03 | September | 2012 | For Shiggles

This past weekend’s NASCAR action took place at Atlanta Motorspeedway; a 1.54 mile tri-oval and very fast track! This joint:

Being a holiday weekend, the Nationwide Series raced Saturday night and the Sprint Cup Series last night. This is the second week in a row that our dear Danica pulled double duty, running both races. How many times did she crash? Well, read on to find out!

For Saturday’s race, Austin Dillon rolled off 9th and Danica 17th.

There’s not much to say about Austin. Ever. He is a largely silent, methodical driver. He hits his marks, never appears stressed and doesn’t let any normal race hiccups get to him. He finished sixth!

Now Danica Sue? She is an emotional, and sometimes literal, wreck on the track every week. She has failed to finish 25% (6 of 24) of her Nationwide races and 20% (1 of 5) of her Sprint Cup races. She’s all over the track and doesn’t seem to have a focus or try to hit marks while she races. She screams at her poor crew chief all race and doesn’t seem to know what she’s doing. She and James Buescher caused a huge wreck Saturday night. In Danica’s defense, she did have a line and Buescher drifted up towards her. Danica was faced with the choice of getting off the gas or pile driving Buescher. Well, she tattooed Buescher causing a pretty nasty spin in which he collected several other cars. Now here comes stupid Danica… After she turned Buescher she dropped down like 3 lanes to avoid that wreck, and took out Mike Bliss in the process. Danica made it through those incidents with little damage and finished the race in thirteenth, two laps down.

The biggest controversy of the evening, however, is what I’ll call bottlegate! At some point towards the end of the race one of the leaders, Brad Keselowski threw a water bottle out of his car after a pit stop. This is normal and a lot of drivers do it. During the final caution, for actual debris (piece of aluminum) on the track, the producers aired the footage of Keselowski tossing the water bottle out of the car. Race leader Kevin Harvick saw that footage on the jumbo tron and thought Keselowski intentionally brought out the caution! That wasn’t the case. Harvick still had the lead on the final restart, but something happened to his car, or he was too busy throwing a temper tantrum and Ricky Stenhouse Jr. blew past him for the win!

BEEF!

For last night’s Sprint Cup race, Dale Jr. started 35th while Danica started 23rd. Here’s the difference between a good driver and a bad driver. Dale moved up through the pack all night and eventually finished 7th. Danica laid back, was first lapped on lap 32 and finished six laps down (a bit over 9 miles back) in 29th place. She’s terrible… at racing at least!

I hope Sports Illustrated is working on her to do another bikini photo shoot or better yet… Hugh Hefner! HOLY SHIT! Could you imagine if she did Playboy? That would be awesome!

Denny Hamlin won last night, for his second week in a row; and fourth win of the season. Dude’s a great driver…

The way above average looking woman, who may or may not look pregnant, pictured with Denny is his girlfriend, Jordan Fish. Jordan is a former Charlotte Bobcats cheerleader.