Already Freakin’ Out about Tomorrow ~ Week Two ~ Browns @ Bengals

My pregame thoughts:

Last week, the Ravens and their no huddle offense absolutely OWNED the hapless Bengals. After that 44-13 loss, Cincinnati is certain to have a chip on their shoulder  when the hapless Browns come to town tomorrow.

Here are my major concerns…

O Line ~ You guys pretty much need to step up your overall performance this week. Mainly, though, make some holes for T-Rich! You didn’t do that last week! I’ve no doubt he’ll tear some shit up if y’all will help him out. Know who else you guys need to help out?

Weeden – I don’t believe Weeden is as shitty as he looked last week. That’s not a joke. It’s rare for a rookie to fire shit up in his first 60 minutes of professional football. That’s the first time he saw real game speed. I have faith that he’ll adjust. Just protect him so he can get the ball down field. Oh.. I know.. To who??

The WRs ~ Holy shit Greg Little!!! Why can’t you catch a football? JESUS, get it together or I’m gonna kick your big, athletic black ass! And Travis Benjamin… you’re so incredibly fast. Get off the line… Double move… Separation… Catch the ball… BOOM!… T-fuckin-D! MoMAss, watch your head concussion boy! Gordon, c’mon MAN! Run the correct routs and GET OPEN!

Coach Shurmer ~ Call some real football plays! How about some screen plays to get T-Rich out in space? Or stretch the field instead of those god awful 4 yard slants? Wanna play Madden with me? I’ll show ya how it’s done!

Coach Childress ~ See above. I may have mistakenly directed my anger at coach Shurmer. Wake up fucker!

Coach Jauron ~ I love, love, love you! Keep up the good work with your our young defense!

Cincy’s A.J. Green ~ Shit… Who’s gonna cover your ass tomorrow? With Haden out, for his first of four games, because of taking Adderall (Taking Adderall = raping 2 women… Bullshit!) you might just be running free all day tomorrow. Unless you sprain your ankle tonight! Or tomorrow! You ever hear about what T.J. Ward did to Jordan Shipley a couple years ago?

That’s YOU tomorrow A.J.! Lights out motherfucker! Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!

GO BROWNS!

Hug your children and love them every day…

Sexy Saturday ~ Keepin’ Things Sexy from Afar!

Last week I added a ‘Contact Me’ page to this site so my fans (and foes) can offer blog post ideas, submit guest blogs, ask questions or just comment to me directly. Unfortunately, I haven’t gotten a lot of traffic… Okay, I got one request.

From reader Elaine:

“You should do a Sexy Saturday about being sexy with someone from a distance! ; )”

Hmmm. I assume you’re talking a great distance? Not around the corner but like really far away? That’s a tough one, Elaine.

My only answer would be sexy text messages sexting and pictures! And I’d hope the parties involved would get a chance to see each other from time to time so they are allowed some physical contact.

If you’re a regular reader at forshiggles, Elaine, you know I’ve talked about Diane numerous times. She’s my dream girl but yet lives 362 miles away. We get to hang out here and there, but between visits would I send her sexy pictures of me? NO! There is no such thing as a sexy picture of me! OH HEY! Here’s me stepping out of the shower or BOING! Here’s my penis! She’d prolly never talk to me again!

Anyway, a lot of people DO send sexy pictures; whether it’s from around the corner or the other side of the planet… And I found some of those pictures! Yay interwebs!

Look as hard as you can… you won’t see a nipple in that one. I tried and bumped my face on the monitor!

G-L-U-T-E-S…. GLUTES! GLUTES! GLUTES!

Those bottoms are four sizes too small.. There is nothing wrong with that!

I say…. match the bottoms to the tan lines, or just ditch the bottoms altogether!

“Me love you long time!”

I struggle with this picture.. Stacey is quite attractive, but her outfit screams Dallas Cowboys. I say… git rid of the outfit altogether or try something more Browns oriented!

ASS! My favorite!

I didn’t check… but I assume there are are no rules stating that an outfit should match…

If you were looking for nipples, well here ya go! These ones are poorly covered… and I’m sure that’s by design!

I like the angle on this one… creative!

Oof! Nice shot! Really… perfect position!

Okay, I gotta stop or I’ll just keep posting pics on here…. I apologize for the next one, as I don’t try not to put nudity on here… but I couldn’t resist.

Isn’t she adorable? Except that her feet are dirty, and she hasn’t used a razor in a while…

Oh! THAT REMINDS ME… Diane did send me a sexy picture a ways back… of her foot!

Anyway… I didn’t forget about you ladies and men who like men! Here’s a shot I took while finishing my buddy’s basement…

Ha ha! That’s not me! That’s one of the Village People! I do have a toolbelt, though! Reminds me that I gotta get to the gym…

So there you have it, Elaine! All of this is what people do to keep things sexy when they’re too far away from each other to get crazy in person!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend folks!

Hug your children and love them every day…