Tag Archives: Johnny Manziel

Monday Moanin’ ~ Bengals 30 @ Browns 0…

Manziel Face Palm

Well there ya have it fools! Ya wanted to see what Johnny Manziel could do and now ya know. Nothing.

That was horrible. Yeah, Manziel IS a rookie, but holy crap…

I’m not gonna do a play by play on the game, but there are a few things I want to touch on that Manziel fans don’t wanna talk about.


I’ve heard stuff coming out of the Browns locker room that Manziel did everything he needed to do during the fourteen weeks he sat on the bench. He did nothing wrong. Apparently the week leading up to this game was the first week Manziel went above and beyond; studied a lot, came in early and stayed late. Why just this week and not every week?


Dude’s got none. You can see in his face he was rattled early on. The best QBs in the league are generally pretty stone faced whether they’re playing good or bad. At the end of this GIF Manziel appears to be someone shitting who ate really hot wings the night before.




People were freaking out last week that our previous starting QB was throwing off the back of his feet, ya know, ripping his fundamentals! There were a few times yesterday Manziel totally scrapped the fundamentals and leaped before throwing.


He’s short at 5’11” and just looks tiny overall. That concerns me a lot. If he’s gonna be the future QB of this team he’s gotta be incredibly smart or he’ll get injured.

Alright, so Manziel totally blew it yesterday, but I told you all a few excuses I wouldn’t accept because they were shit the previous starting QB was dealing with all season.

A lot of people are saying the defense stunk it up. Yeah, they DID give up a seven minute TD drive to the Bengals to start the game. LB Bark Mingo extended that drive with a stupid roughing the passer penalty.

Manziel’s offense couldn’t stay on the field for much more than 2 minutes after that drive so the defense got tired. Stupid Browns fans think these defenders are super human and fatigue is not an issue.

When an offense has nine possessions and goes three and out on six of ’em for 18 plays and 17 yards that’s an offensive problem so ya can’t blame the defense for getting gassed.

More WRs dropped a few more passes yesterday, but that shit’s been happening all year.

Special Teams didn’t do us any favors getting us in good field position to start drives and that sucks, but Manziel couldn’t get us near the redzone or even close enough for new K Garrett Hartley to attempt a FG.

Having said all that, I’m a Browns fan so I have to support Manziel as QB1.

I still feel like Coach Pettine was pressured by owner Jimmy Haslam and GM Ray Farmer to start Manziel.

As a whole, Cleveland’s offense isn’t designed for a scrambling QB like Manziel, so Johnny pretty much got thrown into the fire yesterday.

Unfortunately, he showed no signs of being a competent NFL QB. Both Manziel and his team need to work a lot of shit out to succeed.

I really miss Brian Hoyer right now. ❤


Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow – Bengals @ Browns!

Manziel Down

It’s official… Johnny Manziel has been named the starter for tomorrow’s game.

Yeah, I called him by his name because I won’t insult QB1 as others have done to Brian Hoyer, so no more Johnny Fuckface, Johnny Jerkoff or Johnny Snorting Coke off a Strippers Ass.

I won’t call him Johnny Football, though, until he shows me he can play NFL football.

When the news broke on Tuesday I was furious. After a few days of digesting this information, however, I’ve calmed down a bit.

I have the utmost respect for Brian Hoyer and the fact that he got this team to 7-6! He’s a great kid and an amazing student of the game. In my opinion, it’s not his fault the offense has struggled for a month. Football is the ultimate team sport and his offense has let him down lately; plain and simple.

Thanks for what you’ve done for this franchise, Brian!!

I believe the change at QB has less to do with Hoyer’s performance than it did to give the Browns front office (Read: Jimmy Haslam & Ray Farmer) a chance to evaluate their second 1st round pick from May’s draft.

It’s a huge long shot for us to make the playoffs this year so now’s the time to see if Manziel is truly the QB of the future of if they need to draft another QB in May. God I hope they don’t have to…

Unfortunately, 99% of Browns fans are incredibly stupid so they think this switch is to help us win the last three games and have a shot at the playoffs.

It’s not.

Cleveland’s in experiment mode now. They’re done with this season. Ya know how I know?

Everyone’s looking at the QB position but K Billy Cundiff has been horrible in 6 of 13 games this year, two of which coulda been wins instead of losses had he done his damn job and put the ball through the uprights.

Cundiff’s job is secure, however, so the goal is not to win games.

A team doesn’t just bench a QB who is above .500, while on a potential playoff run, for a rookie unless it’s merely for evaluation purposes.

Regardless… enter Johnny Manziel. Dude had an awesome college career. You can look it up, I’m not gonna go through the numbers here. He won the Heisman as a freshman; the first ever to do so. Keep in mind, though, the media makes the Heisman winner.

Wanna know about Johnny’s college career? The 99% of Browns fans who know nothing about football will tell you all about it while masturbating! School sports don’t matter at this level.

The 1%, like myself? We’ll tell you he hasn’t committed himself to this team. You all can look that stuff up too. He likes to party. He thinks super stardom comes before, not after, one plays and is successful at a high level. He’s wrong.

None of the above matters any more because this kid is now QB1 for our Cleveland Browns. I’m a Browns fan and I want to see them win; I don’t care who they are! I’ve never had player jerseys because players are no longer loyal… I’m a fan of the team!

So what needs to happen tomorrow?


The D needs to beat up Bengals QB Dalton like they did in Week 10. There needs to be constant pressure! Dalton will make mistakes. We sacked him twice picked him off 3 times in week 10! Our defensive backfield needs to shut down the Cincy WRs, especially AJ Green who had a huge game against Pittsburgh last week.

Some run defense would be nice, too! Fortunately, this defense remembers the shit talking Bengals RB Jeremy Hill did after the last game. We also have to contend with RB Giovani Bernard, who was injured for the first meeting.

Special Teams

We still don’t have a legitimate kick returner. I believe tiny Travis Benjamin will take one to the house!

Our coverage team is pretty consistent; hopefully they’ll remain so tomorrow.

K Billy Cundiff is an ass. He sucks. I’ve no faith in him. Neither does the team. He needs to go but must have pictures of Coach Pettine banging one of  Johnny Manziel’s strippers so he can keep his job.


No. Fucking. Clue.

Our rookie QB is one of those scrambling QBs like Russell Wilson, Michael Vick or Colin Kaepernick, except 100% whiter than Wilson  and Vick and like 34% whiter than Kaepernick.

This game will be 100% on offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan. An offensive line that has been struggling since the loss of  Pro Bowl C Alex Mack two months ago will now have to try to block for a dude that will be running around in the backfield. I understand that’s pretty difficult.

Rookie QBs throw interceptions. One way to minimize the possibility of picks is to run the ball. In our week 10 victory over Cincinnati we went run crazy! West, Crowell and Tate ran a combined 48 times for 169 yards. Expect run heavy play calling tomorrow.

I’ve gotta imagine Shanahan will be running a simplified offense for Manziel since he struggles calling plays in the huddle.

Maybe eliminate the huddle here and there? Huh Shanahan? That shit works and it’s what this QB is good at!

There will be some read option and Johnny will run. He needs to run smart otherwise he’ll get crushed. His cocky attitude has gotten him a big ass bulls eye on his chest and defenders will be gunning for him.

And Johnny… your god damn money sign just screams douchebag…

Manziel Money

… I imagine you’re gonna keep doing it but how about limit it to when we’re ahead in the game? Please?

Like I said, it’s a loooooooong shot for us to make the playoffs. For starters, we need to win our last three games. We need a shit ton of help, though, as we’re currently the 12th seed in the AFC.

Four other teams are 7-6: Houston (@ IND), Miami (@ NE), Kansas City (OAK) and Buffalo (GB). They ALL need to LOSE so we can leap frog them up to the 8th seed!

THEN… we need Pittsburgh (@ ATL), San Diego (DEN) and Baltimore (JAX) to lose also!

UGH! It all starts with a Browns win, however!


Victory Monday ~ Buccaneers 17 @ Browns 22!

Browns fans were booing during the game yesterday. I have never booed at a sporting event. Actually, I don’t boo; I feel it’s disrespectful.

Do I get aggravated? Do I want to jump through the TV and punch Browns players and coaches at times? Yes and yes!

We won again yesterday so I’m gonna be nothing but positive tonight!

Alright folks, we’re 5-3! We’re the seventh seed in the AFC! There are only eight teams in the NFL that have better records than us!!


The offense had thirteen drives and scored on 5 of them!

QB Brian Hoyer was 21/34 passing (62%) for 300 yards and 2 TDs!

The defense defended twelve drives and only allowed three scores!

LBs Paul Kruger and Barkevious Mingo both sacked Tampa Bay’s QB Mike Glennon…

Napoleon Dynamite

… Future Hall of Fame shutdown CB Joe Haden executed a perfect tip drill on a Glennon pass causing a SS Donte WHitner interception! I can’t say enough about Whitner. That dudes all over the field making plays every damn week! I might be developing a crush on him! FS Tashaun Gipson also picked off Glennon for his league leading sixth sixth interception!

That’s right folks, we’ve got Browns players leading the league in good shit!


Our special teams had a great game too! DE Billy Winn missed the last few games with a quad injury. He returned yesterday to jump over the Bucs line and block a field goal.

Billy Winn

Guess those legs are feeling pretty okay!

Late in the game, Browns LB Craig Robertson got free on a Bucs punt and deflected that shit for what was officially recorded as a one yard punt. That play set up the Browns game winning TD!

Also setting up that game winning TD was a fantastic block by Browns RB Terrance West on Bucs LB Lavonte David who seemed well on his way to crushing Hoyer.

Check out the video HERE. Holy shit that’s one of the best RB blocks I’ve seen in a long time; maybe even ever!

In the end, it was a fun game to watch and we’re 5-3! WOO HOO!!!

Now this part is not me being negative. I merely want to point out, again,  what a douchebag our backup QB is.

Bucs WR Mike Evans went to Texas A&M with Browns backup QB Johnny Manziel. Evans undoubtedly helped Manziel win the Heisman in 2012 and most certainly helped inflate Manziel’s numbers last year to create the media hype that caused the Browns (and crazy owner Jimmy Rootin’ Tootin’ Haslam) to draft him!

Evans and Manziel are clearly friends. I get that! They played football together in school and I’m sure they banged some of the same girls back then. Again, I get it, they were like “brothers.”

This is the NFL however. Manziel’s “brothers” are now the Cleveland Browns!

Yesterday, Mike Evans gashed the Browns for 124 yards on 7 catches, including both their TDs.

What did our backup QB tweet and post on Instagram earlier today? Click to embiggen!

Manziel Douche

“GO OFF?” He went off on YOUR team jackass! Fuck you Johnny Manziel. Fuck you with an inflatable swan you idiot.

I wish Cleveland woulda traded your partying, stupid, non playbook reading dumb ass to the Cowboys before the trade deadline last week!

Thankfully for you, LT Joe Thomas didn’t call for a code red on your ass. Yet…

Anyway… we’ve got the Bengals game, in Cincinnati, in only 72 hours! This is yet another huge game for this team!


Damn… A Lot has Changed in a Year!

Browns Elf

I wrote this last August 11th, prior to the Browns first preseason game of 2013. Hoo boy a LOT has changed!

What I thought was a decent coaching staff… is gone.

Who I thought sucked, but stuck with anyway (Brandon Fucking Weeden)… is gone.

RB Trent Richardson sucked, then was traded to the Colts… and still sucks!

Now a whole new season is upon us, and as is true every year before the season actually starts, I’m incredibly excited about this team!


The defense, which was pretty tough last year. It only got tougher with the addition of S Donte Whitner, LB Karlos Dansby and 1st round pick CB Justin Gilbert.

The offense, with the return of QB1 Brian Hoyer, the addition of RBs Ben Tate and Terrance West. Also, we picked up tiny receiver Andrew Hawkins, Austin Miles, Nate Burleson to round out the receiving corps!

Lots of good news coming out of training camp concerning all of the above mentioned players.

Speaking of training camp, I usually make it there at least once a year. Not this year. Nope!

Camp is packed because 98% of Browns fans are stupid and the’re filling up the joint to see Johnny Fucking Snort Cocaine Off A Stripper’s Ass Football – Manziel.

Really? His two biggest games for Texas A&M last year comprised of 918 passing yards for 9 TDs (and 4 picks)… those were losses to Alabama and Auburn.

Kelly Holcomb 2.0 people?

The kid is an epic douchebag, also. He’s got a tattoo on his wrist that is a reference to a crappy Canadian “rapper” named Drake?

I never heard of that dude ’til I heard that Manziel idolizes him.

For a while there, I defended all the partying Manziel did after the Browns drafted him at number 22 back in May (Same pick position as Brady Quinn and Brandon Fucking Weeden in ’07 and ’12 respectively, by the way). I think his press conferences sucked me in and sold me. Statements like, “I’m 21… living my NFL dream… doing nothing illegal…” sorta resonated with me. But no. That’s not how it works in the NFL.

There are only 32 guys, in the WORLD, who will be able to start in an NFL game with the season starting in only 37 days. Johnny Manziel had exactly 122 days from the time the Browns drafted him, ’til he could potentially start in week one.

From my basic calculations, Manziel spent 2 months, around half his time to get ready to be a potential franchise QB, partying his ass off.

That’s just stupid!

If I were 20 years younger, an inch taller to be 5’11” like that midget Manziel and the CLEVELAND BROWNS drafted ME, I’d put all my time and effort into winning the QB job… not hanging out with some shitty ass rapper and acting like my shit don’t stink.

Let’s not forget who reportedly pushed the Browns into picking up this piece of crap…

Jimmy Haslam yee haw

… that’s right, rootin’ tootin’ Pilot/Flying J ripoff artist and Browns owner Jimmy Haslam!

At least Manziel is selling jerseys and season tickets for the Browns – and not just Drake CDs!

I’ve got a feeling this hype will be short lived…

Manziel? Really Browns? Idiots!


There’s no way you haven’t heard the news that the Browns drafted Texas A&M midget  tiny QB (“But he has big hands…”) Johnny Manziel last night at the NFL draft. Yes, it’s horrible, sickening news.

Cleveland moved around a bit last night, moving down from the 4th overall pick to 9, then back up to 8 to draft Oklahoma State CB Justin Gilbert. I was surprised by that, but not upset at all! Be nice to get that dude on the field with future Hall of Fame CB Joe Haden!

We still had another pick last night… at 26. I was hopeful for a WR to add another weapon for QB Brian Hoyer!

When it came to the 22nd pick, which was owned by the Eagles, a trade happened…. with Cleveland. We moved up to 22 and selected that douchebag Manziel.

I was devastated! I was PISSED! I don’t like the kid. Don’t like his cocky attitude, his lack of height and his stupid big ass hands! I’ve been trying to block out my anger all day!

While I was driving home from work a bit ago I tried to figure out why I was so damn angry about this. I think I’ve figured it out!

It’s all because I’m a Browns fan! It’s in my nature to be skeptical because this damn team has let me down so much for years decades…

I mean, imagine my pain. Back in 2007, we drafted QB Brady Quinn at 22…

Brady Quinn on the right! ?????

Brady Quinn on the right! ?????

… BUST! Big muscle bound idiot!

In 2012, we drafted Brandon Weeden at 22…

Brandon Weeden Sulkface

… BUST! Old and stupid!

I gave both those guys a chance, however, so why not do the same for Manziel?

I’m afraid! Manziel is a seriously high profile athlete! The national media has a laser beam focus on Cleveland now. We can’t fuck this up and continue to be an embarrassment to the league.

What if he is finally the QB that propels the Browns into stringing together winning seasons, possibly postseasons and maybe even a Lombardi Trophy?

As I’m writing this I’m watching the press conference with Manziel and Justin Gilbert. I’m very impressed with BOTH of them and their answers to the media questions.

Manziel is saying all the right things. Obviously, he can talk the talk… now it’s time to walk the walk.

I always say that I don’t buy player jerseys because I’m a Browns fan, not a player fan. Players and teams have very little loyalty to each other in today’s NFL, but if this Manziel kid has what it takes to lead this Browns team to the Super Bowl he has all the support I have to offer!