Welcome to what will be another regular update here at forshiggles. I called it Monday Moanin’ because, well, I’m a lifelong Browns fan…. and we Browns fans spend most Mondays bitching and moanin’ about yesterday’s game.
I know it’s Tuesday… But the holiday threw me off. And it’s my blog, so I can do what I want!
Since this NFL season kicks off tomorrow, I will use today’s post as a primer of sorts, and bitch about the offseason.
Phil Taylor ~
How does a man like this have such fragile pecs?
Defensive lineman Phil Taylor, our number one draft pick from last year, blows out his pec while working out. Why do these dudes have to try to bench press 7,000 pounds? Seriously! You guys are impressive athletes to begin with, so just MAINTAIN, man! Prove how tough you are on the field; not in the gym!
Joshua Cribbs’ Bruised Vagina ~
Look, Josh, you are a hell of an athlete and most certainly one of the Browns’ top weapons. But you’ve lost a step, man… You wanted a big contract and you got one, only to fizzle on the field. If coach Shurmer says you’re a special teams guy, then be the best special teams guy you can be. Like this:
Yeah that was five years ago… Quit bitching on twitter about not being WR1 and go out there and play ball like you used to. We’re all counting on you!
Colt McCoy’s Concussed Brain ~
COLT! You and Jesus had 21 games to prove yourselves. You let Jesus take the wheel and, to be quite honest, Jesus isn’t a very good football player. Your short, your arm is weak, your hands are the same size as my 12 year old daughter’s and you can’t stay in the freakin’ pocket. A good QB steps up in the pocket as the O-Line collapses. That’s by design, man! You, on the other hand, take the snap and run to your right… IMMEDIATELY! The right side of our line gets blamed for sucking, but how the hell do they know how to block when you’re runnin’ all over the field? If you were a lefty, Joe Thomas would look like the shittiest LT in the league!
Then you get all pissed because the Browns drafted QB Brandon Weeden at 22 in April? You thought there was gonna be a QB competition? All your shit’s on film, Colt, and so is Weeden’s!
He’s tall, has normal sized hands and a rocket arm! And he hasn’t been KTFO by Pittsburgh’s James Harrison! Let it go, man! I thought the Browns were gonna trade you for sure! Now that you appear to be QB2 suck it up and support your team.
Trent Richardson’s Bum Knee ~
I encourage you to check out Cleveland’s own Tony Grossi’s profile of Trent Richardson HERE. Kinda made me misty eyed a couple times, as this kid is one hell of a person! Not to sound mean or anything, but the feel good stories stop now… It’s time to play football!
Shortly after I took the above picture at Browns camp, #33 had to have a “minor” procedure on his left knee to clean out a teeny tiny piece of loose cartilage. Whenever the Browns minimize a procedure it scares the shit out of me. T-Rich returned to practice and I saw the film of him there. He looked alright. I hope the Browns aren’t rushing him into things. We could certainly use his rushing attack against Philly’s Wide-9 defensive scheme on Sunday, but how effective will he really be after 0 preseason snaps? To be quite honest I think Brandon Jackson and Montario Hardesty can get the job done. To rush Richardson and potentially allow that pain and swelling to creep back into that knee… I just don’t know…
Joe Haden’s Drug Test Failure ~
Joe Haden is one of the best cover corners in the league. Look it up.
Unfortunately, when he’s partying in Vegas he likes himself some Adderall and he failed a drug test for it. Reportedly he’s been suspended by Roger Goodell for four games. He had an appeal hearing recently, so who knows what Goodell will rule. So far it sounds like he’ll play Sunday when Philly comes to town. But to lose him for four games at some point during the season is definitely gonna hurt the secondary.
Because of the national media all saying the Browns are gonna suck this year, I’ve set the bar really low. But I’ve seen some promise up until now
- Improved WRs with Josh Gordon and Travis Benjamin
- A WAY better QB in Weeden = passes more than 4 yards
- We’re stacked at TE
- Much better RB situation this year
- We’ve always had a pretty stout defense… better offensive play will keep them off the field
Anyway… we shall see! I’ll be at the opener on Sunday! Should be fun regardless of the outcome! Stay tuned for my update on Monday!!!
GO BROWNS!
For Shiggles 