnny Football.” The Browns, and their batshit crazy owner, Jimmy Haslam, were stupid enough to pick him 22nd in the draft.

After months of partying in Vegas and snorting coke off strippers asses post draft, Manziel showed up at training camp and was overwhelmed by the intricate playbook of Browns offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan. While the Browns might run a no huddle offense here and there, the majority of their plays thus far have come out of the huddle. Word around town is that Manziel struggled calling the sometimes 18 word plays in the huddle, oftentimes assisted by teammates to get the play called.

That incompetence won’t fly in the NFL and definitely not against Pittsburgh for our season opener only 15 days from now.

I believe there are three reasons Brian Hoyer was named the Browns starting QB:

  1. Dude spent the offseason rehabbing from ACL surgery while working hard on learning the playbook.
  2. Cleveland only won 4 games last year, two of which were engineered by Hoyer, against Minnesota and Cincinnati.
  3. Hoyer has enough NFL experience that he understands a pro style offense.

In my opinion, the only reason Hoyer has looked horrible so far this preseason, and in training camp, is because of the QB competition. Splitting reps merely dilutes the quality of play. There is no continuity. I know… that applies to Manziel too, but he still can’t read the playbook!

Hopefully all of that is changed now that we have named a starter. Hoyer can make all the reps with the starters and develop consistency and chemistry with the rest of the offense.

Tonight will be a huge test for that with the St. Louis Rams coming to town. Here’s what I’ll be looking for:

  1. Confidence by Hoyer. Maybe some first downs here and there!
  2. WRs looking for the ball!
  3. WRs CATCHING the fucking ball!

I believe Cleveland’s defense is a top three unit! All we need is for the offense to carry their part of the load and string together some long drives!

I know… this is a preseason game. Don’t care, though, because it’s the “dress rehearsal” for the regular season.

GO BROWNS!!!

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME (Johnny) FOOTBALL???

If you watch ESPN at all you’ve prolly seen them either talking about or airing commercials featuring Browns backup QB Johnny Manziel vs. Redskins starting QB Robert Griffin III tonight.

They even ran this graphic last week…

Manziel

Are you serious ESPN? While everything in that graphic is true, what they fail to mention is that Manziel is 3 inches shorter, 15 pounds lighter and 100% whiter than RGIII! This comparison shouldn’t be made!

Aside from that… tonight’s game is a PRACTICE game. It’s week two of the preseason for Christ’s sake!

Cleveland has named “incumbent” Brian Hoyer as the starting QB for tonight vs. the Redskins. Why is he the incumbent? Because he has a 2-1 record as a starter in the NFL. In FIVE seasons! WOO HOO!

Let’s not forget, three of those seasons were spent as Tom Brady’s backup over in New England. In 2012 he backed up Kevin Kolb in Arizona.

No real data to work with there!

Last year he played, start to finish, in two games for the Browns. He beat Minnesota and Cincinnati, an eventual 5-10 team and a one and done wildcard playoff team respectively. In those games he went a combined 55 of 92 (59.8%) for 5 TDs and 3 picks. That’s a QB rating of 86.2.

Not much data to work with there, either. But… it’s data none the less.

There’s absolutely no NFL data on Manziel, obviously, because he’s a rookie. If you notice in that ESPN graphic, Manziel and RGIII were both picked in the 1st round and the second QB selected. RGIII was the second PLAYER selected; Manziel was the TWENTY-second player selected. Big difference.

Manziel was falling, possibly out of the first round of the draft, and rumor has it he all but begged the Browns to take him via text message.

So they did.

Since then, he’s hung out in Vegas a lot, snorting coke off strippers asses, and sold a shit ton of merchandise and season tickets for the Browns!

Now there’s some data that Browns owner Jimmy Haslam likes!

Jimmy Haslam yee haw

To be perfectly honest, I’m looking forward to seeing what Manziel does tonight.

I don’t believe he’ll start at Pittsburgh in week one though, regardless of if he lights shit up tonight in the twenty or so snaps he’ll take. Dude needs to learn the playbook and figure out how to stand in the pocket and make plays with his arm and brain before that’ll happen.

Or when Hoyer gets hurt again!

I’m interested to see how our defense looks tonight, with Redskins WRs Pierre Garcon and DeSean Jackson making their preseason debuts. Both of them can be dangerous. A badass pass rush by Cleveland’s front seven will be key to shutting them down!

I’d also like to see if Cleveland has any WRs of their own, since no one has been catching many passes at camp. Let me clarify that… they DROP passes. Why do we always have this problem here?

Lastly, I’m looking forward to seeing the Redskins cheerleaders…

Redskin Cheerleader asses

… ’cause we don’t have cheerleaders here in Cleveland. We have a drumline!

Drumline

GO BROWNS! Enjoy what will probably be the most viewed NFL Monday Night preseason football game ever because of Johnny Fucking Football!