My job requires me to travel sometimes so I can get out in the trenches and meet potential clients face to face. I enjoy it, because 99.7% of my time is spent on the phone, so the in-person stuff is fun.
More often than not I go to local networking events and hang out with the same group of people and basically discuss business… and drink beers.
Every once in a while, I get to work a major tradeshow in Las Vegas and, up until this year, have jumped at the chance to do it. I passed on Vegas this year, because a week without my kids would tear me up…
So, instead, I get to do a small show in Detroit tomorrow. I was just looking at Google Earth to figure out my trip, and the freeway system around there appears to be a major clusterfuck! If I get lost in Detroit I may actually be shot! Or end up in Canadia! Not sure which is worse! Either way I must be careful!
BUT I WANNA SEE 8 MILE ROAD BECAUSE OF THIS DUDE…..
… and I won’t ’cause I gotta get in, get some work done, and get out! That there is one of my theme songs for reasons I’ll unveil at another time…
Right now… enjoy any of the updates I may provide tomorrow….
For starters, she’s one of the most self absorbed idiots in the entertainment industry. More on that HERE if you don’t believe me…
Don’t get me wrong, she’s hot and has a phat ass, but after she flubbed the National Anthem by Milli Vanilli-ing it, she’s still on tap to do the Super Bowl 47 halftime show… which is reportedly gonna end up being a Destiny’s Child reunion… seriously?
Why? Why does the NFL hire douchebag artists like this to further their careers?
This is not football music! I don’t know what would classify as football music, but it’s certainly not early ’00s booty hip hop!
I’d be more impressed if Beyonce’s husband and alleged father of their son, Jay Z, jumped up on stage and started spittin’ about his 99 problems!
Anyway, Super Bowl halftime shows have, in my opinion, been stupid for years. The extended Super Bowl halftime is a great time to poop and make room for more nachos, wings & chili!
Oh yeah… when I think of Beyonce, the following video comes to mind more often than not. It’s from SNL and features Andy Samberg, Beyonce and the incredibly hilarious Justin Timberlake in a parody of Beyonce’s “hit” song, Single Ladies…
Today is a pretty slow sports day for us football fans. We’re right in the middle of the two week dry spell between the Conference Championships and Super Bowl 47.
While I’m writing this, the girls and I are watching women’s college gymnastics between Alabama and LSU. LSU’s Lloimincia Hall just ripped off a fantastic floor exercise featuring this awesome move… (ya may have to click the image to see the execution).
I didn’t look it up, but she may be one of LSU’s runningbacks! She’s actually really good, though LSU just lost…
Yeah, there is an NFL football “game” tonight; it’s called the Pro Bowl and it’s a stupid game. Let me clarify that. It’s a stupid game to watch. In an effort to avoid injury, players largely avoid significant contact; a staple of the NFL.
Keep in mind, NFL players are part of a union and, as most union workers, they are inherently lazy when working outside of their contracts. Players’ contracts only allow them paychecks during the regular 16 game season, so they make like $100,000 and up a week for 16 weeks. Once in the playoffs, and off their union contracts, they still bust their asses for a chance to get into the Super Bowl, making merely $22,000 a game.
But tonight’s game doesn’t count for anything… ‘cept cash! Losers each get $22,500 and winners get $45,000… That’s it!
However, it remains an honor for the players who are voted into the Pro Bowl by us fans, the coaches and the players themselves to play in tonight’s game.
Like I said, they won’t play hard and, because of that, no one will get concussed, which leads me to my next topic.
“President” Barack Obama stopped ruining the economy and leading us to war with Russia, China, North Korea and Syria for a few minutes to focus on football injuries, specifically concussions.
In a recent interview with some rag called “The New Republic,” Barry was posed the following question statement:
Sticking with the culture of violence, but on a much less dramatic scale: I’m wondering if you, as a fan, take less pleasure in watching football, knowing the impact that the game takes on its players.
For starters, football is a violent sport and it always has been! Here’s douchebag’s Obama’s answer, with my commentary, of course…
I’m a big football fan, but I have to tell you if I had a son, I’d have to think long and hard before I let him play football.
Yeah, let him be a drone operator instead, so he can kill hundreds of innocent victims every month like you have done the last four years… If you had a son and he wants to play football, you let him play. Boys love playing football. Some of them get really good at it and get scouted & picked up by high schools, colleges and, ultimately, drafted by the NFL. They then sign lucrative contracts to play the game on the biggest stage!
And I think that those of us who love the sport are going to have to wrestle with the fact that it will probably change gradually to try to reduce some of the violence.
Ah, yes! The continuation of the pussification of America! Go watch volleyball, douche!
In some cases, that may make it a little bit less exciting, but it will be a whole lot better for the players, and those of us who are fans maybe won’t have to examine our consciences quite as much.
Like you ever examine your conscience? And, again, the players signed up for it, violence and all!
I tend to be more worried about college players than NFL players in the sense that the NFL players have a union, they’re grown men, they can make some of these decisions on their own, and most of them are well-compensated for the violence they do to their bodies.
Of course you’re more “worried” about the non unionized players. I’m sure your administration has put in countless calls to the NCAA in an effort to unionize them!
You read some of these stories about college players who undergo some of these same problems with concussions and so forth and then have nothing to fall back on. That’s something that I’d like to see the NCAA think about.
They DO have something to fall back on you idiot! Their education! These dudes are picked up by some very expensive schools just to play football! And their education is free! Maybe the fact that they choose “boiling water” as their major is something the NCAA should look into, but they won’t! The reason the NCAA is such a powerful force is because of the football programs they oversee, not the aforementioned women’s gymnastics!
Ugh… now I’m gonna go watch the Pro Bowl because it’s “football” nonetheless!
Back in November, Danica Patrick posted this on Facebook:
I am sad to inform my fans that after 7 years, Paul and I have decided to amicably end our marriage. This isn’t easy for either of us, but mutually it has come to this. He has been an important person and friend in my life and that’s how we will remain moving forward.
It only took a few minutes for me to figure out the real reason for the split, and I predicted it HERE. Yes, Slick Ricky Stenhouse Jr. has been parking his car in her garage!
I don’t think he’s attracted to her because of her ability to drive a race car…
… but rather her dexterity with his “stick shift!”
Anyway, let’s take a trip down Danica Lane, shall we? As always, click to embiggen!
And for the ladies and men who like men, here’s Danica’s new boyfriend, Ricky!
Ya cant say “new” boyfriend, because they’ve been doin’ it seeing each other for months now! And she’s still married… Dirty whore! I’m happy for them!
I’m not talkin’ about participating but rather watching. In twelve days the Super Bowl, and the NFL season, will be over for now…
I know, pitchers and catchers report in a few weeks, but I’m not a baseball fan unless the Indians are in the playoffs. Yeah… I’m a fair weather fan and proud of it! I used to be a die hard fan, but they got into suckiness after the late ’90s and I only have enough energy for one sucky Cleveland team, hence my blind love for the Browns!
I guess the golfers start golfin’ pretty soon but, again, not a huge fan, though I tried to be. I think it was more the whole “hanging out at Panini’s, drinkin’ some beers and watching golf” thing that was fun! Plus, that buddy’s got a girlfriend now so he doesn’t hang out like he used to.
I understand there’s basketball going on? Go Cavs! LeBron still on that team? Oh, he’s gone but he might be back?
I’m ready for some racin’! Car racin’ that is!
See, after spending 13 years in the automotive industry I can’t quite shake my affinity for hot rods! My most recent seven years selling accounting software hasn’t killed that love affair and I don’t think it ever will!
What to watch for?
The NHRA kicks off the 2013 season in only 22 days. Only minor changes here… The series sponsor used to be Full Throttle energy drinks, which seemed fitting! Well, Full Throttle is gone and this year’s series sponsor is Mello Yello. Wait. What?
I didn’t know Mello Yello even existed any more. Hell, last time I saw their name was on Tom Cruise’s Cole Trickle’s car that he drove to his Daytona 500 victory over Russ Wheeler in ‘Days of Thunder’!
Oops! That’s NASCAR… but Mello Yello is the new series sponsor, so let’s finish up the NHRA portion first..
Courtney Force, heavily featured here at For Shiggles, returns for her sophomore season after a 5th place finish in last year’s point standings. Courtney is testing well, as she posted her fastest and quickest run ever. Check it out…
WOW!
Even more exciting, is that Courtney’s older sister, Brittany, will be debuting her top fuel dragster this year!
That’s remarkable, to me at least, because John Force Racing has never fielded a dragster as all of his race cars have been funny cars thus far. NOW… I’ll be forced to watch Brittany compete with the dragsters. I’m certain she’ll struggle this year but confident she’ll be able to compete!
Also look for Erica Enders to make a run for the Pro Stock championship! After a strong finish last year, she ended up 4th in points! I don’t normally watch pro stock, either, but she’s gettin’ so good I just gotta check her out!
I’m definitely pulling for the girls in the NHRA… not so much in NASCAR, however.
The 2013 NASCAR season kicks off officially at Daytona in 32 days, though action at the track starts in 24 days with qualifying races and other events!
Danica Patrick, also heavily featured on this site, is moving up to the premier series in NASCAR, the Sprint Cup Series, after a less than thrilling season in their “feeder” series sponsored by Nationwide Insurance last year.
I realize I got sick of NASCAR last year and stopped watching. That might change this season because of drama! See, Danica is in the process of getting a divorce from her husband, Paul Hospenthal, because he’s 17 years older than her and she’s been having sex with Ricky Stenhouse Jr. their marriage is “irretrievably broken.”
“Those cowboy boots you bought me for my birthday…. That’s all I’ll be wearing if you meet me in my motor home after the race…”
Ohhhhh, you GO Slick Ricky!
Danica and Ricky will be competing with each other for “Rookie of the Year” honors this year. Should be interesting!
Aside from the new lovebirds in the garage (when the news breaks of the Danica/Ricky romance you’ll get a big I TOLD YA SO from me) the biggest change in NASCAR this year is the radical changes they’ve made to the cars.
It’s pretty common knowledge that there is nothing “stock” about a stock car in the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing. At least not since 1966, the last year that NASCAR used strictly stock (read: showroom floor) cars. Since then, the frames and bodies of the cars have been heavily modified for better racing and, ultimately, more safety.
This photo explains the evolution of the cars. Click to embiggen… but you still need perfect vision to read the text…
This year’s car, dubbed Gen6 by the drivers, is really a marketing campaign by NASCAR… and I understand why. The 5th generation of the car, raced from 2007 until last year is what is called the Car of Tomorrow. Regardless of make (ie. Ford, Chevrolet, Toyota or Dodge) the chassis and bodies were identical. In case you were wondering, I crossed out Dodge because they pulled out of NASCAR.
Why do I consider it a marketing campaign?
Simple. NASCAR fans are very “brand loyal” so the car they see on the track, they’d love to buy at their local dealership. Like this:
See, Cletus ran up to Billy Bob’s Chevrolet and picked up a Dale Jr. Monte Carlo for hisself!
The car that NASCAR has blessed us with for the last six years, albeit safer for drivers, ain’t even close to what’s available on the showroom floor.
So the “marketing campaign” devised by NASCAR was to hang new bodies on the current, safer chassis that resemble their showroom counterparts. This year, we’ll have the Ford Fusion…
… the Toyota Camry…
… and the Chevrolet SS…
… Hey, folks, the only douchebag car here is the Chevrolet SS, which isn’t surprising considering Chevrolet is pretty much owned by Obama! The Fusion and Camry are mass produced in North America, while the SS is basically an Australian car (look up Holden Commodore), and will be imported only from Australia! Apparently, someone from Australia has pictures of Obama banging some UAW boss.
Chevy’s gonna “unveil” the new SS during the Daytona 500 and all the Chevy fans are probably gonna jerk each other off in excitement!
I wouldn’t be surprised if Barack and/or his overly muscular boyfriend wife were somehow involved and highly visible during this year’s Daytona 500, since they have a vested interest…
It won’t take long for NASCAR fans to figure it all out… Especially if they read For Shiggles! Anyway… GO FORD!
I must preface this post by stating that Beyonce has a phat ass fantastic voice! I’m not questioning her talent at all.
Problem is, she recorded a beautiful rendition of the National Anthem on Sunday and then Obama played it on a big boom box yesterday during his inauguration ceremony, while she lip synced to it! It’s pretty obvious:
Kelly Clarkson also went to work yesterday and performed an awesome ‘My Country, ‘Tis of Thee’. Check THIS out:
Anybody else get aggravated by that smug look on the president’s face? Damn, dude, you’re one of us…!
Wouldn’t it be cool if the NFL yanked Beyonce from the Super Bowl halftime show and let Kelly Clarkson do it, since she’s obviously a better, more confident live performer?
I have already predicted that, after yesterday’s performance, Beyonce will receive a shower of “Booos” when she takes the stage in New Orleans. That’s just gonna piss off P Diddy Jay Z and who knows what’ll happen then!
Yesterday, I fully expected the 49ers to beat the Falcons (I was right) and the Patriots to crush the Ravens (I was wrong).
The postgame show following the 49ers win was unremarkable. They won the NFC Championship and will now focus on Super Bowl 47 against the Baltimore Ravens. Yes.. In case you were wondering, I refuse to use Roman numerals, like Super Bowl XLVII… It’s 47 to me!
But, oh when the Ravens win the AFC Championship… It’s all about GOD, OH MY GOD, MY SHEPARD SHALL LEAD ME TO GREENER PASTURES… blah blah blah!
Following the Ravens’ win over the New England Patriots, notorious standout LB Ray Lewis stuck his face in the turf and did this…
… C’mon dude… you just won a football game which allowed you to advance to the biggest of football games. I understand being emotional, but being a huge pussy? Inexcusable! And then you do this…
… foreplay with team owner, Steve Bisciotti, isn’t gonna win you fans! To some, you remain a murderer, to others a loudmouth bible thumper and to me you’re just another football player… and an attention whore!
Now let all the Harbaugh brothers stories commence as it’s Jim…
I can’t believe there are only three meaningful football games left! Damn does the NFL season fly by! Some thoughts about today’s games..
~ NFC Championship ~ 49ers at Falcons ~
Last week, I incorrectly picked the Packers over the 49ers.
I honestly hadn’t paid much attention to San Fran throughout the season. HOLY SHIT is QB Colin Kaepernick a great football player! He threw for 263 yards and 2 TDs and RAN for 181 yards and 2 more TDs! And that was against Green Bay’s 11th ranked defense.
I also screwed up when I picked Seattle over Atlanta, whose win wasn’t all that flashy. I’d have to call Atlanta methodical. They had some good plays. They missed A LOT of tackles, though.
Keep in mind that Seattle put up almost 500 yards on Atlanta’s 24th (right behind Cleveland) ranked defense! Seattle also suffered from a few questionable calls by coach Pete Carroll that undoubtedly left some points on the field.
I say: San Francisco 34 ~ Atlanta 24
You guys notice how good the ladies of ESPN look today? I’ve always been a fan of Rachel Nichols…
… she’s so cute! I’ve been oddly attracted to Suzy Kolber for some time as well…
… I just think I’m too horny!
~ AFC Championship ~ Ravens at Patriots ~
I’ve only been on this nutrition/exercise plan for a week and I already screwed it up! Went out last night with the Mayor of Funtown and his girlfriend (nickname yet to be determined) and sucked down like 800 calories in the form of Bud Light. I did pass on food at the bar and instead of hitting Taco Bell on the way home I had a turkey sandwich… at midnight. Now, it’s not like I intend to compete after I lose this weight and get back to the gym. I just feel like I took a big step backwards. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but I still feel like a loser.
Speaking of losers, on to the Baltimore Ravens. I picked the Broncos to win last week over Baltimore (yeah, I’m 0-3 so far with last week’s picks) and they should have. Here are the two most glaring screwups by Denver that ultimately led to their loss.
At the end of the first half, tied 21-21, Denver has the ball with :35 to go on their own 20 yardline. Peyton Fucking Manning can easily get the ball into field goal range in that scenario. But stupid coach Jon Fox calls a stupid running play to kill the clock.
At the end of regulation, tied 35-35, Denver has the ball with :31 to go on their own 20 yardline. Again, instead of being aggressive and playing for a field goal to win the game, stupid coach John Fox calls for Manning to take a knee to go into overtime.
Overtime consisted of some stalled drives for both teams resulting in punts. Then Peyton Fucking Manning threw a bonehead interception. Two plays later, Baltimore kicks the game winning field goal.
I refuse to believe that Baltimore’s QB Joe Flacco is an elite QB, but that dude pulls some magic out of his ass at just the right time. I, personally, hope he’s out of tricks!
The only pick I got right last week was New England over Houston. The Patriots just have too many offensive weapons. Hell, with TE Rob Gronkowski out, coach Bellichick will prolly pull a fan out of the stands and turn him into an All Pro TE. Or Aaron Hernandez will get hot! And Tom Brady is just a stud QB. He rarely makes mistakes and is aggressive and accurate. You wouldn’t know he’s the best QB in the NFL if you saw him in public…
… but he is!
Don’t get me wrong… I don’t like New England and I like Baltimore even less. I wish, somehow, both these teams could lose tonight but, obviously, that’s not possible.
So I say: New England 48 ~ Baltimore 27
Oh yeah, keep your eyes peeled for the DirecTV Genie commercials…
I offered my opinions regarding gun control last month and I stick by those opinions.
I believe even more, over the last few weeks, that this is really a people issue. A crazy people issue.
I see silly comments like, “Less guns = less gun violence,” or “Less guns = less bullets fired…”
Neither of those statements address the real issue: the person pulling the trigger because, as I hope you’re aware, guns don’t pull their own triggers! I KNOW, that all changes when Skynet becomes self aware…
Cameron… The sexy Terminator
…but we’re not at that point… yet!
Let me compare the above silly comment to a recent ban that was enacted in New York.
New York seems to think, “Less soda = less fat people.” Oh, I’m not makin’ that up, read the article HERE! The government can’t trust the people with their sodas, so they take ’em away!
By the way, anyone reading this thinking that I’ve crossed over to the dark side by writing “SODA” instead of “POP”; I haven’t! I was concerned that the liberals reading this might read “POP” and misinterpret it as gunfire, thus hiding under their MacBook Air or dropping their iPads, iPods or iPhones!
Silly libs… POP!
One last thing before I get into some sexy people wielding weapons. I know several legal, responsible gun owners; one of which has an arsenal that John Rambo would jerk off to! Everything I’ve read that the President is proposing to control guns will affect those people.
Nothing he is proposing will stop the crazy mass murderers from getting their crazy on, and killing innocent people.
Okay… let’s go! (Click to embiggen!)
And here are some for the ladies and men who like men…
Speaking of John Rambo, here’s one of the best clips form First Blood Part 2:
AAAHHHHH that scene gets me so FIRED UP! …. and for most of it, Rambo doesn’t even have a gun, but loogit all the violence!
Ask any one of my kids if I fall for those cute little puppy dog eyes when they want something. They will tell you, “Never!” While that’s not altogether true, as I have caved a few times in the past, it is a rarity!
Well, last Wednesday, my little one had a cold so I kept her home from school. It’s rare for Delana and I to have an entire day together, sans siblings, so we had a fun day!
She was pretty quiet most of the morning, just laying on the couch watching cartoons. During EVERY DAMN commercial break, this was on…
… That commercial caused the little gears in her head to start turning:
HER: Dad, could you buy that brush so it won’t hurt when you brush my hair?
ME: It doesn’t hurt when I brush your hair. I’m careful.
HER: Yes it does!
ME: No it doesn’t! [Changing the subject] You want some chocolate milk?
HER: Yes!
Whew… I dodged that bullet! She resumed watching cartoons and I got back to doing laundry. Then 7 minutes later that stupid commercial came on again…
HER: DAAAAAAD?
ME: Yes, sweetie?
HER: It really hurts when you brush my hair. That brush will make it not hurt.
ME: I’m NOT buying the brush. Daddy doesn’t buy stuff advertised on TV like that. Don’t ask me again!
Seriously… I don’t buy crap like that from commercials. Something like a brush I can check out at the store to gauge its quality. That brush is prolly a piece of junk! Unfortunately, I need to know everything so I start thinking… how much is it? No harm in checking out the website to see how much is costs, right? So, I find the website for this magical, pain-free detangling brush and the worst possible scenario unfolded.
When ya go to the website, that stupid commercial auto plays on the home page. Not two seconds after that, the commercial comes back on the TV! JESUS!
Delana jumps off the couch, runs over to me at the computer, grabs my arm and…
HER: DAD, JUST BUY THE BRUSH!
ME: [Tough to fight the puppy dog eyes, but I’m mostly immune] NO! I’m just checking it out. Go lay back down. [Subject change!] You want some fruit snacks?
There was a bit more banter than that, but you get the point. I figured that I’d still see how much the damn brush was. Turns out it was $14.95 for a brush, but they were buy one get one free. That ain’t so bad! But it’s the shipping that gets ya on these things.
I’ve never bought something like this before, and I got screwed. Well, sort of…
Unfortunately, they don’t show the shipping and handling costs up front, so you have to go through the order process before you see the shipping. I’m used to buying from Amazon, so that’s the process I’m used to.
Anyway, since they’re buy one get one I select one for normal hair and one for thick hair since my girls have both, enter my credit card info and other pertinent information and click “NEXT.” I have to go through like nine different screens attempting to add various hair products to my order. That part of it aggravated me… but I finally get to the order summary screen and I see this…
Green BOGO $14.95
Blue BOGO $14.95
S & H ……… $31.75
Order Total..$61.65
Oh hell no! One of my brushes should be free… and $32 for shipping? NOPE, not gonna do it!
So I click the “Back to Homescreen” button and figure that’s the end of that. Two minutes later, I receive a “Thank You For Your Order” email.
Oh hellno! I didn’t click “Submit”! So I call the customer service number and get stuck on hold for like 10 minutes before angrily hanging up.
The next day at work I get like 5 calls on my cell from a number I did not recognize, so I never answered it… but they never left a message. That evening, the call comes through again, so I pick it up and it’s the brush people confirming my address. YES! So I tell the caller that I never clicked the “submit” button and, furthermore, my second brush wasn’t free! She continued to try to sell me other shit after stating that she wasn’t customer service… or billing for that matter. I rarely get pissed, but now I was! I lit her up and she calmly transferred me to the billing department. The perpetual hold began once again! I hung up and just figured that I learned a lesson.
The brushes came via UPS today and, to my surprise, there were two of each! I went back to the website and noticed some verbiage that I missed when I placed my order. It asked “How many Buy One Get One Free Sets of 2 would you like?”
Ha ha! I ordered two sets, thinking I ordered two brushes… That ones on me!
Delana was ECSTATIC when I told her I got her brush today. She got home, ripped off her hat (her hair was all jacked up and tangled from being at the babysitters after school) and coat and said, “Brush my hair!”
And ya know what? The shit works! Brushed the tangles right out!
So I basically paid $15 per brush and will be sending two of them to their Mom’s because why not?
For Shiggles 