Week 29 NASCAR Update ~ Danica Patrick Now Responsible for Unemployment…

This past weekend’s racing took place at Chicagoland Speedway. Chicagoland is a 1.5 mile tri-oval located in Joliet, IL. This joint!

I’m pretty much live blogging the Nationwide Series race, since I’ve got nothing else to do! Ugh… you really can’t live blog a race without losing readers, so I’ll summarize!

Austin rolled off 2nd, and Danica 12th. Austin battled with the leaders, though Joey Logano kicked ass early leading 51 of the first 52 laps. With 42/200 laps remaining, Austin is second… a couple seconds behind Kyle Busch.

By the first caution Danica had lost a couple spots, dropping to 14th. She gained back those two spots in the pits and has been running between 12th and 15th all afternoon. Chicago is a good track for her. The cars get spread out so she doesn’t really have to race anybody. This is exactly why she hasn’t crashed yet. Yet… there are still 29 laps to go and all the cars just got bunched up again because of a caution. Will she make it the final 43.5 miles with clean fenders?

Let’s watch!

20 to go… and Ricky Stenhouse Jr., in his very fast Mustang, just blew by Kyle Busch for the lead! Austin’s in 3rd and Danica 12th.

10 to go… Stenhouse running away from 2nd place Kyle Busch. Austin still in 3rd and Danica remains 12th. SEE WHAT I MEAN! Live blogging NASCAR is stupid! Don’t leave me now!

Quick! Here’s a video I took with Jessica Biel…

CHECKERED FLAG!!!

Danica finished 12th, Austin 3rd and Ricky Stenhouse Jr., in a Ford Mustang with a school bus paint job, won that shit (and took over the points lead for the championship)!

Note the school bus paint job!

HOLY SHIT! This just in: Long story short. Dale Earnhardt Jr. owns Danica’s car. Last week, Jr. fired his Uncle, Tony Eury Sr. (JR Motorsports competition director) because the team sucks. Today, Jr. fired his cousin, Tony Eury Jr. (Danica’s crew chief), again, because the team sucks. The Eurys and Earnhardts are family and have been working together forever in racing…. and now Earnhardt Jr. has cut ties with the Eury family, his family, because he’s got a shitty driver in the car.

I know this comes from the sponsors… I had a conversation with my buddy, Jim, yesterday in which I said Danica’s sponsors (specifically GoDaddy.com) will continue to pump money into that team, and Danica, as long as they get a return on their investment. Sponsors sometimes ask for changes on teams. Unfortunately, I believe the folks at GoDaddy.com feel that changing the competition director and crew chief will fix the problems on the track. They won’t. The driver is the problem with the #7 car.. not the competition director or the crew chief.  And Dale Jr. is an asshole for bending over for GoDaddy.com

For Sunday’s Sprint Cup Series race, Dale Jr. fuckface qualified fourth. THEN, after his qualifying run, he missed a shift and over revved the engine. This may or may not have damaged the engine, but these teams won’t risk it with that kind of stuff, so they changed the engine. NASCAR rules say if you change an engine, you go all the way to the rear; Jr. jerkoff will start dead last.

I did not watch yesterday’s race, as I was wayyy to busy watching football, eating and drinking.

Dale Jr. asshole somehow finished 8th. How he did it I don’t care right now; sometimes shit comes up and I don’t care to write or do research anymore. But I’ll finish this post before I bow out….

Brad Keselowski won yesterday…

Honestly? Keselowski is a good driver, but he aggravates the shit out of me, prolly because of this:

BUT… that stuff happens in NASCAR… and Keselowski will be driving a Miller Lite FORD next year, so I’m happy about that!

As for Dale Earnhardt Jr., you’re dead to me. Fuck you with a connecting rod!

Numbers after week 28:

Austin:

Starts	Wins	Top 5	Top 10	Avg. Start	Avg. Finish
26	1	13	20	8.5	7.6

Dale…

Starts	Wins	Top 5	Top 10	Avg. Start	Avg. Finish
27	1	10	17	15.0	9.9

Danica…

Starts	Wins	Top 5	Top 10	Avg. Start	Avg. Finish
26	0	0	2	15.3	20.5

Hug your children and love them every day…

Related Posts:

Week twenty eight

Week twenty seven

Week twenty six

Week twenty four/twenty five combo

Week twenty three

Week twenty two

Week twenty one

Week twenty

Week nineteen

Week eighteen

Week seventeen

Week sixteen

Week fifteen

Week fourteen

Week thirteen

Week twelve

Week eleven

Week ten 

Week nine

Week eight

Week seven

Week six

Week five

Week four

Week three

Week two

Hypocrite

Monday Moanin’ ~ Week Two ~ Browns @ Bengals

A bunch of us watched the games yesterday at Chad’s Wide Right’s house. Wide Right is a Buffalo Bills fan, and if you’re a fan of football you’ll understand why I christened him with that nickname! I will say that Wide Right prepares fantastic food! His au jus meatball subs were freakin’ awesome! I couldn’t get enough of his habanero queso dip, and the hotdogs he prepared for what I’ll call ’round two’ were fantastic.  I think we all ate too much and I’m certain we drank too much! It all felt like a Super Bowl party… IN WEEK TWO! I think we’re gonna have a fun season watching football… whether our teams win or lose!

Anyway… The Browns went down to Cincinnati yesterday. I was pretty confident going in that we could pull off a win, though I had some concerns Saturday night.

I believe the O line did pretty decent. They did allow a couple sacks on Weeden, but he wasn’t pressured too bad all day. He had time to throw and he threw well. After last weeks vomit inducing performance that netted Weeden a 5.1 passer rating, QB1 came out looking good: 26/37 for 322 yards, 2 TDs and 0.0000 INTs. Passer rating: 114.9. HELL YEAH WE’RE GOIN’ TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!

I see no fear in these eyes, as I saw last week…

 

Just kidding!!! Though there are Browns fans out there that actually believe that… They’re dumb…

Trent Richardson was an absolute beast yesterday. He had a nice 32 yard TD run and an awesome 23 yard catch and run for a TD. I believe he’s healthy and strong. Just hope he stays that way; and he’ll be the stud RB I predicted. 

Our WRs were bett… Holy shit! We had a Greg Little sighting, and not one that involved a dropped pass! He caught the ball and he got into the endzone for a TD!

There’s a nice little finger tribute to the suspended Joe Haden, #23!

Y’all don’t know how excited we were! I still have ‘Little’ faith in the WR; he needs to get more consistent.

AND….. the oft concussed Mohamed Massaquoi was our leading receiver, with 5 catches for 90 yards! Did you know that his performance yesterday, from a yardage standpoint, was 23.4% of last year’s output? For the entire season!!! Let’s not get all concussed again and keep kicking ass, MoMass!!

Two things killed us the most yesterday; leading to our 34-27 loss.

Special Teams looked like dogshit… allowing an 81 yard punt return for a TD by WR Adam Jones…

SEVEN MISSED TACKLES on that punt return…

And our defensive backfield was weak with Joe Haden serving a suspension for taking Adderall. Bengals QB Andy Dalton tossed a 10 yard TD to A.J. Green, who I feared the most…. but he also had a 44 yard TD pass to some dude named Brandon Tate and a 50 YARDER to Andrew Hawkins….

… in which the defense looked like a bunch of statues… They were horrible!

Yesterday was a huge improvement for Brandon Weeden, Trent Richardson and our offense overall after last weeks ineptitude. Our defense, however, took a step back. They gotta get their shit together before next week when the Bills come to town.

I watched a lot of the Bills trouncing of the Chiefs. Buffalo looks like a tough team. My confidence is at 0 right now… UGH!!

GO BROWNS!!!

Hug your children and love them every day…

Previous weeks:

Week 1: Eagles 17 ~ Browns 16 – The sickly debut of Brandon Weeden