Tag Archives: Josh Gordon

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Browns @ Falcons!

Gordon Weed

The talk in Cleveland sports the past week has been the return of Browns All Pro WR Josh Gordon after serving a 10 game suspension for getting high on numerous occasions.

I’ve always struggled with the NFL’s policy on substances of abuse and don’t believe marijuana should be such a big deal. I’m not making this a pro pot rant by any means, ’cause that stuff does nothing for me.

The national dialogue on marijuana is quickly changing and the NFL is, in my opinion, behind the times even after revamping their policy on weed a few months ago. Yes, they’ve increased the threshold that would trigger a positive drug test and lessened the resulting penalties but states are legalizing it, not only for medicinal purposes but also for recreational use.

As far as medicinal purposes go, I understand pot is great at helping with pain management. Maybe the league should look at that aspect of it, as players kinda, sorta get their asses kicked every damn week…

… and, barring a season ending injury, they normally suffer from several days of pain following a game.

Anyway, JOSH FUCKING GORDON is finally back! Less seasoned Browns fans believe his addition to the roster will take us to the playoffs.

I love the dude but remain a bit more reserved than those less seasoned fans. Yeah, Gordon went 87 of 159 and 9 TDs for a league leading 1646 yards last year in only 14 games, following a two game drug suspension.

Unfortunately, the majority of his production, 36 of 57 for 774 yards and 5 TDs, occurred in 4 of Cleveland’s 12 losses.

BUT… the Browns only won 4 games last year and TWO of those victories featured contributions from Gordon so there’s serious potential.

All week the Browns have been downplaying the return of Gordon; implying that he won’t be used much. Ha ha! That shit cracks me up!

So far this season, our leading WR is 5’7″, 180 pound Andrew Hawkins. Dude is a great ball player! Add a big 6’3″ 220 pound, physical, enormously athletic WR like Josh Gordon and the Browns offense changes dramatically!

Even if Browns QB Hoyer doesn’t key on Gordon, the Falcons and their last in the league passing defense will have to put extra bodies on Gordon. This will open up opportunities for our tiny little WRs and, more importantly, our running game!

Special note to Browns HC Mike Pettine and OC Kyle Shanahan:

Don’t give up on the running game tomorrow! Feed the freakin’ ball to RB Crowell until he gets into a good rhythm! Everyone who knows football knows that Crowell is extremely dangerous.

Also, coaches, air that shit out to Gordon early and often!

We WILL win!

GO BROWNS!

I LOVE Being a Browns Fan!

upinsmoke

I could write paragraphs complaining about the NFL’s policy concerning substances of abuse, but that ain’t gonna change the fact that the league suspended the Browns best offensive weapon, WR Josh Gordon, indefinitely.

I blame Josh Gordon 100%. Dude likes his weed, and that’s a problem!

This is not an anti-marijuana rant by any means. This is a Josh Gordon rant!

Dude got busted for getting high twice in college, one time passed out in a damn Taco Bell drive thru; the second time he failed a drug test.

The Browns drafted him in 2012 any way because he’s a hell of an athlete! Looked great his rookie year also! Looked even BETTER last year! Here are all his accolades from 2013:

Pro Bowl (2013)
First-team All-Pro (2013)
NFL Receiving yards leader (1,646) (2013)
PFWA Player of the Year (2013)
Only player in NFL history with consecutive 200-yard receiving games in the regular season
Most receiving yards in four-game span (774) in NFL history
Most receiving yards in single season (1,646) in Browns history (2013)
Most receiving yards in single game (261) in Browns history
Most receptions in a game (14) in Browns history (tied Ozzie Newsome)
Most 100-yard receiving games in a single season (7) in Browns history (2013)

Gordon

One thing to point out here is that he did all of that in 14 games, because his dumb ass was suspended for the first two games last year for failing a fucking drug test. Allegedly it was for codeine, which is banned in the NFL as well.

After that suspension, he knew he couldn’t screw up and fail another drug test as that would result in a year long suspension. There were rumors of the Browns looking to trade him, early in the season last year, because of that dark cloud over him.

Fast forward to May 9th of this year… just as day 2 of the NFL draft was set to begin, news came out that Gordon had failed another drug test, for weed. So many stupid Browns fans were still jerking off to douchebag QB Johnny Manziel being drafted by Cleveland the night before…. and then dead silence, the fapping stopped!

The NFL’s policy is clear. One year suspension.

While most suspension appeals in the NFL happen behind closed doors, Josh Gordon’s did not. The Cleveland sports media, and even some national outlets speculated about it on what seemed to be a daily basis.

Browns fans, myself included, started to have hope that maybe the league would hear his appeal and reduce the punishment to eight, or even four, games. We thought, damn, if it’s taking this long for a decision maybe they’re negotiating a deal.

The news came out earlier today:

The NFL’s policy is clear. One year suspension.

Here are my gripes about this entire situation…

  1. Josh Fucking Gordon… Really? You coulda been one of the best WRs in the NFL. I’m talkin’ Hall of Fame shit! You put up those numbers on a shitty Browns team. Who knows if you’ll play another down in the NFL.
  2. Cleveland Fucking Browns… Really? Once you heard about the failed drug test you did nothing to beef up the receiving corps. You coulda changed up your draft board and maybe picked up a WR.
  3. The National Fucking Football League… Really? A kid clearly has a problem smoking weed, so ya just kick him out of the league? Now he can’t hang out with the team, who is prolly his best support system. There’s a great way to help him get the help he needs!

There were times, here and there, the last few months I was excited about this Browns team. Not so much any more. We’re gonna get crushed this year; might just go 0-16.

Oh well… GO BROWNS! For now, enjoy this clip from Up In Smoke, which is prolly a pretty accurate depiction of Josh Gordon and his buddies he gets to spend the next year with…

Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 24, Ravens 18

Jason Campbell

Man… First play from scrimmage and the Browns offensive line (Lauvao & Schwartz I’m talkin’ to you!) goes porous, allowing a Baltimore sack for a five yard loss on Jason Campbell…

Here we go again… This game is gonna suck…

That first drive ended, unsurprisingly, in a three and out. Baltimore goes three and out on their first drive, however, with Buster Skrine inadvertently busting up a deep pass from Flacco on 3rd and 5.

Ravens punt…

Browns QB Campbell then puts together a nice 8 play 80 yard drive, resulting in a short TD to last week’s goat, Davone Bess. Remarkable on that drive were a nice catch in traffic by Greg Fucking Little who ran well after the catch for 32 yards, and a beautiful throw from Campbell to Josh Gordon for 27 more. Oh yeah… we also have a bad ass coach in Rob Chudzinski who isn’t afraid to play football on 4th down. That short TD to Bess was on 4th and 1 from Baltimore’s 1. Why kick field goals when ya can score TDs? Nice job of holding onto the ball, by the way, Davone!

Browns up 7-0! At this point, Jason Campbell has gone 5 of 7 for 68 yards and a TD!

Baltimore returns fire with a long drive of their own, resulting in a 51 yard field goal. 7-3 Browns!

Then it got scary…

On the third play of the Browns third drive, Campbell was sacked again, but Raven’s 6’4″ 340 pound Haloti Ngata landed on him at the end of the play, essentially smashing him! Campbell was replaced by Brandon Fucking Weeden at QB…

I do not boo players; it’s disrespectful. Brandon Weeden was booed as he took the field and I disagree with that. Browns fans need to support the team on the field. Anyway, Weeden derped around for a few plays and we had to punt…

Thankfully, Campbell returned to the game after Baltimore went three and out again…

Alright, no more play by play.

After Campbell’s return, he went 18 of 28 for another 194 yards and two more touchdowns; with bruised ribs, no less. I respect that toughness!

Cleveland’s defense was, once again, BAD ASS as we sacked Flacco 5 times… three times forcing punts! We also shut down Ravens RB Ray Rice which is great, though it helped me to lose at fantasy football this week!

I was hoping to see big games from WR Gordon and TE Cameron; assuming great production from them would result in a Browns win… funny how football works, those dudes get covered up and Greg Little & Davone Bess have great games… That just means Cleveland is doing some stuff right!

Just sucks that Cleveland is off this week! Oh well… I’m a Ravens fan for the next 6 days… more on that later…!

GO BROWNS!

 

Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Ravens at Browns!

I failed to do my Monday moanin’ after the Browns lost to the Chiefs 23-17 last week. Here’s a quick recap:

in the first 26:24 of that game, Cleveland’s offense had the ball for 3 “drives,” 9 plays, 5:21, 13 yards and 0 points.

Meanwhile our defense, which I believe is the strength of this team, gave up 43 plays, 21:03, 212 yards and 13 points in four Chiefs drives.

Browns QB Jason Campbell came in a bit rusty, which was expected.

The second half was much better. The defense was STOUT and sacked Chiefs QB Alex Smith 5 times. Jason Campbell got in a rhythm and was pretty efficient.

None of that mattered because Browns WR Davone Bess played. And played poorly.

Cleveland Browns v Kansas City Chiefs

Dude lost the game for us because of a couple key dropped passes and the above muffed punt; that crushed all of our momentum. Fuck that guy!

Cleveland played Baltimore in week 2 and lost 14-6. It was a different Browns team then. Brandon Fucking Weeden was at QB and, though he wasn’t horrible, couldn’t make the plays to get a win. The defense did their job pretty well, keeping Baltimore scoreless in the first half. Unfortunately, after punts and 3 and outs in the second half, the defense got tired and allowed a couple TDs which put us away.

Tomorrow, QB Jason Campbell will be running the offense AND he’ll have WR Josh Gordon, who was suspended in week two. Speaking of Josh Gordon, loogit what he did to his Porsche Panamera…

Josh Gordon Porsche

… dear God that thing looks horrible! I guess he went with the camouflage look so the cops wont see him since he has trouble driving properly!

Anyway, having Gordon in the game tomorrow will open things up for Jason Campbell. Hopefully. Campbell also needs to use TE Jordon Cameron a lot. If Cameron and Gordon have big games I believe we have a legitimate shot at this one. Try and balance things out and run the ball some, too!

I wanna see the defense be aggressive, like coordinator Ray Horton promised! If they play the way they did in the second half against the Chiefs and pressure Joe Flacco, I think they can turn him into a pick machine! Future Hall of Fame CB Joe Haden needs his first pick six!

Here’s the part that really sucks! I have Ravens RB Ray Rice on my fantasy team. Dude says he feels the best he has this season after being dinged up a lot. He needs to have a huge game tomorrow for me to win this week… but the Browns need to stop him so they can win! UGH!

This is a big game for Cleveland. A win over Baltimore will put us in second place in the AFC North!

GO BROWNS!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, folks!

 

Monday Moanin’ ~ Browns 17 Bengals 6!!!!!

What could I possibly have to complain about after Cleveland’s dominating win over Cincinnati?

Our kicker… Billy Fucking Cundiff! Dude missed a 37 yard field goal that woulda put us up 10-3 early in the second quarter. Then he missed a 49 yarder to close out the first half. I dunno… apparently that one was tipped by the Bengals, but I’m blaming his chokey ass regardless. We shoulda been up 13-3 going into the locker room. Rumor has it he has a nagging hamstring issue. Well fuck that… take some HGH, Billy, put your big boy football pants on and kick some field goals…

See, this is where I’m somewhat flawed as a Browns fan. I shouldn’t have to rely on our kicker to produce points, but I had gotten so used to it because the offense couldn’t score touchdowns. Well all of that has changed these past couple weeks and QB Brian Hoyer is a big reason for that!

Hoyer under pressure

Look how confident he looks, knowing he’s about to be blasted! I hate to get too excited about this offense, because I’m not used to being excited. I’m used to being nauseous.

To be honest, Hoyer looks like a smart QB. Yeah, he was hot and cold last week against Minnesota, but yesterday he looked really good.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER….. I’m in no way comparing Brian Hoyer to Peyton Manning, because that dudes on a freakin’ historical roll right now, but I saw how everyone was so impressed about Manning not having to worry about 3rd down conversions, because he converted on 2nd down.

Hoyer converted two second downs on his first touchdown scoring drive, which went for 95 yards. He converted a first and second down in his late touchdown scoring drive…

All I’m really saying here is that we could be on to something with this kid… he went 25 of 38 for 269 yards spread over 7 receivers, producing those two TDs.

Other thoughts on offense…

TE Jordan Cameron continues to be a badass, with 10 catches for 91 yards and a TD yesterday…

WR Josh Gordon kept on producing with 4 catches for 71 yards..

I still don’t miss RB Trent Richardson being traded to Indy. New RB Willis McGahee did what he needed to do yesterday to help us secure the win.

Defensively?

Damn am I excited about this defense! They are as aggressive as defensive coordinator Ray Horton promised that they would be! After four games, Cleveland is 6th in the league for total yards against the run. They are 1st in the league in allowing only 2.9 yards per carry! As far as pass defense goes, we’re 11th in passing yards allowed, but 2nd in yards per attempt at 5.9…

Numbers aside… our defense is STOUT!

OLB Barkevious Mingo is looking better every week…

Bark Mingo Sack

… and will only get better!

The defensive backfield looks pretty awesome as well! Future Hall of Fame CB Joe Haden pretty much man handled Bengals WR A.J. Green all day. even on a couple gains, Joe kicked A.J.’s ass!

Hell, Cleveland DB Tashaun Gipson, who isn’t mentioned very much, had a pretty good game…

Tashaun Gipson big hit

… dislodging a big hit from a Bengals TE…

Our defense is gonna make a huge difference this year!!

Now I gotta go watch Monday Night Football..

Talk to y’all soon!

 

 

 

Already Freakin’ Out about this Afternoon ~ Browns @ Broncos

Last night, I watched Detroit’s WR Calvin Johnson, aka Megatron, pass the great Jerry Rice’s record of 1,848 single season receiving yards!

Calvin Johnson

Megatron now has 1,892 receiving yards and if he continues his per game average of 126 yards next week he’ll finish with 2,018 yards! Just. AMAZING!

Calvin Johnson is not a diva WR or NFL player either. From what I can tell, he’s a good dude who plays really hard; even after signing a big contract, which is a time when most NFL players shit the bed.

Congratulations Megatron!

But as ESPN commentator Jon Gruden pointed out, Johnson’s yards are garbage yards as the Lions are now 4-11.  That is NOT a knock on Megatron; just a knock on the Lions, who are a shitty team. I can say that, because I’m a fan of the shitty Cleveland Browns. At least Lions fans have something to be somewhat happy about.

Cleveland’s best WR is rookie Cheech Josh Gordon, who is on pace for only 867 receiving yards this season. And THAT’s not a knock on Josh Gordon, who I believe has the potential to become an elite WR in this league; with any luck it’ll be with Cleveland.

We have a lot of strong potential on this 2012 Browns team. But a stupid coach, Pat Shurmer, has essentially handcuffed the team with his lack of basic football knowledge…

Shurmer Eyes closed

…bad play calls, terrible use of timeouts and a general lack of awareness plague this dude every week.

I’m sure he’s a great guy, a good husband and father, but coaching an NFL team should NOT be what he’s doing.

And at 4:05 today we play the Broncos, who will absolutely kick our asses! Honestly, going into this season, I thought Peyton Manning would be a bust considering missing the 2011 season after multiple neck surgeries.

Boy was I wrong!

After starting the season 3-3, no doubt Manning was rusty, he has led the Broncos to 9 straight wins!

Pat Shurmer can’t gameplan for a normal team, let alone a team QB’d by Peyton Manning!

As much faith as I have in our defense, there is no way they can hang against the speed and precision of a Peyton Manning offense. Be ready for a lot of no huddle, hurry up shotgun offense (something the next Browns coach should employ). I see Manning throwing 5 TD’s against us today.

Final score? Broncos 52 ~ Browns 20. Book it!

UGH…. GO BROWNS!

Monday Moanin’ ~ Week Fourteen ~ Browns WIN! 30 ~ 7 Over Kansas City!!!

Three in a row! THREE WINS IN A ROW! Cleveland hasn’t done that since 2009 under the tutelage of Coach Mangini!

And ya know what? We still haven’t been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs! Only three weeks to go to find out what happens…

Will we get in? OH HELL NO! But I like math and it’s fun to see that we’re still in it!

Yesterday’s game started off pretty shitty with that Jamaal Charles 80 yard TD on the first play from scrimmage… then our first possession started with a Weeden scramble for a first down and continued with a short T-Rich run, a sack on Weeden, a false start penalty on Alex Mack and a 6 yard pass to Josh Gordon when we needed 16 for a first down. PUNT!

I was already nauseous…and expected a very long game…

But things ended up turning out pretty nice! Phil Dawson kicked field goals number 300, 301 & 302! Travis Benjamin had a 93 yard punt return for a TD (longest in Browns history)!

Travis Benjamin Punt TD

Holy shit! Trust me… I wasn’t looking for it, but do you see Travis’ dick? Loogit that picture again! That’s his dick! I thought they wore cups! He ran 93 yards with his dick flopping around in his pants! Dude… get a cup!

Anyway… All is good, for now, and we’ve won three in a row… So what can I expect to hear from the local, and some national, media? They certainly won’t be happy that we had a good game… Here are the headlines I expect and my preemptive remarks…

~ Trent Richardson Not Worth Being the Third Overall Pick ~

I’ve been hearing this all season to various degrees. It seemed somewhat prevalent last week and after Trent’s numbers yesterday, I figure that theme will continue. If ya look at those numbers without any real research, you might agree with that headline. Trent carried the ball 18 times for only 42 yards. That’s only 2.3 yards a carry. That’s shit…

Expect to hear some of that on talk radio today. What’s my take?

I’ve been saying this for weeks. Richardson is poorly utilized by the coaching staff. That’s you Shurmer, you idiot! Of the 18 carries that T-Rich had, only two of ’em were from the shotgun. The other 16 carries were with Weeden under center, essentially showing a run play. Eleven of those plays were runs inside the tackles. That’s just shitty play calling… Any defense will spot this and shut down the run…

And the argument that RB Montario Hardesty looks better than Richardson? I’ll admit that he looks pretty good. I don’t think he’s better; he’s certainly not more durable. If I were the coach, I’d mix him in a bit more, though. More runs for Hardesty and more sweeps and short passes to Richardson. You’ve got two pretty good running backs, coach, play to their strengths!

Trent Richardson Chiefs Touchdown

Also, Richardson scored two TDs yesterday, bumping up his total to 9. He’s up there with some of the elite NFL RBs! The other headline?

~ Brandon Weeden With Yet Another Weak Performance ~

Fuck that! Weeden is a good QB; much better than most of the Browns QBs since 1999. He’s a good pocket passer, much unlike that little dude that Cleveland had at QB before. When he does scramble, he makes plays. He didn’t have stellar numbers yesterday, but didn’t turn the ball over yesterday and managed the game pretty well. He still makes mistakes and might just hold onto the ball a bit too long at times, but learns and corrects as he moves on. REMEMBER: He’s still a rookie, people, with a shitty coaching staff. One headline I prolly won’t see?

~ Browns Defense Tough Yet Again ~

Aside from that first play, the defense did a good job of controlling the game. They sacked Brady Quinn 5 times…

Brady Quinn Sacked

….picked him off once and shut down that little bitch, Peyton Hillis!

Hillis Stuffed

A big difference in our performance lately has been the production of our wide receivers. Even Greg Fucking Little is playing well! But Josh Gordon, every week, is becoming more and more of an elite NFL WR.

The most exciting part of it all…? This team, and I think they’re like the youngest in the league, is winning games now despite their youth. Wait’ll they all start to gel and draft picks just enhance the quality of the team!

Things are startin’ to look up Browns fans! Keep the faith!

Next week is our final home game, when the Redskins come to town… Whether or not RGIII plays after tweaking his knee yesterday, it’s gonna be a challenge; but one I think we can overcome.

GO BROWNS!

Previous weeks:

Week 13: Browns 20 ~ Oakland 17 – TWO WINS IN A ROW!
Week 12: Browns 20 ~ Steelers 14 – Woo hoo! Puck Fittsburgh!
Week 11: Browns 20 @ Cowboys 23 – Pat Shurmer is Terrible.
Week 10: Bye
Week 9: Ravens 25 ~ Browns 15 – Pat Shurmer is terrible.
Week 8: Browns 7 ~ Chargers 6 – Defense prevails!!!
Week 7: Colts 17 ~ Browns 13 – Painful loss…
Week 6: Browns 34 ~ Bengals 24 – Woo hoo! Nice Win!
Week 5: Browns 27 ~ Giants 41 – PLAY THE ENTIRE GAME FELLAS!
Week 4: Ravens 23 ~ Browns 16 – Good game but same ole results.
Week 3: Bills 24 ~ Browns 14 – All around problems.
Week 2: Bengals 34 ~ Browns 27 – Our Special teams are dawgshit.
Week 1: Eagles 17 ~ Browns 16 – The sickly debut of Brandon Weeden.
 

Hug your children and love them every day

Monday Moanin’ ~ Week Thirteen ~ Browns WIN! 20 ~ 17 Over Oakland!!!

AWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAHHHH! TWO IN A ROW! WOO HOO!

I’m about to rename this series “Super Bowl Bound!” It sounds great, right? We’re on our way to an 8-8 season! Ya know… We haven’t been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs!

I’m not great at formulating the playoff picture, but here goes…  I’m pretty sure if the Browns win out, Pittsburgh & Cincinnati lose the rest of their games, the Jets, Bills & Dolphins win no more than two games apiece and the Chargers & Titans win no more than three…. WE’RE IN AS A WILDCARD!!! Yeah! GO BROWNS!

And who do we have to thank for this current playoff run! Coach Pat Shurmer!

Shurmer Eyes closed

AWWW HELL NO! He’s still the same doofus that he’s always been!

But there’s talk in the local (and some national) media that the Browns should retain his services after this season. Why? Because we won two straight? He’s the same guy who coached the team to an 0-5 start! Let’s not forget that! His play calling has always been suspect, and has cost us at least a couple games…

Also, the product on the field has improved… The fact that shutdown CB Joe Haden was suspended weeks 2-5 certainly didn’t help. We lost all four of those games. When Haden has played, we’re 4-3. When he hasn’t we’re 0-5. He’s definitely a game changer… Shurmer has nothing to do with defense, by the way…

Our WRs are actually catching the ball, even Greg Fucking Little! And Josh Gordon is becoming a stud! He was unstoppable yesterday. He was targeted seven times and had six catches for 116 yards and a touchdown…

Josh Gordon Touchdown

The most poorly allocated resource on this team is at the RB position. I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but I don’t think Coach Shurmer knows how to use Trent Richardson… AND I UNDERSTAND that the league is becoming pass happy but, Jesus, when you have a back like that you use the shit out of him. I suppose “use” may not be the right term, but T-Rich wants it! He NEEDS to be catchin’ the ball in space… He’s definitely more dangerous that way! Out of 25 chances he had to touch the ball, he carried it 20 times and caught it 3 times out of 5 passes.

So lets look at his running from yesterday. Off the left side of the line, Richardson averaged 4.6 yards a carry on 8 carries. Up the middle, he averaged 3 yards a carry on 7 carries. I know… one of ’em was this TD…

Trent Richardson Touchdown Salute

Off the right side, he averaged 2.3 yards a carry on 5 carries. It’s simple, that right side of the line needs work on run blocking…

Sometimes I wonder if Coach Shurmer does as much post game analysis as I do. I bet he doesn’t!

Now lets look at Richardson catching the ball, in space, like I want him to more often..

Yesterday he caught the ball three times for an average of 7.7 yards. Doesn’t that stand out to you, Coach? For the entire season, he averages 7.7 yards every time he catches the ball!

And whenever Montario Hardesty gets a chance to run the ball, he’s freakin’ explosive! But this year he’s averaging three measly carries a game…

I just can’t comprehend how stupid you are, Coach! DAMN! You should quit before you get fired!

Anyway, we have the Chiefs at home on Sunday and that’s a very winnable game.

GO BROWNS!

Previous weeks:

Week 12: Browns 20 ~ Steelers 14 – Woo hoo! Puck Fittsburgh!
Week 11: Browns 20 @ Cowboys 23 – Pat Shurmer is Terrible.
Week 10: Bye
Week 9: Ravens 25 ~ Browns 15 – Pat Shurmer is terrible.
Week 8: Browns 7 ~ Chargers 6 – Defense prevails!!!
Week 7: Colts 17 ~ Browns 13 – Painful loss…
Week 6: Browns 34 ~ Bengals 24Woo hoo! Nice Win!
Week 5: Browns 27 ~ Giants 41PLAY THE ENTIRE GAME FELLAS!
Week 4: Ravens 23 ~ Browns 16 Good game but same ole results.
Week 3: Bills 24 ~ Browns 14 – All around problems.
Week 2: Bengals 34 ~ Browns 27Our Special teams are dawgshit.
Week 1: Eagles 17 ~ Browns 16 – The sickly debut of Brandon Weeden.

Already Freakin’ Out About Tomorrow ~ Week 8 ~ Chargers @ Browns

I expect nothing exciting tomorrow. Not from the Browns at least. I’m done.

Yeah, QB Brandon Weeden has been looking real good (haven’t heard anyone mention QB2 in quite some time). WR Josh Gordon is emerging as a playmaker and WR Josh Cooper has been a nice surprise! Hell, even WR Greg Fucking Little has been catching the ball.

RB Trent Richardson hasn’t exploded, yet, as I’ve expected him to. His ribs have been dinged up the last couple weeks and he appeared slow last week. In his stead, RB Montario Hardesty has carried the ball quite well…

Lots of positives there, right? So why do I expect nothing?

Because this douchebag is still calling the plays…

He keeps Weeden under center more often than not, instead of putting him in the shotgun and spreading the offense out.

He only calls running plays 35% of the time, so it doesn’t matter who’s running the ball, they’re not getting enough carries. Shurmer prolly saw that San Diego’s defense ranks number 2 against the run and won’t dress any RBs tomorrow.

Our soft defense doesn’t give up a ton of huge pass plays, but we’re terrible across the middle. I expect San Diego’s TE Antonio Gates to have a huge day.

The fact that we can’t stop the run means that San Diego RB Ryan Mathews might just have a record day.

A lot of San Diego’s success tomorrow will depend on which Philip Rivers shows up. I have him on my fantasy team, so I know he’s had a few pretty bad games; but if he gets rolling, he might pick us apart.

I guess we’ll see what happens…

Anyway, I’m heading over to Frank’s The Mayor’s for a big Halloween party at Funtown! Let the debauchery begin!

~ G

Hug your children and love them every day

Already Freakin’ Out about Today ~ Week Seven ~ Browns @ Colts

Holy shit… we’re playing the powerhouse Indianapolis Colts. Their QB, Andrew Luck, was picked #1 by Indy in April. Everyone on ESPN says he’s the next Peyton Manning. We don’t stand a chance!

Wait… the Colts are 2-3? That’s no powerhouse! Yeah, they beat Minnesota and Green Bay… but by an average of 3 points. Their losses, however, average a 15 point deficit!

My our Brownies average 10 points in their wins! Our losses average a 7.8 point deficit!

Know what that means? We lose about half as bad as Indy does! Seriously, to me, it means we have a better defense!

Forget about all those numbers… What’s up with this Andrew Luck doofus? Is he Peyton Manning?

Nope. Not yet at least! Let’s compare Luck’s numbers to Brandon Weeden’s thus far…

QB COMP ATT PCT YDS YDS/ATT LONG TD INT RATE
Luck 118 221 53.4 1488 6.73 41 7 7 72
BW3 129 231 55.8 1519 6.58 71 7 10 68.1

They’re very similar QB’s, actually. As far as league rankings go, Luck is 30th and Weeden’s dead last based on QB rating. Technically, they BOTH suck! Yet ESPN talks like Luck is the second coming of Peyton Manning and Weeden is a bust…

Weeden doesn’t suck though. He’s the best QB we’ve had since the Browns came back in ’99! If you take out his historically bad performance against Philly in week one, I think he goes from dead last to mid pack.

I really have no concerns today.

Ok… I’m a bit upset that Browns RB Trent Richardson has bruised ribs and could potentially be limited against one of the worst run defenses in the league. Check it out… he’ll be wearing a flak jacket today so should be safe if anyone tries to shoot him!

If Trent gets gunned down, RB Montario Hardesty was pretty good last week and he could be tough today. OKAY! There’s a concern… Hardesty fumbles… Ugh! Don’t do it today, buddy!

I’ve got way more faith in our WRs than I had early in the season. Josh Gordon is lookin’ like he might be the real deal… Josh Cooper has sure hands and should be playing today. YAY for white WRs!

I’m so confident I’m calling this one! Cleveland 34 ~ Indy 13.

GO BROWNS! Let’s continue the road to the playoffs today!

Hug your children and love them every day