The Browns Locker Room Gets a Surprise Visitor!

Location: Cleveland Browns locker room after their 7-6 win over the Chargers.

Coach Shurmer: Someone turn up the thermostat, it’s chilly in here…

Colt McCoy: (scrambling towards the thermostat) Got it coach!

Coach Shurmer: Aww man, hey… Fellas! How ‘bout that defense?

The Cleveland Browns: (cheering and clapping)

Coach Shurmer: For all the people that like to watch people play defense, you guys did a hell of a job! To keep them out of the endzone? I don’t care what the conditions, to keep them outta the endzone that’s impressive as hell!

Congratulations!

The Cleveland Browns: (sort of clapping)

Coach Shurmer: I’ll tell ya what… it was fun to watch y’all play. It was fun, and enjoyable, to come outta this thing with a victory.

You guys earned it; it was hard fought. It wasn’t pretty in a lot of ways but that’s okay.

There are no ugly victories!

So enjoy this feeling as we get ready to play our next one, ya got that?

I’m proud of ya, ’cause ya embraced the process, ya practiced great, ya came out here and we did what we had to do to win a game… and that’s a credit to you guys.

We got a couple game balls to give away here…

(soft knock on locker room door)

Coach Shurmer: Hey Colt, go see who that is…

Colt McCoy: Oh okay…you know I can’t reach the doorknob, coach…

Coach Shurmer: Dammit, Colt, answer the door! You can do it! Stand on your tippy toes!

Colt McCoy: (stretching to reach doorknob) My dad’s gonna be mad at you for saying that!

(Colt gets door open)

Enter Randolph D. Lerner…

Randy Lerner: Oh hello, gentlemen… nice match on the pitch today.

The Cleveland Browns: (awkward silence)

Trent Richardson: Tha fuck is that? And tha fuck he just say?

D’Qwell Jackson: That’s Randy Lerner, Trent. He owned the team until last week, when Mr. Haslam took over. He’s speaking soccer.

Randy Lerner: Don’t you mean English football, D’Quain?

D’Qwell Jackson: Aww man… I told you before, it’s D’QWELL! and that shit ain’t football…..

Randy Lerner: Hush hush, D’Quain. My Aston Villa Football Club is an elite squad, quite unlike what I see here before me.

D’Qwell Jackson: (approaching Lerner) Aight! Shit’s ’bout to get real! I’m ’bout to choke you with that silly little scarf, Mr. Lerner. You don’t come in here and disrespe…..

Coach Shurmer: (grabs D’Qwell to restrain him) WHOA! Hold up D’Qwell…

D’Qwell Jackson: Nah, coach, this little guy has the nerve to come into our house and disrespect us after a win over the Chargers I’m beatin’ his litt…

Randy Lerner: (pointing at coach Shurmer) Silence! You just called that man coach? Who are you and what have you done with Eric Mangini? I hand picked Mangini and wanted to stop by today to bid him farewell.

Coach Shurmer: I’m Pat Shurmer, head coach. This organization bid farewell to Mr. Mangini after the 2010 season. He was a terrible coach; played loud music at practice and made the guys run laps if they screwed up. We don’t do that any more and are much better off…. er… forget that. What can we do for you?

Randy Lerner (exiting locker room): That was it. I wanted to bid farewell to Eric, as I miss him so. He was a fantastic coach, I think, though I’m not sure because I’m not into American football. Anyway, I have to catch a flight to England in a bit, so perhaps I’ll be going. Good luck, gentlemen and cheerio!

The Cleveland Browns: (awkward silence)

Coach Shurmer: That was weird fellas, amiright? Anyway, like I said, got game balls to give away here…

(locker room door flies open ~ knocks Colt McCoy off milk crate he’s standing on to see over Brandon Weeden)

Enter Jimmy Haslam III

Jimmy Haslam: Sorry Colt! Told ya not to put your step stool so close to the door!

The Cleveland Browns: (entire locker room erupts into cheers, clapping and chanting SPEECH! SPEECH!)

Coach Shurmer: We gotta new owner, Jimmy Haslam, this game ball’s for you!

(throws ball across locker room, bounces off Greg Little’s hands and into Jimmy Haslam’s)

 

Jimmy Haslam: (has hardon) Great, great win! Great job! Outstanding, OUTSTANDING!

I’ll tell ya… It was not the prettiest win, right Joe (Haden)?

Joe Haden: Nah, man!

Jimmy Haslam: (rubbing crotch) But a wins a win! It was a great win and good teams find a way to win at the end. And that’s what we did.

We held tough and Buster (Skrine)… great play there at the end! Great job but lets don’t be satisfied! What’d Pat talk after the first game? Gotta be what, Pat?

Coach Shurmer: Gotta be GREEDY!

Jimmy Haslam: (grabs dick) Now I’m not happy with just two wins, are you Sheldon (Brown)?  So let’s get number three next week! Great job and enjoy this night! Where’s the lavatory in here?

So there ya have it… the difference between a Browns owner who was indifferent about being the owner, and one who is clearly excited to own this legendary franchise.

GO BROWNS!

~ G

Monday Moanin’ ~ Week Eight ~ Browns Win! 7 ~ 6 over San Diego!

WOW! What a game! Coach Shurmer must have read forshiggles on Saturday and did his best to prove me wrong.!

Realistically, though, he was forced to call more running plays this week due to the crappy weather. This strategy clearly paid off as Trent Richardson was an absolute beast, running for 122 yards on 24 carries! Our offensive line did a hell of a job run blocking as Trent had some nice runs up the middle. His 26 yard TD run was both awesome and hilarious as OL Shawn Lauvao seemed to pull him up mid stumble and push him towards the endzone.

Ya might have to click the GIF below to see it go, go go!

One thing to make note of moving forward, coach… pitch the ball to T-Rich more often, he had some great runs on pitches.

Chill out on the trick plays too… that reverse on 2nd and 4 was a stupid call. Of course, had it worked I’d be praising you, but it didn’t so you’re still a nitwit.

Again, Brandon Weeden looked freakin’ awesome! His numbers don’t show it, as there were four or five drops; but it was a shitty day to throw the ball. He rolls out of the pocket nicely and throws on the rollout like a boss! He showed some real athleticism yesterday! He also smartly gets rid of the ball instead of forcing it into coverage.

The defense played their nuts off… I believe that was the difference in this game! They kept the Chargers out of the endzone with some nice plays. I feared Antonio Gates would have a great day, but TJ Ward pretty much shut him down, allowing only a couple of catches.

Ward also blasted through to stop a 4th and 1 run by Jackie Battle on San Diego’s first drive… It was a hell of a game overall for Ward!

Joe Haden pretty much shut Malcolm Floyd down.

Rookie LB Linebacker James-Michael Johnson forced a fumble that was recovered by rookie DL Billy Wynn!

Buster Skrine, who seems to screw up a lot, knocked down Philip Rivers’ 4th and 10 desperation pass on the final real play of the game.

After the win, legendary Browns RB Jim Brown visited the team in the locker room and spent a few minutes with Trent Richardson. Even though these two got off to a rocky start, I bet they’re gonna become good friends, and fans of each other!

And the team awarded new owner, rootin’ tootin’ Jimmy Haslam III with a game ball, since it was his first win as owner..

I think I’m startin’ to see a light at the end of this tunnel….

GO BROWNS!

T-Rich GIF via Deadspin.

Previous weeks:

Week 7: Colts 17 ~ Browns 13 – Painful loss…

Week 6: Browns 34 ~ Bengals 24 – Woo hoo! Nice Win!

Week 5: Browns 27 ~ Giants 41 – PLAY THE ENTIRE GAME FELLAS!

Week 4: Ravens 23 ~ Browns 16 – Good game but same ole results.

Week 3: Bills 24 ~ Browns 14 – All around problems.

Week 2: Bengals 34 ~ Browns 27 – Our Special teams are dawgshit.

Week 1: Eagles 17 ~ Browns 16 – The sickly debut of Brandon Weeden.

Already Freakin’ Out About Tomorrow ~ Week 8 ~ Chargers @ Browns

I expect nothing exciting tomorrow. Not from the Browns at least. I’m done.

Yeah, QB Brandon Weeden has been looking real good (haven’t heard anyone mention QB2 in quite some time). WR Josh Gordon is emerging as a playmaker and WR Josh Cooper has been a nice surprise! Hell, even WR Greg Fucking Little has been catching the ball.

RB Trent Richardson hasn’t exploded, yet, as I’ve expected him to. His ribs have been dinged up the last couple weeks and he appeared slow last week. In his stead, RB Montario Hardesty has carried the ball quite well…

Lots of positives there, right? So why do I expect nothing?

Because this douchebag is still calling the plays…

He keeps Weeden under center more often than not, instead of putting him in the shotgun and spreading the offense out.

He only calls running plays 35% of the time, so it doesn’t matter who’s running the ball, they’re not getting enough carries. Shurmer prolly saw that San Diego’s defense ranks number 2 against the run and won’t dress any RBs tomorrow.

Our soft defense doesn’t give up a ton of huge pass plays, but we’re terrible across the middle. I expect San Diego’s TE Antonio Gates to have a huge day.

The fact that we can’t stop the run means that San Diego RB Ryan Mathews might just have a record day.

A lot of San Diego’s success tomorrow will depend on which Philip Rivers shows up. I have him on my fantasy team, so I know he’s had a few pretty bad games; but if he gets rolling, he might pick us apart.

I guess we’ll see what happens…

Anyway, I’m heading over to Frank’s The Mayor’s for a big Halloween party at Funtown! Let the debauchery begin!

~ G

Hug your children and love them every day…

Sexy Saturday ~ Horror Film Hotties!

With Halloween coming up I got a request from reader Elaine to do something to commemorate the holiday. The light bulb went off! With all the sexy women in horror films, how could I resist showcasing them here?

Before I get into the sexy, a little bit about Halloween and why it makes me sad. Pre-divorce, I would decorate the hell out of the house… orange “Halloween” lights around the perimeter of the front yard, smoke machine, creepy music, little graveyard action. It was a pretty awesome display… people would drive down the street and slow down or stop to check it out. It warmed my heart to watch children and adults both enjoy my display. I really miss that!

Oh well… On to the good stuff…

For starters, we have Angie Everhart from ‘Bordello of Blood’…

…. or Angie Everhart the model…

…. or….

Oh wow!

Let’s move on to Jennifer Tilly from ‘Bride of Chucky’….

Ya see her boobs? Damn! Here’s a better look….

BAM! Oof… I’ve been told she has an annoying voice… I’ve never noticed it!

Because she gets naked….

You can’t forget about Neve Campbell from the ‘Scream’ series..

She wasn’t really that sexy in ‘Scream,’ in my opinion… But she sure was in ‘Wild Things’ with Denise Richards!

There’s a video on YouTube of this scene… you should check it out!

Here’s a picture I took of Neve before our own pool bathtub shower scene!

It wouldn’t be fair to Denise Richards if I don’t include another picture of her…

Oops! That cropped wrong! I zoomed in to see what the heck she was wearing down there… Let’s try this:

Apparently there wasn’t enough materials to make a top. Now would be a good time to throw a puppy in the air… see if she’d try to catch it!

Okay… How about Jamie Lee Curtis from ‘Halloween’?

We need something better here…

And this one’s for you Brent!

Hoo boy!

Do you remember ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’? Me neither… but Jennifer Love Hewitt was in it…

Oh…she’s sexy!

Even when she dresses like George Jetson…

… and especially being playful in bed!

Okay… This one’s my favorite! Salma Hayek as Santánico Pandemonium in ‘From Dusk Till Dawn!’

 

Salma could easily change me from an ass guy to a boob guy…

See what I mean??

Here is Salma’s epic table dance before all hell literally breaks loose in ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’. If you’ve never seen this I highly recommend you check it out. If you’ve seen it before, seriously, do yourself a favor and revisit it!

Man… I’m all fired up now!

Lastly, here’s one for you ladies and men who like men… George Clooney, who also starred in ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’, with a puppy!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, folks! GO BROWNS! Happy Halloween!

Hug your children and love them every day…

Hi-fi Friday ~ Guns N’ Roses Ballads

I was gonna do today’s post about Meat Loaf since he played here in Cleveland on Wednesday, but I got stuck in a G N’ R rut today. The Loaf will have to wait ’til next Friday to get his feature!

I have to share the picture of Axl Rose that was going around on Facebook a couple days ago..

I laughed so hard at that picture! Seriously… I’m crying right now! Poor Axl. Guns N’ Roses could’ve been the biggest act in the history of music, in my opinion, had Axl and Slash been able to get along!

Okay… serious face… When one door closes another one opens, right? That’s what I’ve been told, at least…

I present to you two of the greatest Guns N’ Roses tunes ever produced…. These are, obviously, the ‘door closing’ type of songs if you will…

~ Estranged ~

When you’re talkin’ to yourself
And nobody’s home
You can fool yourself
You came in this world alone, alone

So nobody ever told you baby
How it was gonna be
What’ll happen to you baby?
Guess we’ll have to wait and see

Old at heart but I’m only 28
And I’m much too young to let love break my heart
Young at heart but it’s getting much too late
To find ourselves so far apart

I don’t know how you’re supposed to find me lately
And what more could you ask from me
How could you say that I never needed you?
When you took everything, said you took everything from me

Young at heart an’ it gets so hard to wait
When no one I know can seem to help me now
Old at heart but I mustn’t hesitate
If I’m to find my own way out

Still talkin’ to myself and nobody’s home, alone

So nobody ever told us baby
How it was gonna be
So what’ll happen to us baby?
Guess we’ll have to wait and see

When I find out all the reasons
Maybe I’ll find another way, find another day
With all the changing seasons of my life
Maybe I’ll get it right next time

Now that you’ve been broken down
Got your head out of the clouds
You’re back down on the ground and you don’t talk so loud
And you don’t walk so proud any more, and what for

Well I jumped into the river
Too many times to make it home
I’m out here on my own, and drifting all alone
If it doesn’t show give it time to read between the lines

‘Cause I see the storm getting closer
And the waves they get so high
Seems everything we’ve ever known’s here
Why must it drift away and die?

I’ll never find anybody to replace you
Guess I’ll have to make it through this time
Oh, this time without you

I knew the storm was getting closer
And all my friends said I was high
But everything we’ve ever known’s here
I never wanted it to die

And of course… the ultimate…

~ November Rain ~

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin’ when I hold you
Don’t you know I feel the same’Cause nothin’ lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it’s hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rainWe’ve been through this such a long long time
Just tryin’ to kill the painBut lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one’s really sure who’s lettin’ go today
Walking away

If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin’ that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin’ don’t refrain
Or I’ll just end up walkin’
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time…on your own
Do you need some time…all alone
Everybody needs some time… on their own
Don’t you know you need some time…all alone

I know it’s hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn’t time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time…on my own
Sometimes I need some time…all alone
Everybody needs some time… on their own
Don’t you know you need some time…all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there’s no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don’t ya think that you need somebody
Don’t ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You’re not the only one
You’re not the only one

Enjoy your weekend folks!

Hug your children and love them every day…

It Takes Two to Tango

I talked before about my old neighbors and essentially blamed them for all the issues they have with my ex-wife and my girlies.

Well, I have to revisit this because it got thrown in my face when I picked up the girls today at their mom’s.

See… her neighbors make no effort to get along with her and my girls; in fact they intentionally mess with them to cause problems. HOWEVAH, she’s no different than they are; dirty looks, swearing, calling the cops for no concrete reason other than to point fingers, etc. I think she encourages my girls to be disrespectful to them. I know she doesn’t discourage them from being disrespectful.

So what happens when crazy lives next door to crazy?

They fight over leaves and buckeyes! Just like toddlers would!

What do you mean by leaves and buckeyes, Greg? Well let me explain…

Both parties have trees. Those trees have leaves that fall off this time of year! My ex has a buckeye tree that sheds buckeyes in addition to leaves. No big deal, it’s nature!

Well… all of this is a major issue if you’re crazy. Her neighbors (and this is only the neighbors on the west side; the east neighbors are cool) get pissed because of the buckeyes and the leaves getting in their yard. They are babies!

Now, when I lived there I would actually rake about 8 feet into the neighbors yard to get the buckeye leaves and I’d definitely pick up all the buckeyes in their yard. I was just being a friendly neighbor.

Apparently, the ex doesn’t do that, so neighbor guy blows the leaves back into her yard and throws the buckeyes back too. I know, it’s asinine… but she gets all pissed and screams and swears at him.

Why? What’s the point? Why create unnecessary stress? Just clean up your stuff! FORCE a smile to the neighbor! Kill him with kindness… that’s what I did! Myself and that guy and his sister wife didn’t like each other, but at least we were respectful, even if it was forced.

Now my girls take their mom’s example. Heck, when I was picking them up today, she was calling the neighbor an asshole IN FRONT OF MY SWEET LITTLE 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER! What is she learning from her mom? JESUS!

Let’s be mature… at least in front of your children!

Okay… I’m done bitchin’! Sorry folks!

~ G

Hug your children and love them every day…

Monday Moanin’ ~ Week Seven ~ Browns 13 @ Indy 17!

Dammit…. I really thought we had a chance yesterday… Actually we were in it for the entire game, we just had some glaring issues that allowed Indy to win.

First of all, our defense as a whole… No very little pass rush on Indy’s rookie QB Andrew Luck? He looked like an all-pro at times, especially their first couple drives. Pressure the kid and he’s gonna make some mistakes. C’mon!

Our defensive backs are giving up way too much… It’s really the scheme, however, as they run a lot of that cover 2 zone shit, allowing receivers to get open behind the linebackers… This needs to be fixed!

Branden Weeden looked really good again. He threw 25/41, 2 TDs and no picks! That was his third straight game with t TDs… He’s really coming along.

In our first drive, he took the Browns down the field 87 yards, capped off by a TD pass to … Holy shit!

Greg fucking Little. I was shocked; I forgot he was on the team after being nearly invisible the previous couple weeks. Trust me, he tried not to catch it at first as it bounced off his hands, but he pulled it in with a nice second effort. Woo hoo! We’re tying this game up at 7!

Then Reggie Hodges screws up the hold on the point after attempt…

… so the point after is aborted. Now we’re down 7-6. Stupid special teams!

Oh, speaking of special teams, I’ve got a beef with you Ray Ventrone. Prior to our first possession, Cribbs ran the kickoff out to our 28 yard line, but you had to hold and get us backed up to the 10. Luckily Weeden marched us down the field for the score.

Prior to our second possession, Cribbs ran the kickoff out to our 40 yard line, and you held again, backing us up to the 14. We ended up punting… Your only job is special teams, man. Quit screwing it up!

If I show up at Shinto and see you at the sushi bar, I’m kickin’ your Tarzan lookin’ ass!

Then, at the end of the 3rd quarter, Cribbs runs a punt back to our 33 yard line, only to have it called back to the 16 because some dude named Tank Carder made an illegal block. Tank? Really? I looked you up, Tank… You’re a Ricky! Tank sounds way tougher! Just keep your head on a swivel if you’re in the Brunswick/Strongsville area.

If you weren’t keeping up at home, the above three penalties cost the Browns a total of 61 yards in field position. That’s huge in a game that can come down to inches!

Ohhhh! And the running game. I realize that Trent Richardson had sore ribs entering the game, but he gets benched after 8 carries?

And coach Shurmer said it was because he wasn’t effective. Well, you only gave him 8 chances to be effective before you pulled him coach! A good NFL running back needs 20 carries to develop a rhythm. I understand that Richardson’s ribs may have been the issue. So you yank him midway through the second quarter and only hand the ball to Montario Hardesty 7 times? And Chris Ogbonnaya once?  For the rest of the game?

Do you understand the game of football and the need to establish the run in order to pass the ball? Have you ever watched football?

Apparently you haven’t! OPEN YOUR EYES MORON! Any 16 year old kid with the latest edition of Madden could call plays better than you! Man… I wish you would just get fired! You’re such a douchebag… I would do almost anything to have your job!

Did you guys know the Browns run the ball only 35% of the time? Yeah… as good as Weeden is as a QB, he’s forced to throw the ball 65%… as a rookie… to somewhat shitty recievers. All while Trent Richardson and Montario Hardesty are sitting on the bench.

I looked it up… All the division leading teams in the NFL average a 44%/56% run to pass ratio. Cleveland is not balanced. There needs to be balance to do well in the NFL!

UGH!

Here’s a little moron more on play calling by the coach. On 3rd and 1 you have Weeden throw a bomb to Josh Gordon that unfortunately gets dropped…

… and on the next play you plan to go for it, only to punt after a timeout. You have zero faith in your team you knucklehead. You suck, coach!

I truly believe we’d be 4-3 with any halfway decent coach running this team.

But yet we’re 1-6 because Pat Shurmer is not that bright.

On Sunday, the struggling Chargers come to town. It’s difficult to be optimistic knowing Shurmer will be coaching.

Oh well…. GO BROWNS!

Previous weeks:

Week 6: Browns 34 ~ Bengals 24 – Woo hoo! Nice Win!

Week 5: Browns 27 ~ Giants 41 – PLAY THE ENTIRE GAME FELLAS!

Week 4: Ravens 23 ~ Browns 16 – Good game but same ole results.

Week 3: Bills 24 ~ Browns 14 – All around problems.

Week 2: Bengals 34 ~ Browns 27 – Our Special teams are dawgshit.

Week 1: Eagles 17 ~ Browns 16 – The sickly debut of Brandon Weeden.

Already Freakin’ Out about Today ~ Week Seven ~ Browns @ Colts

Holy shit… we’re playing the powerhouse Indianapolis Colts. Their QB, Andrew Luck, was picked #1 by Indy in April. Everyone on ESPN says he’s the next Peyton Manning. We don’t stand a chance!

Wait… the Colts are 2-3? That’s no powerhouse! Yeah, they beat Minnesota and Green Bay… but by an average of 3 points. Their losses, however, average a 15 point deficit!

My our Brownies average 10 points in their wins! Our losses average a 7.8 point deficit!

Know what that means? We lose about half as bad as Indy does! Seriously, to me, it means we have a better defense!

Forget about all those numbers… What’s up with this Andrew Luck doofus? Is he Peyton Manning?

Nope. Not yet at least! Let’s compare Luck’s numbers to Brandon Weeden’s thus far…

QB	COMP	ATT	PCT	YDS	YDS/ATT	LONG	TD	INT	RATE
Luck	118	221	53.4	1488	6.73	41	7	7	72
BW3	129	231	55.8	1519	6.58	71	7	10	68.1

They’re very similar QB’s, actually. As far as league rankings go, Luck is 30th and Weeden’s dead last based on QB rating. Technically, they BOTH suck! Yet ESPN talks like Luck is the second coming of Peyton Manning and Weeden is a bust…

Weeden doesn’t suck though. He’s the best QB we’ve had since the Browns came back in ’99! If you take out his historically bad performance against Philly in week one, I think he goes from dead last to mid pack.

I really have no concerns today.

Ok… I’m a bit upset that Browns RB Trent Richardson has bruised ribs and could potentially be limited against one of the worst run defenses in the league. Check it out… he’ll be wearing a flak jacket today so should be safe if anyone tries to shoot him!

If Trent gets gunned down, RB Montario Hardesty was pretty good last week and he could be tough today. OKAY! There’s a concern… Hardesty fumbles… Ugh! Don’t do it today, buddy!

I’ve got way more faith in our WRs than I had early in the season. Josh Gordon is lookin’ like he might be the real deal… Josh Cooper has sure hands and should be playing today. YAY for white WRs!

I’m so confident I’m calling this one! Cleveland 34 ~ Indy 13.

GO BROWNS! Let’s continue the road to the playoffs today!

Hug your children and love them every day…

Sexy Saturday ~ Don’t Trust This B—-!

I don’t watch a lot of television, aside from football and NASCAR.

There are, however, a few sitcoms on my DVR’s must record list. It used to be sitcoms AND dramas, but I got no more room for drama.

Anyway a couple of those sitcoms are starting this Tuesday, October 23rd, on ABC.  ‘Happy Endings’ begins it’s third season, and ‘Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23’ begins it’s second. CAN’T WAIT!

I’ve featured a couple of the ladies from ‘Happy Endings’ on here already in the above link.

Remember Elisha Cuthbert Alex Kerkovich?

YEP… so do i!

Or how about Eliza Coupe Jane Kerkovich-Williams?

I looked as close as I could… can’t see anything…

Yes and YES!

Now welcome to the debut of the girls from ‘Don’t trust the B—- in Apartment 23’ here at forshiggles!

The series follows June, as she moves to New York City from Indiana to pursue her dream job, until she finds out that it no longer exists and she ends up moving in with a con-artist party-girl named Chloe. The two don’t get along at first; however, when Chloe’s attempts at scamming June backfire, they end up forming an unlikely friendship.

Meet Dreama Walker June Colburn…

Ya know… It’s impossible to find bikini pictures of Dreama Walker… she’s very pale and really needs to hit the beach in a bikini while I’m the paparazzi are hiding in a nearby bush.

I DID find a topless picture of her from some movie, but since I’ve sworn to post no more nudity on here (WHATEVER, Nikki!), this is all I can show you…

…now go Google her tits… they’re really nice!

I managed to snap a picture of her in the morning a couple days ago…

Hoo boy! Loogit her eyes…. hypnotizing!

June isn’t the B—- in the apartment; that would be Krysten Ritter Chloe..

I’m constantly trying to book dates photo shoots with these actresses’ agents, but Esquire seems to get all the action the shoots. Not sure why… Anyway, here’s some Krysten Ritter from Esquire…

Be better if the pictures were ‘Her in MY place’!

Perfect ass too! That is KEY!

Almost forgot…. here are a couple for you ladies/men who like men.

This is Adam Pally Max Blum from ‘Happy Endings.’ He is, by far, the funniest gay man on television.

Ha ha!

And here is James Van Der Beek who plays, well, himself in ‘Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23. ‘

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, folks! GO BROWNS!

Hug your children and love them every day…

Hi-fi Friday ~ The Evolution of Eminem

Man… Eminem turned 40 on Wednesday. He certainly doesn’t appear 40, considering all he’s been through. I’m always amazed at how much his music has ‘matured’ over the years… Check it out!

From what I can tell, it was about 15 years ago I stumbled across Eminem. Here’s how it happened:

I heard Kid Rock’s ‘Bawitdaba’ on the radio one day and loved it! I went out that day and picked up his CD, ‘Devil Without a Cause’. I was immediately hooked! The  way Kid Rock combined rock and hip hop was fascinating. I listened to that CD for quite some time.

Now… there was a track on that CD titled ‘Fuck Off,’ which ended with a silly sounding rapper, called himself ‘Slim Shady’, who caught my attention. Here was his verse…

Yo, tell the world to hold their breath they’re breathing the wrong air
This planet belongs to me and this hippy with long hair
Two white boys who spike punch and light joints
Hang around drugs, loud music, and like noise
Slim Shady and Brown Trucker another bunch of mother fuckers
Who hate the world as much as each other
And I ain’t leaving this party tonight
Till I see some naked bitches dancin around drunk touchin each other
Rum and Pepsi got your perception of me sketchy
Cause when I stage dive people are scared to catch me
Cause all I do is curse and fuck
So when I do shrooms you all better give me two rooms
Cause I’m fuckin the first one up
So when you see me on your block you better lock your cars
Cause you know I’m losin it when I’m rappin to rock guitars
This is for children who break rules
People that straight fool
And every single teenager that hates school

Fuck Off

I know… that’s not my father’s Neil Diamond… But I liked it… raw, funny, edgy, a bit controversial…

Several months later, I hear about this ‘Slim Shady LP’ that was gettin’ pretty popular. Slim Shady? Why does that sound so familia…. Ohhh it’s the guy from the Kid Rock song… and he had a single out… it was this.

~ My Name Is ~

I was immediately intrigued because he mentioned Dr. Dre, of NWA fame, who I was a huge fan of. But wait… this white rapper, working with Dr. Dre of NWA, NO WAY!

Yeah, a lot of Eminem’s stuff is incredibly funny, but it also crosses into controversial and gets pretty dark at times. That’s pretty good range for a rapper, as most rappers are only good writing about bitches and blunts (note: that IS how he started, though)!

He blew up from his ’99 release of the Slim Shady LP up until he starred in the awesome flick ‘8 Mile’ in ’02, which brought us this single… a fight song of sorts for me… Don’t even tell me this tune doesn’t fire you up when you have a goal you want to achieve…

~ Lose Yourself ~

The next couple years, Eminem released another studio album, ‘Encore,’ and a compilation album, ‘Curtain Call’. A lot of his material was becoming much more mature. Yeah, he still wrote nasty stuff about his ex-wife, Kim, but he also wrote ‘Mockingbird’ to his young daughter Hailie. As a divorcee, this tune has a bit of meaning to me…

~ Mockingbird ~

Unfortunately, behind the scenes, Eminem had been dealing with prescription drug addiction. He considered suicide at times and in 2009 released ‘Relapse,’ which was so terrible it almost made me consider suicide… Just terrible stuff…

But… he bounced back a couple years ago with ‘Recovery,’ which is, in my opinion, his best stuff yet. There’s definitely a better quality to his work when he’s clean.

I leave you with a video that’s not from ‘Recovery’ but instead one he did with Dr. Dre last year. Em and Dre sort of come full circle in this one.

~ I Need A Doctor ~

Oh… and that angelic voice you hear throughout the song? That’s Skylar Grey, my soon-to-be girlfriend!

Enjoy your weekend folks!

Hug your children and love them every day…